Body, Ink, and Soul

by Jude Ouvrard

  Much to my disgust, the karaoke machine was started up. The first contestant to reach the stage was a tall, thin redhead. The club went quiet as we waited for the song to start. The girl looked nervous and I didn't know what to expect, whether she could even sing. The music started and I groaned inwardly - it was one of those songs with the high notes which no one could ever hope to reach. I kept my fingers crossed that she could do the song justice, but I knew it was unlikely.

  Tristan watched her singing her heart out and, to my surprise, he seemed to enjoy it. He applauded when she sang the last lyrics of the song. I downed my two last shots of JB, in hopes that the headache this girl had just given me would go away.

  Unfortunately, I started to feel dizzy instead. I’d had a lot to drink and I closed my eyes, concentrating on not falling over. The floor felt like it was made of marshmallow, and the vibration of the loud music was jarring. I grabbed hold of a table and breathed in slowly again, feeling better after a few seconds. Bekka ran over to me and pulled me onto the dance floor. I didn't have time to say anything to Tristan, he just watched me disappear into the crowds. I felt torn – while I wanted to be with him, I also wanted to enjoy my night with Bekka and Val. That was, after all, the whole point of the night.

  Val was already dancing in the middle of the floor. We were dancing to a mix of Rihanna and Jay Z and I soon realized they had as much alcohol in their systems as I did. There was no doubt about it, this was going to be a long and fun night.

  Bekka was wearing a grin so wide, it touched her eyes. ''I think this is it, girls! I'm pretty sure that Tyler and I are... together,'' she squealed.

  I knew it already, but to hear her confirm they’d made a move towards each other made me smile. I squeezed her in my arms, ''I’m so happy for you, Bekka,” I said, trying to stay steady on my feet.

  ''What's up with you and Tristan? You’re really letting go tonight!'' Val shouted over the music.

  ''I am. I don't know what we are, but we’re having a good time.'' I searched for him by the bar. He was sitting on a bench with the red haired singer at his side. They were just talking, I thought. At least, I certainly hoped so.

  I shook the depressing thought away and danced with my friends again. I had never had so much fun in my life. I felt free, with nothing to inhibit my fun. My arms were up in the air, my hips moving seductively, and I was at ease with my body. It felt really good to let go of all my worries and just live.

  The strong arms I liked very much came around my waist again and the soft lips I craved so much ran up and down the tender skin on my neck. I placed my hand over Tristan’s and leaned toward him to meet his lips.

  ''I have to go, baby,'' he said, slipping one of his hands down my skirt. The touch of his skin against mine shattered me. I hadn't expected it and the erotic touch made my heart pound against my ribcage. He cupped my behind with his hand. ''You are so sexy, Phoenix. I want you,'' he whispered. I stiffened as I processed what he wanted from me through an alcohol-affected brain. He’d taken me by surprise. I wanted him, too - but not yet. We weren't nearly ready to move our relationship to the next level.

  “I don’t think tonight is a good night. I had too much to drink and I actually want to remember my night with you when I wake up in the morning.”

  ''I’ll text you tomorrow, baby.'' His words sent shivers skittering across my body. He gave me a chaste kiss, pinched my butt cheek and left me standing in the middle of the dance floor wanting more. Val and Bekka both stared at me in disbelief, and I felt my cheeks heat. Had I missed the opportunity by not going with him? I was afraid I’d ruined it. I tried to find him in the crowd, but he was already gone.

  I walked to a nearby table and sat down, relieving the ache and exhaustion in my wobbly legs. I watched the crowds dancing and having a good time, and I was in utter despair. My bubble of happiness had burst - I should have gone with him! He was what I wanted and I knew it. I could still smell him on my skin, and with the help of my imagination, I could still feel his hands all over me.

  Bekka and Val joined me at the table, both of them covered in a light sheen of sweat. Bekka offered to get us something to drink and she went over to the bar to order while Val settled on a chair next to me.

  ''Nix... Be careful with that guy. I don't want you to be angry with me, but geez, girl! You were really going for it. It was almost too much, like take-it-to-your-bedroom kind of too much.''

