In Love and War

by Natalie Brock

  “What’s wrong, Miss Lang? Scared?” He knew Cathy well enough to know how she would react to his challenge.

  “No, of course not. I’m not afraid of anything. But you can’t ride this thing. It’s not yours. You’ll get in trouble.”

  “Don’t worry about that,” he said teasingly. “We’ll get in far more trouble for leaving base without permission than we will for stealing a motorcycle. I’m willing to take the risk. Are you?”

  Cathy smirked and without saying another word, she climbed onto the motorcycle behind Michael.

  “Put your arms around me and hold on tight, baby. I’m taking you for the ride of your life.”

  Michael followed a caravan of vehicles heading off base, hoping they would blend in with the pack. And they did. Picking up speed as they motored away from Devon, Michael felt like his life was perfect. He was with the girl he loved, her arms were holding him tight, her body flush against his. Who could ask for anything more?

  Cathy closed her eyes as she pressed her cheek against Michael’s shoulder, arms wrapped around his warm torso, wind blowing through her hair, the vibration from the bike’s motor tingling her spine, and the fresh smell of freedom all around her. If she let go of Michael, she’d be freer still, flying through the air above the farms and fields of Devonshire, England. But she didn’t want to let go of Michael. She was right where she wanted to be, and she wanted to hold onto him forever. This was as close to heaven as she had ever come.

  With her hands splayed across Michael’s chest, she held on tight, thinking there’s no better feeling in the world. She never felt so exhilarated in all her life and she wondered if there was a way they could just keep driving and driving and never turn back.

  Chapter 57

  The mid-day light filtered through the bedroom window, intruding on Kay’s blissful sleep. They slept the morning away and it was already past noon. But she wasn’t ready to open her eyes yet.

  Something felt different, yet familiar. Ah yes, she thought, as her senses awakened and she recognized a masculine scent, the feel of a manly chest beneath her cheek, an arm around her bare shoulder pressing her close, a hand gently stroking her hair.

  She was afraid last night was just a dream, but now, here in his bed, in the warmth of his arms, she knew it really happened. They made love. And it truly was making love -- unhurried and tender.

  In the afterglow, he held her in his arms and they talked all night long into the wee hours, not so much about the past, but about the future, about what they wanted to do tomorrow and the next day, and next week and next year. Their conversation made Kay realize that she stopped making plans after Stewart died. Mostly, she just let life happen to her, let herself be carried from day to day. This was the first time in years that she felt hopeful about the future.

  “Good afternoon,” Alexander said, when Kay finally lifted her head off his chest and looked at him. He rubbed his knuckles over her cheek. “Do you always wake up looking this beautiful?”

  Kay’s heart leaped. She wondered how deep a shade of red she was blushing. “I guess you’ll have to find out for yourself.”

  He kissed her lips lightly. “Are you happy, darling?”

  She wanted to gush, but she didn’t want to scare him off, so she held back a little. “Yes. Are you?”

  He drew a deep breath and leaned closer, looking deeply into her eyes. “You’ve made me happier than I’ve felt in years, Kay.”

  Kay thought she would faint when Alexander said her name, the way he said it sounded so seductive. He rolled on top of Kay and kissed her. She folded her arms around him, falling even more deeply in love with him in the daylight than she felt the night before. He broke the kiss to look at her. “Kay, my darling, I ....”

  “Yes?” Kay was dying to hear what he was going to say next, but something caught his eye by the bedside and his attention was no longer on her. He rolled off of her and reached for something on the nightstand. Crime and Punishment!

  “What’s the meaning of this?” His whole demeanor changed in an instant. “Did you read my private letters?”

  The air had been sucked out of the room. Kay tripped over her words as she tried to answer.

  “Answer me Kay, did you read this?” Suddenly the way he said her name didn’t sound seductive any longer. “You did! I can tell. They were in a specific order and ....”

  Kay finally found her voice. “I opened the book to read it. ... I mean ... to read the book itself. I didn’t know ... I didn’t mean to.” She withered under his accusatory gaze. “Yes, I did but ...”

  Alexander pulled his pants on and got up off the bed, holding onto it for support.

  “How’s your ankle?” Kay was desperate to change the subject, to get back to the closeness they shared just a few seconds before.

  “How could you do this? How could you read someone’s private letters? How? What kind of person are you?”

  “Alexander, I ... I didn’t mean to ... I had no idea there was something personal in there.”

  Alexander put his shirt on, leaving it unbuttoned. “And when you did realize, Kay -- what then? Did you keep reading or did you put them aside?”

  Kay pulled the coverlet around her, trying to hide her body and her shame. Alexander was standing at the foot of the bed, waiting for an answer. Sitting up in the bed with her mouth open wasn’t helping her cause. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy. I saw the newspaper clippings and I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I was just trying to ....”

