True Abandon

by Jeannine Colette

  I cover my mouth to cover a ridiculously huge bite I just took of my burger. “Maybe. Maybe not,” I say as I swallow, my hand still covering my lips.

  “There’s room at Black Dog Entertainment. We’re still a start-up, so as we expand we’ll need more people in reception, producers, songwriters, technicians.” He gives a self-deprecating smile. “Pretty much everything. You have my word, you will always have a job at Black Dog.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. You may want to take back the offer on song writer. My musical expertise is as good as my ability to surf. In other words—I’d fall flat.” I look out the window to the beach pathway that’s illuminated slightly leading tower the black abyss of night. “I don’t know what I’ll do next, but whatever I chose will be for the long haul. I’m ready to settle down. Work-wise, I mean.”

  His hand runs up and down the side of his glass as he says, “That’s good to hear.”

  “The event,” I say rather sporadically. “Your colleagues come in on Saturday. We’re all prepared for them.”

  He leans his forearm onto the table and extends his other in my direction. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to talk business.”

  I sit up and hit the back of the seat behind me. My hands drop my burger, and I wipe them on my napkin. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I thought this was a business dinner.”

  He must sense the unease in my stance. “What I mean is, this is a really rare occasion where I’m not chained to my desk or answering calls. Lord knows, tomorrow I’ll be scrambling to make sure I have everything ready for my boss’ arrival. I just want to kick back a little and enjoy a nice evening with a beautiful woman. Is that okay?”

  My shoulders relax. I bow my head and place the back of palm on my forehead as I feign embarrassment. Way to go, Trish. Can you get more full of yourself?

  When I lift my head, I reply, “Yes. That’s more than fine.”

  He offers me his fish to try, but I decline. I don’t offer him any of my burger since I polish it off, down to the last sweet potato fry. We finish our meals with light conversation.

  Kal drops the check on the table before Eric is even done.

  “I think your friend wants us to leave,” Eric jokes.

  I try to laugh but end up letting out a yawn. “That’s okay. I’ve been up since five this morning.”

  There’s a gleam in his eyes. Then again, it could be the light sparkling off those blues. “Let’s get you to bed.”

  We argue for a few minutes on who should pay. I almost win when I tell him I have a miscellaneous account at the hotel, which is a lie. He wins when he says he’s expensing it through his company.

  As we leave the restaurant, Eric has his hand on the small of my back. I’d think it was odd if I hadn’t lived in Manhattan for years. It’s a chivalrous quality that men from the city take on. A way of letting you know if you’re in their company, they are taking care of you, no matter who you are to them.

  I’m still contemplating this thought of Eric’s hand being on my back when I walk straight into something hard, my body ricocheting off the hard chest of a man.

  “Excuse me,” I apologize as I brush the loose hair that has fallen in front of my face, behind my ear.

  “No problem,” the man puts his hands on my arms and steadies me as I wobble on my heel.

  I don’t need to see to know who that deep baritone voice belongs to. It’s in the way his calloused fingers feel against my skin. They’re rough yet gentle. It’s in the way that delicious scent of warm honey pours off of him leaving me dizzy with want. It’s how my hands are trapped around his corded biceps feeling his blood pulse beneath the skin sending my body aflame. It’s how being this close to his beating heart lets me know the man before me, without opening my eyes is Jax.

  Another hand reaches for my side from behind.

  I look up into Jax’s face. It only takes a moment for him to recognize the doe-eyed expression staring back at him. His gaze quickly travels to my hair and the drastic change since I last saw him ten hours ago.

  He looks at me intently. His stare morphs from a confusing pinch of his brow to a softening expression that has his dark eyes glaze over. He’s looking at me like he sees something he’s lost and thought was gone forever.

  “You okay, Trish?” Eric asks from behind.

  Jax’s attention quickly fixes on Eric and hardens at the sight of his hands on me.

  Jax lets me go, and I right myself by fixing my dress, brushing Eric’s hands, gently, off of me as I do so.

