Body, Ink, and Soul

by Jude Ouvrard

  "No crying allowed today, it's a good day! Come on Bek, please don’t cry!"

  She sniffled and dried her eyes. "You have no clue how deeply you can touch people’s hearts. You're gifted Nix."

  "She’s right, Rock Star, you really are." His voice was different, more emotional than usual. "You should do something about it."

  "No guys... it's my hobby, my pastime... that’s all," I pleaded with them to understand.

  Bekka held me in her arms and hugged me tightly. Then, Angel joined us and Tyler too. I hadn’t even noticed that he was here.

  "I missed the show but I could hear you from the bedroom. You should think about doing a small concert one night at the club. It could be a private show, if you want."

  I had to admit, I was interested in the idea but not entirely convinced. "I’ll think about it. Thanks for the offer, Tyler."

  "Who wants breakfast?" Angel asked, pulling out of the embrace.

  "I do." I agreed happily.

  Breakfast with Levi would always bring back the memories of our first morning together. When I first saw him standing in the kitchen, wearing his underwear, I thought I was going to kill him. I was so angry with Bekka for choosing him as our new roommate. Now though, I couldn't imagine my life without him and it had only been a few days. He was bringing so much happiness into my life, I was in love and nothing else mattered. Well, almost nothing, other than my grumbling stomach as Levi prepared breakfast.

  Chocolate milk, pancakes, fresh fruits, eggs and bacon. Levi was the king of breakfast preparation. We all ate way too much, but god, it was so delicious. They all looked hangover, with dark circles under their eyes.

  "When did you get home last night, I didn't hear you come in?"

  "Oh, you were gone, sound asleep when we got home," Bekka laughed. "Levi put you into bed and you didn't even move. We continued the party until about 4am."

  "Remind me to buy you a new bottle of vodka," Levi muttered, and I think he hoped I wouldn't notice what he’d said.

  "It was a brand new bottle. Geez, guys." I looked at them, one by one, taking in the signs of a heavy night. Bekka had a bad case of panda eyes, where her mascara had smeared and her hair had the look of someone who’d partaken in too much alcohol and a lot more sex. Tyler and Levi both had bloodshot eyes and severe cases of bed head. "No wonder you all look like hell." I laughed, delighted to see them suffering while I felt perfectly fine.

  "Stop... stop... quiet, please. My head is killing me. This is going to be a long day," Bekka whined, and got up to find the bottle of Advil extra-strength. They passed the bottle around the table, all three of them obviously suffering hangovers.

  I took care of the dishes while the trio watched a movie. When I was finishing up I heard one of them snoring. Great, I thought. I could tell none of them would be very active today.

  "I’m going to get a shower real quick and head in to the shop. I have to draw a design for a client. He’s coming this afternoon" Levi popped his head through the doorway to the kitchen.

  My hands were in the sink, dripping with soapy water. I nodded and heard Levi head into the bathroom. I heard the water running and my mind automatically switched on to a replay of yesterday’s shower. His hands holding me, touching me. The feel of him inside me. His kisses that I now craved like the most addictive drug. It was like an adult movie playing in my head. I dropped the last plate into the sink and the water splattered all around the floor, but mostly on me, of course. It didn’t stop me from daydreaming. I relived the whole scene in my head and remembered the feel of his chest, his abs. I wanted to feel him again now. I dried my hands and walked through to the bathroom, but it was already empty. I walked down to his bedroom and found him dressed and ready to leave.

  He saw the disappointment in my eyes. "I'm sorry Rock Star, I really need to get going, but come down later if you want, or take the day off. You could spend the day with Bekka if you’d like."

  Although the thought of a day with Bekka was tempting, seeing my angel later was more tempting. "I'll see you at the shop later, okay?"

  "Yeah, Nix. I love you, my little Rock Star." He kissed me briefly and left.

  I was certain Bek and Tyler were both asleep in the living room. I had no reason to stay home and couldn’t think of anything interesting to do which wouldn't interrupt their sleep.

