Who R U Really?

by Margo Kelly

  “You said you messaged Derek every week on Skadi,” I said.

  “Who’s Derek?”

  “Derek is Kit. And he said you only messaged him once.”

  “You know his real name?” Janie asked.

  “He loves me. You need to come to terms with that, or we can’t be friends anymore—” I bit my lip, but the words were already out, and I couldn’t take them back.

  “I’m your best friend. Why would you believe someone you don’t even know over me? Think about this—”

  “If you can’t admit that you lied to me, we’re done.”

  A tear rolled down Janie’s cheek. I fidgeted with my breakfast tray.

  “Listen to yourself,” Janie said. She grabbed my arm, but I jerked it away.

  I stood and bent over her. “I am listening to myself. I’m also listening to the crazy impossible stories you’ve been telling me about Derek. You’re trying to make me doubt him, because you are insecure and don’t want to share me with anybody. Admit it. You are the liar here. You lie about dieting and eating. You lie about Derek. Who knows what else you’re lying about.”

  Tears flowed down her face in thick black rivers, her mascara ruined. She rose and walked away. I let her go. Halfway across the cafeteria she started running and never looked back. The cafeteria, no longer bright and sparkling, filled with people and noise. I no longer heard the humming of the lights overhead, and the space seemed to darken after Janie left. I just ended my relationship with my best friend. This was the worst day of my life.

  I went to the nurse’s office and feigned the flu. Mom came and picked me up and put me straight to bed. I took refuge under my comforter and swapped texts with Derek all day.

  CHAPTER 16

  I didn’t set an alarm, because I had no intention of ever going back to school. I could not face Janie. I wanted to stay in the safety of my room.

  Mom opened my door and flipped on the light. “Get up or you’re going to miss the bus.”

  “I don’t feel good. Could I have one more day? Please?”

  She took a step into my room and studied the mess on the floor. “How can I get to your bed when I can’t even walk on your carpet?”

  “You don’t need to.”

  Mom sighed. She strategically pushed things out of the way with her foot. She made it to the window and opened my blinds. Then she came closer to the bed and placed her hand on my forehead. “Are you all right, sweetheart?”

  “I just don’t feel good. Can I please stay home? I promise I’ll go to school tomorrow.” She stroked my hair and rested her hand on my cheek.

  “Yes, but no TV or computer. If you’re sick, you should stay in bed and rest. Otherwise clean this room. What happened anyway? Did a tornado strike in here?”

  “I was cleaning. I don’t want this stuff anymore.” Like the soft purple sweater Janie let me wear home one day because I was cold, and I forgot to return it. The T-shirt from Rapid Shores—we had bought matching ones. The dangling earrings we made in arts and crafts. All of these things, and more, reminded me of Janie.

  “I’ll see if I can find some boxes for you.” She tucked the covers in around me and kissed my cheek.

  “Will you turn out the light?” I asked as she reached the door. She did, and I cuddled under my comforter. I started to doze back to sleep when my cell buzzed.

  Can I phone you? RU out of the house?—Derek

  No. Staying home today.—Thea

  RU OK?—Derek

  I can’t deal with Janie anymore—Thea

  Forget her.—Derek

  How will I ever be able to go back to school & face her?—Thea

  Try to relax for now. Go back to sleep & txt me when u wake up.—Derek

  Sounds good ☺—Thea

  Love U—Derek

  I love you too—Thea

  I tucked the phone next to my pillow, rolled over, and tried to sleep. About an hour later, Mom poked her head in my room.

  “Are you awake?” she whispered.

  “Yup.”

  “I’m going out for a couple of hours to run errands.”

  “Okay,” I said and tried to not sound happy about her absence. When I heard the front door close, I dialed Derek.

  “Hey, can you talk?” I asked.

  “How can you be calling right now?” he whispered.

  “My mom left for a couple of hours. If you have time, we can talk while she’s gone.”

  “I always have time for you,” he said.

  At first, we talked about the weather here and the weather in Georgia. I couldn’t believe he lived so far away. He asked me where I lived, and I told him Idaho. He asked where in Idaho, and I told him the southern part.

  “Guess what I did yesterday?” he asked.

  “I have no clue.”

  “I downloaded the ringtone for DeathTomb’s ‘It’s Me and You, Eternally.’ So, when you call my cell, it plays that song.”

  “So, is that our song now?”

  “Always has been.”

  My heart floated, and I enjoyed the sensation.

  “How old do you need to be before we can meet in person?” Derek asked.

  “I don’t know. What do you think?”

  “Well, if you were eighteen, no one would argue your right to meet me.”

  “I don’t know if I can wait that long—” I choked on my words. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue this relationship that long, or if I wanted to see him sooner. I knew I loved him, but not knowing if he’d still be alive in three years and not knowing if I’d feel the same way toward him in three years confused me.

  “We could meet sooner,” he said.

  “How?”

  “I have money. I could come to Idaho.”

  “My parents would have a cow.”

  “Why would they need to know?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, it’s not like we’d be running off together. We could just meet in person, hold hands, and walk through the park, like a normal couple.”

