Not My Hero: Black Mountain Academy

by Michelle Heard

  Chapter 22

  BRIE

  Dear me,

  My mother died. I guess that’s why I didn’t hear from her again.

  Shouldn’t I feel bad? Or at least a little sad?

  All I feel is… relief. Does that make me a bad person? Does it mean I’m like her?

  Her funeral is tomorrow, and I really don’t want to go. How am I supposed to mourn someone who never showed me any kind of love?

  I only remember the hate. I keep seeing the spite in her eyes and the disdain pulling at her mouth.

  I can’t remember a single smile.

  Not one hug.

  Should I pretend to mourn her so people won’t judge me for being an awful daughter? There’s a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach just thinking about going to the funeral.

  I know this makes me an awful person, but at least I’ll be done with her once and for all after tomorrow.

  I’m sorry I feel this way.

  B.

  We spent the whole day in bed on Thursday. Friday and yesterday, Colton and I watched one movie after the other while Cassie supplied us with comfort food.

  The house, Colton, and Cassie have become a safe haven for me. It feels like as long as I stay here, no one will be able to hurt me.

  I sit down on the couch and stare at the coffee table. Memories from the past eighteen years keep haunting me.

  “Hey,” Colton murmurs as he sits down next to me.

  I lean back and hug my legs to my chest. Resting my chin on my knees, I look at Colton. “Hey.”

  He sits back and turns his body toward me. Lifting a hand, he brushes my bangs away from my eyes. “You know you don’t have to go tomorrow, right?”

  I nod and let out a sigh. “I’m still in two minds. Part of me wants to forget she ever existed, and the other half wants to go… to get some sort of closure.”

  Colton seems to think about something for a moment before he says, “Whatever you want to do. We’ll go with you.”

  Worried about my grandparents being there, I murmur, “I’ve never met my grandparents. I don’t know what to say to them.”

  Colton tilts his head. “They were never a part of your life, Brie. You don’t owe them anything, so if you have nothing to say to them, then it’s okay. We’ll avoid them.”

  “They paid for our expenses,” I admit.

  “That doesn’t change anything,” Colton states.

  I let out another sigh, not so sure if Colton is right.

  He shifts a little closer to me. “Just because my father is paying for everything doesn’t mean shit. It’s his damn responsibility. The same counts for your grandparents. They must’ve known your mother was crazy as hell, and they didn’t do anything to help you.” Anger tightens his features. “If you ask my opinion, they owe you, Brie. They are the ones who failed you.”

  My gaze drifts over Colton’s features before they settle on his eyes.

  His words begin to sink in, and I realize he’s right. My grandparents stuck us in this town because they knew my mother was unhinged. All that mattered was their precious public image.

  When I was younger, I used to feel sad I never got to see my grandparents. With time, I didn’t care anymore.

  And now?

  For the first time, anger flickers to life.

  They rejected me first. They left me with their daughter, knowing how unstable she was.

  The anger actually makes me feel better. It’s the first emotion that doesn’t feel wrong since I got the news of my mother’s passing.

  “You’re right,” I whisper. “You’ll be there with me so they won’t be able to hurt me. At least not physically,” I voice another worry.

  “And no matter what they say, don’t let it get to you. They don’t matter in your life, Brie. Just keep telling yourself that,” Colton says.

  They don’t matter.

  It’s funny how one sentence can change your perception of people. I used to give so many people who didn’t matter the power to hurt me.

  Michael. Sully. Lindy. All the bullies. None of them have any kind of role in my life. Yet, for too long, I let them walk over me.

  Not anymore.

  Over the past few weeks, Colton has shown me that I’m worth more than just being someone’s punching bag. I do have value. I can be loved.

  I’m not worthless.

  Emotion wells in my chest, and lifting my head, I take hold of Colton’s hand. I interweave our fingers. “Yeah.” The corner of my mouth curves slightly up. “You and Cassie are the only people who matter to me.”

