In Love and War

by Natalie Brock

  Kay’s eyes closed as she remembered the night they spent making love. Alexander was right. It was quite possibly the most amazing night of her life and she wouldn’t trade it for anything either. She opened her eyes, and Alexander had come closer to her. He was standing right in front of her. He took her face in his hands and kissed her.

  The kiss was inspired and she never wanted him to stop. But her inner voice was stronger and it told her that a kiss wouldn’t solve their problems. So Kay pulled back, but Alexander continued to hold her face. “No Alexander, don’t do this. You can’t make this right with a kiss, don’t you understand that?”

  “Then help me, won’t you? Because damn it, I can’t leave things the way they are between us. I can’t let you go. Please Kay, help me find a way to make things right again.”

  “I don’t think we can if we can’t trust each other.”

  Alexander placed his hands on her shoulders. “We can darling. With all my heart, I know we can. Come back with me to Merrifield, Kay. Marry me and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it right.” His lips enveloped hers once again and Kay made no effort to resist this time. When the kiss ended, Alexander looked into Kay’s teary eyes. “Let me prove to you that I’m an honorable man.”

  Kay swallowed hard. She knew the right thing to do was to pull herself away from him, but she found herself unable to. He just said he wanted to marry her. It was like a dream come true. A lovely, but unrealistic dream. And even though she thought about Alexander almost constantly over the past month, she wasn’t prepared to deal with this now. “I don’t know, Alexander.”

  She didn’t say no. And that gave him renewed hope. Now Alexander needed to find the words to make her believe in him. He clasped her hand and held it to his chest. “Listen to my heart, my love. My heart is speaking to yours, telling you everything you mean to me. Say yes, darling. Please say yes.”

  Kay shook her head. “I can’t,” she said, her voice catching. Her chest was heavy and she was close to tears as she gently slipped her hand out of Alexander’s. The physical closeness was clouding her ability to think rationally. “You need to go. Please Alexander. Please leave.”

  Alexander was stunned. This wasn’t the response he planned on. But he did as she asked. He nodded and started for the door. But before he walked through it, he looked over his shoulder. “I never told you this, Kay, but I fell in love with you at first sight. I love you and that’s not going to go away, even after I walk through this door. I will never stop loving you.”

  Kay watched him leave the office and close the door behind him. His words echoed in her ears. I will never stop loving you.

  Chapter 70

  Despite the fact that the war in Europe was escalating and forces were gathering along the coastline, Louis was in an extremely good mood. With the Colonel’s blessing, he decided to organize a little mid-day party in the Officer’s Club and he opened it up to enlisted men and women, as well as officers. But it wouldn’t be Louis if there weren’t rules. So everyone got a drink ticket with a time stamped on it -- a specific half hour during which they could enter the O Club. When their time was up, they had to leave to make room for the next wave.

  Louis had an ulterior motive though. He was hoping he’d see Sal. He knew she’d be furious if he came to the hospital to talk to her. She had a strict no-socializing rule while on duty. But he hadn’t seen her since their breakup, and he wasn’t quite ready to give up on her yet.

  The party started right after lunch service ended. Cathy hated parties, truly hated them. But she hadn’t seen Michael in ages and she was hoping this was her chance, that he’d be there. Or if he wasn’t, maybe she could find someone who had some information. She tried asking Louis on more than one occasion over the last few weeks, but he completely ignored her.

  The club was jam-packed. There were probably 75 people in a space that could comfortably hold about 30. The tidal wave of people carried Cathy toward the bar area.

  From the bar, she craned her neck, looking around in quiet desperation. Her eyes fell upon Norma and David standing in a far corner kissing. Cathy felt jealous at that moment, but not because she wished she were the woman with David instead of Norma. The truth was, she completely lost sight of her original goal, and instead of wanting David, she was missing Michael. And she was missing the kind of intimacy that David and Norma obviously shared.

  “Looking for someone?” A voice talking to her from behind the bar caught Cathy’s attention. It was Suze. Cathy eyed her Commissary colleague with disdain and, without responding, she turned and continued scanning the room.

  Another female voice yelled to Suze in order to be heard over the noise. “Rum and Coke,” Mary shouted.

  “Coming right up,” Suze answered. She glanced toward Cathy, then back at Mary and an evil glint danced in her eyes. “Say Mary, have you seen Michael Zacharius lately?” That got Cathy’s attention and she turned toward Suze and Mary.

  “Nope,” Mary said, swishing the ice around in her glass. “But I’d have no reason to see him anyway.”

  “Oh? Why not?” Suze pretended to be interested in Mary’s plight. “Don’t tell me he dropped you like a hot potato too?”

  Mary nodded, not knowing she was playing right into Suze’s scheme. “Yup. I thought we had something special. But he moved on to someone else pretty fast.”

  Suze smiled sympathetically. “Don’t feel bad, hon. That’s just Michael. He’s a real playboy. He tells you that you’re the only girl for him, but he really only wants one thing. And as soon as he gets it from you, he moves on to his next conquest. And the next, and the next.”

