I Am Not Myself (Post Apocalypse Stock Market, Book 2)

by Timothy Cox

  The door bobbed.

  He winced and jumped behind the fridge. It were those fucking zombies. He knew they were going to come get him. It was inevitable.

  ‘Go away!’

  The door scratched.

  He knew zombies scratched; it was a good weapon for them. He thought about their long brown nails and the stupid infection it would give.

  ‘I said no one lives here!’ Rhino screamed. The door stopped bobbing. He knew that would do the trick. He smiled and rubbed his–

  The door bobbed. ‘I said no one lives here go away!’ He heard something and knew exactly what they were – he had heard them before. It didn’t make any sense, how could he come all the way up here? Did that stupid woman let him in?

  He took his time walking to the door. It could have been those zombies playing nasty tricks. He put his ear against the door. He heard panting. He felt his fingers go wet. He felt his heart shooting for the stars. He needed a backup plan. A weapon. He walked away from the wall and thought about one. He couldn’t think of anything – he knew he was a harmless man living in a dangerous world. And then the thought struck him like it was God himself handing it over. He looked up at the roof and said thank you. He rushed over to the fridge and got his secret weapon.

  He was going to kill two birds with two trees. A perfect idiom for what he was going to do now. He knew the red bucket needed cleaning and he was pretty sure zombies didn’t like shit.

  He swung the door open and threw the bucket. The brown liquid went flying. ‘Got you!’ He screamed and laughed. That’s when he realized it wasn’t a zombie. It was the dog he’d saved.

  The dog limped backward – startled at the new smell.

  ‘What the hell,’ Rhino said. He frowned and walked out. He thought it was some kind of prank but it wasn’t. There weren’t anyone around just him and the dog. ‘What the cakes you doing here dog?’

  The dog shook its fur. Drops went shooting.

  ‘Hey man stop that.’ The dog stopped and limped forward. ‘Tell me what you want?’

  The dog looked up. Rhino could see its eyes. He knew they had a moment.

  The dog looked at his room.

  ‘Shit…you want to come live with me don’t you?’

  The dog looked up.

  Rhino shook his head. ‘That’s impossible. I don’t have a luxury apartment my friend,’ he crossed his arms, ‘we can’t live together.’

  The dog barked. It sounded like a mini explosion in the dark stillness.

  ‘I said no!’ Rhino went inside and stood at the door. ‘You need to go find your own living place.’ It lay on its stomach and put its chin on the floor. ‘Don’t go playing silly tricks on me.’ The silly trick worked. He felt sorry for it. ‘Now you listen to me Shit. You know I love you. You know I’ll save you any day. But,’ he pointed at the room, ‘I just don’t have the resources to take care of you Shit. Now, I’m really sorry, but I am going to have to go sleep now. Goodbye.’ The door closed. He could hear it moan.

  He stuffed tissue in his ears and went to sleep.

  (5)

  When he opened his eye he saw the things he loves the most. Dust particles. He waved at them. ‘Morning guys.’ He scratched his eye and got up. ‘How are you guys this morning?’ He moaned and felt like sleeping. ‘What the hell is that smell?’ He chewed on his teeth and walked over to the window. He remembered what it was. ‘Oh man…’

  He opened the door. His friend Shit was gone, but he did leave some shit on the floor. Rhino didn’t blame him. It was his mistake. He thought Shit was some kind of zombie. He fetched toilet paper and began scrubbing. It took him just over an hour to clean everything up. The only problem he had now was all the excess brown roll. He held his breath and picked them all up with one scoop. He cramped them into the red bucket and decided it was time for breakfast.

