Body, Ink, and Soul

by Jude Ouvrard

  ''Hot damn!'' I heard him mutter. The smirk on his face was worth a thousand words. He obviously appreciated the view.

  I was sure I would never hear the end of it. I turned around and raced into my room. My heart was beating so fast, it was making me dizzy. Did he really just see me half naked? Yes, he did. I tried to convince myself it wasn't much different than wearing a bikini on a beach. I would have no problem wearing a bathing suit around them, so I shouldn't make a big deal out of this. If only I could erase from my memory the look of desire on Levi’s face when he saw me. It made me blush even thinking about it.

  I put on a purple knee length skirt and a black V-neck t-shirt, and slipped my feet into black chucks; they were still aching from all the dancing. I brushed my hair again and decided to leave it loose. After applying mascara and lip gloss, I looked at myself in the mirror one last time. My cheeks were still flushed, but at this point, I just had to face them and try to act like nothing happened.

  ''Hey guys,'' I said, as I walked back into the room.

  They all acted like nothing had happened and they were pretty good actors. Levi did come up to me and gave me a quick hug, which was a bit weird. Our friendship - or whatever we had - had not reached the hugging stage yet.

  ''Nix, you are my favorite rock star now. What you did last night was amazing,'' Tyler announced. I could see his eyes sparkling with excitement, which made me proud but uncomfortable at the same time.

  ''Yeah, well, it was a onetime only kind of thing,'' I warned him.

  He pouted. ''You have to do it again! Please?'' He had that sad puppy look on his face and I couldn't help but grin at him.

  ''I don't think so, it was fun and I enjoyed it a lot, but it isn't who I am.'' I paused. ''I’m not a rock star.''

  Levi laughed. ''What do you mean, ‘it isn't who I am’? It was you on that stage, you owned it, and you took control. Every single person in the club saw it. It's where you’re meant to be.''

  ''Don't pretend like you know me, Levi, I met you five minutes ago,'' I snapped.

  ''There she goes again,'' he muttered, with an irritated look on his face.

  Why do I always snap at him? I hated myself. Levi was just trying to be nice, and again, the bitchy side came out. ''I'm sorry Levi, I didn’t mean it. I just... I love to sing, but I don’t think I could do it again.'' I paused to glance at him and he nodded. ''What are you guys doing here, anyway?''

  Bekka stood in front of Tyler and he circled his arms around her waist. ''They’re coming with us to the airport. They offered their... support.''

  ''Bekka, Val and her luggage are going with me. You can go with Levi,'' Tyler announced.

  My two best friends stared at their feet, too afraid to face me. What was this? A plan to get me closer to Levi? I wasn’t a drama queen, but I didn’t want this arrangement. He might become a friend, maybe, but nothing more. All I could think about were Tristan’s lips, his smile, and his toned body. Why were they always trying to push Levi my way?

  I didn't say anything, because I’d already told them everything there was to say. They knew how I felt about this situation, and I didn't want to start a fight before Val’s departure.

  I settled into Levi’s car uncomfortably. It was an old car of some description, it looked pretty good but I had no clue what it was. The only thing I could figure out, now I was sitting in it, was that it was loud and fast. Clearly I wasn't born when the car was manufactured, and Levi probably wasn't either.

  ''I hope you don't mind being alone in the apartment tonight,'' Levi said, as we followed Tyler’s black Porsche Carrera.

  ''Why would you say that?'' I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. Val might be leaving, but Bekka still lived with me. Was he trying to scare me or something?

  ''Tyler’s not the type of guy who likes spending a night away from his girl. I just think she’ll be spending a lot of nights with him, now they’re officially together.''

  ''Bekka’s looking for another roommate, so I’ll be fine. You don't need to worry about me, I'm a big girl.''

  ''Sorry, it’s just that I care about you, and it's normal for me to worry about the people I care about.''

  The more he tried to be nice, the more it scared me. Levi was turning out to be a good guy underneath the rough exterior, and he attracted me more every time I spoke with him. I couldn’t deal with this though, I didn’t want to get involved with him.

