Who R U Really?

by Margo Kelly

  “Janie hasn’t lied,” Tim said. I pulled back from him, too far, and fell into the aisle, dropping my phone in the process. Everyone broke out in hysterics, except for Tim. He picked my cell up from the floor and handed it back to me.

  “Thanks,” I said. He popped his knuckles and gazed out the window. I watched him for a few seconds, but he didn’t move. I hurried and read the two messages from Derek.

  Where RU?—Derek

  Why aren’t U answering?—Derek

  I texted back to tell him now was a bad time. I slid the phone in my backpack and folded my hands across my lap.

  “Hey, Thea!” Josh yelled from across the bus. “You should hold onto Tim so you don’t fall off the seat again!” I ignored him and the snarky comments that followed. I imagined shoving more laundry into my hamper.

  Tim broke the silence after an eternity. “Janie and I are your real friends, not this Derek or Kit or whoever he is.”

  “Friends?” The word escaped me. Tim and I had never been friends. I had a crush on him a year ago. That’s all.

  “Yes, friends.”

  The bus pulled into the lot and people piled out.

  “Let’s find Janie,” Tim grabbed my arm. Why did he think it was all right to touch me so much? And yet, I allowed him to lead me to the cafeteria like I didn’t already know where it was. Janie sat at a table in the corner, not our usual table, holding an apple. She bit off a large chunk as we approached. Tim pushed me into the seat across from Janie, and then sat down next to me.

  “Thea wants to talk to you,” Tim said and waved me on like he was a crossing guard telling me it was safe to go.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “What is wrong with you?” Janie asked. Tears welled in her eyes. She dropped the remaining apple on the tray and shoved it away.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “We’ve been friends forever, and you chose Kit over me. I got my freedom taken away because I cared enough to get help for you. Thanks for nothing.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks and started to leave. Tim stopped her.

  “Janie, wait. Thea is trying to apologize.”

  “I’m already grounded. If my mom finds out I’m talking to her, I’ll be in even more trouble.” Janie lifted her bag and left.

  “I’ll talk to her,” Tim said and ran after her.

  Why did he care? I plunked my head down on the table. How could I hold myself together? I clenched my jaw and unclenched it, over and over. The more I thought about everything, the hotter my face became. The first bell rang, and I raised my head. People moved out of the cafeteria, and I heard my phone buzz through the pocket of my backpack. I pulled it out and read Derek’s text.

  RU OK? If something’s wrong, I need to know, or I will worry all day—Derek

  How should I respond? Everything I did lately seemed like a crime, but I went with my impulse, and texted him back.

  How did you know something was wrong—Thea

  We r connected. I love u. Can I do anything 4U?—Derek

  ☺ Thanks & yes u can do something—Thea

  What?—Derek

  Never lie to me.—Thea

  Deal. Feel better. Text or call at lunch.—Derek

  Thanks.—Thea

  Who was I supposed to trust? The only thing I knew for sure was Derek was talking to me and Janie was not. I tucked the phone into my backpack and trudged to my locker.

  CHAPTER 18

  Janie ignored me during second period, and I only saw her from a distance the rest of the day. Near the end of the afternoon, Marcus passed me in the hall, which was weird considering it was a big high school and his classes were all in different parts of the building than mine.

  “Hey, Thea!”

  “Marcus.” I hugged my textbooks to my chest and waited for him to say something else.

  “How’d things go today?” He took a step toward me and flashed his brilliant smile, but the sparkle was gone.

  “What do you mean?”

  He took another step forward.

  I moved backward and bumped into someone. I pivoted around and found myself face-to-face with a blue dummy.

  “Sorry!” A voice rumbled from behind. After setting it down, Jackson looked up. “Didn’t see you there. Oh. Thea. I didn’t think I’d run into you today . . . no pun intended.” He laughed at his own joke, and I grinned.

  “Hi, Jackson, it’s been a while,” I said. His mustache lifted as he smiled back at me, then he turned toward Marcus.

  “Hey. Marcus, right? How have you been?” Jackson asked.

