by Cara Carnes
Hell no.
Never her.
I took a deep breath as her voice rose in the other room. Although I wasn’t prepared for the guilt her presence would incite, I needed to see her, feel for myself she was safe. Alive. Okay.
Had she seen?
I hoped not.
Lane backed up and slid a leisurely gaze down me long enough to heat my blood and fire my pulse to life. His touch was gentle as he toweled then brushed my hair. I sat there stupefied, entranced by his ministrations.
“Let’s get you dressed.” He reached over and picked up a folded bundle of clothes. “These are going to be huge on you, but at least they’ll be comfortable. Once you’re dressed, we’ll get you out to Riles, if you want. I’m not sure how much longer Macen can keep her away.”
Fresh tears of shame, guilt, and fear coursed down my cheeks. I slipped into a soft gray T-shirt several sizes too big. I brought the well-worn cotton to my nose, inhaling Lane’s scent. Jumping off the counter, I squeezed his hand, hoping he sensed my gratitude because I didn’t trust my voice. Shimmying into a pair of matching shorts, I scrunched them together with a fist and looked up at him.
“I’m thinking I enjoy you in my clothes a little too much.” He pried my hold loose from the bunched waistline. My pulse banged, my gaze drawn to the heated slide of his fingers along my wrist before tugging on the drawstring until the waistline shrunk to a comfortable hug. “There. Much better.”
I stared down as he tucked the pulled cord inside the elastic waistband. I wanted to freeze time, keep us locked in the small bathroom for eternity—or at least until I made sense of the emotions tumbling in me.
Lane took a couple steps away and looked at me through half-hooded eyes I suspected saw right through the calm facade I’d tried to construct. “You ready?”
No, but I nodded anyway.
He opened the door, and a small bundle lunged at me, squeezing until I exhaled the breath I’d been holding and held onto Riles. The small dam I’d built burst beneath the onslaught of her exposed emotions. Tears fell onto me as she dragged us to the bed. We tumbled onto the dark-blue comforter.
A growl resounded, but I ignored everything beyond Riles. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know they’d kill him. I’m sorry.”
She’d never know his love for her, for us. Because of me, she’d missed the early morning hugs, the late-night kisses, and the long walks in the forest—the few moments I could be myself and know someone truly loved me.
I’d failed him in many ways. Though I’d failed to protect Riles, he managed to never blame me for her loss. My inability to trust him with my fears and concerns about Aldo disappointed him.
You failed me, Xandra. I’ve never been ashamed to call you a daughter until now. I didn’t raise a weak woman incapable of speaking her mind.
Those were the last words he’d ever speak to me. The harsh statement from weeks ago pelted my defenses as I hugged Riles closer.
I’m sorry, Father. I swear on my life I’ll protect her. I won’t ever fail you again.
Riles pried us apart, her reddened gaze fracturing my soul. “Tell me about him. Please.”
“I-I….”
“I need this, Xan. I should’ve made time to know him. I didn’t put him into my life like I should have. I-I thought I had time.” She squeezed my upper arm. “Tell me.”
She’d lost the time because of me. My indecisive flailing the past few weeks killed him. I’d give myself tonight to mourn his loss with my sister. Come tomorrow, I’d bury the inner me Lane excavated. She needed to go far away, where she couldn’t detract from the mission.
Protect Riles.
Avenge my father.
Keep Lane and the wolves safe.
I nestled into the woodsy scent enveloping me and snuggled beside my sister. Here, where everything I inhaled reminded me of Lane, I felt safe, secure to whisper the happy moments I’d hoarded deep inside me, where no one could snatch them away. They’d been mine exclusively for too long. Sharing them with Riles was the salve against the horrid wound in me. I’d killed our father. She’d never experience his beauty, strength, and power herself.
I’d pass the sweetness of him to her where it’d be safe, held by someone who deserved part of him. After tonight, I had no future beyond avenging his death and destroying everyone who meant to harm Riles or anyone she held dear.