  ''You don’t have to worry about me.'' Again, I was pushing him away without really wanting to. I just couldn’t seem to control myself. It was like I was fighting with my inner demons. Levi didn’t say anything else, he drove silently and kept his eyes in the road.

  I grabbed my phone, deciding to send a text message to Tristan. He was a nice guy, someone I could rely on. The exact opposite of ink boy, in fact.

  Nix: Hey Tristan, what are your plans for today?

  I scanned through the photos on my phone, waiting for his response. They were mostly of myself, Bekka and Val. We were always having a good time, but I was painfully aware it would be different after today.

  Tristan: Busy day today. I need to study.

  Nix: All right, call me later if you want.

  Tristan: Sure babe x

  I smiled. He’d called me babe again, and I loved it. More proof that he was the perfect guy for me.

  When we reached the airport, the guys walked a few steps behind us, carting Val’s pile of luggage. It was obvious they were leaving us girls alone to say our goodbyes. We hugged, we kissed, we cried and we were a mess. I’d never dreamed it was going to be this difficult to say goodbye. I’d expected to cry, but it seemed as if my heart was being ripped apart. We weren't related by blood, but these two girls were like sisters to me.

  ''My beautiful Nix, I just want you to be happy, be who you want to be. Be yourself, spread your wings. You only have one life to live, don’t always do what your Mom tells you is right. It’s your life, you’d better enjoy it. Do what feels right in your heart, not your head. You've been listening to your head for way too long. Go with your heart. Okay?''

  ''I’ll try.'' I sobbed in her arms, holding her tight against me. ''Call me, email me. Visit us when you can, okay?''

  ''I will,'' Val promised.

  She said her goodbyes to Bekka while I stood and watched. I couldn't seem to stop crying. Rationally, I knew she wasn't dying, she was just moving to another state. We were still going to be in the same country. I had to remind myself I would see her again, just not as much as I would like.

  I felt a strong arm around my shoulder and I knew instinctively who it was. Levi always seemed to be waiting in the wings for the perfect opportunity. Yet it didn't feel awkward, to my surprise it felt good to have him standing so close to me.

  ''Shh, you’ll be okay, Rock Star.''

  I kept my eyes averted from his. “I know,” I whispered.

  ''Come here.'' He turned me in his arms and hugged me against him tightly. My cheek rested against his rock hard-chest. I’d never noticed his chest or arms before, but he was obviously very fit. I made a conscious decision to allow him to take care of me, letting him in. My walls were down and I admitted to myself, I enjoyed having Levi hold me.

  We watched Val disappear on the other side of the gate. She was leaving us to give her and John a chance to be together and I hoped it would be everything she wanted. There were no hard feelings, she only wanted to be with her boyfriend. I’d never been in love yet, but I was trying my best to understand.

  Levi’s fingers ran from my shoulder, to my elbow and then, down to my hand. My breathing hitched, I didn't know what he wanted, what was behind the gesture. His fingers interlinked with mine, ''Don't overthink this, just hold my hand,'' he whispered, and we walked back to his car. I was confused, I tried my best to let it go, enjoy his comforting gesture, but I was scared. Scared and nervous about enjoying it more than I should.

  Levi didn't follow Tyler and Bekka, he went slower than the posted speed limits. Any other ti
me, I would have been irritated with him, but at the moment, I didn't mind. Why? I had no clue. I needed someone and he was there for me. Our hands remained entwined and I didn't move away, I wanted the contact.

  We were stopped at a red light, I knew he was looking at me but I continued staring out the window. I could feel his gaze and had to forcibly stop myself from turning to look at him. The tension was there between us, I could feel it in the air. Our hands were warm and mine was tingling. As the tension became unbearable, I was saved by my phone ringing.

  I took it out of my pocket with my free hand and glanced at the screen. ‘‘It’s Tristan.''

  Levi released my hand so I could answer the call.

  ''Hey, Tristan.'' I tried to hide the excitement in my voice, it seemed really awkward, considering I was holding another guy’s hand just a few seconds ago.

  ''Hey, baby, are you working tonight?'' he asked.