  “Great.” Marcus rubbed up next to me. I wanted to tell him to back off, but before I could, Jackson set his hand on my shoulder.

  “Do you miss working at the rec center?” Jackson asked. His jaw flexed while he waited for an answer.

  “It was just a summer job,” Marcus said. I glanced back and forth between the two of them, and the air around us turned muggy. The hallway closed in, and I shut my eyes for a mere second to control the dizziness. Another voice joined the conversation.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Tim asked.

  “I have no idea,” I sighed.

  “Are you going to introduce us?” Tim asked. Both Jackson and Marcus focused on Tim for a moment and then back to me. This was nuts. I’d never received so much attention in my whole life. I bit my lip and held back nervous giggles as these three guys wrestled for my attention.

  “Tim, this is Jackson, my self-defense instructor from the rec center.” I waved my hand from one to the other. “This is Marcus, my brother’s friend. And Tim is one of my friends.” I offered a big cheesy grin. “Now we’ve all been formally introduced.”

  “It’s nice to meet your friends,” Jackson said.

  “Why are you here?” Marcus asked Jackson.

  With his free hand, Jackson pointed across the hall at Coach Gavyn, who was walking toward us. “I’ve been helping Coach Gavyn with personal-safety demonstrations in his health classes,” Jackson said and massaged my shoulder with his other hand. Even though I was getting a slight kick out of this attention, they were invading my space. I wanted to shrug away from both Jackson and Marcus, but somehow they had backed me up against the wall; I had nowhere to go.

  “Nice team huddle,” Coach Gavyn said. “What play are we running?”

  “Okay . . .” I waved my hand in the air. “So . . . Jackson, I hope your demonstrations went well. Marcus, give my brother a big hug from me,” I said in the most sarcastic tone I could muster. “And I’ll see you later, Coach. Tim, we should get to our next class.”

  “Right,” Tim said. I twisted sideways to move out from under Jackson’s grasp, and Tim took my hand. I let him, but only because I needed out. We walked away, and I pulled my hand from his. He glanced down but didn’t comment. We continued along the hall toward my locker and stopped in front of it.

  “Man, that Jackson dude is freaking huge,” Tim said.

  “I know! Right?” I widened my eyes to emphasize my words, and I couldn’t resist the urge to peek back down the hall. Jackson, Marcus, and Coach all stared back at me. A quiver ran over my scalp and along my neck, and I looked away.

  “I tried to convince Janie to talk to you, but she’s really mad,” Tim said.

  “Thanks for trying.” I put my books in my locker and grabbed a notebook for my next class. Tim leaned in closer. All day, he’d been in my personal space, and I couldn’t understand what he was up to.

  “You can talk to me. I’m not Janie, but I’ll listen.”

  “I can’t talk to you, Tim. You’re a guy.” Right away, I realized how foolish I sounded. I’d been talking to Derek. He was a guy. What did I want? I slammed the locker door, and Tim took a step back.

  “Okay.” Tim’s eyes, still bluer than an Idaho summer sky, pulled me in, but I couldn’t read anything from them. He took a step closer, and his mouth opened, but he spoke no words. Then he simply walked away. Frustrated, I whirled around and went the opposite di
rection.

  The rest of the school day I stared at the clock. The second hand ticked by, but the minute and hour hands seemed motionless. I reconsidered both Janie’s and Derek’s stories. A boxing match played out in my mind, and my head pounded with confusion. I needed clarity. Why did Derek tell me that crazy story about Red moving to Alaska? I couldn’t figure it out. Maybe he was testing my trust. Maybe I should do the same. All sorts of dumb stories popped into my mind that I could tell Derek. I took a deep breath and sat straighter. It seemed clear now. I needed to test his trust in me.

  When the last class let out for the day, I pulled my cell out of my backpack and checked for messages—five from Derek. He knew I couldn’t check during the day, because I could get my phone taken away by teachers. So, why did he text so many times? In the first four messages, he said he was thinking of me. A smile spread across my face. I couldn’t resist him. The last message was more urgent. He said he needed to talk to me right away. I dialed his number and walked toward the buses.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “I needed to hear your voice.” The cold winter air made goose bumps pop out on my skin.

