Cycling to Asylum

by Su J. Sokol

I walk them back to their hotel room. They’ve gotten a suite with a giant wall screen and holo-board. This place must have cost them a lot of money. It’s nothing like the hotel where Daddy and Mommy and Simon and I stayed when we first came here, when I thought we were tourists instead of refugees. Even though I still feel mad about that, I have this warm feeling when I think of our little hotel. It was cozy and fun. Montréal is a pretty hyper city. I realize I feel disappointed that Rebecca and David don’t want us to show them around. Well, there’s always tomorrow. My birthday! I can’t wait.

  “So I guess I’d better get going,” I tell them.

  “Oh,” Rebecca says, looking at David. “Listen, Siri. David and I are exhausted. It’s a long drive from New York …”

  “That’s OK,” I say. “You don’t have to drive me back. I can take the métro.”

  “No, no,” Rebecca says quickly. “We wouldn’t hear of it. I have another idea. Maybe you could stay over with us in the hotel tonight. There’s plenty of room.”

  “But tomorrow’s Friday. I have school.”

  “It’s your birthday. And it’s not every day that somebody crosses a border to visit you.”

  “Please, Siri? It’d be fun,” Michael says.

  “Well, I guess I could ask my mom.”

  When I ask Mommy, she says no at first, but I can tell I’m gonna be able to talk her into it. Mommy always lets me argue with her. Lots of times I can either convince her or wear her down. Today, I have at least eight good arguments. She finally caves when I agree to beam my homework to my teacher.

  In the morning, I send in my homework like I promised. I watch Michael’s parents pack.

  “I thought you’d be staying for the weekend,” I say.

  “I have work,” David answers, closing up his bag.

  “And we had to leave Sara and Benny and Georgie with David’s mother,” Rebecca adds.

  “Yeah. I understand. It’s just that I’d hoped to spend more time together.”

  “We’ve missed you too, Siri. Michael especially, of course, but all of us.”

  “The baseball team isn’t the same without you,” David says, touching the bill of his cap.

  “I’ve missed you guys too. You were like a second family.”

  “We feel like you’re a part of our family, too. Maybe you will be some day,” Rebecca says, looking at Michael. I feel hyper-embarrassed. “I know this has been very difficult for you, Siri. For Michael, too. And the messages he’s gotten from you … We’ve been worried.”

  “I’m fine. It’s OK.”

  “You don’t have to be brave. I’ve known you since you were practically a baby.”

  “It’s OK,” I repeat, wishing I hadn’t made Montréal out to be such a bad place. Even so, maybe I can still convince them to stay another day.

  Rebecca tells me that she and David have a surprise for my birthday, but that we need to drive there. I tell them great, since Mommy’s letting me miss school today. And this will also give me more time to convince them to stay longer. Maybe they’ll come with us to the garden restaurant tonight and we can have supper together for my birthday.

  We drive away from centre-ville and I eventually see signs for the bridge. Since we’re four people, we get to pay the smallest toll amount. I’ve hardly left Montréal at all since coming here. Crossing the bridge with the sun shining down on the water and with Michael sitting next to me makes my heart feel big inside my chest. It’s great to be able to laugh and talk face to face after all this time. After a while, though, I get too curious about where they’re taking me. I finally make them at least give me a hint.

  “What’s your favourite restaurant in Brooklyn?” Rebecca asks.

  “Pizza and Boots, I guess. We had my tenth birthday party there, remember Michael?”

  “Sure. They let us make our own pizzas. You made one with a smiley face.”

  “Yeah, black olive eyes, a mushroom nose and a red pepper slice for the mouth.”

  “How would you like to go there for supper tonight, Siri?” Rebecca asks.

  “Are they a chain or something? They have one here too?”

  “No, I mean in Brooklyn. We can be eating their pizza in less than five hours.”

  “Four hours,” David says, “Once we get out of Québec and their ridiculous speed limits.”