  I took a slow breath to steady the dizziness that overcame me. “I like the way that sounds.” I rolled over in bed and stared out the window. Could it be possible to walk through the park with Derek? I closed my eyes and imagined it.

  “We are a couple, Thea. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” The words came easily. “When would we meet?” I asked and pictured the fantasy in my mind.

  “What about after school one day?” he suggested.

  “Basketball starts in a couple of weeks.”

  “Could we meet before practice?” he asked.

  “I could skip a practice and be back to the school before my mom came to pick me up. Then they wouldn’t know and get upset.”

  “Perfect!” Derek said.

  I sat up in bed and worked out the details. “Tryouts are before Christmas break, and the season starts after. I wouldn’t be able to miss any practices the first few weeks, and I can’t miss any games—”

  “What’s the name of your team?” he asked.

  “Skycrest Eagles.”

  “I’d like to watch you play,” he said.

  “No! I would be so nervous I wouldn’t be able to pay attention.”

  “I could come and not tell you until after.”

  My vision blurred imagining Derek coming to a game. I wondered if he would, but then I knew he couldn’t because he didn’t know where I lived exactly.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t,” he said.

  I breathed a sigh of relief, but my chest remained heavy.

  “Whenever you want me to come, I’ll be there.”

  “Promise you won’t come to a game.”

  “I promise. I’m just happy to think that we’re going to meet in person.”

  I put the image of Derek watching a game out of my mind and tried to come up with an easier way we could meet, something like the walk in the park he had mentioned.

  Then I remembered Red.

  “Have you gotten together w
ith other people you’ve met online?” The question popped out before I had time to filter it.

  “What do you mean?” Derek asked.

  “Did you ever meet Red in person?”

  “Why would you ask that?” His voice tensed.

  “You used to flirt with her, and Janie said that you guys hooked up—”

  “I flirted with her to make you jealous,” Derek said. “I didn’t think you were serious about me, and I had to find out somehow.”

  “Janie and Tim said you went to Hawaii to meet her.” I could hear him breathing into the phone, and when he finally spoke, his words became louder and louder.

  “Janie is a snarky little brat, and I don’t know any Tim. They’re both liars. I never went to Hawaii, and I’m not interested in Red. I’m pissed to think you’d even consider that.”

  “But once you were interested in Red. I know you were.”

  “Once, not anymore. She acted like a jealous child, and she got on my nerves.”

  “Would you have gone to Hawaii if she’d invited you?”

  “No.”

  This was our first fight, and I didn’t know how to handle it. How was I supposed to contradict him? “One more question and then I won’t ever bring her up again,” I said.

  “What?” Derek punched the word out angrily. But I had to ask. I didn’t know if I’d get the courage another time.

  “Do you know why Red doesn’t play Skadi anymore?”

  “She doesn’t have Internet access.”

  “Why not?”

  “Her parents split up, and now she lives with her father on a fishing boat off the coast of Alaska.”

  “That can’t be true.” No way would a surfing Hawaiian girl want to live on a boat in Alaska, especially in the dead of winter.

  “Are you calling me a liar?”

  Maybe he was testing my trust with this strange story about Red. Besides, it didn’t matter why she didn’t play Skadi anymore. Better for me that she didn’t because then I didn’t have to worry about Derek cheating on me with her. How would he cheat anyway? It’s an online relationship. I was losing my mind.

  “You should get some rest before your mom gets home,” he said.

  “Are you mad at me?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.” Neither of us said anything for a while, but we didn’t hang up either. Finally Derek spoke. “I could never really be mad at you. I love you too much.” His tender voice returned, and I wanted to believe him. We said goodbye, and I checked the clock.

  I figured I had at least thirty minutes before Mom would return. I scooted out of bed and powered up my computer. I googled Alaskan fishing boats, but that was a waste of time. So, I googled Lokelani Fisher, Hawaii, and got a ton of results.

  Fifteen-Year-Old Girl Found Dead Near Hilo

  Investigators responded to a 911 call when a homeowner reported a young girl’s body left inside his vacation rental. Police said the girl matched a missing person’s report. Detectives utilized dental records to verify the identification. The girl’s parents said she had gone for a bicycle ride two days prior and never returned. Police stated the girl had been sexually assaulted. There are no leads on the perpetrator. The police are asking anyone who knows anything about this young woman or this crime to please come forward. The family is offering a $25,000 reward for information that leads to the capture and prosecution of the murderer.

  This still didn’t prove anything about Red, because there was also a link about a fifteen-year-old Hawaiian girl named Lokelani who won an art contest. Maybe that one was Red. Maybe it wasn’t. I had to call Janie. It was lunchtime, so I texted her.

  Plz call me asap. I’m sorry! I need ur help.—Thea

  She didn’t call, and I can’t say I blamed her. All day I worked the details over in my mind. The story Derek told about the fishing boat. The story Tim told about Derek. Whether or not Janie lied about messaging Derek. Who was I supposed to believe?

  Three o’clock. Janie should be home from school. I called her cell. No answer. I called the home phone. No answer. I needed to talk to her.

