Body, Ink, and Soul

by Jude Ouvrard

  The third message was worse. "Where are you, Phoenix? I checked your room, saw that some of your stuff was gone? Are you leaving me?" I could hear his voice trembling, breaking with pain. He hurt because of me. He really loved me. What had I done? Tears were blurring my vision, I could feel his pain in my own chest.

  The next message was from Bekka. "Nix, why the hell is Levi going fucking crazy right now? You have to call me back as soon as you get this! Where the hell are you? Tyler is trying to calm Levi down, but I need you to call me, RIGHT NOW," Bekka ordered, sounding pissed. I could hear Tyler in the background trying to talk to Levi. Before the message ended, I heard Levi’s voice, yelling at Tyler. “I fucking love her, Ty!”

  After the last message, I slumped against Bekka wordlessly my eyes glued to the cell phone. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, let him hold me in his arms and give him a chance to explain.

  "I don't think the girl you saw is a danger to you, Nix," Bekka squeezed my shoulder and handed me her own phone. "Call him or Bekka. Let them know you’re here, it’s the least you can do while you get yourself sorted out."

  "Yeah. I think I should." I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand and took her phone, offering her a tiny smile. "I’ve screwed up big time, haven’t I?"

  "No, Nix. You’ve been through a hell of a lot lately and you saw a situation and jumped to a conclusion.” She offered me a warm smile. “Despite everything, I'm glad you came to see me," she added.

  "I'm glad too, I’ve missed you so much."

  I dialled the phone number for the apartment, I didn’t know if anyone would be home but I wasn’t quite ready to ring Levi directly, and I wanted a better than even chance that Bekka would answer.

  “Hey Val! Have you heard from Nix? We’ve got a bit of an emergency here,” Bekka answered, talking in a rush.

  "Hey..." I said softly.

  "Phoenix? No, no, no, you didn't travel all the way to Boston without telling me! Levi is going to lose it even more than he already has!" she yelled.

  "I’m sorry. I needed a time out. I thought it was my only option.” I took a deep breath. “I saw him with a girl, Bekka, I saw him so close to her that I knew something was up."

  "You should have let him explain, Nix.” she chuckled, seemingly amused at my misery.

  “What’s so funny?” I demanded.

  “It's not my story to tell.".

  "Is he okay?"

  "Why don't you ask him yourself?"

  "I don't know if I want to speak to him yet, Bekka."

  There was silence at the other end of the line for a couple of seconds. "Rock Star?" When I heard his voice, it sounded rougher than usual. "Where are you?"

  "I'm in Boston," I whispered, clutching the phone like a lifeline.

  "What the hell, Nix? You didn't have to go so damn far away."

  "Who is she?" Every word of that question shot from my mouth like bullets. I hated to ask him, not sure if I wanted the answer, but I deserved to know the truth. Bekka might be amused, and Val thought I was an idiot, but I knew what I’d seen at the shop. I needed an explanation. I knew he was still on the line, but he stayed worryingly silent. "Who is she?" I repeated angrily.

  "She’s a girl I used to date when I was living in New York." There was resignation in his tone.

  "You are an..."

  He cut me off. "Let me finish first, Nix. Insult me or call me names afterwards, if you still think I deserve it."

  "You better have a fucking good explanation," I snapped.

  He sighed heavily. "I do. Remember when I asked you for a smile, that first night at the club? I’d just gotten back into town, a few days before, and I swear to God, when I saw you that was it for me. You know that.” He paused, as if he expected me to respond, but I stayed silent. Nothing he’d said had explained anything yet. When he continued, his voice was low, cautious. “Her name is Mercedes. When I was in New York, I went on a few dates with her. She’s a nice girl and she’s a tattoo artist, too.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “We were good buddies, you know?''

  I knew. And I didn’t want to. "The last thing I need to hear right now is that she was your fuck buddy, Levi. Got it?" I stated coldly.

  "Yeah, well... um... Anyway, that night, when I talked to you for the first time, I knew then Nix, I had to have you for my own. Nobody else has ever made me feel the way you do. When I finally got that smile from you, I went home and I called Mercedes in the middle of the night, to end whatever it was that we had. I swear, Rock Star, it was just a casual thing for me."