  “But … how could we do that? I don’t even have a travel pass or anything.”

  “No worries,” David says. “I have a family pass. You’re around Sara’s age.”

  “You really think it’s OK?”

  “We’re just a family on holiday. You know I travel a lot for my job with the government, right? Believe me. They won’t give us any trouble.”

  I turn to Michael. He has a pleading look in his eyes. I know Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t approve of this, but they can be so paranoid sometimes. I think back on all the misery they caused me. They never even gave me a chance to say good-bye to my friends. And it’s Daddy’s fault that my birthday was ruined. Going home for my birthday would make up for that a little. And Michael’s parents would never do something that could get us in trouble.

  “If you really think it’s OK … yeah. Let’s do it! I’m gonna need to call my mom, though.”

  “What time does she get home again?” Rebecca asks.

  “Four or four thirty.”

  “That’s fine. We’ll be at the restaurant by then.”

  When we finally get to Brooklyn, I’m practically jumping out of my seat. We get out of the car and I can’t stop looking around at everyone and everything. I’m surprised by how crowded the streets are, and loud and dirty, too. It’s not how I remembered it. At the same time, there’s all this stuff that’s hyper-familiar, like how the air smells and feels, and the look of the stores, and the way people talk to each other—not just their accents, but the rhythms in their sentences. I never noticed this stuff while I was living here. The other thing that’s weird is how it feels like just yesterday that I was in Brooklyn, but at the same time, it’s like a whole lifetime has gone by. I can’t decide if I feel like everything or nothing has changed.

  When I finally call my mom, she flips out.

  “Please tell me you’re joking. You couldn’t have really crossed the border.”

  “The border wasn’t a problem. David works for the government and everything.”

  “I can’t fucking believe this. Put Rebecca on. How the hell are you getting home?”

  “I guess the same way. We didn’t talk about that.”

  “I said put Rebecca on. Now.”

  I give the call to Rebecca. “She wants to talk to you. She’s hyper-pissed.”

  I can’t hear what my mom is saying, but I can imagine a lot of it from Rebecca’s responses. I listen to her end of the conversation while pretending to be interested in my food.

  “Because I thought it would be nice for her birthday …”

  “No, I didn’t think it would be a problem …”

  “How should I know that? If you’d told me about it before just disappearing …”

  “Aren’t you being a little dramatic?”

  “Janie, if you’re going to scream at me, I’m hanging up.”

  “We’re exhausted from all that driving already.”

  “No. There’s no point … No. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Rebecca blanks the screen and puts it in her pocket.

  “My mom didn’t want to talk to me again?”

  “You know your mother when she loses her temper. We’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

  The next day, I ask David when he’ll be driving me home. He tells me there’s a baseball practice today and asks me if I’d like to come. It’s still the weekend, so I guess there’s no big rush. My mom can’t complain as long as I’m home for school on Monday.

  Being in Prospect Park is great. David lets me practice with his team. It’s sunny and much warmer out than in Montréal. I touch fists with a bunch of kids I knew from last year. Some of them didn’t even re
alize that I don’t live here anymore. They only saw me during baseball season. A few kids who are from my school, though, ask me where I’ve been. I don’t know what I should tell them. I finally say we’ve been living up in Canada but haven’t decided yet if we’re staying. No one seems to know much about Canada so their questions don’t make a lot of sense. One kid asks me if the U.S. president is president of Canada too, and another kid asks if there are igloos.

  I call Mommy when we get back. She asks me right away when David is driving me home. I tell her I don’t know and that he’s not here right now, but I figure it’ll probably be tomorrow since it’s already pretty late. I tell her about baseball and she listens without saying much. Then she asks me to put Rebecca on, but Rebecca says she’s busy right now and she’ll call back. Mommy then asks me to please try to convince David to bring me home today. I tell her fine but I don’t see what the big deal is. My mom’s always in code red for no reason.

