Lost Without You

by Heather Thurmeier

  Rick yelled a profanity from the water where he bobbed on the surface, coughing and smacking the water. He was definitely annoyed about this challenge. Apparently there was something Rick wasn’t so good at surviving — water.

  Zoe laughed at seeing Rick so annoyed. She hadn’t seen him be anything but completely cool this whole time. Finally they got to see Rick was human like the rest of the contestants and not some super outdoorsman.

  She glanced to the side at the sound of a chuckle. Chip watched Rick flounder in the water with a huge grin on his face as if he thoroughly enjoyed watching Rick struggle. Against her better judgment, she wandered closer to Chip.

  “You could try to hide your amusement,” she whispered, covering her mic with her hand so hopefully their conversation wouldn’t get picked up.

  “I could.” He smiled. “But I’m not going to.”

  “Why are you enjoying it so much?”

  His gaze met hers, as intense as it had been in her tent. “Because I don’t want him hitting on you anymore. You’re mine, not his.”

  She sucked in a breath. She’d never been claimed in such a testosterone filled way before. It simultaneously annoyed and aroused her. “I’m not yours. I’m not anybody’s.”

  “You might think I don’t know the truth about you, but I do. I know the truth of how you feel about me, and with Rick gone, it’ll be much easier for you to admit your feelings to yourself. So yes, I’m happy Rick sucks in the water.”

  Zoe wandered back over to the teams, three of whom were now putting their puzzles together. Rick’s team stayed at the shore, cheering him on as he finally swam back with their last bag. The rowing team had lost their sizable lead while she’d chatted with Chip. Now the doctors were in the lead, making quick progress with their puzzle.

  Rick’s team untied their bags quicker than the other teams. Not really surprising since knot tying was one of Rick’s survival skills. It stood to reason he’d also know how to untie them. They dumped the pieces on the ground and began putting their puzzle together at an alarming rate. Apparently Pam and Todd were really good at puzzles.

  The smile fell from Chip’s face as Rick’s team quickly closed the gap on the dating and engaged team then passed the rowing team too. Unless something drastic happened to screw up their puzzle at this point, they were no longer in danger of losing.

  Zoe heard the unmistakable sound of Chip cursing under his breath. She wouldn’t mind if Rick went home, but right now she was more interested in Alex. The more his team sucked at puzzles, the better it was for her.

  Team doctors threw their hands in the air and cheered. She ran over to inspect their puzzle. Chip had told her in advance the puzzle would spell out, “Reach deep and you survive.”

  “Congratulations! Team doctors are our winners. Your team is safe for another week.”

  Zoe turned her attention away from the celebration to the remaining teams. Rick’s team high-fived as they put their final piece into the puzzle, securing their place in the game for another week. She congratulated them quickly then moved on to watch the rowing team and the dating team struggle with the last few pieces of their puzzle.

  Zoe said a little prayer the rowing team would somehow screw up right at the end and open the door for the dating team. But her prayer was a little too late as the rowing team snapped their last piece into place, sending the dating and engaged team home.

  When the cheering subsided from the rowing team, she joined the two couples, who looked less upset than she expected. “I’m sorry to tell you your team was the last to finish the puzzle, and because of that, your team has been eliminated from the game. I’m afraid you’re all heading home today.”

  They nodded. “That’s okay. I think we were all ready to leave,” said Tammy. She spun her rope engagement ring around her finger. “We got so much out of this experience. It was really hard and challenging every step of the way, but also a lot of fun. Although after two weeks in the woods, I’m ready to get back to civilization and hot showers.”

  Everyone laughed. Zoe knew exactly what she meant and suddenly a little spike of jealousy ran through her at the thought of them getting hot water and warm, soft beds. “I think we can all relate to that feeling.”

  “I know I should be sad we’re eliminated and we won’t get a chance to win the money anymore,” Matt said. “But I can’t help feeling like I won regardless. I’m not walking away with the money in my pocket. Instead I’m leaving with the most amazing fiancée I could ever have dreamed of. I’m still a little in shock she said yes.”

  Tammy playfully smacked him on the shoulder. “I’m still surprised he asked me when I smell this bad!”

  Everyone laughed again.

  Zoe turned back to the main camera once the laughter had quieted down. “Alright, safe travels home and to the rest of you, go back and pack up your camp because you’re moving again. In your tents, you’ll find instructions on how to find your new campsite location. So you better hurry because night is coming whether or not you’re ready.”

  The teams headed back toward camp, no doubt all eager to get their things packed and rebuilt at a new campsite before the sunset for the day. She didn’t envy the job ahead of them at all. Then a thought struck her. If the teams were leaving their temporary camp, that probably meant production was too.

  She groaned and rolled her eyes. Great. Just what she wanted to spend the rest of her day doing, packing up her stuff to take it back to base camp. At least once she got back, there would be a few more luxuries like the camping toilets and showers and an actual tent to eat dinner in tonight. Maybe it wasn’t all terrible having to head back.

