In Love and War

by Natalie Brock

  Cathy looked at Michael for a long moment. He held his breath while waiting for her to respond, hoping against hope she would tell him she feels the same way about him. But instead, she responded in a very unexpected way.

  In a flash, she got up off the ground and started running, but not toward the Quad. She ran deeper into the woods. Michael was hot on her heels, running after her and calling her name. “Cathy, stop! Please stop running.”

  Cathy finally stopped running and put her forehead against one of the apple trees. Michael came up behind her and held her shoulders.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you, Cathy. I was just being honest. I’m in love with you. And ... I’m sorry if that upsets you.”

  Cathy turned around to face him. “Don’t say you’re sorry. But don’t ever say that again. I still want David. You know that, right?” Michael nodded. “Good, because nothing is going to stop me.” She choked back her tears. “Damn you, Michael. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me. I have plans!”

  Cathy placed her palms on Michael’s chest, pushed him away from her and ran, this time toward the Quad, back toward the Commissary.

  Michael didn’t run after her this time, though. His heart hurt and his eyes stung. He slid down to the ground and leaned the back of his head against the tree, wishing more than anything that he kept his big mouth shut.

  Chapter 40

  “The enemy knows all our secrets and we know none of his.”

  -- Grand Admiral Doenitz, Commander-in-Chief of the German Navy

  Kay walked into her English patient’s room very gingerly. She was carrying a basin filled with boiling hot water and it was sloshing around, threatening to spill over the top and burn her hands. She should have brought the basin first and filled it from a tea kettle, but she wasn’t thinking clearly this morning. She didn’t sleep a wink and she couldn’t get Alexander off of her mind.

  Now here she was approaching him, eyes trained on the wash basin, but fully aware that Alexander was watching her every move. She set the basin on the floor next to the bed and finally looked at Alexander. Even unshaven with bushy, slept-on hair, he looked strikingly handsome.

  He greeted her with his usual scolding. “What are you doing? Why didn’t you let James do that?”

  Kay would be damned before she’d let him see her attraction for him. She crossed her arms and shot back at him. “James is busy doing other things. Now, sit yourself up and dangle your legs off the side of the bed here.”

  “Bossy nurse this afternoon, eh?”

  “It’s Doctor.” Kay clasped one hand around Alexander’s upper arm and the other around his opposite shoulder to help pull him into a sitting position. She kneeled to place his foot into the foot bath and, as she gently splashed the now-warm water over his foot repeatedly, the activity began to feel very sensual. She worked hard to concentrate on the task at hand, hoping he didn’t notice she was blushing after she had her arms around him. She never reacted this way to a patient before. It was wrong. It was unprofessional and unacceptable.

  Still looking at his feet, she gave him an order. “You’ll need to keep your foot in the soak for 10 minutes every half hour, followed by cool compresses.

  “Well, when in bloody hell am I going to be able to walk again?”

  Kay finally looked Alexander directly in the eye. “Why are you so mean?”

  “Why are you so incompetent?”

  Kay fumed and threw down the towel she was holding. “That’s it. I’m done here. You can heal yourself!”

  Kay started to leave the room when Alexander called out to her. “Damn it, get back here. You work for me and you will tend to my needs!”

  Kay turned around. “I do not work for you. I work for the United States government, and I shouldn’t even be here. I should be tending to soldiers who really need a doctor, and not some overly pampered cousin of his Highness!”

  Alexander winced. He looked downward and Kay thought he looked truly stung by her words. Maybe she was the one who was mean. How could she say such cruel things to him after reading those newspaper clippings? He had been through a lot and she probably didn’t even know the half of it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Sir Fielding. It’s just that you ... you make it so darn hard to be civil.”

  “So I’ve been told,” Alexander murmured. He looked up at her. “Sit with me?”

  “Sit with you?” Kay was shocked. And suspicious. “Why?” She couldn’t read this man at all. He had the face of an angel and the mouth of a devil. But right now, she was grateful for the tiny bit of civility he was showing her.

  “Because, I don’t get many visitors. I have no friends.”

  “I’m not surprised.” Oops, Kay let that slip out. “Sure, I’ll sit with you.”

  “Thank you for staying at Merrifield and taking care of me.”

  “It’s not like I have a lot of choice with the roadblocks and all.”

  Alexander nodded. “Then it’s by a stroke of good fortune that you were here to help me when Astrid bolted.”

  “He’s a beautiful horse. Did they find him?”

  “No,” he told her. “They’re still looking for him. Can’t blame him for running out on me. I’m not the easiest rider on a horse like that.”

  “True enough,” Kay agreed.

  “You said you grew up on a ranch?”

  “Yes, in California!” Kay was delighted. This was the first time he asked her a personal question. “That’s clear on the other side of America.”

  “Yes, I’m familiar with the Pacific Ocean,” Alexander said coldly.

