In Love and War

by Natalie Brock

  “That’s what I thought too,” Mary said looking down at her cot, mindlessly drawing imaginary hearts on the sheet with her index finger. “Only ... he wasn’t professing his love for me. He was talking about some other girl. Some girl whose name starts with the letter C.”

  “Really? But I thought the two of you ... I overheard you talking to Kay about ....”

  “About having sex? It’s okay, you can say it. I’m an idiot. A trampy little idiot. I swore I would never let myself be used like that again and ....”

  “I wasn’t going to say that, Mary.” Sal couldn’t judge Mary harshly. How could she, when she herself was in a relationship with a married man. She knew she wasn’t in a position to judge anyone else for their actions.

  “Why did he do that to me, Major? Why did he have sex with me and toss me aside?”

  Sal felt bad for Mary. “I don’t know him well enough to answer for him, but I do know one thing.” Her mind flashed to the RAF devil who used her for sex in the most despicable way possible. “Wartime does strange things to people. It makes them act differently than they might act in their civilian life. There’s a desperation here that causes people to grasp for closeness, even if it only lasts for a minute or two. If he’s really in love with that other girl, well I guess I’d say they’re lucky to have found something wonderful amid all this pain and suffering.”

  “And what about me?”

  “You’re still young, Mary.”

  Sal struck a nerve, and Mary struck back. “I’m tired of people telling me I’m young. I have feelings too, you know, young or not.”

  Sal remembered being Mary’s age. And it seemed like a lifetime ago. Sal had long since stopped being starry-eyed about love and happily-ever-afters. But she wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It would be better for Mary if she stayed idealistic for a little while longer. “Of course. I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that you have time. You’ll find your happiness, Mary. Just don’t give up, okay?”

  Chapter 53

  Kay undressed and got into bed, glad to be alone with her thoughts so she could sort through what happened earlier today. Immediately after Alexander kissed her in the gazebo, Kay found herself feeling awkward and self-conscious. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do or say next. So, Kay suggested they go back inside. She helped Alexander get into bed and he caught hold of her hand, asking her to stay. She couldn’t say no, so they talked for a while until he fell asleep.

  Before heading upstairs, she stopped into the library. She chose Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey for bedtime reading. Now in bed, she opened the book with every intention of reading, but she simply could not concentrate. Her mind kept drifting back to Alexander.

  She had no idea where that kiss came from. She had no idea he had any interest in her at all, outside of being a medical professional. What changed? Or more importantly, when did it change? Was it possible that he was thinking about her in his private moments, just as she’d been thinking about him?

  Kay looked down at the novel in her lap and smiled. This situation between her and Alexander was right out of a Jane Austen novel where the characters fall more deeply in love with each other while they’re living in their own separate worlds.

  While she stared down at the open novel, the kiss played in her mind again. That first kiss, so soft and so slow, his hand caressing her face, his eyes drinking her in. Then he kissed her a second time, still slow, but deeper this time and with stronger emotion behind it, almost a desperate longing. It was powerful.

  In bed alone, Kay felt her body flush, just as she did when Alexander kissed her. It was incredible to think that this was really happening to her, that she and Alexander might really embark on a relationship. Incredible and extremely frightening. Did she really want a relationship with him, or did she prefer the idea of a relationship with him? The fantasy was definitely more comfortable than the reality.

  Filled with anxiety, Kay pulled the covers back, got out of bed and went down the hall to the loo. She splashed cold water on her face and dampened a face cloth, which she draped around the back of her neck to help her cool down. As she climbed back into bed she smiled, thinking about how she was actually sleeping in his bed. Alexander’s bed. She blushed at the naughty thoughts that flitted through her mind, thoughts that did nothing to help her cool off. Instead, she felt the heat rise in her body again.

  She turned her attention back to the book, but was interrupted by a noise at the door. Her eyes grew wide. “Alexander! What are you doing here?” Could she be fantasizing, she wondered?

  “I was going to ask you the same thing. What are you doing in my bed ... not that I mind.” A sexy smile played on his lips when Kay pulled the coverlet to her chest, suddenly feeling very exposed.

  Chapter 54

  Her eyes grew wide. “Alexander! What are you doing here?” Could she be fantasizing, she wondered?

  “I was going to ask you the same thing. What are you doing in my bed ... not that I mind.” A sexy smile played on his lips when Kay pulled the coverlet to her chest, suddenly feeling very exposed.

  “I didn’t know this was your room,” Kay blurted out, immediately realizing how stupid she sounded. “James put me here.” Good thinking, Kay, blame the help. “I mean....”

  Alexander approached the bed, making Kay very nervous. “Mind if I sit?”

  “I can’t exactly say no. It’s your bed.” Kay looked downward, hoping to keep Alexander from reading any of the million inappropriate thoughts that might be showing on her face.