  ''Yeah, well... He’s really sweet.''

  ''Just be careful, okay?'' She looked at me, her eyes full of concern.

  I nodded and tried to hide my embarrassment. She was right – I’d had too much to drink and it had blurred my judgement. I didn't have any regret about Tristan, but she had a point. It wasn't my normal behaviour and I realized it, regardless of the many shots I’d had. Bekka returned quickly with Levi following behind her, and they both had their hands full. I didn't know what to say to Levi -the tattoo appointment hadn't exactly ended on a good note. At first, I tried to ignore him, but he’d brought me a glass of water and a single shot of bourbon, so I had to offer my thanks. I started with the shot, letting the liquor linger in my mouth.

  Everybody around the table remained quiet and I wasn’t sure why. Was it because of Levi? Or my behaviour? I took the ice cold water and downed it quickly, probably too quickly given how drunk I was. I thought I was going to be sick, but I kept calm and the nausea settled down.

  ''What are you doing here?'' I asked Levi, my eyes focused on the empty glass.

  ''Tyler invited me, so here I am.'' His tone caught me off guard. He obviously wasn't mad anymore, so I looked up and met his eyes. ''And I wanted to say I’m sorry about earlier. I was an ass and you didn't deserve it.''

  ''Apology accepted. I’m sorry, too. I gave you the cold shoulder and that wasn’t nice... but it doesn't mean we’re friends,'' I warned him with a wink.

  ''Don't worry about it, it’ll come. You’ll get to know me eventually,'' he said confidently.

  Yeah, because he was suddenly always around and always trying to talk to me.

  He smiled and when Bekka and Val did, too, it felt like all the tension dissipated.

  ''What do you girls think about singing a little karaoke?'' Levi suggested suddenly.

  I burst into laughter. ''No way. I'm out.''

  Bekka and Val tried hard to convince me, but I wasn't going up there to sing some lame song in front of a drunken crowd.

  ''What are you afraid of? '' Levi asked.

  ''I'm not afraid of anything. I just don't feel the need to go up there and pretend I'm someone else.''

  ''You’re scared,'' he announced, in what was obviously a challenge.

  ''Shut up! I am not.''

  ''She actually can sing. You’d be surprised,”' Val told Levi. If looks could kill, Val would be on the floor, murdered by my cold glare. Instead, she met my eyes and laughed in my face.

  ''So... go... show me how good you are. Impress me,'' he dared, stretching his tattooed arms over his head. His lips turned up in a cocky smile, confident he was getting to me.

  ''You are such an ass!'' I spewed, the carotid artery hammering in my neck and temple. I didn't know if it was because of the quantity of JB I’d drunk, or his challenge, but I was pissed off. He was trying to provoke me, pushing me out of my comfort zone and I didn’t appreciate it.

  ''I thought you were braver than that,'' he continued with a smile. It was a smile which had me speechless, he was absolutely stunning. Again I warned myself not to get involved with him, and I scowled.

  ''You and I - we are never going to be friends.'' I got up and walked through the crowd, grabbing someone’s shot and throwing it back in a gulp. The cinnamon taste of the Goldschlager exploded in my mouth, spurring me on. I jumped onto the stage and picked a song. I went for a rock song by Incubus, wondering absently why they always had old stuff in karaoke.

  I wished I had my guitar, so I could hide behind it. I removed the microphone from the stand and walked across the stage. D
espite my brave words, I realized I wasn't just nervous - I was scared out of my mind! At that precise moment, I understood why most people participating in karaoke were drunk. It was obviously easier to make a fool of yourself if you were pissed. I’d had a lot to drink, but I wasn't completely out of control yet. I’d come up here to prove a point to Levi, and I had to nail the song. Incubus used to be my favorite band back in the day, and I remembered all the lyrics to their songs.

  When the music started, I marched to the centre of the stage. Everyone was staring, probably wondering how badly I was going to sing. Bekka and Val thought I was talented, but they were my friends, maybe they were just being nice. These people were strangers and it made my stomach turn upside down to think of singing in front of them and how they would react if I sucked. My hand trembled as I clutched the microphone and I had to take a deep breath to calm down. My game plan was to simply pretend I was home with the girls, sitting on the couch. It was the only way to make it through this ordeal.