  “I’m good.” My words are a little breathier than I planned.

  I look back up to Jax who is staring at me in complete confusion.

  “Kelli died my hair,” I say as if he asked me a question.

  “I see that.” He’s holding his jaw tight, but I don’t think it has anything to do with my hair.

  “I’m Eric.” He offers Jax his hand.

  Jax just gives him a nod leaving Eric to drop his hand.

  I turn my body so I’m now standing with one of them on each side of me.

  Giving my attention to Eric, I explain. “Jax is staying in the Pele. It’s identical to the Maui suite. Well, almost identical—”

  “Mines bigger,” Jax says with absolutely no expression at all. I think he’s trying to be funny, but I just can’t tell. It makes for an incredibly awkward silence.

  For some reason, it makes me laugh in the middle of my throat. I kinda sound like I’m choking.

  Eric doesn’t seem to be interested in standing here and playing this odd game of whose suite is bigger. His hand has returned to my back as he moves me away from the restaurant.

  Jax doesn’t say a word as he brushes past us and walks into the restaurant, taking a seat at the bar. Isaiah is quickly by his side with a drink.

  An attractive woman is seated at the bar. I don’t know if she’s meeting him or happens to be sitting there casually, but it serves as a reminder of the fact he if going to move on when he leaves here. He’ll meet someone nice, eventually settle down and start a family. Yeah, I know I’m getting ahead of myself but these are the thoughts that flash through my mind.

  “Night,” I offer to Jax even though he can’t hear me.

  I step away from Eric, as we walk toward the lobby. When we get there, we stand by the koi pond. My hands are clasped in front of my body. He has one hand in his pocket, and the other is in the air as he speaks.

  “I had a great time tonight.”

  “Me, too,” I say.

  “I still want to pick your brain about the event. Are you available tomorrow? Or is asking for your time two days in a row too much?” He winks, and it brings my attention up to those baby blues that are ridiculously striking against his dark skin.

  “I’m all yours. Are you sure you don’t have an activity or something you want to do? It’s kinda my job to make sure you get the most out of your stay.”

  “How about you take me somewhere off site. Maybe a place I can bring my boss and wow him with my local expertise?”

  “I can do that.” I smile and start to turn on my heel toward the exit when Eric calls my name again.

  My feet halt. I face him fully and raise my brows in wonder.

  “I’m lying,” he says.

  I look back at him and the way he looks handsome in that suit and the charismatic way he carries himself. His choice to call himself a liar is confusing, to say the least.

  He takes a step forward. “I don’t want to talk to you about my event. I want to take you to dinner as a man asking a woman on a date. If I’m honest, I want you to come up to my room right now and have a drink with me so we can talk some more. I know you won’t do that, so I won’t ask.”

  I rub the back of my neck as he holds his hands, palm side up and says, “I like you.” He smiles, and it makes me smile. “This isn’t some set of lines. This isn’t my big move I use on women. I mean it. I like you, and I want to go out with you tomorrow on a date. Before you tell me it
’s against company policy, I’m gonna say right now if you use that line I’ll book myself at the Marriott down the street.”

  His comment makes me giggle which feels really good. I twist my fingers in front of my stomach as he takes another step forward.

  I open my mouth to speak, but he speaks first. “I think you’re smart and funny, not to mention incredibly beautiful. I’d really love to take you to dinner tomorrow. What time do you get off?”

  My feet shift from side to side. I should tell him I’m not interested in dating. I should say I’m not ready.

  The truth is, I am a little interested, and I think I’m ready. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let my own insecurities cause me to pass on something great ever again.

  My mind wanders to Jax. Just like the ocean in the pitch black of night, I may not be able to see him, but he’ always there. His being ever present in my memories. We may be playing catch-up this week, but forty-eight hours from now he’ll be gone. Then what? He’s back to L.A. or New York, wherever he decides to call home, feeling grateful to have made peace with his demons, and I’m still here.