  “I understand you fought in the Pacific.” Kay searched his eyes hoping to learn more about this enigma who sat before her.

  “Can I take my foot out of the soak yet? I’d like to elevate it.” Once again, he changed the subject in a heartbeat.

  Kay nodded. “That’s a good idea.” She lifted his foot from the foot-bath and dried it with a towel. Alexander leaned back onto the bed as Kay placed a pillow under his injured foot. She put pressure on the ball of his foot and wiggled his toes. He laughed lightly and Kay looked up at him. “Ticklish?”

  He immediately put the laughter aside. “It’s been a long a time since a woman has ....”

  Kay searched his face, hoping he’d finish the thought. “Yes?”

  “Nothing. I’d like to be alone. Please leave me.”

  Kay nodded. She rubbed the top of his foot gently. “Whatever you say. I’ll come back and check on you later.”

  Chapter 41

  It pays to be nice to the bartender. Suze often overlooked the “officers only” rule in the Officer’s Club, especially if the enlisted men wanting a drink were cute. And, even though the bar was busy tonight, you’d think Suze had only one customer -- her favorite enlisted man, a man named Michael.

  Michael was seated on a barstool downing shots, tapping his foot, and drunkenly crooning along with Sinatra on the juke box singing Cole Porter’s “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.” He was becoming more and more inebriated and getting louder and louder with each lyric. “I would sacrifice anything ... bah bah bah ... having you near ... bah bah ... repeats and repeats ... bah bah bah ... you’re a fool, you never can win.... Hey Suzie baby,” Michael called to Suze. “Fill ‘er up again.”

  “Whatever you want, sugar,” she said as she poured him another scotch. She leaned her chin on her hands and looked at Michael all moony-eyed. “Wanna tell me your troubles, handsome?”

  Michael shook his head. “Nah. Too pathetic.”

  “Maybe I can make you feel better, hon,” she flirted.

  Michael lifted his glass and winked. “You already are.” He tilted his head back and emptied another glass.

  Ned entered the O Club and squeezed by other patrons to get to the bar. Ned was another one of Suze’s regulars and she normally enjoyed flirting with him, but she was on a different mission at the moment.

  “Hey toots. What’s shakin’?” Ned leaned over the bar
and kissed Suze on the cheek. “Give me a ....” He stopped abruptly and looked at Michael seated on the stool next to his. “What’s he doing here?”

  Michael put his glass on the bar. “Same as you, Bud. Hey Suzie Q, get my friend here a drink. Hey friend,” Michael cocked his head to study Ned. “Whass yer name anyways?”

  “Jansen. Ned Jansen, future doctor.”

  Michael shook Ned’s hand and squinted. “Do I know you?”

  Ned looked at Suze. “Do you believe this jerk? He doesn’t remember that he stole my girl.”

  Suze raised an eyebrow. “Your girl?”

  “Yeah,” Ned said. “Mary. The night of the USO dance.”

  “Mary!” Thanks to the effects of the liquor, Michael was talking just a bit too loudly at this point. “I forgot all about cute little Mary. I should go see what she’s up to. Unlike some people, she really liked me.”

  Ned rolled his eyes. “Arrogant jackass.”

  Michael got up off his stool and leaned over Ned. “What did you call me?”

  Ned swiveled around on his barstool so he and Michael were practically nose to nose. “I said you’re an arrogant jackass. You think all the girls on base are just waiting for you to decide you want their company.”

  A sad expression crossed Michael’s face as he thought about Cathy and the way she reacted when he told her how he feels about her. “Not all girls,” he said quietly. Then he looked at Suze and smiled at her, dimples and all. “But all’s fair in love and war, right babe?” Michael took Suze’s hand and kissed it. “Thanks for the drinks, beautiful.”

  He turned and stumbled toward the exit as his buddy Joe Douglas entered the club. “Mike!” Joe called. “I’ve been looking for you. There’s a surprise training mission and we have to hurry up! The jeep is gonna leave without us. Come on!”

  Chapter 42

  The next morning after breakfast, Cathy waited for Michael by their tree. She didn’t see him at breakfast and it appeared as if he wasn’t going to show up for her lesson today. She realized she was pretty mean to him yesterday. Okay, more than just pretty mean -- very mean. He opened his heart to her and she essentially told him to go to hell. She didn’t have experience being friends with anyone and she was clearly terrible at it.

  Cathy noticed that the Commissary was less busy than usual this morning. In fact, the whole base seemed pretty deserted. Cathy wondered what was going on. Where was everyone? More importantly, where was Michael? She had to find out. So she headed back toward the Quad, and went into the administrative building.

  She reached the doorway of the administrative sergeant’s office and knocked as she entered. “Excuse me, Sergeant Richards, where is everybody?”