  “Stop!” Alexander held up his hand and waved it at her dismissively. “Say no more. I don’t care to hear another word you have to say.” Alexander limped toward the door. “I’ll have James arrange for your transportation back to base straight away.”

  Kay tried to stifle her tears. “I’m sorry Alexander, I just wanted to understand you ... to know you better. Please don’t leave.”

  But he did, slamming the bedroom door behind him without a backwards glance.

  Chapter 58

  “We’re almost there,” Michael shouted so he’d be heard above the motorcycle’s roar.

  “What?” Cathy lifted her head off Michael’s back. She had been in her own dream world when Michael’s voice brought her back to earth.

  “There’s a perfect spot for a picnic in Exeter. I passed it last week when we were on our way to Green Hell for training. We’re almost there now.”

  Cathy’s practical side suddenly wondered how much gas there was in the vehicle. “Do we have enough gas to get there?”

  It took a minute for Michael to answer. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  Cathy resumed her position leaning on Michael. Holding Michael close like this was probably the most comfortable spot on earth. She smiled, secretly hoping there wasn’t enough gas to get back.

  Growing up in an orphanage, Cathy learned to keep all her emotions secret. As a child, she got ridiculed for crying, and she got ridiculed for laughing. So she taught herself not to cry, not to express sadness, and not to show happiness. By this point in her life, she wasn’t even sure if she knew what happiness was. But if anything came close, this had to be it. At this very moment, she felt safer and freer and happier than she had ever felt in her life.

  Only one moment might have been been better than this one, and that was when Michael publicly proclaimed his love for her over the public address system. The old Cathy would have found a rock to hide under. But the Cathy that was emerging now, the one blooming like a rose under Michael’s tender care, actually wanted the world to know she was loved.

  Soon after she asked if they had enough gas, the motorcycle slowed down and came to a stop in a wheat field. Cathy noticed a farmhouse and a barn in the distance, as Michael took her hand and helped her off the bike. They were parked in a clearing between two tall rows of wheat.

  “Well, what do you think?” Michael was clearly proud of the spot he’d chosen for their picnic.

  “I think it’s perfect,” Cathy smiled broadly
and watched Michael mirror her smile, now that he’d gotten a positive reaction from her.

  They sat down on the grass and Cathy unpacked the picnic hamper, handing Michael a sandwich and a glass with a lid on it. He looked at the glass quizzically. “What’s this?”

  “That’s your surprise. Mashed potatoes. I remembered how much you like them.” Michael looked intently at the container for a long moment before setting the potatoes and the sandwich aside. He leaned over and took Cathy in his arms, pushing her backwards onto the ground and kissing her.

  Cathy’s arms encircled him as she returned his kisses and enjoyed the feel of Michael’s warm body on top of hers. She felt pleased that the little surprise prompted this response and she wanted to just stay like this forever.

  Her mind was turning to mush and her body was reacting in new and surprising ways when she felt Michael fingering the fabric of her blouse, toying with the buttons on her shirt. Her skin tingled where he touched her and she wasn’t even sure where she was anymore.

  Her mind returned to the grassy clearing when Michael broke the kiss. A noise pierced the peaceful countryside and he looked upward at the sky toward something that sounded like distant thunder. “We’d better find shelter,” he said.

  “Do you think we’re going to get rained on?” Cathy’s innocent question was met by a worried look from Michael. He took her hands and pulled her to her feet as he watched the flashes of light in the sky.

  Cupping her cheek, he spoke quietly. “There’s a barn over there. We’re going to take shelter.” He didn’t want to frighten her, but he had to tell her the truth. “It’s not thunder, Cathy. It’s bombing.”

  Before Cathy could process what Michael said, he clasped her hand and they began running toward the barn as fast as their legs would carry them.

  Chapter 59

  “This is a fight between a free world and a slave world.”

  -- Vice President Henry A. Wallace

  At least an hour had passed since Alexander left Kay in his bedroom upstairs. Alone now, he sat at the foot of the bed in the downstairs guest bedroom, head in his hands. He cringed at the idea of Kay reading those letters, finding out about him that way. He wanted to tell her in his own way, and in his own time. He wanted her to hear his side of the story. But she found out anyway.

  And she accepted him in spite of it all.

  Alexander lifted his head when he realized that all of those things he was so ashamed of, all that history he wanted to hide, didn’t make a damn bit of difference to Kay. She didn’t judge him for the things he did. She accepted him for the man he is.

  He couldn’t help but smile at that thought. But his smile quickly turned to a furrow when he remembered how he yelled at her. She looked so hurt.

  Yes, she should have asked him about the letters when she found them. She should have let him decide if and when he would share them with her. Still, he needn’t have been so sharp with her.

  The sound of Kay’s voice down the hall broke his thoughts. He couldn’t let her leave. He had to make this right before he lost her forever.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Kay was downstairs in the library packing up her things when James approached.

