Covert Desires

by Sondae Bennett

  “Hey, you all right?” He rushed up the stairs and put his hand out when it looked like she would fall over.

  “I’m okay, really. Adrenaline crash is all. Crazy wolves after…” She shook her head. “I just wasn’t expecting wild animals to attack.”

  After what? he wondered, catching the word she’d let slip before trailing off. Something else had happened tonight? As if the wolves weren’t enough. Knowing they had caused this kind of devastation when Amber was already shaky caused another surge of anger, but he pushed it away. Later, he’d let it boil up. But he couldn’t let it out now. No telling what his wolf would do if he gave in to the anger inside him.

  He couldn’t risk Amber finding out about his wolf. Especially now, after the others had attacked her. Somehow, he didn’t think she’d take to the idea after everything that had gone down that morning.

  “I was just about to make coffee. Why don’t you come on in and I’ll make you a cup to thank you for driving all the way up here.”

  “Making coffee at five AM?” He’d noticed her wet hair, too, and doubted she had time during the assault to take a shower. “Either you’re a really early bird, or a glutton for punishment.”

  He wanted to refuse the coffee. To get back to town where he could take his anger out on the three idiots who’d caused it. But she still didn’t seem to be herself, and he couldn’t leave her until he was sure she’d be okay.

  “Oh, um, I’m still on east coast time.”

  “Makes sense.” Although it didn’t explain the bags under her eyes, or the fragile look on her face. “You got half and half?”

  The way she scrunched up her face was adorable. “Sorry. Two percent only.”

  “That’ll work,” he said, gesturing for her to precede him inside.

  Once he made sure she was okay, he’d take care of business with the pack. And God help those wolves if they didn’t wait for him, no matter how long he took. He’d turn them in to the shifter council himself. Attacking a human was one of the biggest crimes a shifter could commit, and punishable by death. And a government agent? Those boys were lucky he’d stopped them before they did more damage. He didn’t even want to know what the council would do if they found out about this. Either the three wolves didn’t know the trouble they were courting, or didn’t care.

  “It’ll be a moment. I hadn’t even turned on the machine before…well, you know. I still can’t believe that happened.” Amber rambled as she moved into the kitchen.

  Danny put a hand on her arm to stop her. With a gentle tug, he pulled her around to face him and gripped her arms.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, some of the frantic energy had disappeared and she seemed steadier than she had moments before. “Yes. You think you prepare for anything, but that… That was a new one.” She laughed, but it wasn’t one born of anxiety. A real laugh.

  Danny rubbed his hands over her arms a couple times, comforting himself as much as her, before letting her go back to the coffee machine, a cheap four-cup coffee pot. The kind one could buy for less than twenty dollars at any drug store. Not the kind one would buy when planning on putting down roots.

  He knew her stay was temporary. It shouldn’t have hurt this bad. He rubbed his chest over his heart. He must still be off balance from waking to the terror in her voice. That and the dream.

  Then she turned around, and her beauty hit him like a punch to the gut. No, she wasn’t traditionally beautiful, and the cotton bathrobe left a lot to the imagination, but to him she was perfect. He could picture her like this in the morning, making him coffee before he had to go to work. He wanted that vision, even though logic told him it wasn’t meant to be.

  He watched her eyes heat as they ran over his chest. He hadn’t bothered to throw on a shirt in his rush to leave. Had barely managed to grab his jeans off the floor.

  When she licked her lips, still staring at his chest, it was too much. He stepped forward, crowding her against the counter.

  “Good morning,” he murmured as her eyes rose to meet his.

  She rested her hands against his chest, the feather touch causing his muscles to clench. Her pink tongue darted out to lick her lips again.

  “Good morning,” she whispered back. The desire in her eyes drew him in.

  He reached up and cupped her face, running his thumb over her cheekbone. Her eyes closed and her lips parted at the contact. The blatant craving on her face and her now parted lips, proved too much an invitation to resist.

  Chapter 6

  Amber put her hands on Danny’s chest as he leaned in and brushed his lips over hers. Pleasure rushed through her, pooling in her belly, but she turned her head to the side, determined to maintain control.

  Instead of being deterred, he grazed his lips against her cheek, sliding them toward her ear. A shot of lust spiraled toward her core. She closed her eyes against the rush of sensations.

  Everything inside begged her to lean into the embrace. To catch his lips with her own and lose herself in passion.

  But in the end it came down to duty. When she’d taken this assignment, she’d sworn to herself and to her boss, that she’d prove the doubters wrong. And if that meant she had to resist temptation, then she’d resist. No matter how much she wished otherwise, or how much she wished to be someone else. To be a woman without the baggage of her job. One who could lean into Danny and take everything he promised.

  She gave herself a moment. One small moment to bask in the comfort and pleasure before pushing against his chest. For a second, she thought he wasn’t going to back up, and a flash of fear took her back to another time, when a man had pretended to care for her only to turn against her when he learned she was an agent and responsible for taking down major members of his cartel.

  Danny backed away so quickly Amber stumbled against him and almost lost her footing. Hard hands gripped her shoulders as he leaned down and stared directly into her eyes.

