Lost Without You

by Heather Thurmeier

  Zoe Oliver was worth any trouble she might cause him — any frustration she might make him endure — even if she didn’t know she was doing it. Like right now. Knowing she was only a few feet away in her tent, probably in her pajamas already, if she even wore pajamas, was enough to make his groin tingle with anticipation.

  It wasn’t just lust he felt for her, though there was a hardy dose of lust in his body right this second, but also a deeply rooted desire to make her happy, to see her smile … to simply be near her.

  All this time, over the course of all his shows with her, he’d longed to be able to talk to her as a peer instead of an employer. Now he finally could, and it didn’t seem to be going so well when every time he spoke to her, she closed herself off. Well, sometimes she relaxed around him. He loved those moments.

  Now he had to figure out how to make them last longer, how to have more of them, and how to keep her from closing off to him again.

  Easier said than done.

  • • •

  Zoe woke from a restless sleep. But her dreams, no, nightmares, hadn’t even been the stuff of fiction. Nope. What she wouldn’t give to have zombie nightmares like everyone else.

  It had been a night of reliving her worst days. Days she’d thought were long behind her.

  Apparently not. Not with Alex Brighton here.

  Several times throughout the night, she’d woken in a sweat then had to take deep breaths to calm the panic smothering her. If only Alex wasn’t a contestant then maybe she would have slept fine.

  But he was here and he was haunting her.

  If he figured out who she really was …

  Zoe shook her head. No. She wouldn’t let that happen. She wouldn’t let him figure out her real identity. She’d spent years perfecting her acting skills when it came to hiding who she really was and she wasn’t going to let everything she’d worked so hard for crumble around her because some random guy from her past showed up in the mix.

  Chances were he didn’t remember her anyway. So what if he’d looked at her funny yesterday. Lots of people looked at her strangely. It was almost as if people thought she was just some character on TV so when they saw her in real life, they sort of acted liked they’d seen a ghost. There was always an element of disbelief.

  If, by some fluke, he brought it up and thought he remembered her, she’d tell him it was because of all the press she’d had being on three reality TV shows. A person would have to be living under a rock for the last year to have never heard of her or seen a single picture of her somewhere.

  So that was the plan. Deny and distract.

  She pulled herself from the bed, stretching to relieve the pinch she felt in her back. That one pesky spot along her ribs that would never quite go away. Not all of her ribs had healed perfectly after the accident that almost ended her life as a teen. She’d never be free of some scars. She hated the discomfort but she deserved to feel it as a solid reminder of the choices she’d made. The mistakes she’d made.

  This cot wasn’t supportive enough, but it was only a month. She could manage the annoyance as long as it didn’t turn into all out pain.

  Zoe grabbed her sweater and slipped into it. A serious chill in the air meant it was still probably very early. The sun hadn’t had a chance to warm her tent yet. If only she could get a little electric heater. Of course that would involve having a plug in.

  Damn Chip for making them film the show so remotely.

  She hadn’t seen inside his tent. He probably had a luxury suite compared to her accommodations. He probably had the best cot money could buy, solar powered heaters, and any other comforts she lacked. Maybe he was in there right now, toasty warm in his big bed. His naked body heated by a plush duvet.

  She swallowed.

  Damn Chip for being in her thoughts again.

  Why couldn’t she stop thinking about him? Sure, she’d found him attractive since the day she’d first met him, but that didn’t mean she wanted him invading her thoughts constantly. Certainly she didn’t want to be thinking about his naked body lying in a big cozy bed.

  Yet here she was, thinking about it. Again.

  Precisely the reason why it was great that Rick had started flirting with her. She needed someone who didn’t matter to her to keep her distracted. If she let herself give in to the flirting she wanted to do with Chip, nothing good would come of it. Rick, however, was a perfect candidate to give in to a little harmless flirting.

  He gave her a flirting outlet.

  It was like therapy. Flirting therapy — channeling her self-destructive desire to flirt with Chip into harmless flirting with Rick so that in the end there would be no way she could end up hurt. Rick was never the kind of guy she’d fall for in real life, but he would be fine for a little production fling.

  And she’d keep Chip at a distance, just where he needed to stay.

  Perfect.

  Zoe rose from her cot and opened her makeup bag. Good thing she brought makeup remover wipes with her everywhere she went. They should get her through most of the month without having to go to bed with makeup left on her face like she had by mistake last night. Being on national television — and as a host this time — gave her no leeway for blemishes. Not that she couldn’t hide them pretty well with her makeup arsenal, but still. She already had enough to hide. She didn’t need to worry about blemishes too.

  As Zoe stared into her tiny compact mirror and started to apply a layer of foundation, she finally relaxed a little. She knew what she had to do today. And once she had her makeup applied, she’d be ready to take it on.

  • • •

  “Hi, Chip,” she said, breezing past him on her way to the kitchen tent to grab a bagel for a quick breakfast before leaving. She only had a few minutes until they were supposed to start their trek to the location of the first challenge. A bagel and an orange juice was all she had time for.