  ''Yeah, I am. You want to come?''

  ''No, I wanted to ask you out, but its fine. Another time, maybe.'' There was no disappointment in his voice.

  ''Yeah, I’d love that,'' I answered, wondering if I should ask Tyler for the night off.

  ''I’ll talk to you later,'' he said, before he hung up abruptly. He didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye. I was a bit shocked by how rude he’d been, it made me wonder if he really did want to be with me.

  I put the phone back into my pocket and stole a quick look at Levi. He was concentrating on the road and remained quiet. The silence was killing me. I knew he didn’t like Tristan, but I did. This new friendship we were developing wasn’t going to work if he wasn’t able to deal with him.

  ''So what’s up?'' he questioned after a minute or two.

  ''He just called to ask if I was working. I am, so I won't see him tonight. That’s all.''

  ''Okay.''

  Was that all he had to say? We were stuck in traffic and I watched as he plugged his iPhone into the car radio and scanned through his playlist. He turned it on and the music started pumping through the speakers. I was interested to see what would play, I had no idea what his musical tastes might be.

  The first song to play was by Incubus. He started with ‘Pardon Me’ and it was followed by all their best songs. ‘Pardon Me’ was the song I’d sung at the club the night before. It was my favorite. I sang along to the music, and followed the beat of the song in my head. Levi glanced across at me with a beautiful smile. I was flattered and surprised to discover I wasn’t shy about offering him a private concert.

  He raised his arm, brushing a single finger across my cheek, sliding it up and down across my skin. ''You have a beautiful voice, Rock Star.''

  ''So, I'm Rock Star now?'' I asked him, smiling.

  ''Yeah, unless you prefer Princess?''

  We both laughed and his hand settled over mine again. I peeked at him, asking myself why he wanted to touch me. He caught me looking and read the look on my face.

  ''I just like holding your hand, Rock Star. There isn't anything more to it. I’m not going to ask you to marry me when we get out the car.''

  ''I hope not, because I would say no, so you can save yourself the embarrassment.'' I laughed alone this time, Levi obviously didn't think I was funny. ''Sorry, I didn't mean to insult you,'' I apologised quietly. I was such a smart ass sometimes, and didn’t always think before I spoke. He remained quiet, but he kept his hand over mine. ''I like it when you hold my hand Levi, I really do,'' I tried to reassure him, and it was true, with his touch I felt safe.

  My eyes were burning from all the crying, so I laid my head against the seat and closed my eyes. Levi turned the volume down on the stereo and he started drawing little circles on my hand with his thumb, soothing me. I was surprised he was paying such close attention. He was proving he cared and I really appreciated it.

  His fingers, his warmth, the feel of his skin touching mine were all settling my anxieties. No matter how much I tried to convince myself I hated him, or how much his relentless pursuit annoyed me, at that particular moment, he was the sweetest guy on the planet.

  I pushed myself to think about Tristan, forcefully reminding myself why I liked him, but my heart was trying to push him away. My heart wanted Levi. My head was always stronger than my heart, but he’d found a way to make inroads nonetheless.

  When we arrived back at the apartment, Levi opened my door and as soon as my feet touched the ground, he took my hand in his again. I tried to hold back a smile, but I couldn't. My heart was starting to take control over my head, but I didn't know how much longer it would last. For the moment, I would enjoy Levi’s attention, but I knew it couldn’t possibly develop into a relationship. He wasn’t the right guy for me.

  We walked into the apartment and discovered Bekka and Tyler stretched out on the couch. We’d obviously interrupted them, as Bekka’s face was flushed and Tyler was clearly embarrassed as he re-buttoned his pants.

  I tried to carefully avoid looking at them, but Levi wasn't so subtle. He burst out in laughter, pulling me closer to him so my breast brushed against the side of his arm. I couldn't help myself, his laughter was contagious and I giggled too. It felt good to share something together, even if our new-found feelings for one another made me anxious. Bekka’s eyes focused on our joined hands, and I knew I would have to explain later. There was no way she would let it go, so I mentally prepared myself for a grilling.