  “What’s the matter?” he demanded. Concern reflected in the brown depths. Concern for her, she realized with a start. He’d been so in tune to her body and emotions, he’d sensed her mental recoil when she’d flashed back.

  She stared at him, amazed at the realization.

  “Amber?” Impatience and worry clear in his voice.

  “Nothing,” she choked out, coughing against the tightness in her throat. “Nothing’s the matter,” she said with more certainty. “It’s… We’re moving a bit fast for me. I just met you. I need some time to think, is all. It’s been a rough morning.” All true, but she hadn’t included her real reason for pulling away. She could never give in to the pull she felt toward him.

  “Are you sure that’s all?” he asked, his hand cupping her cheek while the other moved up and down her arm.

  The security he offered felt like a warm blanket surrounding her. She hadn’t expected to find comfort here. Looking up into Danny’s eyes, she knew the concern was genuine. He was beginning to care for her. A pang built in her chest, because when all of this was over, she was going to hurt him.

  Amber swallowed against the lump in her throat. After everything that had happened that morning–the nightmare and the attack–the realization that she would hurt this man, who’d not only come to her rescue against a pack of crazed wolves, but had offered her comfort when she’d needed it most, caused tears to well up in her eyes. What she wouldn’t give to be the woman he thought she was.

  “I’m sure. Thank you for coming by, Danny. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  Maybe it was time to call in a different operative. No matter how much she’d like to prove the naysayers wrong, obviously she wasn’t ready if her emotions were this unstable. And when she had to call in a civilian to rescue her, it was time to face the facts. She was no longer suited for this type of work.

  “Anytime. Seriously. Anytime you need anything, I want you to call me. Even if it’s just a clogged toilet,
or a leaky faucet.”

  He looked so genuine, she couldn’t resist trying to lighten the mood. Even though his serious face melted her inside…or maybe because it did.

  “I can tell you with all honesty, I will never call you about a clogged toilet. I can work a plunger like everyone else.”

  He laughed, and she felt the first real smile of the day curl her lips. Even if it was bitter-sweet. The sound of his laughter pulled her in as nothing else, making her yearn for things she could never have.

  Yearning in this job was dangerous. The distraction of Danny and the illusion of a bright future together would cloud her judgment, risking not only the assignment, but her life.

  That laughter had sealed her fate and hardened her resolve. She definitely wasn’t ready for an assignment like this. As soon as he left, she would call the director and tell him she’d failed. Another agent would take over. And she’d never see Danny again.

  She closed her eyes against the pain that thought cause to bloom inside her. Hard to believe she’d known Danny for so short a time. Already she connected with him in a way she hadn’t with another person in a long time.

  It took a lot for her to open up. Long ago, she’d erected walls between her and those around her. A means to separate her real self from her undercover self. And by keeping enough of the real Amber behind that wall, she’d been able to betray the people she’d befriended as part of her job.

  But Danny had found a way to scale that wall. She cared about him in a way she’d decided never to care for anyone besides her sister ever again. Because caring for people was dangerous. Amber didn’t make real friends. She’d seen too much betrayal and deceit to trust anyone that much.

  “Amber?” When she opened her eyes, she saw concern once more on his face. “Maybe I should stick around for a while…”

  She forced a smile, and knew he was convinced when the frown line on his brow eased. Still a bit wary, but he was no longer watching her as if she would break. She should be convincing. She’d had enough practice hiding her emotions and deceiving people.

  “I’ve kept you long enough. Thank you for staying with me, but it’s still pretty early. You should head back to bed.”

  Half of her wanted to beg him to stay. To treasure whatever time they had left. But the other side, the practical side, knew the less time she spent with him, the better. Taking the emotional path always led to trouble.

  Danny looked around the room as if searching for a reason to stay. How she wished he’d find one. But when he turned back to her, she held strong to her resolve and didn’t take back her words. Didn’t beg him to stay, even though his eyes seemed to see into her soul.

  “If you’re sure, there is something I should take care of.” He still didn’t seem certain, so she widened her smile and kissed his cheek.

  “I’m sure.”

  He released her slowly. As his surrounding warmth moved away, Amber clutched the counter behind her. She watched his back as he retreated to the door.

  “Goodbye, Danny. You’re a great guy. Don’t ever lose that,” she said when he reached the portal. He turned, a question in his eyes, but she raised her hand in a cheery wave to stall him, and he returned the gesture. She stared at him and imprinted the image into her memory, the sky lightening behind him as the sun pinkened the sky, surrounding him in a halo of light as the chirp of early morning birds filled the air. His hair stuck up at an odd angle, only adding to his charm. Then, with a last smile that tilted one corner of his mouth, he turned and was gone.

  The sound of an engine starting, the crunch of gravel as he turned his car around, reached Amber where she stood.

  One minute. She’d take one minute to indulge in a pity party that she’d finally found a nice guy, who was not only sexy, but appreciated her humor and seemed to care about her. One who she’d already determined wasn’t involved in anything nefarious. Who, despite a horrible sister and unfriendly brothers, was kind and affectionate. One she had to give up.