I’d navigated the stages of grief and solidly planted myself into the rage.
Game on, Uncle Lucian. You and Baldar will pay dearly for coming after what’s mine.
***
Lane
My wolf snarled and snapped every time Macen took a step toward the bed. Xan and Riles settled into barely audible whispers filled with sniffles and tears several hours ago. Though I tried hard to give them the privacy they deserved, my protectiveness rose as time passed.
Xan was gutting herself, exposing raw nerves and mining every decent memory she had to give her sister the good, the clean. Darkness clouded her gaze each time it swept to me. She tumbled amidst enraged despair, and I wanted to be the one to ground her, make sure she exited the storm unscathed.
But she needed the time with her sister, an affirmation of life. Hope.
“They’re asleep.” Macen took a couple steps forward. “My woman will not spend another moment on your bed. She’s coming home with me.”
I took my place beside Xan when they left. Her softness settled against me, and then she turned, her cheek against my chest, her arm draped over me. I settled my arm on her and my wolf calmed at the rightness of her there.
I’d managed to keep clingy women from draping themselves on my bed after sex. Usually, any fucking happened in their territory. Never mine. Tonight had nothing to do with physical intimacy as much as emotional attachment.
She’d let me in.
I wanted to stay here, hold her while she slept. The fact she’d fallen asleep with me here made my wolf howl. She was ours. She’d trusted me to protect her. Thank fuck. The exhaustion on her face, in her stance had worsened the past few days. She’d finally surrendered to unconsciousness. Leaving her alone seemed so wrong it made me growl.
But I had shit to settle, plans to make. I waited for half an hour, long enough to ensure she’d hit the depths of slumber by the time I headed out the door. I ordered a couple of warriors to stand outside the door and not let anyone in.
I needed answers, and I suspected only one person on campus would be willing to provide them. Fortunately, I didn’t need to walk far to find her. Vira leaned against an oak tree several hundred yards from the rear exit of Wolf Hall. We’d sealed the primary entrance and barricaded the sidewalk for several hundred yards in both directions.
A grim expression on her face, she closed the distance between us. “Give me twenty minutes with her, and we’ll have all the answers we need.”
“No.” I crossed my arms and stood firm against the rage in her voice. “Tell me what you know.”
“What makes you think I know a thing about the Realm? Until a couple months ago, they existed solely in millennia-old folklore handed down by tyrannical parents keeping their children in line in the outer regions of Demonia.”
“Which is more than we have.”
Vira paced, her agitation palpable. “I’ve stuck my neck out far enough, wolf. Every time shit goes sideways I wind out getting covered in it. One of these days, it’s going to drown me, and then what are you going to do?”
“Dig you out.”
“Excuse me?” She halted. “What do you mean?”
“You’re pack.”
“I’m not pack. I will never be a mangy, flea-infested mutt one grade above a hellhound.” She flung her arms into the air, leaned her head back, and screamed long and loud.
The agitated sound resembled a howl my wolf echoed, and although I had no reason to believe so, I knew she was afraid. For Riles. For Xandra. For my pack.
“Hey. We’re going to handle whoever was stupid enough to drop whatever’s happening
on our doorstep. Literally. Pull yourself together because, with or without you, my pack will respond to the threat. We will never cower and wait for the fight to come to us.”
“My fight is so far out of your understanding you can’t even imagine.”
“Then tell me where to look. Set my focus because I’m not letting whoever did this get close to Xan or Riles. You may not give a damn about Xan, but you’ve already proven what you’d do for Riles.”
“Damn you, mangy fleabag. I’m sick and tired of mutts screwing with my life.”
I lunged and wrapped my hand around her neck, squeezing until her fingers squeezed my wrist. She hissed, fangs distended and red eyes widened.