  “Dr. Nolan? Is everything alright?”

  Kay wiped a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand. “Yes, I’m fine,” she lied. “I’m leaving Merrifield. Can you find out for me if the roads have reopened?”

  “Pardon?”

  “The roads were wiped out by bomb blasts. I need a ride to the train station so ....”

  “The roads haven’t been out, Doctor. I go into town regularly to purchase provisions.”

  “What? How can that be?”

  “The roads here are in fine condition. Always have been. ... I will arrange transportation to the train station for you.” James departed to carry out his task.

  Confused, Kay sank into a high-back leather chair. The whole reason she stayed this long was because Alexander told her the roads weren’t crossable. Why would he tell her that if it weren’t true. Why would he lie to her?

  She was about to find out. Alexander entered the library.

  Still limping, he approached the chair Kay was seated in and kneeled beside her. He took her hand and clasped it between both of his. “Kay, darling, I’m so sorry I lost my temper with you earlier. I was terribly out of line. I just ... it wasn’t how I wanted you to find out about my past.”

  Kay looked at Alexander, unmoved by his words. She pulled her hand out of his.

  “Please darling, forgive me for my behavior,” he continued. “I planned to tell you everything. In fact, I wanted you to know everything there is to know about me. Kay, I don’t want you to leave Merrifield. Not now, not ever. Won’t you stay with me, darling?”

  Kay rose from the chair and walked away from Alexander. He got up from kneeling and, favoring his sprained ankle, he followed her and held her shoulders from behind. She whirled around and glared at him. “You lied to me.”

  “No. No, I didn’t lie. I merely wasn’t prepared to tell you the truth yet. Surely you can understand ....”

  “I’m not talking about your past!” Kay was trying very hard to stay calm, but she was quickly losing her cool. “I’m talking about the roads. You said they were impassable. Why did you lie?”

  Alexander’s lips parted and he was nearly speechless. “Wh-- ... Where did you ....”

  “James just told me he goes into town all the time. Yet you told me no vehicles could get in or out. You said the bomb blasts destroyed the roads.”

  Alexander took a deep breath and moistened his lips. “I didn’t want you to leave. I ... wasn’t ready for you to go.”

  “Why not?” Kay folded her arms over her chest. She was going to stand there and confront him until she got a satisfactory answer.

  “I needed you. I needed to know you better.”

  “Oh really? You mean you wanted to get me into your bed?”

  “Certainly not!” Alexander was insulted. “I didn’t plan that. What happened last night wasn’t premeditated.”

  “Then why? Explain yourself!”

  He took a step toward her and she took a step back, out of his reach. “You see, it had been a good long while -- ages -- since I felt anything for anyone, Kay,” he began. “Being near you ... it ... made me start to feel things. I started to feel alive again and ... I needed to know, darling. I needed to see where things could lead between us.”

  Kay pressed her lips together, raised her hand and slapped Alexander’s face as hard as she could. His eyes widened in shock. “No! That’s not what you needed to do! You needed to be honest with me,” she shouted, finally losing her temper. “Since the day I arrived, you were cross and cantankerous and ...”

  “I know. And I'm sorry. You were merely experiencing the invisible fortress I built around me, my defenses....

  “I don’t understand you, Alexander. If you wanted to get to know me, you needed to tell me that, not manipulate me into staying. I’m not your possession.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry, profoundly sorry.”

  “Not sorry enough!” She was livid and Alexander was going to get the full dose of the doctor’s anger. “Do you realize there’s a shortage of doctors back on base? Do you know how much they needed me there?”

  “I suppose I wasn’t thinking about that,” Alexander said with contrition.

  “Obviously not. Sir Alexander Fielding had to be a prima dona and get a doctor to come here just so you could prove you were still in command. Do you know how many soldiers might have died back on base because I wasn’t there to help out?”

  Alexander cringed upon hearing those words. “I see. So there’s more blood on my hands, eh?”

  “Where’s James? He was arranging my transportation so I could get out of here.”

  Alexander caught Kay’s arm before she could leave the library. “Kay, you’re right. You’re right, and I am so wrong. But you must understand, darling ... I was ready to ...
I was ready to end it all before you came into my life. It’s the reason I was out on the grounds when Welles’s plane crashed.”

  “And you think that excuses you for tricking me into staying?”

  “Perhaps it doesn’t excuse my behavior. Perhaps it merely explains it. Please Kay, I need to make you understand. Please don’t leave like this. Let’s talk things over.”

  Kay looked at the hand that was gripping her arm, while making sure not to look into Alexander’s eyes for fear she would lose her resolve. “Let go of me.”

  Alexander continued to hold her arm. “Would it make any difference if I told you that I’m in love with you? Deeply in love?”