  The good thing about walking in a nice quiet city is that no one cares if you have shit on your clothes. This is just the way Rhino liked it. A few blocks down he saw his favorite burnt car and ran to it. He climbed inside and acted like he was riding a fire truck. ‘Choo choo!’ he screamed. ‘We gotta a fire in the city and we gonna put the fire outa its misery choo choo!’ He hopped up and down and slammed the metal around him. He heard screaming in the distance and stopped. When it went quiet he began chanting again. He imagined the screaming in the distance to be people needing help. ‘I’m coming madam just hold on!’ He put on the sirens. ‘We gotta a fire in the city and we gonna put the fire outa its misery choo chooke choo!’ Tears of joy rolled down his eyes. He loved the city life. This is what made him happy. He couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. People kept complaining that everything was bad, that everything was gone. He didn’t see it like that. Maybe a long time ago he did but not anymore. He was smarter now. He heard the screaming in the distance again and imagined a pretty lady waiting for him; waiting for Rhino Fireman.

  ‘You have a good day now ma’am,’ Rhino said. He wiped tears from his face and got out from his truck. The city was quiet again. He patted the metal and told it he’ll be back tomorrow. He walked a few steps away when he heard someone behind him. At first he was too afraid to look.

  ‘You got to be kidding me Shit.’

  The dog lay on its stomach.

  ‘I know why you’re back here,’ he folded his arms, ‘it’s because of last night. You just want to ask me–’

  It barked.

  ‘Now don’t raise your voice, we’ve been through this already. What breed are you Shit?’

  Screaming echoed in the distance. It made them both look down the city walls. The dog got up and limped away.

  ‘Hey wait up, where you going?’

  It glanced and limped on.

  ‘I know what you are. You’re a Labrador aren’t you?’ Rhino watched him walk away. ‘Make sure you clean yourself!’ He shouted. ‘You still have poo on you!’ He scratched his ear and walked the opposite way.

  (6)

  He sat in his favorite diner. It had one of those spinning red seats. He span around and smiled. The place needed cleaning up. The walls were crumbling all over; not very good for business. It had cracks the size of lightning and holes the size of an asteroid crater. Silly people – all of ‘em. If the diner was in a better shape they would: make more money, get more customers, raise moral, and even make better food. The food in this place was currently no better than the red bucket he had back home.

  He stopped spinning and slammed the counter. ‘You guys hear that?’ He slammed again, a piece of the counter broke off. ‘I want to make a complaint.’ He shook his head. This was no way to treat a customer; especially a long timer like him. He had been coming here for almost, he can’t even remember how long. ‘Customer service please – I want to make a complain–’

  Can I help you sir?

  Rhino looked behind. ‘Finally, someone. Are you the manager?’

  No I’m not. But if you’d like I can–

  ‘Yes that’ll be necessary. Get your manager please.’

  Right away.

  When the man was gone, he focused on his breakfast. He got out his trusty rock and opened the can. It only took a few hits to get it open. He peered at its contents and was satisfied. He dug in his with fingers.

  The wind wailed outside. Leaves rustled past the building. It was going to be another fantastic day Rhino thought. Gray skies, cool breeze, and a few local screams. He thought about Shit and felt a little angry at him. He scooped his fingers in the can. The dog knew what he said last night. He told him (while looking Shit in the eyes), that there was no space where he lived. The big problem was his toilet wallpaper. He didn’t want anyone ruining his art.

  Sorry to keep you waiting sir. My name is Adam Firitchel, I am the manager.

  He licked goo from his fingers. ‘Thanks for meeting me. I would shake your hand but it’s a little dirty.’

  He chuckled. It is perfectly fine sir. Now, how can I help you?

  He cleared his throat. �
��Well, Adam. I’ve been coming here for a very long time.’

  Oh I do know sir. We value you as a customer.

  ‘And, recently I’m just a little disappointed.’

  How so?

  ‘I think the place needs sprucing up,’ he pointed at a poster. ‘Just look at that, look at that mold on the lovely picture. I think you’re scaring away–’ he leaned in and passed a secret whisper ‘–valuable customers. You know what I mean?’

  The manager cleared his throat, looked around, and smiled like a salesman. I have to disagree with you I’m afraid. I think business is booming.

  A wind brushed leaves through the door.

  Our profits are good. The food is good. And you are the first one to make a complaint.