  She definitely didn’t have time to stop and chat with Chip.

  Although telling her body that was a different story. As her brain registered the scent of his cologne drifting on the wind while she walked past him, her footsteps slowed. She closed her eyes and breathed deep. The scent of him sent a wave of liquid fire into her belly. Her knees went weak.

  “You okay?” Chip asked, falling in beside her and holding her elbow to steady her. “You look a little wobbly all of a sudden.”

  “I’m fine,” she lied.

  No, she wasn’t fine. The exact opposite of fine, actually, since her body currently ignored her earlier wishes to distance herself from Chip and forget about her attraction to him. The heat already smoldering in her belly turned to lava when he slid his hand down her arm and took her hand in his.

  “No offense,” he said quietly, “but you don’t look fine.”

  “Gee, thanks.” She feigned annoyance. She knew exactly what he meant and she wasn’t offended in the least, but maybe if she pretended to be annoyed, she’d stop being aroused. If only he’d let go of her hand and take about five steps away from her … and stand downwind so she wouldn’t be able to smell him anymore, then she’d be able to clear her head and steady her knees. “I’m just hungry. I haven’t eaten yet and since there’s no room service in this dump you’ve trapped me in, I have to come and scrounge for my own food on an empty stomach. Next time you’ll probably make me kill something and cook it for dinner.”

  Chip laughed so hard she thought she saw tears in his eyes.

  “It’s not funny,” she said, trying to pull her hand from his, but he squeezed it tighter, not letting her go.

  “It is funny.” He cleared his throat a couple of times until he stopped laughing enough to speak again. “You’re funny. I never understood why the other contestants on these shows didn’t know you were joking when you said stuff like that to them. Everyone always got so bent out of shape about i
t, but they shouldn’t. You’re hilarious.”

  She set her jaw. He saw through her sarcasm? How? She laid it on thicker than cream cheese on a New York bagel. Why the hell was he so damn perfect? Couldn’t he not get her humor and think she was a total bitch like everyone else did so her life here would be easier?

  Now she’d have an even harder time ignoring him. And her growing attraction to him. It wasn’t everyday someone actually “got” her. Of course Chip had to be that someone.

  Damn it.

  “Well this hilarity is going to come to a screeching stop if I don’t get food before the show.”

  “We can’t have that, now can we?” His hand still gripped hers, his thumb tracing a line across her wrist, sending tingles down her fingers. “Every show needs a happy host, not a hungry one.”

  “Then I suggest you drop my hand once I get my breakfast or you’re at risk of losing a couple of fingers.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  But her threat must have fallen on deaf ears since he held her hand the entire way. When he finally let go so she could get a coffee, her head started to clear. Thank God she had to spend the better part of the day playing host. She would have her mind on other things, like the game and Rick.

  Chip would be forced to stay on the sidelines. It would be even better if Chip would stay at camp, but she knew he’d never do that. He oversaw every aspect of the show, including filming.

  Hopefully his overseeing didn’t include more handholding or she could end up being completely incoherent on camera.

  Chapter Five

  Zoe waited while the teams filtered into the clearing from various trails. The cameras were already rolling to catch which team would find the clearing first and which one would be last. Another way to determine the strongest of the pack.

  The first team to arrive was no surprise. A big grin spread across Rick’s face when he saw her. But it was the cocked eyebrow and the suggestive expression that really caught her off guard. This was a guy who knew what he wanted and went after it. And apparently he wanted her.

  Of course, there was the small matter of staff and contestants getting together being against the rules. She wasn’t very good at following the rules, but she’d try.

  A coughing fit from off to the side of the clearing pulled her attention away from Rick and his obvious invitation. Chip pounded on his chest when she looked at him then took a big gulp out of his water bottle, an expression of guilt on his face.

  Sure, coughing. That’s believable.

  Chip might be able to see through her sarcasm, but the transparency between them went both ways. He wasn’t fooling her. She’d noticed how Chip’s expression had changed last night when Rick flirted with her at his camp. She’d have to be blind not to see through his little charade now.

  If Chip didn’t want to watch her interact with Rick, then it was just too bad for him. She had to host and Rick had to be a contestant. They’d be working together until Rick’s team either got booted off the show or until it ended. Either way, Chip was going to have to get used to seeing them flirt because she didn’t plan on stopping any time soon. Not when it was such a fun distraction from everything else, including Chip.

  She turned away from Chip as the last team wandered into the clearing. “Welcome to your first team challenge here on Wild Expedition,” she said without wasting any time. The guy with the cue cards stood far enough behind the teams that he couldn’t be seen on camera, but thankfully, the writing on the cards was huge so she could still read it. “And good news, you all passed the first part of the challenge just by finding your way here.”

  The teams cheered, obviously ready to do something more exciting than survive around camp for a change. These challenges were their only source of entertainment.

