Feel

by Karen-Anne Stewart

“You lied about that, too?” she asks softly, her voice raw.

  Too? “I didn’t lie. I didn’t know until two weeks before -” I pause, not wanting to mention that night, wishing it never existed, “before you left.”

  Her eyes darken and she blinks quickly before looking away.

  I’m next to her in one stride. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Saige,” I whisper, pulling her into my arms. Relief floods my veins when she leans into me a few seconds before pulling away this time.

  “If your dad doesn’t work for the government, who does he work for?”

  “I don’t know.” Deciding to just throw it out there, I don’t mince words, “You know that I’m immune to your abilities. Well, I’m immune to all abilities people like you have as well.”

  “How do you know that?” she asks hesitantly.

  “My brother has abilities, too. My father spent the first years of my life trying to help me find what my ability or power is.” A humorless laugh escapes, “You should’ve seen the disappointment on his face when he found out that my power is actually the anti-power. He had me around people with just about every ability you can think of, trying to see if some other power would rub off on me. Then, when that didn’t work, he would have them try to use their powers on me to see how much I could withstand. I’m immune to them all.”

  Saige scoots away, hurt filling her eyes as she jumps from the bed. “You said you didn’t lie to me! How could you not tell me that your brother has abilities like me, that the reason I can’t feel you is because you have the power to block me!?”

  Raking my hands through my hair, I shake my head, “I don’t choose to block you. I’m immune to you.”

  “I don’t care what the hell you call it, you still lied to me all these years!” she shrieks, struggling to breathe as she walks around the room with her arms wrapped tightly around herself again.

  “If you knew, you would wanted to have met them so you didn’t feel like you were alone in what you can do, but I saw what my brother went through with my dad hounding him for hours every day, trying to sharpen his powers. I used to be jealous of the attention Jackson got from my father until I saw how miserable he was. I don’t know why, but I always felt that exposing you to my father would be dangerous. Now, I know it would’ve been. I didn’t tell you to protect you, Saige.”

  “Just like you sent me away to protect me?” she shrieks.

  “Dammit, Saige, he was starting to ask questions, and I didn’t have a choice. I had to send you away to keep you from him, and I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life,” I glance around the room, looking for her violin, the one thing in her life that kept her sanity when I wasn’t around. Storming to the closet, I open the door but it’s not there either. “Where’s your violin, Saige?”

  Her eyes widen, singed with pain, “Are you kidding me? Get out, Jensen!” She grabs a pillow and throws it at me, “Get.Out.Now!”

  “I’m not leaving you here alone.”

  Balling her fists, she comes at me with all her strength. Her small hands pack a bigger punch than I would’ve thought as she pummels my chest, screaming at me to leave.

  “I’m not leaving you,” I tell her firmly, gently grabbing her wrists as I grit my teeth from the bruising blows.

  “Why not? You seem to be good at it,” she screams, trying to wrench her wrists from my grasp.

  Not wanting to hurt her, I ease my grip, “Saige, listen to me, please.” I go to place my hand against her cheek but she lashes out with her fists curled tight again. I catch her wrists, holding them tighter this time so she can’t hit me, and she comes undone. The flash of fear in her eyes kills me and I immediately let her go. “What just happened, Saige?” I ask, confused.

  “I can’t tell what you’re feeling. You know that,” she rasps breathlessly.

  “Since when have you needed to, to know I won’t hurt you?” Softening my tone, I take a tentative step closer, “I’ve never hurt you. I never will.” The pain of her not trusting me hurts like hell.

  “I said get out!”

  I can tell that there’s nothing I can do to calm her at the moment and without her calm, there’s no way I can get her to come with me, short of throwing her over my shoulder, and that would kill any chance I have with her, especially with her newfound mistrust. “I’m going to give you a little time to cool off, but I’m not leaving without you.”

  A book thrown at my head is her response. My chest aches at the pain in her eyes, but I do as I said and slip out the door, giving her some space. Sliding down the wall, I sink next to her door, praying that once she hears the full reason of why I had her leave, she’ll forgive me.

