Just a Memory

by Lois Carroll

  He tapped her new deadbolt on the door. “Lock up tight. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  He smiled at her and stepped out the door where he waited until Carolyn had turned the lock before he headed for his cruiser.

  He would sleep alone with his principles tonight; but that was better than taking advantage of her when she was most vulnerable. Some might have called him noble, but to Mac it was nothing but kindness and consideration.

  Love was not part of the equation.

  The next morning, Mac couldn’t believe how great he felt. It had to be the solid block of uninterrupted sleep. The nightmare hadn’t returned.

  Suddenly the smile on his face melted away. If the nightmare stopped after all these months, it could mean his memory wouldn’t return at all. The doctor had said it would probably return within weeks or not at all, and it was well past that point.

  Damn. Mac had never wanted to accept the ‘not at all’ part of the prediction. He absolutely would not.

  He jumped out of bed, showered, and dressed in record time and headed straight for Carolyn’s house.

  “Mac, you’re so early,” she said, opening the door so he could step in. “I haven’t even had breakfast yet.”

  “Not to worry,” he told her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her soundly. “Mmm. Peppermint. Will that kiss hold you for a while? We could pick up a fast food breakfast and picnic in the warm car at the park,” he proposed. “And then a Sunday afternoon drive following a Sunday picnic brunch. We still haven’t covered all the side roads in this area.”

  She laughed. “Nice plan, even if it’s the wrong season for a picnic.”

  “Would Terri like to join us?”

  “She might,” Carolyn said. “I’ll find out.” She made the call next door, but Terri declined the invitation. “Christie got a new computer game and she’s more than happy to stay longer and play.”

  “Then let’s go.”

  Carolyn pulled on her jacket and grabbed her scarf, mittens, and purse. Minutes later their warm breakfasts rested on her lap in a brown bag while two hot coffees sat in the cup holders on the dashboard, filling the car with a delicious aroma as Mac drove to the park.

  He marveled at how comfortable they seemed to feel with each other. Maybe it was just that they were unencumbered by the awkwardness of inexperienced youth. After the initial awkwardness while Carolyn became accustomed to his teasing, their conversations were easy and often lively. And their silences passed comfortably.

  They were becoming friends. Good friends.

  Funny, Carolyn was the first woman Mac had ever had for a good friend. She was certainly the only friend he’d ever wanted to kiss every time he saw her, too.

  “I’ve never had greasy eggs on a muffin that tasted better. Have you?” Mac asked her.

  A little of that grease glistened at the corner of her mouth. He reached over with his napkin and wiped it off. Their gazes locked for a few moments. He just had to kiss her.

  Mac ended the kiss and straightened. “I guess I should let you finish before it gets cold,” he mumbled as he reached for his coffee. He downed a big gulp, wishing it would burn his mouth and return some sense to his head. When he was close to Carolyn, he couldn’t keep from touching her. It had about killed him to go home last night instead of taking her to bed.

  He wanted to be her friend.

  But he wanted more to be her lover.

  “There. Ready to go,” she told him as she wadded up the thin paper that had been around her breakfast sandwich. She put it with his in the bag and wiped her lips on the small napkin.

  Mac looked away to keep himself from staring at her kissable lips and put the car in gear to start backing out. They finished their coffee as they drove. Carolyn proved to be a very good tour guide as she showed him back roads he hadn’t known about.

  Though the car heater was doing its job, he could tell it had turned colder. “Will you look at that storm coming,” he said, leaning forward to peer out the windshield. Dark gray clouds had gathered ominously in the sky.

  “Just ahead there’s a gravel road leading toward the lake and Outlook Point,” Carolyn told him. “The view is really beautiful from there, if you’d like to see it, and then we should probably head back.”

  Mac pulled onto the road she pointed out. He stopped the car to look at the broken fence where a drooping gate had been pushed back from across the road. “The owners must try to keep people out of here,” he concluded. “But with little success from the looks of that gate.”