  I jumped in the shower, putting on my favorite purple tank top and a pair of denim Capri’s and headed out of the apartment. I had my iPod plugged into my ears as I started walking down the sidewalk. I didn't know what I intended to do, but I didn't mind not having any definitely plans.

  I sat under a tree near the University and listened to music. The sky was perfectly blue, no sign of clouds and the sun was shining brightly. It was so warm, I was thankful to be sitting in the shadow of the large tree. I stayed there for almost an hour before I decided to continue walking.

  I spied a nail salon and stopped to look in through the window. Why not? I pulled opened the door and decided to get a manicure and pedicure on the spur of the moment.

  "Did you decide on a color?" The nail technician asked, showing me all the different colors I could choose from.

  "Yeah, this one." I pointed out a flashy summer shade of purple, for both my toenails and fingernails.

  It was my first time having a manicure and pedicure done by a professional, and I was excited. The technician even added tiny diamonds to my fingernails. It was really cute, adding something special and unique. It felt so good to be in love, I wanted to be prettier for Levi. He never complained about how I looked, but I wanted to be more for him. My feminine side was apparently coming out, which had never happened before. I’d been on a few dates before Levi, and my desire to look good was there, but my need to please was way different with Levi. I wanted him to want me, as much as I wanted and needed him.

  When I finally walked out of the salon, my nails were all pretty and shiny and I was feeling great. I couldn't wait for Levi to see. He would notice right away, I had no doubt. I’d been out for more than two hours already and I missed him. I grabbed turkey sandwiches and Caesar salads for the guys from the bakery and headed towards the tattoo shop. Butterflies started to dance in my stomach again. I felt ridiculous for being so besotted, but I honestly couldn't help it. My feelings for him were seemingly uncontrollable. Between us, everything was almost too good to be true. I started walking a little faster, as soon as the shop signboard came into view. My heartbeat was accelerating and my palms were sweaty.

  I glanced through the front window and what I saw nearly broke me in half with agony. My blood ran ice cold in my veins and my heart stuttered painfully in my chest. A rush of anger and jealousy pounded through my body.

  He wasn't alone.

  They stood so close together, him and a beautiful woman. It wasn't something friends would normally do. Their bodies were aligned to one another, though not actually touching and Levi had his arms around her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and it was apparent they were intimate, or had been in the past. The kind of intimate which involves sex and lots of it. Levi was staring down into her eyes and she was gazing at him as if she owned him.

  How could he do this to me?

  Levi never saw me through the window. I turned away and searched for a cab in the traffic on the street. I had to get out of here. Panic was growing in my chest as I scouted the passing cars frantically. One second I wanted to cry and the next I wanted to scream my rage at being cheated on. How could he do this?

  I spotted Kyle walking toward me, and he greeted me with a warm smile. "Hey Nix. Leaving already?"

  "Yes. I'm... no... I can’t see him... take this. It's for you. I gotta go," I couldn’t even come up with a coherent sentence. I pushed the food into his arms and ran down the street, thankfully waving down a cab.

  I knew the first places he would look once Kyle told him he’d seen me were the apartment and the club. I had nowhere else to go. I gave the driver my address, I had to grab a few things before
I could run. I tried to make a list of the things I should pack in my head, but I didn’t even know where I was going. My mind was unstable, I was a confused mess and I couldn’t think straight.

  The terrible images of the man I loved crept into my mind unbidden, he’d been holding her so close with his lips pressed against her forehead. Who the fuck was she? I didn't even want to know. It was making me sick to envisage them standing together and so terribly sad to think Levi had done exactly the same things to me as Tristan had. He’d cheated on me with another woman. I wanted to curl into a ball and die. This explained so much – his strange mood last night, and his words at the bar.

  ‘Don’t ever doubt me’... ‘I’m no angel’ I hadn’t understood last night. Now I did.