  Chapter Three

  Saige

  The momentum of the whirling in my head is nauseating. Pieces of my life feel like the bouncing ball on a roulette wheel. Some things are starting to make sense while other things that I thought I knew don’t make any sense now. He asked about my violin…how could he ask about that after what he did? Pacing around the small dorm room is only infuriating me further, but there’s no way I can see Jensen right now without melting into a blubbering mess. I didn’t mean to panic on him. I know he would never hurt me, but he’s the one who sent me to where someone else did. My hand slides to my ribs, rubbing across the cotton covering the scars on my side.

  The knob turns, and I freeze, not sure which part of me to side with: the side that wants to forget everything that has happened over the last few years and sink into the warmth of his strong arms like I’ve done countless times, or the side of me that wants to tell him to shut-up and never hear anything else that threatens the semblance of my life I thought I had, the only part of my life that was happy.

  I see Bailey’s red hair and can’t help but smile at her expression when she shuts the door. “Why is there a blonde god sitting outside our door on his fine ass looking all dejected, Saige?” Bailey asks, throwing her thumb over her shoulder as she eyes me suspiciously.

  “It’s nothing,” I mumble.

  Her perfectly trimmed brows raise, “Nothing? No way, I’m not letting you off that easily! You’ve been a recluse since we’ve been roommates, no friends, no family, and now, a beautiful man is outside our door looking like a scolded puppy. You are so going to spill everything about him.”

  One look into Bailey’s expectant eyes and I know she’s not going to let me off on some half-ass explanation. “He’s a childhood friend.” Years of memories assault me, and I wince at the ache in my heart. “My best friend. We had a falling out a few years ago and I haven’t seen him until he showed up tonight. I’m not sure I’m ready to see him now.”

  “Did you kiss him?” Bailey asks, totally disregarding everything I’ve said.

  She has this stupid grin on her face and I can’t help but chuckle a little as I roll my eyes at her, “What?”

  “Did you kiss him?” she repeats slowly, like I’m completely clueless. “No man I know is going to camp outside a girl’s door if there wasn’t some serious lip action or under the sheets fire setting going on at some point.”

  Rubbing my throbbing temples, I groan, “Yes, I kissed him, but that was years ago, and, no, I didn’t have sex with him.”

  “Why the hell not? Have you looked at him?” Bailey gawks. “There’s no way I would pass up a chance to have that.”

  I roll my eyes even though my treacherous body is agreeing with her. I’ve dreamed of lying beneath Jensen, looking up into his dark green eyes as his muscular frame hovers above me before his lips devour every inch of my waiting body. I know how amazing those lips feel against mine and how my body responded in deliciously frightening ways as they tasted and teased my neck until I would be panting with need. I have zero doubts that his lips would send me into an exquisite, screaming oblivion. It’s not just the fact that I know making love with Jensen would be beyond amazing, it’s how, even though I couldn’t feel his emotions like I do with everyone else, I still felt his love. I saw it in his eyes. Now, I’m not so sure any of i
t was real, at least on his end. I’ve never stopped loving him.

  “I guess I’ll be bunking with Kim again tonight,” Bailey purses her lips, studying me before she turns to go.

  “Wait,” I groan, knowing how well this is not going to go over. Trying to think of some way to get her and Kim off campus without sounding like a raving lunatic, I come up empty. “Why don’t you and Kim skip classes tomorrow and go to the beach? You can have a long weekend at her parent’s beach house,” I suggest quickly.

  “You are telling me to skip classes? I’ve never seen you miss anything college related, even when you’ve had to drag your ass out of bed morning after morning after being awake all night from your nightmares.”

  I give her my best I-can-be-a-badass-too look.

  “Damn, Saige, looks like you’ve been holding out,” Bailey laughs. “Maybe you’re not so dull after all. Wait til I tell Kim about the hot man stalking you.”

  A smile spreads across my lips, knowing how to get them to go. “If you think he’s hot, you should meet his brothers. They’re all here. I can meet up with them in the morning and we can catch up with you and Kim tomorrow at the beach house,” I lie.

  The sparkle lighting up her face releases the pent up breath I was holding. “Hotter than him?”

  “Yep.”

  “Oh, hell, yeah! We’ll meet you tomorrow at noon,” she beams, throwing open her drawer and shoving a bikini in her overnight bag. A lot of her things are already at Kim’s with her getting tired of my ‘nightmares’ waking her up in the middle of the night. They’re practically roommates.