  “This is the teenagers’ Lovers Lane, Mac. The kids come here at night, so I suppose they push it open in the dark when no one notices.”

  “Nothing can stand in the way of love,” he said with a chuckle.

  “The road continues down the hill and leads to some cottages along the lake. The owners and their guests use it off and on. Even in the winter, I suppose.”

  “Well, I don’t see a no trespassing sign,” Mac said as he steered the car toward the viewing spot and parked, leaving the engine running so the heater would stay on. “You’re right about the view.” He leaned back with a sigh and raised his arm to the back of the bench seat. “The lake really looks big from up here. Look how it seems to disappear at the horizon.”

  She nodded.

  Mac looked over at Carolyn. “You know, it’s been twenty years since I’ve been on Lovers Lane.” He dropped his arm to her shoulders and tried to ease her closer to his side. The straps across their chests impeded their progress. “And we didn’t use seat belts back then.”

  They laughed as he undid their seat belts and moved closer. He cuddled her in the curve of his arm. She looked up at him, smiling. He pulled his hand from his glove and raised it to the side of her jaw. He could feel her pulse under his fingertips as her heart sped up. Slowly lowering his lips to hers, he had to work at keeping the kiss soft and tender. The surge in his groin made him ache to make the kiss more. Much more.

  His tongue glided along her lips and she opened her mouth to him like a blossoming flower, her tongue meeting his in a bold, timeless dance. When the dance ended, he blazed a path of kisses across her soft cheek down to her neck.

  Mac felt her pulse pounding under his lips. His own pumped at a similar pace. He unzipped her jacket and slid his warm hand under the collar onto her shoulder. His fingers curled and returned to her neck to caress her skin along the edge of her open blouse collar above her v-neck sweater. They came to rest over her heart between her breasts, feeling it beat even faster.

  Carolyn leaned her head back into the seat as his kisses followed the path his fingers had blazed. Her fingers curled around his neck. He pulled her blouse from the waist of her slacks and his hand sought the warmth and softness of her skin as it moved up under the fabric to capture her breast. Her mouth fell open in a gasp for air. He raised his head to recapture her open mouth. While his hand slipped around the lacy cup to caress the warm softness it contained, his tongue slipped back into her mouth to taste the proffered sweetness.

  Though he’d wanted her since their first kiss, he couldn’t believe what was happening between them. The more he was with her, the more time he wanted to spend with her. The more he touched her, the more he wanted to hold her.

  How could the closeness they shared feel so good? So absolutely right?

  A sound from outside the car set off an alarm in his head. Mac raised his mouth from hers. He glanced up the road. “Someone is coming. I can hear the crunch of their tires on the gravel.”

  Seeing the immediate panic in her eyes made him wince. He decided making light of it might make the awkwardness pass. “It wouldn’t do to have the Chief of Police caught on Lovers Lane, necking with one of Lakehaven’s most upstanding citizens, would it?”

  She paled instantly. Damn, that had been the wrong thing to say. She worked rapidly to straighten her clothes.

  Mac backed the car up and moved to the far side of the cleared area, as far from the road as he could ge
t. He didn’t want the occupants of the other car to see him there with Carolyn in case they knew her. It was a small town after all. The least he could do was protect her from that kind of talk. Another reason we should be just friends.

  He ran a hand through his hair and watched a gray sedan go down the hill past the overlook turn.

  “It must be one of the cottage owners. Maybe he’s going down to check on it because it’s starting to snow,” Carolyn offered. She sounded a little shaken, but at least she was making normal conversation, talking about the weather. “That sure is a popular kind of car. I’ve seen several of them in town,” she added.

  Mac glanced back to see what kind it was, but the car had disappeared down the hill. He dipped his head to glance up at the wide expanse of darkening sky. “Looks like the snow means to keep on falling for a while.”

  Carolyn nodded, but couldn’t look at Mac. Her mind had snapped painfully back to reality with the approach of the other car. She felt as mortified as if she’d been a teenager caught necking on the couch when her mother came into the room. From the heat she felt, she knew her cheeks had to be as bright red as her sweater.