  The taxi driver stopped in front of the apartment a couple of minutes later. I ran inside and packed a few things into a bag and left the apartment again, glancing up and down the street in a daze. Where the hell am I going now? Was this a nightmare? It couldn't be true. My cell phone started ringing and I knew it was Levi. I ignored it as it rang again and again. He was probably on his way to the apartment, I had to get away quickly

  Val Boston Yeah... I would go to the airport and catch a flight to Boston. Nobody would find me there. I couldn't believe I was going to do this. Bekka was going to hate me for rushing off without letting her know what I was planning, but it couldn’t be helped. I had to get away before Levi tried to feed me some bullshit about how I’d misunderstood, how he didn’t have that girl wrapped in his arms...

  I flagged down another cab and requested to be driven to the airport. My hands and legs were shaking, it felt like my whole world had collapsed. My eyes remained stubbornly dry. I couldn’t face Levi now, probably not ever again, not after what I’d seen.

  Just as we turned the corner, I saw his car speeding around the corner and I ducked down in the seat. He looked as though he was in agony.

  He deserved it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Was I doing the right thing? It was a question I asked myself a dozen times during the long trip to the airport. Each time, the answer was the same. Yes, Nix, Yes, get away from him, before he can hurt you any worse than he already has done. I saw him with her. I fucking saw him. No wonder he’d been acting strangely yesterday. Now everything was clear in my head. I’d never seen her around here before, but I remembered him giving me the brush off at the tattoo shop yesterday afternoon. “Head home, Rock Star, get ready for work. I’ve only got one tattoo left to do. Something small and boring for some college girl.” He’d wanted me to leave the shop – had he been meeting her there last night? It explained his strange behaviour. Should I answer the next time he called? No. There was an internal war going on inside my head. I didn’t know what to do.

  I’d been walking in circles around the airport for the past fifteen minutes, trying to get my head together and make a decision. I checked on my iPhone for the cheapest flight rates available to Boston and it seemed to be US Airways. I ran all over the airport, trying to find the US Airways terminal. I had my credit card in hand. Part of my head was warning me to stay here, but the other part was telling me to escape. Too much had happened lately, I was confused and felt so desperately alone.

  Levi, the man I had called my angel. What was he doing with her? Did I really want to know? I slumped onto a bench right in front of the US Airways counter and tried to think clearly for two seconds. Staying or going? Maybe it would help to get away for a little while. My mom, Carlson and Levi - every one of them had disappointed me and hurt me so badly, I wondered if my heart would ever stop bleeding.

  I grabbed my phone from my bag and dial the ten numbers which would change everything. It rang a couple of times before Val picked up.

  "Nix?" She sounded surprise by my call.

  "Val, I'm coming to Boston. I'll be there soon," I told her shakily.

  "Are you okay? You sound like you’re about to cry." I knew she was worried and I felt bad about it but she was my only escape route.

  "I’m okay. I'll tell you everything when I get there."

  "Text or call me when you know the arrival time. I’ll come pick you up."

  I hung up and regained some control over my emotions. The lady at the counter was watching me covertly, with a worried frown. I forced a smile and walked to her desk.

  "Hi, I’d like a ticket to Boston, please, the first flight which is available." My heart was thumping erratically, I couldn’t believe myself, I was really going to Boston.

  "We have a flight leaving in fifty-three minutes. Do you have any luggage?"

  "Only a carry on."

  She asked for identification and my credit card. Less than 5 minutes later, I was booked on the flight. I sent Val a text message, confirming the time of my arrival, then found a coffee shop and ordered a drink, slumping down at a small table. My hands were still shaking, but I knew I’d made the right decision. My cell phone started ringing again, but I took a deep breath and turned it off. Leaning back in the seat, the decision made, my body finally started to calm down.

  The boarding call for the flight came over the intercom a few minutes later and I joined the queue of passengers. My whole body felt overtired and extremely stressed, and I figured the six hour flight was a good excuse to take a nap and get some rest.

  I woke up halfway through the flight and watched the movie for a little while, before I fell back asleep for the rest of the trip. It was only when the pilot announced our imminent arrival in Boston that I sat up and looked out the window to see the lights below.