  As her tent came into sight through the trees, Alex stepped in front of her. She startled and staggered backwards a few steps. “Damn, Alex. You scared the crap out of me.” She laughed, trying to settle her nerves. “What can I help you with?”

  It wasn’t uncommon for contestants to ask her questions about what they should or shouldn’t be doing. Once in a while, she even knew what to tell them. Hopefully Alex’s question would be an easy one.

  “I’m tired of always coming in last.” He crossed his arms. “So from now on, you’re going to give me the inside scoop about the upcoming challenges so I can prep my team.”

  He couldn’t be serious.

  “Um, okay. Well that would involve me knowing what the challenges were in advance, which I don’t.” Alex was going to have to suck it up and deal with the surprise of the challenges like everyone else had to.

  “Don’t lie to me, Zoe.”

  Something about the emphasis he put on her name specifically sent a chill down her back. “I’m not lying. Chip doesn’t tell me about the challenges before they happen. That’s why I read everything off those giant cue cards. You must have noticed.”

  “Well then I guess it’s a good thing that you’ve been getting so close with Chip. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the looks and quiet conversations while we’re filming.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Chip and I talk all the time because we’re crew. That’s what a production crew does, they work together.”

  Alex cocked an eyebrow at her. “Does the crew always sneak off to the waterfall together late at night too?”

  Zoe narrowed her eyes at him. “So what? We’re crewmembers and we can hang out late at night whenever and wherever we want. It’s the contestants, like you, who have to keep to themselves, which is why you shouldn’t try to force me into telling you something I don’t know.”

  “I don’t care what you’re doing with Chip as long as it results in finding out the information I need to know to win the challenges. So go get on your knees, or whatever else you have to do, and get me the information before the next challenge.”

  Zoe’s pulse pounded in her throat. How dare he speak to her that way and insinuat
e she was nothing more than some cheap sex toy. “Listen, you little shit. I don’t know who you think you are threatening me this way, but I’m Zoe Oliver and no one threatens me. Now get the hell out of my face before I have you removed from the game for harassment. Don’t think Chip won’t do that for me.”

  A smile slowly spread across Alex’s lips. The urge to smack it off his face almost overwhelmed her. “I knew you wouldn’t do me this favor without the right motivation. Now I’m asking you one last time. Do whatever you have to, to get me the challenge information because if you don’t, I’m going to tell everyone who you really are.”

  She sucked in a breath, the heat of anger draining from her face, replaced by cold fear. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Even she didn’t believe her pathetic attempt to convince him whatever he thought he knew about her was wrong.

  “Don’t waste your breath. I remember everything, Zoe. Or should I call you Andrea?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Zoe staggered into her tent at base camp and dropped her bags on the ground. She zipped the tent closed then laid down on the bed and folded her legs up to her chest. The sobs came quick and hard. She struggled to stay quiet for fear of Chip hearing her and having to explain her tears.

  This, she certainly couldn’t tell him about.

  Maybe she could talk about the car accident she’d survived. Maybe she could even relive the surgeries she’d undergone to fix her injuries … to change her face so she didn’t look like a monster anymore. But she couldn’t tell him about the rest. She couldn’t tell him about her life as Andrea.

  Just the thought of her old name made her cringe. How had Alex figured it out? No one from her life then had any idea she was Zoe now. There should have been no way for Alex to figure it out. But that didn’t matter now. Because he had figured it out and she was screwed.

  She’d agreed to Alex’s demands, because she didn’t have any other choice, then she’d stumbled back to her temporary tent in a fog and somehow had managed to pack up everything. Her return trip to base camp was a blur, not remembering a single step she’d taken to get back here. All she could remember was repeating, “He knows. He knows,” over and over again in her head.

  The debilitating guilt she’d attempted to suppress all these years suddenly crashed through to the surface. The pain, both physical and emotional washed over her in a wave, threatening to suffocate her. She’d clawed her way out of this place once before, but she feared she wasn’t strong enough to do it again.

  The same words chanted in her brain now. He knows. He knows. She trembled until the darkness overtook her and she drifted off into a troubled sleep.

  When she woke the next morning, she felt like she’d drank two bottles of champagne. Her head thumped as if a steel drum band had taken up residence in it overnight. Dragging herself from her cot, she peered into her tiny mirror and cringed at the mess her makeup and tears had made on her face through the night.

  She may not have slept well, but at least she’d come to a decision. Her nightmares of being chased by monsters had returned after all these years but she wasn’t going to let them catch her. Nope. She’d do whatever she had to, to put all of this behind her.

  Even if that meant getting closer to Chip, and risking the chance her feelings for him would grow stronger in the process, so she could get the information she needed for Alex. The risk of a broken heart was far less painful than the world finding out her story.

  • • •

  Chip glanced up from his bowl of instant oatmeal, surprised to find Zoe sitting across the table from him. Since their night at the waterfall, she’d been anything but friendly to him. Now here she was, looking better than she had in days and smiling at him like crazy.

  Odd.

  “What’s up?” she said before taking a bite of an apple.

  “Nothing. Breakfast.”