  Shaking her head, Amber crossed to her laptop on the coffee table and typed in her password, a random combination of letters, numbers, and symbols.

  She opened the link to the director’s office, knowing the system would alert him that she waited. It was still early, but with the two-hour time difference, and knowing her boss, he was already there. And the early hour insured he’d have time to talk with her before more pressing matters demanded her attention.

  Sure enough, Director Robbins’ face filled the screen of her laptop within moments.

  “Hastings.” He said nothing else. Just her last name. Staring at her through the screen with assessing eyes.

  She wished she’d thought to put on make-up and dry her hair. To at least pretend she wasn’t an emotional mess.

  “Sir, I request a removal.” No use beating around the bush.

  Still he said nothing. But Amber knew better than to fidget, something he’d be sure to catch and question. Eyes like a hawk. So she bit her tongue when she would have explained further, and waited for him to speak.

  “You look like shit,” he said.

  Had he actually just said she looked like shit? Sure, she did look like shit. But never would she have thought he’d tell her so. Their relationship had never been anything but professional. “Um…”

  “Don’t explain the bathrobe or the bags under your eyes,” he said sensing her intent. “Tell me why you want off the case.”

  So many reasons. But the most obvious jumped out first. “You were wrong. I’m not ready.” She shrugged, trying to hide her discomfort. The last thing she wanted to admit was falling into the same trap as last time. Caring for someone she was supposed to be using for information and letting her guard down too far.

  “I’m never wrong. What happened?”

  “This time you are. I’m not ready.”

  He let out an aggravated sigh. “Details, agent. I’m not asking again.”

  He was serious. Already he’d given her more leeway than most. She knew he wouldn’t be satisfied with anything less than the whole story. And if he discovered she’d left something important out–somehow he would find out–she’d be in for it.

  So she spilled the whole story. Telling him about Danny and her feelings for him. About her nightmares, and how she’d barely managed to control the tears afterward. She left out the part about the wolves attacking because it was irrelevant to the case and why she wanted off of it. The animals had scared her, she wasn’t denying that, but they hadn’t been a factor in her decision to leave. Her reasons all revolved around Danny and the way he made her feel. Feminine. Innocent. As if she could trust him with all her secrets and he would take away her troubles.

  “My judgment is compromised,” she concluded.

  Her boss still didn’t speak, resting his chin on tented fingertips. Studying her like a bug under a microscope.

  “It’s only natural to be scared, but running away is not the answer,” he said after a lengthy pause.

  Amber stared at him aghast. Was the connection bad? Could he possibly have not heard her? Because if he had, there’d be no way he’d let her continue.

  “Sir, this isn’t nerves. This guy–”

  “Do you really expect me to believe you’re in love with this Danny character after so short a time? It’s an excuse. Think about it. You’ve known him for less than a week, and now he’s got you all tangled into knots. I don’t buy it. It took three years for you to relax around that bastard Vasquez enough for him to discover your secrets. You’re afraid. So you jumped on the first excuse that came along.”

  Amber broke his stare, thinking about the past week and about Danny. She wanted to disagree with him. Her feelings for Danny were real. But the logic in his words made her pause.

  Who felt as strongly as she did after a handful of days and two dates? Obviously her boss was right. She was projecting her fear and anxiety onto Danny. Using him as an excuse. Worse, she’d actually convinced herself he felt the same, when more likely he was s
imply a nice guy looking out for a single girl alone in the woods and new to town. What an idiot she was. And to have shown her boss as much, wearing a bathrobe no less… Amber had never been more embarrassed in her life. She didn’t want to imagine the jokes people would make at her expense if they ever found out about this.

  “You should take a sleeping pill and go back to bed. Being up this early is not helping your nerves.” No. Nightmares weren’t helping her nerves. Attacking wolves weren’t helping her nerves. The early hour? She could care less about that.

  But all she said was, “Maybe you’re right, sir.”

  “You’re doing good work, already making contact with a couple locals. Keep it up. And tell me how things develop with this Danny character.” And then he was gone.

  She reached forward and turned off the laptop, then sat back against the couch. Quiet settled in the cottage around her, but still she didn’t move.

  Once again, her thoughts turned to Danny. Everything her boss had said made sense. But it didn’t explain the yearning she felt. Even now, she missed him. Missed the way he took over the room just by being in it. The way his smile warmed her insides.

  She looked around the empty cottage and made a decision. Her boss might think this was all her fears, and maybe he was right, but for her own peace of mind, her association with Danny had to end. Because whatever the reason for her attraction, she couldn’t remain objective about him.

  Chapter 7

  From his car, Danny watched the three men through the windows of Town Hall. One of them shoved another as all three laughed about something. Having a grand ole time.

  All around him, the world took on an amber hue as his eyes shifted to his wolf’s. He gripped the steering wheel, tightening his hands until he worried he’d break the damn thing.

  He needed to gain a measure of control before he did something he’d regret. Like killing those three bastards who’d attacked Amber this morning. A growl burst from his throat, filling the car with the sound of his rage. He wouldn’t kill them, but he’d make sure they regretted their actions this day.