  A minute ago she couldn’t believe how wonderful she’d felt, and now she couldn’t believe she had actually been necking in a car on Lovers Lane. She fastened her seatbelt, hunched her shoulders forward, and pulled her jacket collar up to cover as much of her face as possible.

  She still didn’t dare glance at the big man beside her. What must he think of her? He was so in control all the time. She hardly remembered where she was, and yet he’d heard the car coming and stopped their kiss. If it had been left to her to notice, the other car could have pulled up next to them and beeped its horn before she would have heard it. In her jelly-like state, she might never have known.

  As they pulled out and headed back toward Lakehaven, the snow got heavier very quickly. The big flakes hitting the pavement seemed to melt at first, but then began to stick as the freezing air temperature froze the melted snow. By the time they neared Carolyn’s house, the roads were icy. The windshield wipers were struggling to clear the giant flakes of heavy wet snow.

  “Good thing you don’t live at the top of a steep hill. We might never make it, even with my four-wheel drive.”

  In her driveway, Carolyn popped open her seatbelt and reached for her purse. “If you hurry, you can get home before the road gets any worse.” She looked up at him to see the surprised look on his face. She didn’t want to leave either…but she had to. She leaned over and kissed him briefly. “Thanks, Mac. This was fun.” Then she was out the door and running through the snow to her stoop. She hadn’t dared stay in the car kissing him for a moment longer.

  Carolyn knew Mac expected to be invited in, but she had to think and she couldn’t think when he was so near. She’d just behaved in a very uncharacteristic way–necking on Lovers Lane.

  No, not merely uncharacteristic. Crazy.

  She needed some time by herself to think about the effect this man was having on her. It was like nothing she’d ever felt with a man before.

  Not even with Richard.

  Not even once.

  Harry had pulled right by Mac’s car at Lovers Lane. He cursed himself for getting so close, and hoped Mac had paid no attention to the nondescript gray sedan. Now he was spinning his wheels and sliding left and right, trying to make it back up the hill from the lake. He’d waited at the bottom of the incline too long, but he had wanted to be sure Mac had driven away before he steered back up the hill. He couldn’t take a chance at being recognized.

  He never should have followed Mac onto the little road, but how was he to know where the road led or how damned steep the hill that ended by the lake cottages was? Or how the fresh snow would affect it? Hell, there were no hills like this in his neighborhood in Albany. He knew how to get away on city streets, not here in the country. No one was around to help or to hear his angry curses when he tried again and again to get his car up the icy blacktopped stretch.

  “Wait ‘til I get my hands on you, Mac,” he said with a string of curses. “All the boss has to do is give me the word and I’ll take you out slowly and painfully and with pleasure!”

  Mavis Ashton called the station with irritating regularity now. “That gray car parked again by my corner,” she said. The next time she’d noticed it parked in the taxi stand. “It was across from the Police Station,” she reported, “when I went shopping on my way home from Ithaca yesterday. I just know it was the same car because there’s always a man in a baseball cap sitting in it.” This mysterious individual was always nowhere to be seen, however, when a patrolman went to check it out. No matter what Ellie or the other officers tried to tell her about not worrying, Mavis didn’t sound convinced.

  Mac wasn’t convinced not to worry either. He didn’t like it. When Mavis called late one afternoon to say the gray car was parked opposite Carolyn’s shop, Mac knew he would have peace of mind only when the riddle of the gray car was solved. “Hines, go up in your own car and in plain clothes to see what the guy in the gray sedan is doing. Get a license number, and then watch and see if anyone comes from working near there and leaves with him. He could be simply picking someone up after work, we don’t know.”

  “Sure,” Hines agreed easily. He always jumped at every chance to get out of his uniform early.

  “You can report to me at Mama’s Pizza Place. You’re still planning to meet me there for dinner, aren’t you?”