  He knew he should be upset with her for how she’d pushed him away the last few days, but he couldn’t bring himself to be rude to her. He liked her company and he was happy she’d chosen to sit with him and talk to him this morning. Damn it, he liked being with her even if she didn’t feel the same. But he knew she did. She only had to admit it to herself before she could admit it to him. Maybe she was starting to realize her feelings for him now they’d had a couple of days to cool off.

  “What’s up with you?” he asked.

  She swept her hair off her shoulders and settled back into the chair looking completely at ease, unlike the frazzled mess she’d appeared to be for the last couple of days. Maybe it was that being back at base camp agreed with her more than being out in the temporary camp.

  She’d obviously cleaned up in the shower and slept well. She looked refreshed, almost back to how she’d looked on their first day here.

  “Not much. Happy to be back in civilization.” She laughed. “Is it weird this is civilization to me after that last camp when I originally thought this place was super backwoods?”

  Chip smiled, unable to resist the effects of her happiness wearing off onto him. He loved seeing her like this — relaxed, confident, comfortable. It was awesome. He had to find a way to make sure she stayed this way from now on.

  Whatever the reason for her change in mood, he planned to ride it out as long as possible and enjoy it to the fullest. This was the Zoe he’d been searching for.

  “It’s a little strange, but I know what you mean. That last camp was way too remote. I’m happy to be back with cots and showers, even if they are outside and chilly. At least they’re warmer than the waterfall.”

  The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He wanted to relive that night with her more than anything, except for the part where she left him with no explanation. The last thing he wanted to do was bring it up now when they’d only started talking again.

  But instead of getting upset like he feared she would, she smiled and carried on as if nothing but a regular old bath had happened in the falls. “I know. I took a lukewarm shower this morning and it felt like heaven compared to the cold waterfall.”

  The thought of Zoe naked in the shower flashed through his mind, making his pants tight. If only he could be with her again. Hell, at this point he’d take another dinner date in his tent where he could spend a few moments alone with her talking.

  “So, at the elimination challenge the contestants got a new map in their tents, right? Where are they off to this time?” she asked, taking the last bite of her apple then wrapping the core in a napkin.

  “Oh, I stuck them in a new location so they would be forced to rebuild again and this time they’ll have to do it without production crews around to help.”

  “You’re a little bit evil, aren’t you? You love to torture your contestants.”

  “Hey now. I always try to play nice, but I also have viewers and ratings to worry about.”

  “You don’t always play nice. That finale for The One with me and Cassidy was anything but nice.” Zoe eyed him accusingly yet playfully.

  He rubbed his hand across his forehead. How many times had he regretted that moment of television history? At the time, he’d wanted to hurt Cassidy and Evan for ruining his show, but in the end, they were really what made it such a huge success. “I wish I would have handled the finale a little differently. I really didn’t mean to throw you and Cassidy into the spotlight like that. But it was good for ratings.”

  “It was. And we both survived. Although I did hate you a little for a while after that.” She bit her lower lip.

  “Really?” he asked. He wasn’t surprised in the least. He’d be pissed if someone had put him in front of a live studio audience then caused a big dramatic spectacle. “I’m sorry you were involved.”

  She shrugged. “It’s okay now. Cassidy and Evan were meant to be together and I was definitely not meant to end up with bachelor Brad. So m
aybe I should thank you for sparing me the humiliation of actually dating him after the show.”

  “So you don’t still hate me?” He held his breath waiting for her answer.

  She peered up at him through heavy lashes. “I think you know I don’t.”

  Relief washed over him.

  “So what’s the new contestant camp like? Is it full of tarantulas? Do I have to tromp through a swamp to get there? Do I need to fill out my will before the next set of challenges?”

  He laughed. “No. You’re relatively safe for the next week or so.”

  Zoe cleared her throat. “What are the next couple of challenges exactly? Just so I’m prepared.” She cleared her throat again.

  Hopefully she wasn’t getting sick. She looked fine. Actually she looked better than fine. But he still worried about her health and the health of the rest of his crew. They had limited medical supplies out here with them, mostly first aid necessities and not a lot of medications that would help with a bad cold or flu. A contagious anything could completely knock production off schedule.

  “You okay? You sound like you’re getting a cold?” he asked. “Can I get you a tea with honey for your throat or anything else?”

  “I’m fine,” she answered quickly. “Allergies. I need to drink more water to wash the, um, allergens out.” She gulped some water from her bottle. “So you were saying something about the upcoming challenges?”

  Why was she acting weird all of a sudden? She’d never cared this much about the challenges in the first two weeks.

  “Why are you so interested? Are you worried about something?” It wasn’t as if they were a big secret or anything. But he did try to be careful with who he told because some people, while well meaning, had a habit of accidentally letting information slip. He didn’t care if production people knew what was happening, but he couldn’t risk the contestants finding out about challenges in advance. That would put them at an advantage over the others, and it would take some of the great reactions to the challenge reveals out of the usable footage. And he definitely didn’t want to ever be accused of rigging the show.