  “Why is she in Seattle then? It if was just a casual thing, why’d she fly all the way from New York to see you again?"

  He sighed and there was another long pause before he answered the question. "She was more into the relationship than I was. She came to tell me she wanted me back, and I told her it wasn't possible. That’s when you saw us, Nix. I swear, I’d told her there was no chance, and she was upset, that’s all. I felt sorry for her. Nothing else."

  "Okay." It's all I could think of to say.

  "I’ll never love anyone else but you. You’re my rock star, you’re my lover, you’re my best friend. You’re everything I need. You complete me, Nix."

  I couldn’t get the sight of Levi with Mercedes in his arms out of my mind. Two perfect people, holding one another. It would haunt me forever, if I wasn’t certain he meant what he was saying. "Are you sure? Because you two looked like a perfect match, if you want my opinion. Your lips on her forehead, it's exactly what you did to me too. It hurt me so much Levi, so much." Tears were rolling down my cheeks again.

  "You’re my perfect match, Phoenix. Listen to me, please. I love you and only you, okay?" He put the emphasis on you. His voice was trembling again, exactly like it had in the voice messages he’d left me. "Please, Nix, I’m begging you. Please forgive me."

  "Is that why you were acting so weird the night before?" I asked.

  "Yeah. I knew she was in town, she’d been to the shop before I came in. Kyle told me."

  "Why didn't you tell me? You must have known there was a chance I would run into her. Why did you keep it secret?"

  He sighed again, and I could almost imagine him running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "You were already going through so much with your Mom and step-dad, Nix. You were dealing with enough shit, you didn’t need mine being added to your problems."

  "That’s just a bullshit excuse. Either we are together, or we aren't, Levi. If there’s something going on with you, you need to tell me, not try and hide it."

  "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I’ve ruined everything." Our conversation died and the silence was so absolute, I could hear Bekka making coffee in the background. "So, are you going coming back home? Do you need money? I... I could fly out, meet you there if you want," he suggested nervously.

  "I’ll be coming back, but not right now. I’ll call you later." I hesitated uncertain how to end the call. I was about to disconnect when I heard his voice, in barely a whisper.

  "I love you, Nix, I’ll wait for you."

  I pressed ’end’, regretting not saying the words back almost immediately.

  "That was pretty lame, Nix. Call him back right now, before he cries you a river," Val said dryly.

  I laughed, even though it didn’t seem very funny. "I’ll call him tomorrow. I just need to clear my mind now."

  "Bullshit, you know you love him. You should tell him, so he’s got something to hold on to."

  "I do, but maybe..."

  "There is no maybe, Phoenix Silverstone. Bekka, Tyler and I, we knew straight away that you guys were a perfect match. We can see it in your eyes, the way you are around him and how he’s always there for you, protecting you. You were born to be with him. Have some faith in Levi, Nix. He is yours now and will always be yours."

  "I’ll text him later.”

  "And I'm kicking you out in four days, maybe even before."

  "Who the hell are you?” I demanded. “What have you done with
my best friend? She used to be much nicer."

  "Says who? The heart-breaker?" she sneered.

  That was a low blow. "Oh! Come on, don't be so horrible."

  "Call him or send him a text message now, or I'm kicking you out immediately." Val crossed her arms over her chest.

  "Geez." I rolled my eyes. "Okay. I'm sending him one now."

  Each key I pressed made me feel more nervous, even though I knew I had nothing to be nervous about. I had no doubt anymore, I loved him with all my heart and I knew he loved me.

  Nix: I love you too, Angel. xxx

  His response was immediate and he replied with at least a hundred kisses. I couldn't stop smiling and I kept looking at the text message throughout the evening. I sent him a good night message at around 8pm, when I collapsed into bed in exhaustion.

  John woke me up the next morning when he was getting ready for work. I got up and prepared coffee.

  "Did you sleep well?" he asked, when he saw me in the kitchen.