  “Is everything okay?” I climbed onto the bus and took a seat.

  “I’ve been worrying about you. How did things go today with Janie?” Not wanting to recap it for him there on the bus, I hesitated to answer. “Thea, are you still there?”

  “Yes, I’m here, but I’m on the bus, so it’s kind of hard to talk.”

  Tim plopped down right next to me. There were plenty of open seats, and yet, there he was right in my space.

  “Hi, Thea!” he said loudly. “Who are you talking to?” I figured he already knew.

  “Who’s that?” Derek asked.

  “Okay, I can’t talk right now. I’ll have to call you back.” I didn’t wait for Derek to respond. I ended the call, stuck my phone in my pocket, and turned to Tim.

  “First of all, why are you sitting next to me?”

  “Someone has to.” Tim opened his eyes wide. Did he know the effect he had on me? I maintained control and refused to be influenced.

  “Second, what have you got to be so happy about?”

  “Come on, Thea. I know you’ve had a bad day. I’m just trying to cheer you up.” He smiled bigger, and I scowled back at him.

  Tim talked a lot on the ride home—enough for both of us. He talked about school, sports, Christmas coming up soon, and every other possible topic, except for Janie.

  “When does basketball start for you?” he asked.

  “Soon.” I think he actually ran out of things to say as the bus stopped at our neighborhood. Good timing. We got off and stared at each other for a moment. Then the rest of the Three Stooges thumped down the bus steps and whacked Tim when they passed by.

  “See ya,” Tim said to me and jogged off to catch his friends.

  “See ya,” I said, but he’d already left.

  I snagged my phone out of my pack. I wanted to talk to Derek while I walked home. Alone. No Janie. No Mom. No Tim. Seven new text messages from Derek:

  I can’t believe u hung up on me.—Derek

  Call me back.—Derek

  What RU doing?—Derek

  Who RU with?—Derek

  Why aren’t u answering?—Derek

  Why RU ignoring me?—Derek

  Plz. Call me.—Derek

  I needed some air, which was stupid considering I was standing all alone out on the sidewalk. I needed to start walking or I’d freeze to death. I dialed Derek’s number.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  “You ditched me so you could talk to some other guy?” He spoke fast and loud.

  “I couldn’t talk in front of him.”

  “Then why’d you sit next to him?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “You’d rather talk to him than me.”

  “Derek, stop. I have a couple of minutes. Let’s not waste it on this.” But he did. He spent the rest of the conversation questioning my love and loyalty toward him.

  “How many other guys are interested in you?” I couldn’t help an eye roll. Good thing he wasn’t watching. I recalled the way Marcus, Jackson, and Tim had encircled me today, but they weren’t really interested in me . . . at least I didn’t think they could be . . . not the way that Derek meant.

  “Maybe this won’t work with me so far away from you,” Derek said. I nodded. Maybe it wouldn’t work.

  “Yes, it will.” I conceded, trying to ease his worries.

  “I don’t ever want to lose you, and I will fight hard to keep you in my life,” Derek said. I slowed my pace and considered each of his words. What did he mean exactly?

  “I can’t live without you, Thea.” Images of him at the hospital getting his stomach pumped flew into my mind. I didn’t want him to die. Not because of me.

  “You don’t have to live without me. I’m right here.”

  “Promise me you won’t leave me for one of those other guys.”

  “I won’t.” Oh. My. Gosh. I couldn’t take this anymore. “Sorry, Derek. I’m home. I have to stop talking or my mom will be suspicious. Text me.” I ended the call and finished walking the rest of the way home by myself.

  I stayed off the computer. I had no reason to go on it today. I worked on my homework at the kitchen table while Derek sent me text after text. Mom had been making dinner and finally asked, “Who keeps texting you?”

  “Janie.”

  “Why every two seconds?”