  That’s right. I’ll still be here honoring the vow I made to myself. It’s time to move on. Maybe Eric isn’t the man I’ll be with forever, but he’s worth spending a nice night with having dinner. A real dinner—not one where I’m looking for anything to talk about but myself.

  Eric is successful, charming, and damn if he doesn’t look great in a suit. Lani would kick my ass if I said no to him. That’s probably why I open my mouth and answer, “Yes.”

  Chapter TWENTY

  Knock, knock, knock.

  I bang my knuckles on the suite door, beckoning its occupant to open up.

  “Room service,” I say in a high-pitched voice through the teak. “You want a fresh pillow?”

  The door doesn’t open, so I rap on it again.

  “Rise and shine! This is your wake-up call.” I have a little bounce in my step this morning.

  The elevator pings, signaling the doors are about to open. I watch as they slide to the side and unveil a sweaty Jax.

  He steps off and then stops mid-stride at the sight of my standing at his door.

  I give him a silly grin. “Look at you all fit this morning.”

  My words are lighthearted. The truth is, I’m trying my hardest not to look at the way his white t-shirt clings to his chest. Or the way his hair is disheveled and falling on his face like it did when he was a teenager.

  He brushes the hair off his forehead. “You know most people are up and out the door before nine.”

  “You are a recovering rock star. Old habits die hard.”

  “Surprised you’re up so early. Thought you’d still be in bed with your hot date.”

  I stick out my hip and make a face at him. “Last night was strictly business.” Jax lowers his chin like he doesn’t believe me. “He asked me out on an official date after we ran into you.”

  “And you said…” He lingers, allowing me to answer.

  “I said, yes. We’re having dinner at seven.”

  He raises a finger to his lips and taps twice. “You have a date with,” he points to the door to the Maui suite, “him and yet the first thing you do when you wake up is come here to see me.”

  “Yes.” I bounce on my heels. “I thought I was going to find you all groggy and angry for being woken up. I had plans to serenade you with my terrible singing voice and then bribe you down stairs with the promise of coffee.”

  He places his hands on my cheeks and gives me a kiss on the head. “You’re adorable.”

  As he moves around me and unlocks his door, he says, “I had a phone date with Vivian this morning. Ella mentioned there’s a Disney resort in Hawaii and now Vivian is convinced I’m hanging out with Moana without her. She somehow got me to agree to take her to Disney World for her birthday.”

  “You’re a good uncle.”

  He opens the door. “I’m a sucker for cuteness. So, what are you here to convince me to do?”

  With my hands behind my back, I shimmy from side to side and answer, “Field trip.”

  “Should I be concerned?”

  “Petrified.”

  ….

  I park my Jeep in the circular drive of the Kauai Princes and wait for Jax. I have my bathing suit on under a strapless, white cover up. It’s short and easy to move in.

  Looking in the rearview mirror, I adjust my braid that’s wrapped around my head like a crown. A stray hair keeps falling in the front, so I push it up.

  It’s kinda weird seeing myself as blonde again. It’s like I’m stepping back in time while also reinventing myself. My skin looks dewy and fresh, and my eyes are brighter. Not to sound vain, but I feel really pretty.

  Jax walks out the front door. His hair is still wet from his shower, and he has on his bathing suit—gray and white striped board shorts, a sleeveless gray t-shirt, and a black and orange Princeton baseball cap. As per instructions, he’s wearing sneakers which, thankfully, are not the hideous, hot-pink ones he had in the hospital.

  He hops into the Wrangler, and we drive off toward the mountains. As much as I’m trying to focus on the road, I can’t help but notice the way he’s looking at me.

  “What are you smiling like that for?” I ask.

  “You’re blonde again.”

  I lift my thumbs from the steering wheel as I say, “We established that last night.”

  He sits back and grabs the handle above his door, the other hand glides behind my head rest. “You’re a blonde, and I got rid of that crazy-ass color I had going on. I feel like I’m experiencing deja vu.”