  Rhino’s jaw tightened. ‘How dare you speak to me like that? I am the customer. The customer is always right you prick.’

  He kept his white smile running. I have to disagree with you sir. Business is booming. The food is good. The customers are great. Everything is great.

  ‘Bring me your superior. I want to make another complaint.’

  You are talking to him. He straightened his collar.

  Rhino felt like punching him but he was a civilized person – he knew that. ‘Hey you smell that?’

  Smell what sir?

  A waitress walked out the kitchen. She had an apron on with the diner’s logo, a pen and paper in her pocket, and a plate with food. She smiled at Rhino. She had no teeth. Her body was on fire. Her skin melted down from her body. She walked past towards the till.

  Hey Sarah. You working late?

  Yeah, need the money for rent.

  Rhino smelled her charcoal skin. ‘Why the fuck is she burning?’ He looked at Adam. He too, was burning. His right eye hung down his cheek, his hair gone.

  It’s not our fault. Blame humanity. They killed us all. They killed us all. They killed us all. Now be gone. I don’t want you in my diner anymore.

  Rhino fell from his chair and landed on his head. He looked up at both their faces staring at him. She laughed. He chuckled. ‘Why the hell did you push me off my chair?’

  It’s not your chair. It’s our chair. Now go away.

  Rhino stumbled out. Adam locked the broken wall.

  ‘I’m never coming back!’ He screamed. ‘You guys just lost a good customer.’

  Adam waved him away.

  ‘Stupid manager.’ He felt his stomach and realized he was still hungry. He was going to have to find a new place to eat.

  He preferred sticking close to his apartment, but he walked out a little further today. All the other good diners were a few blocks down.

  Screams were getting close. Rhino didn’t know why she screamed like that every single day; it’s been years and years now. Stupid bitch. Just making noise. Wasting air.

  He saw a building in the distance. It wasn’t a diner that he knew. It was a supermarket. He was just about to go inside when something caught his eye. It was a dolphin; all rusted bronze. His stomach made a funny sound. He felt confused.

  (7)

  Bill’s trip to the supermarket.

  The streets were packed. It was always like this on a sunny day.

  ‘We should have stayed home today,’ Bill said.

  ‘Oh c’mon grumpy,’ she held his arm, ‘you do realize we need to do shopping?’ They passed a group of high school kids. ‘You know what I don’t get?’

  ‘I’ll rather be sitting at home watching the sports channel.’

  She tugged his arm. ‘Hey, I asked you a question.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘You know those school kids we just passed?’

  ‘What about them?’

  ‘All they do is just talk on their phones. What happened to face to face communication?’

  ‘Honey, it’s modern times, we don’t live in shacks anymore.’

  ‘Oh I’m so sorry.’ She smiled. ‘What do you need from the–’ a dolphin caught her eye. ‘Look at that, that’s new.’

  Three men with blue overalls were setting up a dolphin just outside the store.

  ‘I wonder what it is,’ he said. They read the poster. It was for charity. ‘That’s nice isn’t it?’

  She picked up his hand. ‘Hey where’s your ring?’

  He bit his lip, he forgot to put it on that morning. He knew she hated it. ‘Sorry honey, I was working on a project this morning. I totally forgot to–’ She let go of his hand. He grabbed it. ‘Hey, I said I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.’

  ‘How?’ She gave him an evil look.

  ‘Let’s see, maybe, I’ll, buy you a nice ice cream.’ He looked up at the sun. ‘A really nice cold one.’

  ‘I’ll have to think about it,’ she said. ‘Come let’s go in.’

  The store was busy. A man with an expensive suit stalked the ice cream machine. Kids ran down aisles. A swarm of people walked up and down grabbing stuff.

  ‘Anything you need?’ She asked.

  ‘Uh, no not really. Why don’t you start I need to go check something upstairs.’

  ‘Ok. Don’t be long, I’ll be down here.’