  A smile forms on Colton’s face. “Damn right.” Lifting my hand, he presses a kiss to my thumb. “The same counts for your mother. Don’t feel bad because you’re not sad that she’s gone. She doesn’t deserve your tears. Okay?”

  Hearing the words helps lessen the guilt I feel. “Okay.”

  Staring at Colton, my heart beats a little faster. He’s become my world. It happened so quickly it still feels surreal at times.

  Without Colton, I’m not so sure I’d still be here today.

  She wouldn’t have mourned me if I had committed suicide.

  The thought rattles through me, and it knocks the breath from my lungs.

  “What?” Colton leans closer, concern darkening his eyes.

  “I just realized something.” I shake my head, still feeling overwhelmed by the thought. “My mom threatened to kill me so many times. Even that day, I wanted to commit suicide, she just stood there taunting me.” My eyes lock on Colton’s. “She wouldn’t have cared if I had ended it all.”

  Wrapping an arm around me, Colton pulls me closer until I can rest my chin on his shoulder. “You’re allowed to hate her, Brie. The world is better off with her dead.”

  The guilt dissipates totally. I think I just needed to hear the words from Colton – to know he won’t hate me.

  Determined to put my mother in the past, I pull back and say, “I’m not going to feel guilty for being relieved she’s gone.”

  The corners of Colton’s lips curve up. “Do you feel better?”

  A smile tugs at my mouth. “Yeah.” Closing the distance between us again, I wrap my arms around Colton’s neck and murmur, “You always make me feel better. Thank you.”

  COLTON

  Even though Brie seems more at ease after we talked, I still worry that things can go epically bad at the funeral.

  “Do you want to go for a drive?” I ask her, thinking us getting out of the house for a little while will do her some good.

  “Just to drive around?” she asks.

  “Yeah.” Grinning, I add, “You can show me a couple more places around town.”

  Brie checks the time on her watch. “It’s still early. We could go to Devil’s Bluff and maybe walk down one of the trails?”

  “Sounds like a good idea.”

  Brie gets up. “I just want to change into a pair of shorts and put on my sneakers.”

  “I’ll do the same,” I say as I climb to my feet.

  We dart up to our rooms, and once I’ve changed into my clothes, I grab my baseball cap and put it on. I also take a backpack from my closet and then go to the kitchen to put a couple of water bottles in it.

  Mom walks into the living room, asking, “What’s the bag for?”

  “Brie and I are going to Devil’s Bluff.”

  “That sounds like a perfect idea,” Mom says as she lies down on the couch, then turns on the TV. “I’m going to watch Emily in Paris.”

  “Enjoy.”

  Brie comes down the stairs and waves at Mom. “See you later.”

  “Have fun,” Mom calls out before her eyes focus on the TV screen.

  Brie and I walk to the truck, and once I’ve reversed out of the driveway, she grins at me. “I’d like to show you the waterfall. Hopefully, there aren’t any students from school there.”

  “From what I’ve heard, they’re all probably sleeping their hangovers off,” I mention.

  I drive to the spo
t where I met Michael and park the truck. There’s only one other vehicle, so it looks like we got lucky.

  Climbing out of the truck, I glance at the backpack. “How far are we going to walk?”

  “Not far,” Brie points to the trail. “Ten minutes at most, then we’ll reach the waterfall.”

  “Great. I’ll leave the water in the truck.” Shutting the door, I walk around the back to catch up with Brie. When I hold my hand out to her, there’s no hesitation as her fingers wrap around mine.

  Walking down the trail, I glance around at our surroundings before looking at Brie. My feelings for her just keep growing, and I was hoping to talk to her about it this weekend, but with her mother dying, I’m not so sure anymore.

  It feels like I’m never going to get the chance to ask her to be my girlfriend, and I’m scared we’ll end up being nothing more than friends.

  “What are you thinking about?” Brie asks, her eyes flitting over my face.

  “How nice it is out here,” I lie.