  He sat on the bed and faced her. “You could say no.” He lifted her chin so she had to look at him. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

  God yes, Kay thought to herself, but those weren’t quite the words that came out of her mouth. “A little,” she smiled at him, “but I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Are you? And why is that?” Alexander seemed to be oozing sex appeal tonight, and Kay figured he was well aware that his charm was having its desired effect.

  “Why are you here?” Kay thought it might be safer to change the subject. “And how did you manage to walk up the stairs with your sprained ankle?”

  Alexander smiled at Kay, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” he said. Kay had never seen him smile so brightly. She felt flushed again, knowing the smile was for her and her alone. “I wanted to see you,” he confessed. “Little did I know you were occupying my chamber.”

  Kay was a little too quick to respond. “I didn’t realize this was your room ... at first. Do you want it back? Should I leave?” Suddenly Kay wondered if Alexander didn’t want her here. She felt the need for some reassurance.

  “Heavens no,” Alexander replied without missing a beat. “I want you to stay right where you are...” He placed his hand on top of the blanket that covered her thigh. “...all night.”

  Despite the shiver that his touch just sent through her entire body, Kay relaxed a little, taking a deep breath. She was relieved he wanted her to stay. “James told me the rest of the floor was closed off.”

  “It’s true. Or more appropriately, it was never opened. I never had a reason to open any more of the house ... nor a reason to open any more of myself,” he sighed, looking like he just let go of a burden he’d been carrying. “I’ve lived here alone all this while.”

  “How long have you lived here?” Kay knew the answer from reading the letters, but she felt like she was supposed to ask the question anyway.

  “A bit over a year.” Alexander stared off into space. “The last few years have been quite difficult.”

  “Oh?” Kay hoped that Alexander was about to open up to her. “Do you want to tell me about it? I’m happy to listen. ... Actually, I’d like to know more about you.”

  Alexander looked at Kay and smiled. He instinctively took her hand in his. “I want to tell you everything there is to know about me. But ... I’m not quite ready. It’s ... difficult to talk about.”

  “I un
derstand, Alexander. I really do.”

  He touched her cheek lightly, then pulled away, putting both his hands in his lap. He became quiet for several minutes. Kay struggled to keep herself from filling the uncomfortable silence, but she wanted to give him as much time as he needed.

  Finally, he broke the silence. “Been quite lonely here. ... That is, until you arrived.” He looked toward the window, intentionally looking away from Kay. “And since you arrived ... lately, that is ... I find that ... I find I don’t care to be lonely any longer. I don’t want to be alone, and I ... I feel that perhaps I’ve met the person who could fill the void in my life.” He turned back to look into Kay’s eyes. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  Kay nodded slowly. Her heart was beating so hard now, she was sure Alexander could hear it. “I think so.”

  “Sorry. I don’t seem able to express myself very well these days. I’m afraid I’m quite out of practice interacting with ... with people, as you can tell. I’m sure you thought the kiss this afternoon came out of nowhere. Must have surprised you.”

  “No, not at all. I mean, yes it did. But ... it was a nice surprise and ... and you ... Alexander, you don’t need to feel awkward around me.” Kay instinctively reached for Alexander and placed her hand on top of his, hoping to calm the nervousness they were both feeling. “I understand. Truly. I’m out of practice too.”

  Alexander looked down at Kay’s hand on top of his, then he looked at her with sincere compassion. “No man in your life since your husband passed?”

  Kay simply shook her head no. She told Alexander that Stewart died in the line of duty and Alexander was very sympathetic. But she didn’t want to talk about her late husband right now.

  “Good.” Alexander smiled at Kay, then grimaced. He shifted his position. “Mind if I lie down next to you? Foot is starting to cramp up.”

  Kay was so caught up in the chemistry building between her and Alexander, that she forgot about being a doctor. She slid off the bed. “Of course! Your foot should be elevated!” Kay went to the other side of the bed and picked up Alexander’s foot, moving it onto the bed as he scooched up and leaned against the headboard.

  Alexander’s mood turned lighthearted as he watched her tend to his needs. It reminded him of the time he first realized he was falling for Kay -- while watching her tend to the needs of another patient in his home. He’d been fighting his feelings ever since, but he no longer felt the desire to hold back. He’d been lonely for far too long, and he was finally ready to give in to the desire. “It’s not the only part of my body that’s elevated.” Alexander reached for Kay and pulled her onto the bed, flipping her onto her back.

  He held her in his arms and she laughed at his playfulness. His aggressive maneuver aroused her and frightened her at the same time. “Why Sir Fielding! You really shouldn’t say such things,” she said flirtatiously. “It’s not proper.” She placed her hands on his chest. Her Catholic upbringing told her to keep him at arm’s length so he couldn’t come any closer, even though she desperately wanted him to close all the spaces between them.

  Alexander cocked his head and smiled seductively. “You’re a doctor. I presume you know about physiology. The elevation is involunt’ry.”