  “Plan to, unless you got a better offer,” Hines hinted.

  Mac shook his head. “Carolyn’s working late tonight. See you at Mama’s.”

  Hines left the office whistling as soon as he’d changed his clothes in the file room. It didn’t take him long to get to Lake Street. After driving around the block looking for the car Mavis reported and finding nothing, he parked several spaces back from the corner across from the Costume Nook. He watched the steady stream of traffic go by which included several gray cars. But none of them parked near the corner. He radioed in to Mac.

  “It’s not here, Mac. There’s not a gray car on the whole block.”

  Mac gave him Mavis’s address. “Can you see her building from where you are?”

  “Yeah, in fact I see her at the window. Hey, man, should I wave?” Hines asked with a chuckle.

  “Damn. Maybe she just calls in because she wants a little attention. It’s probably nothing, but stay with it a while longer. I’m just about finished with this report, but I’ve still got to change out of my uniform yet before I can cut out. I brought my clothes here so I don’t have to go to the apartment. I’ll meet you at Mama’s in about twenty-five or thirty minutes.”

  Hines agreed to stay put for a while and signed off. He was sliding down in his seat to get comfortable when someone knocking on his side window brought him up straight with a start. He saw Carolyn glaring at him. Hell, I’m getting careless. Living in a small town had ruined his carefully honed senses. He opened the window.

  “Hey, girl. What’s happenin’?” he asked, all smiles.

  “I was just closing up and couldn’t help but see you sitting here. You know, no one generally parks in the open space by the fire hydrant. Why are you parked here in your car?”

  “Carolyn, ah…” He swallowed and tried to think of something to say. “Good to see you again. Quitting time, huh?” The casual approach didn’t work, judging by the look on her face.

  “Hines,” she said with a warning in her voice and one eyebrow raised.

  “Okay, okay. I’m just here to see if anything turns up. A car has been reported parked around here a lot, and I’m trying to catch a look at it. It might be connected with the breakin at your shop, but we don’t–”

  “You were sent out to check on a mystery car that happens to have been parked near my shop?”

  He was out of the car in a flash and closed the door. He tried to steer her around the car to the curb and away from the dinner-time traffic in the street. He needed the time to pick what
he would say next. He felt he’d already blown it because he knew Mac didn’t want her to worry. Mac was worried though. First time Hines had ever seen his friend so concerned about a woman. He hoped it was a good sign.

  “Okay, you see, Mavis Ashton called about a parked car with a guy sitting in it. She’s called several times about a strange car near here and, well, Mac thought…”

  “Did you come out the first time she called?”

  Hines shook his head.

  “Was that before I’d dated Mac, by any chance?”

  “Um…I guess so.”

  “But this time when she called, Mac sent you out?”

  “I was on my way by and Mac–”

  “Mac sent you to watch me. Admit it.” She didn’t give him a chance to get in a word. She raised her hands to her hips and read him the riot act. “Well, listen, Hines, you tell Mac that I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “No, no, I wasn’t babysitting. No way!”

  “I’ll bet! Well, you’re wasting your time. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself as I have been for a long time. I’ve learned not to depend on anyone. Just because Mac and I are… Well, just because we’re… Listen. You can just go back and tell Chief Macdonald… No! No, don’t say a thing. Never mind. I’ll tell that man myself!”

  “You go, girl!” Hines encouraged with a broad grin.

  She started toward the shop, but turned back suddenly with a concerned look on her face and gripped his arm. “Would you stay with Terri in the shop for a little while?” she asked. “I don’t want to leave her alone.”

  Hines grinned. “Happy to. I’ve wanted to meet the cute munchkin I’ve been hearing about. Give me a minute to radio in that the mysterious car’s not around.”

  “Don’t you dare warn Mac I’m coming,” she told him sternly, shaking a finger at him. “Got that?”

  He raised both hands with the palms out in a surrender position. “I’m cool, I’m cool.”

  “I’ll go tell Terri you’re coming to stay with her for a little while.”