  “Could you be more specific?” Louis said, exasperated as usual.

  “The men. The soldiers. Where did they go?”

  “Your name is Cathy, right? You work in the Commissary.” Cathy nodded as Louis continued. “Well Cathy, you’ve been around here long enough to know not to ask questions. This is wartime.”

  “Are you saying he was shipped out?”

  “He? Are we talking about a specific soldier?”

  “Um, no, I just meant the general ‘he.’ So, will he ... I mean, will they be back?”

  “Are you a spy?”

  “What??”

  “You know what, Cathy? I’ve answered all the questions I’m going to answer.

  “You haven’t answered anything, Sergeant.”

  Louis laughed. “I know. ... You’re dismissed.”

  Cathy walked slowly back to the Commissary. She felt miserable. She didn’t want to admit it to herself or anyone else, but she missed Michael. It had only been 24 hours since she saw him last, but she felt disconnected without him, like she wasn’t a whole person. Until this moment, she didn’t even realize how dependent on him she’d become.

  She never really knew happiness in her life, but when she was with Michael, it was probably the closest she’d ever come to being happy. He was quite possibly the first person who ever really cared about her and it made her feel good to be around him. “Damn you Michael Zacharius,” she thought to herself. She swore she wouldn’t get attached, not to anyone. And here she was, feeling totally attached to the wrong man.

  Cathy had grown up so poor and so alone. Her best friend was a book, or a newspaper, or a magazine -- anything that would transport her to a world she could only imagine.

  She became addicted to the society pages of the newspaper, with its descriptions of fancy events attended by the rich and near-famous members of high society. In her minds-eye, she could see the ball gowns and the ballrooms, the women dripping with jewelry, the men well-tailored and handsome.

  And she wanted that life. Not for the clothes or the jewelry, but for the practical things. If she were rich, she wouldn’t have to worry about where her next meal was coming from. She wanted to have children so she could lavish them with the love and attention she never got. She wanted to make sure they would never want for anything. They would be part of a well-heeled, respectable family.

  Cathy’s goal wasn’t some low-ranking soldier whose impoverished family lived in a dirty coal mining town in West Virginia. Her goal was a big-city New York doctor, and it didn’t hurt that the doctor she set her sights on was a very handsome man. A man like David could make Cathy’s dreams come true. A man like Michael could only get in the way of her dreams.

  Chapter 43

  He almost opened up to her that morning, but for every step forward he took, Alexander Fielding pulled back two steps. He was one of the most infuriating and enigmatic people she had ever met. And yet, she was oddly drawn to him. Something attracted her to him, and Kay finally realized it was more than just superficial.

  Even though he was incredibly handsome, his sharp tongue actually made him seem less so. Yet, there was a haunting sadness about him. Kay’s instincts told her that his outward anger and rudeness was merely bravado, a cover, an attempt to shield himself from those things in life that could hurt him.

  And Kay knew that feeling well. After Stewart died, she lashed out at everyone. She wanted so badly to find someone to blame for his death, as if that would bring her comfort, as if that would bring him back. She ended up isolating herself from the world and she threw herself into her studies. Almost as soon as she received her medical degree, she enlisted in the Army, further removing herself from the world she knew.

  Back in the upstairs bedroom, Kay struggled to stay away from the papers she stumbled across, but the pull was too great. She reached for “Crime and Punishment” and opened the book to where the papers were stashed. She already read the newspaper clippings. Now she held the letters in her hand. Three letters. One from the King. One to the King, and one from a woman named Charlotte.

  Kay was well aware that it was wrong to read Alexander’s private mail, but something more powerful than she, drove her to open the letter from Charlotte and read it.

  15 January, 1943

  My darling Alexander,

  I received a letter in the post today from the barrister advising me that our divorce is now official. I knew it was coming, yet I cried nonetheless.

  As you know, those last months together were unbearable for me -- for you too, I suspect. The media scrutiny, the accusations of negligence and impropriety, your drinking, your fits of rage; it was all too much to take. Seeing you change so drastically in such a short time broke my heart. I doubt I will ever be the same.

  Yet, now that it’s over, we both need to leave it in the past. And so I promise that whenever I think of you in the future, I shall try to remember the happy times we shared during the early days of our union. I will remember the gentle man you used to be, your kindness, your laughter, and your ardor. I wish they could have lasted a lifetime, the way we had planned.

  Fondly,

  Charlotte

  Kay carefully re-folded the letter and placed it back inside its envelope. She was sorry she read it, and not sorry at the same time. This l
etter was like a key to Alexander Fielding and it helped her understand him just a little bit better. Somewhere inside him was a kind, gentle, loving soul. Oh how she longed to see that side of him.

  But first, there were two more letters to read.

  Chapter 44

  “You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is victory. Victory at all costs. Victory in spite of all terrors. Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival.”