  I feel bad lying, but at least Bailey and Kim won’t be here tomorrow if we can’t stop the bastard.

  Bailey flashes her perfectly whitened larger-than-life grin as she slips out the door, giggling when Jensen steps out of her way, holding the door for her.

  “See you tomorrow,” Bailey sings over her shoulder to him.

  I hold my breath, hoping Jensen won’t say anything. Glancing at me, he flashes his own sexy as hell smile as he throws up his hand, “Sounds great.” He always did catch on quick.

  Shutting the door behind him, his inquisitive green eyes imprison me from underneath a disheveled lock of dusty blonde hair, and all air evaporates as my heart pounds through my chest. He is consuming, breathtaking. He’s taken my breath away countless times just by his hand brushing against mine or his laugh filling the air in that deep, soothing tone. Standing before me now in worn dark jeans, a tight black cotton tee and a long sleeve light blue shirt mercilessly hanging open and giving me a mouthwatering view of toned muscles bulging from underneath his shirt, I’m once again struggling to breathe. My eyes have a mind of their own and slip lower to another magnificent bulge. My cheeks flush, and I would swear the room just spiked twenty degrees. I dart my eyes away before he catches me.

  Jensen’s jaw tightens and twitches when his gaze lands on me before he holds out his hand, his fingers extending towards mine. The sorrow and hope in his eyes pleads for me to trust him. He doesn’t wait a second longer before taking my wrist and pulling me against his chest. I can feel the beat of his heart against my cheek as I inhale his scent, trying to absorb his strength. Everything about him makes me feel alive. Wanted. Loved. God, I’ve missed him!

  “Just tell me one thing and please don’t lie. That day on the playground, did you help because you felt sorry for me knowing your brother could have been the one being bullied about his abilities?”

  Jensen lets out a heavy breath. “That was part of the reason, along with my not being willing to stand by as a group of kids tormented and kicked dirt at a girl,” he admits, and my heart breaks. He takes my chin, gently tilting it so I’m forced to face him, “I may have busted Ace’s mouth because he’s an ass who deserved it, but the reason I took your hand - the reason I stayed - was all because of you.” He brushes his lips against the corner of my eye, “The moment I looked into your eyes, Saige, I knew you were special and not because of what you can do. There was an innocence mixed with fierce determination and this wild rebellion that made me want to know everything about you.” He lets out a low chuckle, “I always did love your contradictions.”

  I want to believe him. I want to believe that what he makes me feel isn’t a lie. The last night I saw him slams into me. I begged for him to not let them take me. I hated my weakness, but I bared it to him, and he walked away. He left me. A shudder runs through my veins and my body trembles as flashbacks of the next forty-five days engulf my senses. Pushing them back, I also push him away. I trusted him once and he betrayed me.

  “Saige, please -” Jensen immediately reaches for me when I slip out of his arms.

  “We don’t have time for this right now,” I cut him off. “We have a bomber to catch.”

  Leaning his head back, he roughly drags his hands down his face. For the first time, I see the exhaustion clouding his eyes. I don’t know how long he’s been after this man, or how he even knows about him, but those are questions that can be answered after the bastard is in custody. “You’re right. We’ll talk after.”

  I stare out the tiny window, watching the students play volleyball, talking and laughing on their way to class, and I pray we do catch him in time. If not, I’ll have to call in a bomb threat, then disappear. I’m used to starting over. Hell, I’m a pro at it, but I would like to break my record and wake up in the same place for more than ten months and four days. This is the longest, by far, I’ve ever stayed in one place since I was sixteen. I hear Jensen on the phone, telling Andy he’ll see him in fifteen minutes.

  “The bomber’s in his car,” Jensen informs me, closing his phone.

  “Where?”

  “I don’t know. Close.” He grabs my bag and starts shoving my clothes inside. Giving one last look to my side of the tiny room, he shakes his head. He looks…sad. “You’re going to my hotel. Please don’t argue. It won’t do you any good if you do anyway.”

  “I won’t argue about leaving this dorm room tonight, but I am going to help you find him. What is this asshole’s name anyway?”

  Jensen throws the duffle over his shoulder, “He’s gone by nine names that we know of so far. We haven’t tracked down his real identity yet.”