  I found Mom sorting socks in the laundry room. “Can I run over to Janie’s house?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you stayed home today. If you are too sick for school you are too sick to run over to Janie’s house. If you are feeling better, go clean your room.”

  “Then can I go to Janie’s?”

  Mom dropped a pair of socks and glared at me. “No, but you can clean your room regardless.” Defeated, I walked away.

  If Janie had told me the truth, I wanted to keep the things that reminded me of her. I looked through the various items on my floor. I picked up an armful of clothes and shoved them into my hamper. It was full, but I didn’t want to make multiple trips back and forth to the laundry room. So, I leaned forward with all my weight and smashed the clothes down tighter into the hamper. Then I scooped up another pile and shoved them in, too. I considered standing on the load inside the hamper and jumping, but instead I stood back and looked around at the work to be done. My phone vibrated. I snatched it hoping it was Janie, but it was Derek.

  I’m on Skadi. Can u get on?—Derek

  No. I can’t do computer today—Thea

  Bummer. Can I call u?—Derek

  No. Mom is home.—Thea

  Ok. I have to work later. Guess I’ll talk 2u tomorrow.—Derek

  K—Thea

  I flopped on my bed and sent Janie another text saying I was sorry and please call me. She didn’t respond. I reached over and ripped the next page off my Quote of the Day calendar. I threw it at the trash can. Missed.

  You and I ought not to die before we have explained ourselves to each other. —John Adams

  Seriously? That seemed extreme. I smacked the quote with my hand and grabbed my alarm clock. I set it for early the next day. I had to get to the bus stop and talk to Janie before school.

  CHAPTER 17

  The next morning, I walked so fast to the bus stop that I occasionally broke out into a jog. I couldn’t run the whole way, because I didn’t want to smell sweaty, but I had to find Janie. I needed someone to talk to about my situation with Derek, and she was the only person who knew what was going on. I arrived early, and of the usual crowd, three girls were there. They gawked at me and then moved into a huddle. Whatever. I didn’t need them, I needed Janie. More people arrived, but not her. Where was she? A few minutes later, the Three Stooges strolled up to me.

  “Thea,” Tim said.

  “Do you know where Janie is?” I asked. The other guys made snorting sounds, and Tim whacked Josh.

  “Her mom started driving her yesterday,” Tim said, never taking his eyes off me. “What’d you do to her?”

  “Nothing!” But I did. I broke eye contact with him and searched the street for the bus. My throat tightened and my cheeks began to heat up, but I refused to get emotional in front of these guys. I had to keep control. I remembered shoving my dirty laundry into the hamper yesterday, pushing more clothes than should’ve been allowed, but I kept stuffing until the lid wouldn’t close. And now, in the same way, I shoved my anger down harder until it seemed no more could fit. But more could fit, if I stuffed a little harder.

  Tim touched my arm and startled me. He hadn’t touched me since last summer at Rapid Shores. I realized we were alone. Josh and Taylor had left to go flirt with the girls.

  “Janie said you believe Kit over her. She also said you know his real name.” I didn’t say anything. “Thea, he could be dangerous. If you know his real name we should tell someone.”

  “He’s not dangerous,” I said, but then wanted to kick myself. Why was I defending him? Yesterday, I thought he might be. That was the whole reason I needed to talk to Janie.

  “You can’t know either way,” Tim said. He waited for me to respond, but I remained silent. “Janie and I are worried about you.”

  “Then why hasn’t she answered my messages?” My throat tightened more. W
e had been best friends for years, and the last person I ever imagined discussing this with was Tim.

  “Janie told her mom—”

  “What?” My stomach knotted.

  He gripped my elbow. “She was worried about you. She talked to me first but ended up telling her mom, too. And because of that, her mom took away her cell phone and her computer, and she’s driving Janie to school because she doesn’t want her around you anymore.”

  “Why didn’t Janie talk to me first?”

  “She tried.”

  “When?”

  “Thanksgiving break.”

  All those phone calls I refused. “I thought she lied about contacting Kit,” I said.

  “She’s grounded because she messaged him for you. Janie’s mom even read them.”

  My mouth fell open. If Janie sent the messages, that meant Derek lied to me. The world was crashing down around me, and I couldn’t catch all of the broken pieces.

  “Is she going to tell my mom?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.” The bus stopped and flashed its red lights.

  “Come on,” Tim said. We climbed the steps, and I followed him to the middle where he motioned for me to share a bench with him. I hesitated, but realized I had no better option.

  My cell buzzed, and the screen displayed Derek’s name.

  “Who’s Derek?” Tim asked, leaning against me so he could see the phone. I clutched it to my chest, and locked eyes with Tim. The color drained from his face. I’d never seen that happen to him before. Bile burned its way up my throat.

  “Is that Kit?” Tim asked. “You gave him your number?” He lowered his voice but punched out each word. “Thea, what are you doing?”

  “Nothing. We’re just friends.” My phone buzzed again, and I held it tighter.

  “Just friends? Last summer you said he was your boyfriend.” Tim glared at me. Then he faced forward and raked his fingers through his hair. What right did he have to be mad at me?

  “She swore she wouldn’t say anything. Who knows what else she’s lied about—”