  When the flight landed, I was so excited to see Val, I almost forgot the reason why I came in the first place. It came back to me quickly enough and the worst part was that I missed him. How could I miss someone who had deceived me?

  Val was easy to find, because nobody else was jumping up and down and running for their life like she was. Even though I was very emotional, she managed to make me giggle. She looked so relaxed and happy, it was obvious being in Boston with John suited her.

  "I’m so happy to see you Nix, you have no idea! I missed you so much." She hugged me and it felt so good to see her again.

  "I missed you too. It's not the same without you at home. We miss you terribly."

  "Do you have everything? I mean any other luggage?"

  "No, I'm all set."

  "Okay, let’s go. I'm parked in a no parking area. I just got here."

  We rushed out of the airport towards her car because she feared it would be towed because of where she’d parked. I couldn’t stop laughing at her crazy antics. She unlocked the doors of her Volkswagen and we fell inside, still laughing. As soon as I settled in her car, my laughter transformed into tears and then hiccoughing sobs. I was in terrible shape mentally.

  Forgetting about her concerns about being in a no parking zone, Val placed an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. "What the hell is going on with you? Is it your mother?" she questioned anxiously.

  "It’s Mom, Carlson... and Levi."

  "Levi? Yesterday, Bekka told me things were fantastic between the two of you. What the hell happened between then and now?"

  The words wouldn't come out through my lips because the pain was too strong. I tried to tell her, but I couldn't get anything out. Eventually, Val gave up on getting any sense from me, started the car and drove us to her apartment. She was driving faster than necessary, but clearly her main goal was to hurry home and get me calmed down enough to make some sense.

  By the time we walked into her apartment, the sobbing had stopped. Only silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I thought I was ready to tell her what was bothering me enough to fly over two thousand miles to escape.

  "This morning, Levi was working, so I spent a few hours by myself around town and then I went to bring him lunch and I saw him with another girl. She was in his arms and he kissed her forehead while I was watching. All I know is that it wasn't a friendly thing, it looked so much more intimate, as though she was his girlfriend." The
pain wrenched in my chest again. I was his girlfriend, damn it. What he’d done was unforgiveable.

  "What did he say about it?"

  Shit, I thought, I look like an idiot. "I didn't say anything to him. After I saw them, I turned around and left. I saw his partner when I was searching for a taxi, he probably told him I was mad."

  "You left without giving him a chance to explain himself? It could have been his sister or a cousin," Val retorted. I could tell she was frustrated with me for handling the situation in such an immature way.

  "Oh no, Val, she definitely wasn't family. She must be an ex or something. Believe me, the look in her eyes wasn’t a friendly thing, she wanted him, pure and simple." I pleaded my case.

  "Does he know you’re here? Does Bekka know?" Val asked.

  "Nobody knows." I pulled the phone from my bag and turned it on. It vibrated crazily for a couple of seconds and a robotic voice advised that my voice mail was full. A check of the screen showed five voice messages and eighteen text messages. I sat back on the couch, stunned and began to really think things through. Val’s calm demeanour was calming my anxieties. Would Levi really keep trying to contact me so frantically, if he was guilty of what I was accusing him of? "Damn it. I’m an idiot, Val, I really am."

  "Yep, you probably are,” Val announced calmly. “Call him, or at the very least, listen to his messages and text him if you’re not ready to talk."

  I pressed play to listen to his first message. Val settled next to me, draping her arm around my shoulder. She was supporting me even though I’d probably committed a stupid mistake.

  "Rock Star,” Levi begged, his voice soft and strained. “Let me talk to you, please, Nix. Call me back." The pain in his voice broke my heart.

  I pressed the button to listen to the next voice message. "Nix, please, please, please baby, give me a chance to explain. I'm heading to the apartment now, to see if Bekka’s heard anything." This time, his voice sounded like he was panicked. My heart squeezed, as if it had been stabbed.