  I can hear rushing water, and soon the trail opens up to a cove. The waterfall isn’t huge, but it sure is pretty, and the pool looks inviting.

  We’ll have to come back in summer to swim.

  “Do you want to sit?” Brie asks, gesturing at a couple of boulders.

  “Sure.”

  We each sit on a boulder, the sound of the waterfall filling the air.

  “This is nice,” Brie murmurs, a peaceful expression on her face.

  “It is.” With my eyes on Brie, I think about how much she’s changed these past few weeks. She’s no longer anxious and smiles more.

  “What?” Brie asks when she catches me staring.

  “I’m just thinking how much you’ve changed from the girl I saw on the first day of school.”

  She gives me a shy grin. “Hopefully, for the better.”

  “Oh, definitely,” I chuckle. “Are you happy?”

  The grin turns into a soft smile, and then Brie nods. “Yeah.” She scoots off the boulder and walks to the edge of the pool. I watch her pick up a couple of pebbles, and she begins to toss them into the water. “I’ve never been so happy before.”

  She turns her face up to the sky, and it reminds me of the sketch she drew of herself.

  It also reminds me of the one she drew of her screaming, and it has me asking, “Have you ever yelled?”

  “Huh?” She turns to look at me.

  “Remember that sketch of you screaming?”

  Brie nods.

  I glance around, then explain, “There’s no one here. Scream.”

  “Nooo,” she laughs, looking awkward.

  “Why not?” I ask, climbing to my feet.

  “Cause I’ll look stupid.” Her cheeks begin to turn pink, and it makes me smile.

  “Have you ever done something you wanted to do?” Brie’s smile begins to falter, and it has me asking another question, “If you could do anything right now, what would it be?”

  Brie’s eyes dart to mine, and I see her hesitate.

  “Come on, Brie. What would you do?”

  She draws her bottom lip between her teeth, still faltering.

  “Okay.” I let out a deep breath. “What is one thing you really want to do?”

  “Why?” she asks.

  “Because I want you to do just one thing for yourself,” I explain. A nervous look flitters over her face, and it has me encouraging her, “Just once, Brie. Do something you really want to do.”

  “What if I do, and it gets me in trouble?”

  “As long as we’re not going to break any laws, I’m all for it,” I say, letting out a chuckle.

  “And you won’t get angry?” she asks, the corner of her mouth twitching nervously.

  “Nope.”

  “Promise?” she whispers.

  She’s starting to look really anxious, and it makes me wonder what it could be. Hoping I’ll set her at ease, I reply, “I promise nothing you want to do will upset me. It will make me happy, Brie. Damn, I’d even jump in the pool with you.”

  “Okay.” She sucks in a deep breath of air and shakes out her hands at her sides. When she starts walking toward me, I expect her to take my hand so we can go do whatever she wants to. But instead, when she reaches me, she lifts herself on her tiptoes, and framing my jaw, she presses her mouth to mine.

  Holy shit.

  All my brain activity comes to a screeching halt. I don’t even have time to respond, and the kiss ends way too quick. Brie takes a couple of steps backward, and her gaze anxiously settles on mine.

  Okay, that’s seriously the last thing I expected her to do, and it takes me a couple of seconds to get over the initial shock.

  Then it hits me. Brie just kissed me.

  Our eyes are still locked, and I have to clear my throat before I can ask, “That’s the one thing you wanted to do most?”

  She nods, and an apologetic look begins to tighten her features. “I… I’m so –” I don’t want her saying the words, and darting forward, I frame her face and lower my mouth to hers.

  This time I’m prepared, and I get to take in the feel of her lips, how soft and full they are. I breathe in her scent, and tilting my head, I finally allow myself to act on everything I feel for her.

  I move as close to her as I can get, and lowering my one hand to the back of her neck, I let my tongue brush over the seam of her mouth. The moment Brie’s lips part and I get to taste her, the sound of the waterfall fades until I can only hear my heart thumping against my ribs.

  Chapter 23

  BRIE

  I’ve thought a lot about how it would feel to kiss Colton, but nothing my imagination conjured up compares to this moment.