  “Today is your first challenge and you need to do your best because the team who comes in first will win the best prize.” Zoe motioned to a row of boxes off to one side, ranging in size. “The team who comes in first will get the biggest box. The team who comes in second will get the second biggest box. And so on and so forth until all the teams have been rewarded.”

  The teams nodded and cheered again. Excitement about what was actually in the boxes built. Zoe hadn’t a clue what was in them. She’d have to wait and see like everyone else. Even as the host, she felt a little shiver of excitement shoot up her spine. There was just something so fun about being on these reality shows. It almost made her regret not being a contestant this time.

  Almost, but not quite.

  “Now,” she said, reading the next cue card, “on to the challenge itself. Each team will have to prove they have what it takes to live in the wild.”

  Not my idea of fun.

  “Each team will have to hunt, forage, and scrounge whatever food sources they can find. You’ll each have thirty minutes to track down food, then you’ll have another thirty minutes to prepare a meal using the fire pits and cooking utensils you see here.”

  She looked around, noticing for the first time the fire pits and very basic cooking gear stacked beside each. It had been easy to miss the cooking areas at first since each was tucked into its own alcove of rocks. The surrounding trees and bushes made natural barriers between the different areas, which would provide the teams with privacy while cooking.

  Zoe glanced to Chip who stood there smiling, clearly enjoying this challenge he’d designed. Chip really had done her a favor not putting her on the show. She would have failed horribly at this challenge. And at surviving around their primitive camps too.

  She looked back to the contestants still waiting for the last of their directions before they were given the green light to get started. She forced herself not to stare at the camera directly in front of her. She’d always been fine as a contestant not looking directly at the camera. She knew not to do that. But as a host, sometimes she had to talk to the camera and other times she had to talk to the contestants. Getting the right balance of both was trickier than Spencer Daley, the host for her shows, had ever made it look.

  “After you prepare your meal, you’ll dish it out onto five plates then set your plates over here to be judged. Everyone will taste the other team’s offerings, but no one will know which team cooked which dish. Each team will then pick their top two favorites as well as their choice for least favorite meal.”

  She paused for a moment while the production person flipped cue cards. “Are you curious to know what’s inside the boxes?”

  The teams cheered louder than before.

  She smiled. “Then let’s get this challenged started so we can pick a winner. Teams, your thirty minutes of prep time starts now.”

  The teams each took off in a different direction, almost as if they’d been told which way to go. Rick’s team sprinted off ahead of him, but he walked past Zoe slowly, smirking at her as his eyes traced a path from her hair to her toes. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling in response to his evaluation.

  “I’m gonna cook you up something real nice, baby. It’ll be like our first date, out here, in the wild … It might even make you want to get a little wild yourself.” He walked off with a wink and she burst out laughing, climbing down from the tree stump she’d been perched on while hosting. He was too much.

  “Do girls actually fall for lines like that where you come from?” she asked him.

  He turned back toward her. “Their panties certainly do.”

  Zoe felt her cheeks burn at his words as he walked off into the woods after the rest of his team. Her panties weren’t dropping for him because of one meal … or for any other reason actually. Maybe Rick was more of a player than she’d realized when she’d started her “harmless” flirting with him.

  She glanced over to where Chip stood, well within hearing range of that little conversation. He looked as if he was studying a production clipboard, but if the
expression on his face was any indication, he was rather pissed at a production note. More likely, he’d just heard Rick’s comments too. And if she wasn’t mistaken, he seemed more turned off by them than even she was.

  “Everything okay, Chip?” she asked, hoping she sounded casual.

  “Fine. Why?” he asked, not meeting her gaze.

  “You seem a little annoyed at your clipboard.”

  “I’m fine, Zoe. Nothing to worry about, just a little hiccup in the production schedule to work out on the fly.” He scribbled a few notes in the margin then handed it back to one of the assistants. He pushed his hands into his pockets as if they were hanging out, waiting for a movie to start instead of standing in the middle of the woods waiting for teams to return.

  Maybe he hadn’t overheard Rick’s comments. Or maybe he had and he didn’t care if she flirted with a contestant. Hell, he would probably encourage it. He’d probably say it was good for ratings for Zoe to hook up with Rick, what with the drama and spectacle it would certainly cause.

  “While we have a second, I should point out that I do think it would be best not to fraternize with the contestants so much,” he said, turning to face her straight on and finally meeting her gaze. “You do remember how that all worked out for Cassidy on The One, don’t you?”

  Was that a threat?

  “Of course I do. I was there for your big scandalous reveal at the finale.”

  “Then you should already know that a crewmember getting involved with a cast member usually isn’t the best idea.”

  “Well that’s good, because I have no intentions of shacking up with Rick. It’s a little harmless flirting.”

  Chip crossed his arms. If she wasn’t mistaken, he almost looked a little jealous. Maybe there was more behind his warning than he let on.