  Val, Bekka and Levi were standing right in front of the stage. The girls were my biggest fans and Levi, well, he was looking at me uncertainly.

  Empowered by the alcohol and Levi’s challenge, I took one last deep breath before I began singing the lyrics to this angry song. After the first chorus, the crowd went wild, cheering and dancing. It had never occurred to me that one day I would feel like an actual rock star! At that specific moment, I did. It was magical.

  I didn’t need to follow the lyrics on the screen. I felt alive and free on the stage and I found myself performing, as though I truly was a rock star and I was giving them a show. I sang, danced and jumped to the music like Mick Jagger did during his concerts. I could see Tyler behind the bar, his eyes wide - I had surprised him just as much as I had Levi. They would never see me as ‘shy Nix’ ever again.

  All these thoughts filtered through my mind as I sang. I briefly considered that perhaps the girls were right – maybe I was born for this! But then I came back to reality and realized I was just having fun. It was a great boost for my confidence, but that’s all it would ever be.

  The song ended and the crowd went crazy! I was stunned by their reaction, after all, I was a nobody, just a barmaid here at Black Shakers. They demanded an encore, but I wasn't sure I wanted to sing anymore. While I enjoyed a buzz from confronting my fears, my shyness had reappeared and I didn't think I could possibly do another one. Yet the crowd continued to chant ‘encore!’

  Tyler begged me to do one more, even offering me the bottle of JB. He loved the show I’d given in his club and no doubt it was good for business. All the customers had enjoyed my singing, and were having a great time. If they liked the bar, they would come back. Tyler knew what he was doing.

  I agreed to one more song. This time I went for something smoother, choosing ‘Chasing Pavements’ by Adele. The music started and the words rolled gracefully from my lips. Val was hiding her tears behind her unbound hair and Tyler came up to Bekka, holding held her against him. Levi just stared at me. I could feel the electricity crackling through the air. He looked serene and at peace as he watched me singing. I didn't understand why watching me sing was such a big deal, but he was looking at me differently than how he had in the past. My eyes returned repeatedly to him while I sang, and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. His green eyes were doing all his talking for him and, for the first time, I felt something for him, other than annoyance. I didn’t know what it was, exactly, but maybe Tyler was right. Maybe Levi was a good guy, after all.

  There were some patrons dancing and others who just stood watching. I hit every note perfectly. The adrenaline of taking to the stage seem to have nullified the drinking. All of the effects of the alcohol were gone - all that was left was me and my voice. Levi had pushed me to go for something outside of my comfort zone - something unplanned. I could have failed, but I hadn’t. I’d won everyone’s respect. I was the proudest girl in the world, adding my own personal touches to Adele’s song while the crowd watched. I let go, freed in that moment. Once it was over, I received a standing ovation. The moment was extremely special and I would never forget the love I felt in that crowded room.

  I put the microphone back on its stand and walked to the edge of the stage in front of Bekka and Val, ready to jump off. Instead, Levi caught my hand and boosted me up, and before I even understood what was happening, I was sitting on his shoulders as he walked me across the dance floor. Everybody was shouting about how good I was and how I’d made their night. I was blushing like crazy, and didn't think I would lose the redness in my cheeks for days. When we reached the bar, Levi settled me onto a chair and looked at me with the same strange look in his eyes. I didn't know what was happening, but I could feel things changing between us. His green eyes watched my every move. I couldn’t hold back a smile, I offered it to him shyly and he smiled back, touching my cheek softly with the back of his hand. His touch vibrated against my skin making me feel connected to him in my core.

  What was happening to me?

  Chapter Five

  The night came to an end and Levi drove us home before he called it a night. We were exhausted and drunk; all three of us were walking disasters. I went straight to bed after drinking a large glass of water and popping two Advil. I didn't even bother removing my makeup or clothes, I just wanted to lay my head on the pillow and sleep.