  “Oh . . . first she had a question about our math homework, and then she had a question about what I’m wearing to school tomorrow, and then she wanted to know if I was going to try out for basketball, and then—”

  “All right. I get it.” Mom went on with her dinner prep. I went on with my homework and texting. I had to reply immediately to Derek, or he would think I was ignoring him.

  ■

  Later that night, after I’d said good night to my parents and gone to bed, I texted Derek.

  RU Ok?—Thea

  Yes. I’m sorry I overreacted today—Derek

  Thanks for the apology—Thea

  I just love u so much—Derek

  I know—Thea

  I need to be near u—Derek

  It’s hard . . . being so far apart—Thea

  He phoned near eleven o’clock my time. I didn’t mind the late-night calls, usually. But today he had pushed my patience, and earlier tonight I had come up with a plan for our next conversation. I rolled toward the wall and spoke quietly. It was time to test him with an outlandish story. I asked him what the craziest thing was he ever did.

  “I guess I’m a pretty boring guy. The craziest thing I ever did was hook up with you online. My friends still give me crap about the fact you’re so much younger than me.”

  “So, don’t hang out with them anymore. Janie gave me crap. And, now we’re done.” My chest tightened at the idea of going through high school without her.

  “You’re right. And I spend so much time with you, there’s nothing left.”

  “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I asked.

  “Definitely a good thing.” Even though he was in another state, another time zone, I could hear the smile on his face. Moments like this I knew he loved me, and that fact confused me. How could he be anything but a kindhearted guy? How could he have lied to me and still be able to talk so tenderly to me?

  “Your turn,” he said.

  “For what?” I’d already lost track of what we were talking about. It was late and I was sleepy.

  “Tell me the craziest thing you ever did.” Oh yeah. My game plan was to tell him a ridiculous story and see if he believed me, but I doubted I could go through with it. “Come on,” he said.

  “All right . . . the night I snuck out of my room to meet a guy—”

  “Nuh-uh.”

  “Yeah.”

  “When and who?” he asked.

  “Well, it was before you and I got serious. Before school got out last year
.”

  “And?” Derek’s voice sounded tighter.

  “We played truth or dare.”

  “Who with?” he asked. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad. I couldn’t finish. I didn’t want to hurt him. I changed my mind and changed my story.

  “So . . . it was just my friend, Tim. He dared me to jump out of a plane and parachute into a lake.”

  “Whatever. Now you’re lying.” His condescending tone pissed me off and gave me the motivation I needed to continue with my plan. “We agreed to tell each other the truth,” he said. And, yet, I was sure he’d lied about Red living on a fishing boat of the coast of Alaska.

  “Okay. The part about sneaking out of my room was true,” I fibbed. “And, well . . . Tim had asked me to meet him at the elementary school near us. He only wanted to talk. So, once my parents were asleep, I slipped the screen off my window and climbed out. It wasn’t hard, because our house is a single level, and my room is on the opposite side of the house from my parents’ room.”

  “And then what?” Derek sounded angry. Not sad. Not condescending. Which wasn’t fair. He expected me to believe his wild story, but he wasn’t accepting mine.

  “And then Tim and I hung out for a while. It was before you and I were serious, so there’s no reason for you to be mad.”

  “Did he try to kiss you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you let him?”

  “Yes, but nothing else happened. It was no big deal.” I sighed. I’d never been kissed by anyone, ever. Never even gotten close.

  “And he sat next to you on the bus today?”

  “Yes, but we’re just friends now.” Derek said nothing. “Are you mad?” I hoped he was, because he made me mad.

  “I don’t think you snuck out of your room,” Derek said abruptly.

  “Why not?” I sat up in bed and ran my hand through my hair.

  “Because the screen is screwed into your window frame.”

  I jerked my head toward the window. I expected him to be standing there peering in at me, but my blinds were closed and my lights were out. I jumped out of bed and went to the window. I hesitated for a second with my hand on the drawstring for the blinds. I could hear him breathing on the other end of the phone line, and my heartbeat became louder in my ears. I lowered my hand to the window sill.