  I tugged on my hand, trying to get Levi to release me without hurting his feelings by being abrupt and pulling away from him. He released my hand without a word, but I could see the questions lining up in his eyes. I acted like I’d needed both my hands to take off my shoes, but given they didn’t have any laces, it was a lame thing to do. We’d shared a moment together, the emotions I had regarding him, and the feelings he most likely felt were strong and real. Levi knew I had feelings for Tristan and it hadn’t stopped him, but I didn't stop him from acting either. I wanted it and liked it. I was so confused – how could I react to Levi if I wanted Tristan?

  I went into the kitchen to make coffee and not five seconds later, Bekka was standing behind me with both hands on her hips. The question she wanted answered was written all over her face. She looked happy, but completely confused by my actions. Of course she’d be happy – she thought Levi was the better choice and didn’t like Tristan. ''There’s nothing to it. Stop looking at me like that. It's nothing,'' I muttered.

  ''No fucking way,'' she said, her tone firm. ''I saw the look on his face and how you were holding his hand. It's not nothing. You’re full of...''

  ''Stop, okay?” I interrupted before she could go any further. “He was just being nice to me, very nice I admit, but he knows, just like you know, that I'm interested in Tristan.''

  ''Yeah, keep that game up if you want. I don't believe you.'' She rolled her eyes. ''You’re going to get caught up in your own game.''

  She stomped out of the kitchen, leaving me alone. I remained standing in front of the coffee machine, with my mind running a hundred miles an hour. Between Tristan’s hot kisses and Levi’s gentle safety, I was completely confused. What did I really want? I got the coffee ready and carried four cups into the living room. I sat on the couch and Levi settled beside me and wrapped his arm around my back. His hand settled on my hip, one of his fingers slipping under my shirt. I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore the gentle touch. He was testing my limits wanting to know how far he could go before I would protest. I loved his touch, I really craved it, but Tristan was always in my thoughts.

  Levi and Tyler spent the afternoon at the apartment. I was drained; crying is exhausting and I fell asleep in Levi’s arms. His fingers in my hair, the warmth of his chest against my cheek, all of these things made me comfortable and sleepy. His bad boy image scared me, but every time I was with him, things felt great and so natural. Despite my doubts, and my Mom’s warning voice in my head, I was starting to believe he really was a nice guy.

  I woke up when he carried me to my bedroom. He kissed my forehead as he care
fully laid me on the comforter.

  I’ve got to be at the shop in twenty minutes. I’ll see you later,'' he whispered. He smiled and turned around, reaching for the doorknob. I saw him take one last look at me before my eyelids fluttered shut.

  Was I dreaming? I felt the heat of his kiss on my skin and my heart screamed for one more. Just one more little kiss. What harm could it do?

  ''Levi?'' I called his name, barely audible. ''Just one more,'' I whispered pulling at the comforter as he stepped into the room.

  I heard him chuckle under his breath. ''I’ll give you one more, just this once though.'' His lips met with the corner of mine, and my eyes flew open immediately. It wasn’t on the lips, but again, he was testing my limits. I smiled for him. My eyes closed again, too tired to stay open. ''You’re beautiful, Nix. I had a nice day with you.'' He tucked my hair behind my ear and left.

  Chapter Six

  I could smell the scent of his cologne, his hands on my hips, as we danced at the club. Every move he made against me made me feel even sexier. His body was getting closer¸ I could almost feel his heartbeat against my chest. His grip was strong and possessive, he wanted me, of that I had no doubt. The look in his baby blue eyes was everything my body was screaming for. I wanted him and needed him closer still. ''Tristan,'' I whispered against the soft skin of his neck. His hands wandered all over my body as I rubbed against him.

  His lips caressed the tender skin of my neck, nibbling with soft bites. Both of his hands were holding mine, our fingers intertwined. We no longer danced, just stood there in the middle of the dance floor, touching and breathing rapidly. The tension between us was building, I looked up into his eyes and saw that he wanted it as much as I did. As I watched him, green eyes replaced blue and Tristan’s blond hair was replaced by messy brown. Levi.