  When David finally gets home, I ask him when he’ll be driving me back. He asks me if I had fun at practice today and would I want to go again tomorrow? I say OK, but we should leave right after that because my mom is getting all hyper. Then Michael and I go out for a walk. With little Benny and Georgie always following us around, we’ve hardly had any time to ourselves.

  We walk around the condo complex. Hardly anyone’s out, even though it’s a beautiful spring night. There are guards patrolling, though. One comes over. After Michael shows his resident ID, the guard asks who I am. I’d forgotten how much security there is here. Michael explains that I’m a good friend of the family. I’m glad he didn’t say I was his girlfriend, but then the guard starts looking me up and down. Michael usually acts calm but now he looks hyper-angry. I hope he isn’t going to talk back or anything. I feel a little nervous. When the guard finally walks away, I ask Michael if there’s somewhere we could go where no one will bother us.

  Michael takes me to a different part of the complex. He pulls me into a small area in between two of the buildings. There’s a ledge where we can sit. It’s dirty, with beer cans and cigarette butts and candy wrappers, but it’s private at least.

  “It’s so great that you’re here, Siri.”

  “Yeah. It was nice of your parents to plan this surprise for my birthday. I’m worried, though, about my parents. I think they’re pretty upset.”

  “After what they did to you, why are you so worried about them?”

  “What they did to me was wrong but—”

  “Siri, they dragged you away from home. They didn’t even let you pack or say good-bye. They wouldn’t let you visit. You have to sneak around to even call me. They make you eat garbage and punish you for speaking English. They won’t even let you hang out with the new friends you’ve made. When I told my parents about all that—”

  “You told your parents?”

  “Of course. They care about you. Even if your parents don’t.”

  “My parents care about me. It’s just that they’re a little crazy. I wish you hadn’t told. That was supposed to be between you and me.”

  “Sorry. I thought maybe they could help. You know how I feel about you.”

  Michael leans over like he’s gonna kiss me, but just then someone starts yelling at us.

  “Hey, you kids! Outta there. No loitering on the property.”

  “We’re not loitering,” Michael answers him.

  “I know exactly what you’re doing, Romeo. And if you don’t get the hell out from between those two buildings, I’ll write you up. So what’ll it be? Either show me your ID or show me the backs of you, walking yourselves home.”

  “We’re not doing anything wrong. I live here …”

  “Michael, please, let’s just go back. I don’t want to get into trouble.”

  “Listen to your little girlfriend.”

  “Fine. We’re going. Come on, Siri.”

  When we get to the condo, Rebecca’s talking on the screen. She hangs up when she sees us. I ask if she was talking to my mom. She tells me yes but that she already hung up and that it’s late and we should get to bed.

  The next day, I go to practice but it’s less fun than on Saturday. The first baseman keeps looking at me, and making little signs to the second baseman and laughing. I finally ask him what’s so funny.

  “It’s just that every time you throw to first, your tits jiggle so much it makes me dizzy.”

  “Well, maybe you should sit down and put your head between your knees. That way, you can suck on your own dick.”

  “Hey, stop horsing around out there,” the coach yells from behind the backstop. I can’t believe he didn’t hear what the first baseman said to me, but maybe he doesn’t care, since I’m not really part of the team.

  After practice, David says he has to go to a meeting. Michael and I go home alone. When we walk in the door, I hear Rebecca talking in an angry voice.

  “Do you ever think about anyone besides yourself? Do you know what this did to my son? But why would you care about him when you don’t even care about your own daughter.”

  When Rebecca sees us, she turns her back and walks into her bedroom. Her voice is muffled, but I can still make out some of what she’s saying.

  “… can’t just drop everything and drive all those hours … you’re delusional … no … she’s not here … no … later.”

  Michael goes into the kitchen with Sara. I knock on Rebecca’s door.

  “One minute,” she calls out. She opens the door and asks me about the baseball practice.

  “It was OK. Was that my mom?”