  It was quiet upstairs. A few old men walked around looking for garden tools. Bill walked down the aisle until he was near the toilets. A man wearing a green apron approached and asked if he needed any help. Bill smiled him away. When he was alone he got out his cell. He checked his text messages; he had a few. As if on cue he got another one. He checked it. It was from her.

  -Jane from work-

  Hey, why you ignoring me? Can I see you? X

  He texted her back saying that he couldn’t speak and that she should not message him. He put the phone away and shook his head. Jane: a mistake. A silly drunk mistake that his wife didn’t know about. He hated the way he felt. He contemplated many times telling her about what happened that night. He never could. He’s been married for five years; how do you tell a loved one that you did the bad thing? It would not only break her heart – but he feared for his marriage. That was the only reason he didn’t tell her. He envisaged everything going bad, she filing for divorce, she moving back with her family, and, he, idling on the sofa watching TV.

  His pocket vibrated.

  -Jane from work-

  I miss you…

  ‘Fuckit.’ He said. He shook his head and–

  ‘Hey everything all right?’ She asked.

  His heart froze. He turned with a smile. ‘I’m fine, what you doing up here?’

  Her left hand showed chicken her right pork. ‘What do you feel like?’

  He laughed and slid the cell back into his pocket. ‘I don’t mind you choose.’

  Her hands dropped. ‘Hey you ok?

  ‘Yeah I’m fine, why–’

  ‘You look a little white.’

  ‘Just a headache that’s all – don’t like the heat.’

  ‘Want me to get any medicine?’

  ‘Sure…sure.’

  ‘Oki doki, well I’ll be downstairs.’

  He smiled. When she was gone he ripped his cell out and called her. She answered quick. Her voice croaked; it sounded like she was crying. He didn’t waste any time telling her what he thought. He told her that it was over and that he was married. She cried. He didn’t care – she needed to know. And then, when she stopped crying, she told him with hissing spit that she was going to tell her. That’s when he really knew, that Jane, was a silly drunken mistake.

  (8)

  He wiped the surface; the dust so thick that it left a rainbow print. He looked inside for any ice cream. There weren’t any just a lot of nothing. His shoulders shrugged. He watched a can roll down the aisle; for some reason he felt sad and he didn’t know why. Maybe it was the lack of sunlight that entered the store, or maybe it was because no one was doing any shopping today.

  Upstairs was no different – not a single soul. The air was damp. Rhino got a basket and walked around. He checked for anything useful. He planned on renovating his apartment; maybe put up new curtains or if he was feelin
g dangerous – change the toilet wallpaper.

  The aisle he was in had one of those chunky army radios. Rhino put his basket down and shook his head. Why anyone would leave electronics lying around he couldn’t understand. Stupid people. He studied the thing from all angles. It looked old. He tried putting it on but he didn’t know how. He turned the knob. Nothing. Maybe the thing needed batteries he thought, but he had better plans for it. He put it in his basket and walked on.

  Most items were on the floor; the place needed more cleaning than the diner. He stepped over glass and saw another item that piqued his interest. It was a leather wallet. He picked it up. There wasn’t much inside, just a few crumpled notes, coins, cards, and a photo. He flicked it out and dropped the wallet. He spat on his finger and wiped it. It was the face of a young girl in a uniform. He frowned and felt that weird feeling in his stomach again; a tingle that something was wrong. He wiped the frown and put the photo in his basket. He continued.

  He found the aisle he’s been looking for. The banner hung skew – letters almost faded away. It said that the aisle had a good selection of paints. Rhino had to disagree. He saw a possible container in the distance. As he approached it, he smelled something strange. It reminded him of vinegar. The closer he got to the container the stronger the smell. He realized something was wrong and put the basket down. He pinched his nose and walked a little closer. He picked up the container and smelled it – it wasn’t the source of the stench. It came from around the corner.

  It was a big cake of bodies; all decomposed to just a few bits of skin. The vinegar stench was strong. He shook his head, confused. He picked up a broom and poked. The tip gently pushed into them. He felt a little sick. Warm liquid rose up in his throat – he looked away and retched. That’s when he heard yelling coming from downstairs.