  “Why are you tracking him? I don’t understand how you’re involved.”

  “He used to be one of my father’s prodigies until he went rogue, disappearing with another assumed identity.” Jensen glances at me. I guess he can tell that I’m confused as hell right now, scared, angry, sad, and too many other emotions to recognize, because he takes my hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. I don’t immediately pull away. I need to feel his strength and comfort right now. I want to feel it.

  “I think you have a lot to tell me,” I state, wondering who this person standing next to me is. There was a time when I thought I knew everything about him; apparently, I don’t know shit.

  Jensen nods, holding my hand until we get to the door at the bottom of the stairs, and I think he only lets go then to hold the door open for me. It’s still blasting rays of beautiful sunshine outside, making it hard to believe that anything remotely evil can happen with the false sense of security appearances bring. Andy’s flirting with some of the girls in the quad. With the light showing off his features, it’s easy to see why the attention is reciprocal. His hair is shorter than Jensen’s, but still long enough to show thick, dark waves. His deep blue eyes seem playful, completely opposite of what I had a front row seat to in the van.

  Nodding at Jensen, Andy quickly scribbles something on Laney’s palm. She leans close to Andy, her breasts brushing against his arm, and giggles before whispering in his ear. Andy places his hand on her hip as he whispers something back. Another giggle escapes, and I roll my eyes. I wish they would just get their pre-mating ritual over with so I don’t have to suffer witnessing it any longer. After a not so discreet full-handed ass squeeze, Andy finally winks at Laney before sauntering towards us.

  “Did you see him again?” Jensen asks
.

  Andy shakes his head, “He’s been gone too long for me to pick up on where he’s at now.”

  “Pick up on where he’s at now?” I ask, not sure I really want to know what he means.

  “I’ll explain it all later,” Jensen rushes, scanning the quad as he pulls me closer to him. “Do you feel him at all, Saige?”

  “No.” There’s no way he’s here. I’ll never forget that feeling of the dark abyss he shrouds me with when he’s around.

  Jensen gives a curt nod before he places his hand on my lower back, leading me towards the campus parking lot. I allow him to lead me. For now.

  Andy opens the van door.

  I hesitate, not overly enthusiastic to be back in that vehicle.

  “No worries, princess; I won’t tie you up this time, but only if you promise to behave.”

  “If you touch me, I’ll bust a helluva lot more than just your nose,” I growl, lowering my lethal gaze to his nether region. “If you want to keep those shrunken balls just like you have them now, you’ll stay away from me.”

  The corner of Jensen’s mouth tilts, “You might want to listen to her, man. I’ve seen her kicking some serious ass a few times.”

  “Taking the chick’s side now instead of your wingman’s? I see how it is,” Andy barks, his voice gruff, but I feel his warmth seep into my body.

  Narrowing my eyes, I study Andy as he busies himself spreading blueprints out against the wall. I feel his relief, his happiness. Am I losing my touch? Not anywhere near able to try to psychoanalysis the asswipe who tied me to the chair less than twelve inches from me, I turn my attention to Jensen. “Can you please tell me what the hell is going on now?”

  Jensen takes my elbow and gently tugs my arm towards the passenger’s seat. His eyes turn hard as he cranks the ignition. “I always knew that my father wanted Jackson to strengthen his abilities and would push him endlessly. What I didn’t know is that my father had fourteen others who he was teaching to maximize their powers as well. A couple of weeks before -” Jensen pauses, clenching his jaw, “- you left, I found out my father didn’t work for the government, at least not the department he always said he worked for. I was supposed to meet Jackson in my father’s office, to take him to his Saturday tutor, but I got there early. Dad’s computer was just sitting there in front of me. I was tired of all the secrecy, of all the one sided bullshit of why Jackson went to a different school, of why he never talked about why my mom has been in a comatose state since I was two, of why he was never around. Hell, Jackson is nineteen months older than me, but I’ve always been the one to take care of him, the house, and everything else Dad should’ve been taking care of. Jackson and I used to be close when we were really young but that changed as soon as Dad saw what he can do. I was left to raise myself. Jackson became so distant from me, the only time we talked was with the few words spoken on Saturday mornings. I deserved to know the truth.”