  Bekka and Val stayed up and ate leftover lasagna before they went to bed. I could hear them in the kitchen as they heated it up. The smell was making me nauseous; my stomach felt as stable as a rodeo cowboy on the back of a bull. I had no desire to be sick and I knew if I’d stayed up with them and eaten, I would've done so instantly. I rolled onto my side and promptly fell asleep.

  The sound of the toilet flushing repeatedly woke me up and I was pretty sure one of the girls was sick. The sun was up and the birds were already chirping in the trees by my bedroom window. It should have been music to my ears but it wasn’t remotely enjoyable with the way I felt.

  "Val... Bek..." I couldn't even finish the question. The sound of my own voice hurt, making the hammers which seemed to have been installed in my skull head knock on every part of it. Yes, I was officially hung over. I hated my life and regretted every single shot I’d drunk the night before. With both hands pressed against my temples, I prayed to God that he would take away the pain.

  ''I’m okay, don't come in here.'' Bekka responded in a broken voice.

  Thank God she didn’t need me, because I wasn't really planning on going. Every sound in the house caused pain, and I desperately needed quiet. I walked as slowly as possible to the kitchen, to get more medicine. I was still under the influence of the alcohol and I couldn't manage to walk a straight line. I got two more Advil and a glass of water and returned to bed.

  I pulled off my top and skirt and hid under the covers, grateful I was able to fall asleep again.

  I wasn't sure how long I’d spent in bed the second time, but I heard the girls talking in the kitchen and the sound didn't hurt so much. I got up and pulled on a t-shirt. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and I looked terrible. I needed to take a shower as soon as possible to try and restore my humanity.

  ''Hey girls.''

  ''Get in the shower quickly, we have to leave in an hour to drop Val at the airport,'' Bekka ordered, with a sad look. Bekka’s face was pale and drawn, and with no signs of mascara or eyeliner, it obviously meant only one thing. Bekka was having a bad day.

  ''Already?'' What time was it? How long did I sleep?

  ''Yeah, she’s on the mid-afternoon flight.''

  ''Alright, I won't be long.''

  I grabbed my favorite purple underwear from my dresser, before I jumped in the shower. I started with cold water to wake me up, letting it fall on my hair and down my back for a couple of minutes before I switched to hot water when my teeth started chattering.

  Bits and pieces of last night were slowly coming back. Tristan and our make out session in the middle of the crowded club. I w
as embarrassed, it was so out of character and I couldn't believe what I’d done. My feelings for Tristan mixed with a couple of shots had me out of control. My thoughts turned to Levi. He looked great last night and I was starting to think that maybe if I gave him a chance, we could be friends. Sort of. Apart from the tattoos, he was like any other guy. I clearly remembered myself on the stage singing and dancing while looking at him, gazing into his eyes. He had gorgeous green eyes and they were so alive during my songs. I smiled at the memory. The karaoke wasn’t so bad in the end, I’d enjoyed myself and for a few minutes, I’d felt like a rock star. An enormous smile appeared on my lips. I’d loved it but I didn’t think I’d ever do it again.

  I dried my hair as quickly as I could. Time was running out and I wanted to spend more than five minutes with Val before we dropped her at the airport. I’d spent my whole childhood with her, but all those years didn't cover how much time I wished I could spend with her.

  I put on the underwear and made my way out of the bathroom. We were used to seeing each other in underwear, it wasn't a big deal and besides, I’d just applied lotion over my tattoo. It didn't hurt anymore and I thought it looked freaking sexy. I would never have done it under other circumstances, but I had no regrets.

  ''Almost ready, I just need to put...''

  ''No, no, Nix! The guys are here.'' Bekka rushed towards me, but it was too late. I was standing in the living room in my underwear, with Tyler and Levi both staring. My breasts had been pushed together by the underwired bra, giving me amazing cleavage and my panties, well, they just weren't covering much of anything. They were a tiny little piece of fabric that barely registered against my skin. I needed to cover myself but other than arms and hands, I had nothing to use. I tried to say something, but words failed me. My face was red hot with embarrassment and my eyes were fixed on Levi.