  Mary looked at Suze with surprise. “So I’m not the only one?”

  Suze laughed loudly. “Hardly, sugar! If it’s any consolation, I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that he’s long since moved on from the girl he left you for. Bet he dumped her weeks ago.” Suze cast a quick glance at Cathy to make sure she was listening to all this, and the distressed look on Cathy’s face satisfied Suze to no end.

  Millie joined the girls at the bar and squeezed herself next to Mary. “Hey Suze, make me a Bloody Mary. ... What are you girls talking about?”

  “Boys. What else?” Mary answered.

  “Any boy in particular?” Millie wondered.

  “Yeah, the heartbreaker.” Suze winked.

  “Oh,” Millie said. “You must mean Michael.” Suze smiled, thinking she couldn’t have planned this any better, and now Millie was an unwitting participant too. “Well, it looks like none of us will be seeing him again any time soon.”

  Mary turned and looked directly at Millie. “Why’s that?”

  “He’s gone. Shipped out,” Millie told the girls. This news surprised even Suze. “But you want to hear something really weird?” Millie continued her story. “Joe told me that Michael actually volunteered to go. Volunteered! Who’da thunk?”

  Standing behind Millie and Mary, Cathy had to wonder if she heard right. Michael was gone? He volunteered to ship out? And he never said goodbye to her?

  Suddenly, Cathy felt ill. The room was hot and stuffy and smelled like alcohol and perspiration. And it was closing in on her. Her chest was burning, her mouth was dry, and she broke out in a cold sweat. She pushed her way through the crowd and left the club as fast as she could.

  Chapter 71

  A sound at the window of her dorm room woke Cathy from sleep. She got up to investigate, hoping the noise wouldn’t wake her dorm mates. She saw Michael on the ground below tossing pebbles at the window. She opened the window, and called down to him, demanding to know what he was doing. He told her he was trying to get her attention and he asked her to come downstairs, saying he needed to tell her something. Cathy left her room and went outside. She looked left. She looked right. But Michael was nowhere in sight.

  Cathy awoke with a start. She realized she was just dreaming. It was the same dream she had a number of times over the past month. But this time, it was different.

  It was time to
face the facts. She heard it with her own ears today. Mary, Suze, and Millie all called Michael a playboy. They said he only wanted one thing from a girl, and once he got it, he moved on. Apparently, that’s what happened with her too. She was just another girl to him, and there would be no future for them.

  Yet somehow, she found that hard to believe. She and Michael were friends first. She never had a real friend until Michael, and she thought she knew him really well. She even let him get to know her really well, something she never did with anyone.

  Damn it! She was so angry at herself for opening up to him like that, for allowing herself to trust and to believe and to hope. There was a good reason she stayed guarded her whole life. She needed to protect herself, to keep from getting hurt. Well it seems she let herself down and now she felt like the biggest idiot who ever lived. How on earth could she think she was any more special than any other girl he knew?

  Cathy decided it was a good thing that Michael wasn’t on base anymore, because she wasn’t sure she could handle seeing him. She might even hurt him physically if she encountered him. Now she merely needed to try to keep it together. To go on with her life. To forget him. But it wouldn’t be easy. She had grown attached to Michael in ways she couldn’t even describe. She needed him more than she ever needed another soul in her life.

  Cathy tried to fall back to sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come. The battle being waged in her brain was too fierce. On the one hand, it was easy to believe she was nothing special to Michael. And on the other hand, it was impossible to believe. It was impossible for her to believe that that he didn’t care about her. And that he volunteered for early deployment.

  Sure, Cathy knew that no one on base was going to be staying forever. This was wartime, and she realized that, at some point, Michael would be among those who got their orders. After all, he wasn’t hanging around training for glee club. He was training for combat. But even though he enlisted in the Army voluntarily, he didn’t seem like the type of person who would want to be deployed sooner than he had to, especially now that he and Cathy were embarking on a new phase of their relationship. Weren’t they?

  Cathy felt so confused. So distraught. Something wasn’t adding up and she just had to find out the truth. But how?

  Chapter 72

  Cathy was so distressed about Michael’s absence and the things she’d been hearing about his early deployment that she didn’t sleep a wink. Her insecurities and inexperience made her wonder if he left early simply to avoid seeing her any more. That thought haunted Cathy the most. More and more, she felt the need to talk to someone.

  From her cot, she looked over at Maggie and thought about all the girls who confided in the wise redhead. She never imagined she’d need to be one of them. She usually worked out her problems by herself, but this time she was in over her head.

  She pushed her blanket back and got out of bed. Then she went over to Maggie’s cot, whispered Maggie’s name and gently shook her. Maggie stirred.

  “Cathy? What’s wrong? What time is it?”

  “It’s the middle of the night,” Cathy whispered. “I’m really sorry to wake you up, Maggie, but I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to you.”