“Let’s get a few things straight. One, cut the trash talk about me and my pack. One more insult and I’ll show you exactly how much of an animal I can be.” I paused a moment, pushing my fingers into her throat a bit more. “Two, cut the melodramatic bullshit. I don’t have time to play whatever political game you’re laying out with all the you-don’t-know crap. Set aside all the dogmatic roadblocks and get to the heart of the problem. Tell me what you know.”
I released her, waiting as she took a couple of labored breaths. Molten fury, raw and unchecked, reflected in her gaze. Good. I needed her pissed. Channeled. I’d happily go two rounds with a vampire demon if the result meant getting Xan safe.
She rubbed her throat a couple minutes and then focused fully on me. Her voice was scratchy when she spoke. “I’m not hooked into Demonia’s knowledge brokers, okay? I’m on my funeral pyre as far as most of my world is concerned, so I’m not sure what you expect from me.”
Damn. I’d heard whisperings the powers of Demonia weren’t pleased with her actions, but I didn’t realize the threat for her was so serious. Here I’d been declaring her pack and none of us thought about the impact on her.
“Tell me. Your situation.”
“I’ll handle it.”
“Tell me.”
“They need a scapegoat for the deaths, and they’ve decided on me since the other potential target means angering the only two species able to kill us easily. I’d been on the radar anyway. I’ve never exactly gone with the grain so to speak.” She sighed. “I’ll handle it.”
“You aren’t alone, Vira. You’re in this spot because you helped Riles when she needed you. We aren’t going to leave you hanging.”
She nodded curtly and looked away.
“Look, I’ve checked with a few people and heard a few things about the Realm. None of the intel left me weak in the knees to go for a visit.”
“Okay. Angels and phoenixes. They don’t mix.”
“Right. Xan and Riles are the only two known byproducts of interracial lines in the royal bloodlines. The royalty part is what’s critical because the lineage there holds the most power, the biggest bang for both species.”
“So, obviously, whoever’s in control now wouldn’t want their kind of power becoming a potential threat.”
“Exactly. The king is Xan’s uncle, from her mother’s side.”
“Ah. Could he do something evil to someone mated to his sister?”
“From what little we’ve heard? Worse.” Intensity settled in her expression.
Fuck. Somehow I needed to get Xan talking. I’d get answers. Nothing else was happening on my campus.
Chapter Six
“Concealed anger is to be feared, but hatred openly manifested destroys its chance of revenge.”
—Sir Walter Scott, Rob Roy
Xandra
By the time I returned to reality from the depths of slumber, my internal defenses had reactivated and any emotional entanglements threatening to slow my plan of attack had been locked down. Some would probably say I was in denial, maybe suffering posttraumatic stress.
I was a warrior. I’d been honed, trained to deal with harshness of a larger scale. I wasn’t foolish enough to deny how different the current problem was.
My family was involved. My blood. Lives of those I held dear hung in the balance, waiting for me to either save them or die trying. There was no exit strategy, no recourse for me that ended in hearts and flowers.
Waking up enveloped in the warm embrace of a strong, powerful warrior almost made me set aside my destiny long enough to bask in the what-ifs of those hearts and flowers. In another time and place, I could see having the picture-perfect life with Lane.
I wrapped my fingers around the manacled grip along my waist and pulled. He grasped my wrist and locked my hand beneath his, the touch firm and comforting. My pulse knocked a couple unsteady beats.
“You going somewhere?” he whispered.
“Maybe.”
The hold eased, turning into a gentle stroking along the small area of exposed skin above my waist. The soothing caress was so foreign I remained still, unsure how to respond. Should I flee like the logical part of my brain wanted to do? Warriors couldn’t be bothered with sentimental attachments. What the sensuous stroke implied was an emotional connection I couldn’t form.
Yet both my beasts were resolute in their acceptance of him, the warmth of his fingers as they moved in circles from my side to my naval. “I should go. Things need to be handled.”
“We need to get a few things sorted, Xan. I’m not letting you go until we have a conversation.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“Sooner or later you’re gonna have to let someone in, trust enough to let someone help. I’m there. Whether you notice is your call.”
“Why?”