  “She couldn’t talk. Listen, Siri, would you be a dear and help Michael babysit tonight?”

  “I thought David was going to drive me back today. I have school tomorrow.”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie. David is under a lot of pressure at work right now. Would it be a big problem if you missed one day of school? You hardly even needed to study when you lived here—Michael was always a little jealous about how you were able to ace your exams anyway.”

  “It’s harder when you’re studying in a second language.”

  “Yes, you haven’t been doing well in school there, have you? It’s a shame, a bright girl like you. Listen, I have a great idea. How would you like to go with Michael to your old school? That way, it would be like you aren’t even missing class tomorrow.”

  It would be pretty hyper to see my old school and friends, and I guess staying here one more night isn’t that big a deal. I tell Rebecca OK, but I’m beginning to wonder when they plan on taking me home. I decide that whatever happens, I’ll make David bring me back tomorrow.

  In the morning, Rebecca drives us all to school. Michael and his sister, Sara, go off to their classes, but I have to wait while Rebecca talks to the director. They close the door to her office, but I can see them looking at me through the poly plastic. When they come out, everyone has big smiles. There’s something weird about it. It’s like I have some kind of terminal disease, but no one wants to tell me about it. They bring me to Michael’s class and everyone is staring at me. Maybe I look different. They do too. Raun even has a thin moustache.

  I spend the day doing the same stuff as everyone else. The class work is easy, boring actually. The math we’re doing in Montréal is more advanced, but it takes me a little while to get used to the signs and operational symbols they use here, even though they used to be normal for me. Spanish class is a joke. Everyone’s still memorizing lists of vocabulary—colours, animals, foods. They have no clue how to teach a second language here. The only two subjects that are interesting are English and history. And, of course, gym.

  After school, Rebecca is waiting for us in her car. She ends the call on the screen. She seems angry. I figure it must be my mother again, but when I ask her, she says that it was Magda.

  “Magda? But it sounded like you were talking about me.”

  “We were. It’s not enough that your mother calls all the time. Now she’s having Magda call too. If she wants you back so
badly, maybe she should just come up and get you herself.”

  “Down.”

  “What?”

  “Come down and get me. New York is down from Montréal, not up.”

  “You sound just like your father. Maybe he should come down and get you. I have four kids and David has a very demanding job. And I thought you might enjoy being back home.”

  “It’s been great. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” She’s gone out of her way to make my birthday special. I don’t want her to feel bad. Or be angry and not take me home.

  “I’m sorry, Siri. I know you do. You’re such a good girl. When I think of all you’ve been through. Here comes Sara. Let’s all go pick up some ice cream for dessert on the way home.”

  From this I guess that David’s not driving me home today either.

  Mommy calls again during supper. Rebecca and David both look up but neither one of them answers. I stand up to get it, but Rebecca waves me off.

  “Let’s call her back after supper.”

  But after supper she and David go into the bedroom. I hear them arguing. I want to listen, but baby Georgie hears them too and starts bawling. I pick him up and try to figure out what to do. Sara’s on the couch helping Benny with something on his school screen. Michael’s gone into his room. I cuddle Georgie in my arms until he quiets down.

  After a while, Michael’s parents both come out. Rebecca looks like she’s been crying. Then another call from Mommy comes in. I look at Rebecca and David tells me to answer it.

  “Sweetheart! I’m so glad you answered. How are you?” Mommy asks.

  “Great. I got to see my old school today. How are you and Daddy and Simon?”

  “We’re all very worried about you.”

  “Why? I’m fine.”

  “When are you coming home?”

  I look at Rebecca but she just shrugs.

  “Mommy, David has been busy with work and Rebecca can’t just drive all that way with the kids. Maybe you or Daddy are gonna need to come down and get me.”

  Mommy doesn’t answer right away. I feel like Rebecca is holding her breath.

  “Siri … you know we can’t. Daddy especially. We talked about this. It wouldn’t be safe.”