  “Well, these are our natural colors.” I’m trying to be blasé even though I completely get what he’s experiencing.

  He sits back and looks out the front window. That grin is still on his face. “It feels like we’re us again.”

  I drive to the edge of Wailua River and park the car where there’s a kayak rental. There’s a tour I usually book my guests on where they spend the day kayaking, hiking, and zip lining. Kelli and I did it when first arrived on the island as part of our get-to-know-the-area experience. We were with a group that day, but today I’m taking Jax on a private tour to a spot Lani brought me to a few weeks ago.

  We secure ourselves with life vests and bring the tandem kayak to the river. I sit in the front, and Jax gets behind me. We move our paddles in sync and navigate through the river.

  Lush green ferns and palm trees grow out the side of the gorgeous landscape of the jungle beside us. I stop paddling to skim my fingers along the water and splash Jax.

  He laughs and continues to paddle, bringing us deeper down the river. I grab mine and join him. We glide further into the jungle in silence. He doesn’t ask me where we’re going. He just travels with blind faith.

  A red bird with black tipped wings sails above us and soars into the trees. A breeze ruffles the leaves and then stops as the sun beats down and warms our backs.

  I point to an opening in the clearing a couple yards away, and we aim the boat in that direction. When we get there, we step off and lift the kayak onto land and behind some trees.

  Unsnapping my life jacket, I throw it on the boat, and he follows.

  “Now, we hike,” I say and take off down a path.

  The further we walk, the air becomes dense with the aroma of fresh earth and exotic flowers.

  Jax’s footsteps are right behind mine as we push tree branches out of the way.

  “Either you really know how to show a guy who loves adventure a good time, or you’re going back to your original plan to try to kill me,” he says as he steps over a pile of mud.

  “You’re just gonna have to trust me.”

  It’s like I can feel his grin on my back. “That’s what I was hoping.”

  I push away a long branch with banana leaves and hold it up for him.

  He ducks under. “I like the combat boots. It’s a good look for you.”

  “I didn’t want to
get my sneakers muddy.”

  “You didn’t care to warn me.” He says as he walks right on the dirt. The bottoms of his black Nikes are gonna need a cleaning.

  “You have boy shoes. They’re supposed to get messy.”

  He laughs. It’s deep and carries a soulful rhythm. “What did you wear when you were a star softball player?”

  I make a mock laugh face. “I’m gonna show you some day that I can hit the ball. Fielding is another story. Anyway, I digress. I have sneakers, but they’re adorable Keds with flowers on them—not exactly hiking shoes.”

  “I would have carried you.”

  I roll my eyes. “Keep up, will you? You’re slowing me down.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He takes a giant leap forward and reaches with his wiggling fingers toward my rear.

  I see his hands in motion and yelp. He grabs my ass cheeks, and I’m incredibly ticklish. I take a running leap forward.

  “What are you doing?” I squeal.

  “Moving you along. You’re slowing me down.” He continues to chase after me like a panther in heat.

  I start to jog, giggling every time he crouches forward and shrinking with every bit of contact. He gets my waist, and I nearly combust with laughter as his fingers get the sides of my ribs.

  We race down the path, winding through the trees and laughing when he nearly trips only to right himself and go back to his pursuit.

  There’s a thick brush up ahead, and when I swat my arms across, we run through and stop.

  Our breath is ragged, and our hearts pounding as we take in the most gorgeous sight we’ve ever seen.

  In the heart of the jungle is a waterfall. It’s about thirty-feet-high and pummels down loudly into a lagoon surrounded by dark gray rocks and lush greens. It’s not the widest or the tallest waterfall, but it’s intimate.

  I kick off my boots, but leave on my dress. It’s really a cover-up over my bathing suit.

  I’ve seen Jax without a shirt twice recently, and each time he was laying down. While the sight was incredible, nothing and I mean nothing compares to seeing him standing on a rock, in his shirtless glory with a cascading waterfall behind him.