  None of the emotions come close to what I’m experiencing.

  I feel as light as a feather. My heart’s fluttering like a pair of butterfly wings between my chest and my throat. My skin’s alive with tiny sparks.

  It all grows a million times more intense when Colton’s tongue slips into my mouth. It’s so… so incredible I forget how to breathe.

  I somehow manage to lift my hands so I can grab hold of his sides.

  I don’t get to wonder if I’m doing it right. I don’t get to think about what this means.

  There’s only Colton, and my heart bursting into a kaleidoscope butterflies.

  Even though the moment is the most intense thing I’ve ever felt, it’s also so quiet. It’s as if we’re whispering our feelings through the kiss.

  When Colton’s mouth slows against mine before he pulls back, I can only suck in air.

  Opening my eyes, our gazes lock. The brown of his irises looks like melted chocolate, and his breaths are just as fast as mine. We don’t step away from each other, and when the corner of Colton’s mouth begins to lift, my heart skips a happy beat.

  Moments pass before Colton whispers, “I didn’t see that coming. I sure as hell hoped for it, but damn, you just about knocked my feet from under me.”

  “You hoped for it?” I ask, not able to believe even after the kiss that Colton would actually want me. Yes, it was my dream – one I wished desperately would come true – but never thought would.

  “Yeah,” he murmurs.

  I can only stare at him, my lips parted as hope hovers in my chest.

  “So…” Colton’s one hand is still on the back of my neck, while his other rests tenderly against my cheek. “I’ve wanted to tell you how I feel for a while now but could never find the right time.”

  The fluttering returns full force to my insides, and I nervously lick my lips before asking, “How you feel? About me?”

  Colton nods, and his mouth curves into a soft smile. “Yeah.” His eyes drift over my face, and the expression in them makes my hope grow. Then he lets out an awkward-sounding chuckle and admits, “I’m falling in love with you.”

  A smile wavers around my lips, and as his words settle deep in my heart, it grows until happy laughter bubbles out of me. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I squeeze him as tight as
I can and whisper, “I’m also falling in love with you.”

  It’s the first time I get to tell someone that I love them, and the moment fills me until it feels like I can’t contain all the emotions, and it pushes tears up my throat. A sob flutters over my lips, and I tighten my hold on Colton.

  He lowers his head and presses a kiss on my neck, then whispers, “You mean so much to me, Brie.”

  Hearing the words again opens the floodgates. I never knew how good it would feel. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear them.

  Colton pulls back, and bringing his hands to my face, he wipes the tears away with his thumbs, an affectionate look softening his features. The expression makes me feel like I’m all he sees.

  No one’s ever looked at me like that, and I drink it in like someone who’s been dying of thirst.

  This moment between us feels magical. It’s as if anything I wish for can come true, and it’s all because of Colton. With him, I’m braver.

  “I’m so glad you came to Black Mountain. You’ve changed everything.” Emotion pushes up my throat, and I take a moment to regain control before I continue, “I never want to live in a world you’re not in.”

  Drinking in every inch of his face, I still can’t believe he just walked into my life and fought for me. He yanked me out of the nightmare my life was and made me feel safe and loved.

  Colton lowers his head, and I instantly push up on my toes to meet his mouth halfway. When our lips touch, Colton sweeps me away to a place where there’s only us. It’s a wonderland where there’s no fear and pain. Only warmth and love.

  Breaking the kiss, Colton grins down at me. He looks as happy as I feel, and it makes a burst of laughter bubble over my lips.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, his voice much lower and deeper than I’ve ever heard. He brushes my bangs away from my forehead, and his gaze caresses my face. “How did I get so lucky that none of the idiots at school swept you up?”

  My eyes lock with his as I whisper, “It’s because you’re the only one who saw me.”

  Colton lets out a chuckle. “From the moment I laid eyes on you,” he shakes his head, a serious expression tightening his features, “you were all that mattered.”