  Maggie looked over at Millie, Suze, and Doris who were asleep in their cots. She nodded to Cathy and put her finger to her lips, letting Cathy know they need to be quiet.

  Maggie got out of bed and pulled on a robe. She motioned for Cathy to follow her. They walked out of the room and down the hallway of the women’s dorm. At the end of the long corridor there was a window seat and the two women sat down there.

  Maggie rubbed her hands over her face to try to push her sleepiness away. “What’s wrong Cathy? Talk to me, honey.”

  “I ... I know that all the other girls use you for a sounding board, they confide in you about things. But I never have ... until now. I never needed to before.”

  Maggie took Cathy’s hand. “It’s fine honey. Whatever it is, your secret’s safe with me. What happened? Is it Michael?”

  Cathy nodded. “He’s gone. He got deployed. No. He volunteered to be deployed early. And he left without saying goodbye. ... Oh, Maggie, I don’t know what to think.” Cathy looked down and the tears began to flow.

  “That doesn’t sound like Michael, does it?”

  Cathy shook her head no. “I think he must have hated me.”

  “What? No, don’t be silly. From everything I observed and what I heard him say over the loudspeaker, he was completely smitten with you.”

  “But I didn’t ... I didn’t give him enough encouragement. I never told him how I feel about him.”

  Maggie lifted Cathy’s chin so she could look at her face. “And how do you feel about him, honey?”

  Cathy’s lip trembled as she uttered the words. “I love him, Maggie. I love him so much, it hurts. It actually hurts.” Cathy covered her face with her hands.

  Maggie smiled as she put her arms around Cathy. “Well, I know that love isn’t supposed to hurt, but being away from the person you love ... well, that can hurt a lot.”

  “The other girls said that Michael just uses people for ... you know ... for sex. But I’m not sure I believe that. I think he left because he didn’t know how much I care about him. If he knew, he would have stayed.”

  Maggie nodded. “It does seem odd that anyone would volunteer to be shipped out early. Hmmm. Let me see what I can find out for you.”

  “What do you mean? What can you find out?”

  Maggie was formulating a plan. “I don’t know. But I ... I have a wee bit of influence over the Colonel and I’ll ask him about it.”

  “Really? The Colonel? You think he’ll tell you?”

  “I have no idea, honey. But there’s no harm in asking. Right?”

  Cathy looked at Maggie with awe. “I can’t believe you would do that for me.”

  Maggie cupped Cathy’s chin. “I told you a long time ago that you remind me of my daughter Rose. She’s headstrong and independent like you are. She speaks her mind just like you do. But inside, she’s like a bowl of mashed potatoes.”

  Cathy fell apart when Maggie mentioned mashed potatoes. She leaned into Maggie’s bosom and the older woman held Cathy tight.

  Chapter 73

  “Americans love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle.”

  -- General George S. Patton

  ~June 1, 1944~

  Even though the Colonel had a rule requiring officers to dine with their enlisted men, he often broke his own rule. It wasn’t unusual for him to work through breakfast or lunch if he had a lot of paperwork to catch up on, and he always asked Maggie to be the one to bring him his meal.

  He made no secret of the fact he was attracted to Maggie. He flirted with her unmercifully and tried to wear her down, time after time. And she always made it clear that she was a happily married woman and had no interest in a tryst -- although there were a few times she seriously considered it. She was human, after all, and he was a handsome devil. The Colonel was in his 40s, tall and lean, good-looking, distinguished, and charming. The women on base often called him the silver stallion, because of his prematurely silver-grey hair. And even though she didn’t act on the attraction, she knew how to use the Colonel’s crush to her advantage, like the time the Commissary needed a new fryer and she didn’t want to wait and go through red tape. The Colonel placed a rush order and they had their new fryer within two weeks.

  But Maggie knew she needed to be subtle when approaching the Colonel this time. She couldn’t just barge into his office and ask what happened to Michael. It really wasn’t any of her business. She just hoped she could get some information that would put Cathy’s mind at ease, that would tell her that she wasn’t the reason Michael volunteered to leave base before his time came.

  So Maggie waited a couple days until the Colonel ordered a meal in his office. Then she seized her opportunity. She asked Doris to fill in for her on the serving line while she brought the Colonel his lunch.

&n
bsp; She placed the tray on a conference table in a small meeting room adjacent to the Colonel’s office. The room was used when the Colonel had meetings with more people than his office could hold.

  As the months ticked by, you could feel the tension mounting. More closed-door meetings, more visits from allied Generals, phone calls from Washington, and the Colonel’s more serious tone told Maggie that the war was reaching a boiling point that she couldn’t see from the Commissary kitchen. But here in the administrative offices, you could cut the tension with a cleaver.

  The Colonel appeared in the doorway of the little meeting room. He stood and watched Maggie with admiration as she set the table for him. She wasn’t even aware of his presence until she turned around.