  Kay gently pushed Alexander away and she sat up in bed. She was stunned. “You just called me ‘doctor.’ That’s the first time you’ve ever acknowledged that I’m actually a doctor.” That meant more to Kay than she was willing to tell him.

  “You haven’t answered my question.” Alexander smiled warmly at Kay and cupped her face, running his thumb back and forth over her cheek.

  Kay closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure which question he was talking about. Her mind and body were trying to adjust to everything Alexander was saying and doing, and she was having trouble thinking of anything other than his warm hand caressing her face.

  She opened her eyes. “I’m sorry, what are you...”

  He cut her off. “You said you were glad I’m here, but you didn’t say ‘why’ when I asked. Why are you glad?”

  Kay felt herself melting into his steely grey-eyed gaze. Not knowing how to respond, she let her emotions answer. “I think you know why.”

  Alexander inched closer and leaned toward her as if he were going to kiss her. “Could it be because I’ve been on your mind as much as you’ve been on mine?” he asked.

  He was being so direct that it was impossible not to answer honestly. “Maybe even more,” she said, and her whispered confession elicited exactly the kind of reaction she was hoping for. He kissed her, the force of the kiss pressing her backwards onto her pillow.

  Chapter 55

  A soft pillow underneath her and a hard man on top of her sent Kay into a heavenly haze. How had she fallen for a man she barely knew? How had sensible, by-the-book Kay Nolan who analyzed everything 50 ways to Sunday allowed herself to be sucked into a scene right out of a romance novel?

  In her heart of hearts, Kay knew exactly how it happened. She let it happen because she needed it, needed it like she needed oxygen to breathe. After living alone and being closed off for so long, the prospect of coming back to life in the arms of a handsome stranger was intoxicating. Becoming the heroine in a love story allowed the little girl who once believed in fairy tales to emerge again. It didn’t matter that Alexander was an enigma. What mattered was the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the chemistry between them, the way his heart spoke to hers; it was like two lost souls finding that beacon of light, finding their way home. And if home was in each other’s arms, all the better.

  The sensation of Alexander’s warm breath on her neck made Kay shiver. He nuzzled her ear and she longed for more ... physically longed for this man to take her fully. Little by little, Kay gave into the longing, holding onto his arms and luxuriating in the feel of Alexander’s kisses on her mouth, his strong arms enveloping her, his hands roaming, exploring, exploiting, revealing pieces of her bit by bit, both inside and out. He rolled the fabric of her nightgown off her shoulder and kissed her newly exposed skin. He planted kisses across her breastbone until he reached the opposite side, and gave the same treatment to her other shoulder, pressing his lips into her nubile flesh and lifting only his eyes to see the pleasured expressions on her face. He inched the nightgown further off her shoulders, lower and lower, until her breasts were exposed. She arched her back involuntarily as he tenderly suckled each one.

  A momentary flash of her Irish mother’s pursed lips and disapproving scowl reminded her she was supposed to save herself for marriage. She mentally swatted the image away, only to find it replaced by the visage of her beloved Stewart, the only man she ever loved until now, a man she had loved for as long as she could remember.

  But she never longed for Stewart. She never needed to. She met him when she was 10 years old and they became inseparable. It was a foregone conclusion that they would marry one day. Stewart was her soulmate and he was always there, always with her, so she never had to long for him. Until she met Alexander, she didn’t even know what longing was.

  Silently, she asked for Stewart’s permission to love this new man. She knew she would never stop loving Stewart, but Stewart was never coming back, and Alexander ... Alexander was the first man who made her feel alive again, who made her believe that life really does go on, that she could care about someone, feel something, that she could actually love again.

  The tingling feeling from Alexander’s palms fondling her breasts and coaxing her nipples into hard peaks made her forget everything else. There was no turning back now. She wriggled out of her nightgown and tossed it to the floor, letting Alexander know she belonged to him, if only for tonight.

  Chapter 56

  “You brought it!” Michael looked at the hamper Cathy was holding in her hands and he took it from her.

  “You said ‘picnic,’ right? So I packed some leftovers from the Commissary lunch. Made us some sandwiches. Oh, and there’s a special surprise in there for you.”

  A sm
ile slowly spread over Michael’s face until his dimples were in full force. He leaned over and kissed Cathy’s cheek. “In case you didn’t know it, you just flirted with me. Congratulations.”

  Cathy blushed and looked downward. Holding the picnic hamper with one hand and Cathy’s hand with his other, he led her to the base garage, the place where all the military vehicles were kept.

  “What are we doing here?” Cathy asked.

  “Shhh. Quiet!” Michael didn’t want anyone to know they were there. “Aha! This is it.” He saw what he was looking for. Michael placed the picnic basket in a storage compartment of a motorcycle and he climbed onto it. “Hop on,” he told Cathy.

  “What? You’re not serious.”