“I need a reason?”
“No one does something for nothing. What do you get from helping me? Why care?”
“I’m not gonna lie, Xan. You were an obligation, a duty I performed because Macen asked me to. You put yourself into my path when you showed up to help Riles. You landed in the center of my radar by not honoring your promise to train her. I don’t know why the hell you matter so much to me, I just know you do.”
“Right.” I pried my hand loose from his and moved to stand, but he dragged me against him. Deft fingers ran along my inner thigh. “Let me go.”
“This conversation is happening. It’s your call whether you’re an active participant.”
I grunted my response, unsure why he wanted to converse at all. Honestly, I’d handled lots of sticky situations in my life—more than I cared to remember. While the warrior in me respected Lane’s determination, I wasn’t ready to admit he’d boxed me into a corner because I didn’t want to push him away.
I needed his strength. I wanted him at my back. Hell, he’d already been there the past couple of weeks. My shadow. Could I trust him? “Knowing what’s in play could get you killed.”
“Thinking last night made that pretty clear.”
I tensed.
“Shit. Sorry, Xan.”
“It’s fine.”
“No. It isn’t.” He pulled me closer and held me there until his skin’s warmth sank in, eased the knots along my shoulders, in my spine. “I forget you aren’t mine, from my pack and used to my unfiltered thoughts.”
I forget you aren’t mine.
The possessiveness made my heart palpitate. Handing the fight over to him would be simple. Yet the impossibility left me mute for a moment. His safety hung in the balance. If Baldar or Uncle Lucian overheard the wrong thing, Lane would die—probably more gruesomely than my father.
Nausea pitched and roiled in my belly as I shuddered in revulsion. Rage burned my insides, an acidic presence I couldn’t purge or reveal. Enraged warriors opposing Uncle Lucian were deemed threats to the crown and terminated.
Uncle Lucian and Baldar would suffer for what they’d done. A wise course of action guaranteed success. Two choices presented themselves. Option one was to appear unemotional, numb to the fact they’d savagely murdered my father to punish me. Uncle Lucian knew me too well. I was emotionally high-strung with those I loved.
He’d played on my weakness, turning me into the pawn in his chess game for multirealm domination. My l
ove for Riles made me play his game, pretend to do his dirty work so no one else in his minion empire would be close to her.
Uncle Lucian was a maniacal bastard, but he was far from stupid. He’d never believe I’d not care about my father’s slaughter. So, the first option was out of the question.
Which left the lone recourse my inner beasts refused to accept. I had no choice. All I could do was what he expected.
Or appear to.
The problem?
Everyone would have to also assume I was doing his bidding.
I steeled myself for the ensuing verbal war. “I’m not sure what you think is going on, Lane. My problem has nothing to do with you or your pack. My father wasn’t a good man. He deserved whatever they did to him.”
I choked the words out as the tension returned in my body. My soul burned in a self-imposed purgatory as the lie hung between us. My vision clouded with tears I couldn’t shed. I reflexively burrowed against him, deeper into the warmth I had no right to savor, yet needed more than the thin ribbons of air I drew into my lungs.
If there was a means to covertly communicate the problems I faced, I would. My mind waged war with reality as I remained silent, still. I needed him to understand the hidden message, but he didn’t know me. If he sensed the lie, then Uncle Lucian would, too.
Fear streamed in my blood.
“You may not believe it, but my concern is protecting you and my pack. You aren’t ready to hear why you’re my first priority, Xan, but my not offering the reason won’t make the words any less true. Tell me what you need.”
“Space. Time alone.”
He released his hold on me and sighed. His hot breath fanned my shoulder as he rose. “I’m thinking to get your trust I should offer some first. You need space and time alone? I’ll agree. For now.”
Startled, I watched him rise from the bed. Arousal flared to life when my gaze swept his bare golden skin. I longed to trace the light spattering of hair arrowing toward his navel. My gaze locked on the elastic waistband of his loose shorts when he stood beside the bed.