  I was still stretching and I smiled warmly. "Yeah, I did. Thank you for letting me stay."

  "No problem, my girl is very happy to have you around," he grinned, showing why Val had fallen so hard for him. John was the American-dream, I could easily see him in a Tommy Hilfiger commercial. He had perfect white teeth, gorgeous looks and a clean-cut haircut maybe because Val is a year younger, it took them a while to get together. We’d grown up in the same area, but it wasn’t until Val matured a little before John took any interest in her. The important thing was, they were now gloriously happy together.

  "I’ve missed her too."

  He left for work and I was left alone, sitting at the kitchen table while Val was still sleeping. They had a very nice apartment, which looked practically brand new. Their furniture was all made of stainless steel and the cabinets were a rich cherry wood. It gave the kitchen a warm ambiance.

  The apartment was peaceful and the sun’s rays peeked in to light the room. I walked back into the bed and grabbed my cell phone from the night stand. There were no messages from Bekka or Levi. I hated the time difference. I wanted to call him but it was still nighttime at home.

  I made another coffee and settled in the living room, taking some time to think about everything which had happened in the past few days. I briefly thought about Mom and Carlson, reinforcing my decision to not worry about them anymore. It was their choice, their loss.

  And then, my angel came up in my mind. I think knowing about Mercedes will only make us stronger. The fact that his ex-girlfriend was in town and he hadn’t told me, was still upsetting. It wasn't very mature or honest of him, but I thought he realized his mistake now. His reaction when he’d found out I saw together was heartbreaking, but at the same time, it showed me how much he cared. He was sad, hurt and desperate to reach me when he realized how unhappy he’d made me.

  My escape to Boston was a fine example of how immature I’d been. I should have let him talk to me. He deserved an opportunity to explain himself. I wasn't happy to see him holding her so close to his body, but I knew now that he’d been caring for her after telling her they couldn't be together. She was hurt, and she cried, I assumed. Levi might looked like a bad-ass, but underneath the tough exterior is a teddy bear. He was so protective, I could see now, how he would have been upset because he’d hurt Mercedes’s feelings. He was a gentleman, and I knew he wouldn’t have wanted her to be distraught.

  Levi had forgiven me for leaving town and for making all the wrong decisions. Every time I touched my tattoos or saw them in a mirror, it reminded me of how much we loved each other. I wasn’t going to let anyone destroy us. Not my mother, not Carlson or Levi’s ex. We were strong together and very deeply in love. He represented the balance I needed, he was my other half.

  I fell back to sleep and woke up with Valerie sleeping by my side, just like we used to do as kids. Val, Bekka and I used to have a lot of sleepovers. Most of them would occur at my parent’s house, naturally, so they could keep a strict eye on me. Our parents knew each other well, and they knew my mom’s tendencies towards controlling my life. Val would always bring tons of candy and chocolates and Bekka was in charge of the movies. We had a great youth together, despite my mother’s batshit crazy mentality.

  Val had her arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly in her sleep. I think she’d been missing Bekka and I, as much as we missed her. It must have been really hard for her to start over in a different city. She had John, but other than that, she knew no one else. I snuggled closer to one of my two best friends and drifted back off to sleep.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I loved Boston. I decided I would have no problem living here. The people, the cute accent and the city, I loved everything about it. We ate breakfast in a small restaurant located on the corner of Bekka’s street. We were sitting by the window, where we could enjoy the downtown spirit. The restaurant was intimate and the food was so tasty.

  On my second day in this beautiful city, we walked and shopped for hours downtown. I didn't spend a lot of money, because this trip had left a major hole in my bank account. Val convinced me to buy a few things though. I'm a girl after all. I got Levi a black Boston hoodie and a nice leather belt. I couldn't recall if he needed any of these items, but I was certain he would love because I’d chosen them for him. I got a silver bracelet for Bekka, handmade by an artisan. The artist was selling his jewellery on a street stall near the market.

  We visited a dress boutique Bekka recommended, where I discovered a dark purple dress which really captured my attention. I couldn’t leave the store without trying it on. It fit like second skin, showing off my curves. I was undecided at Val’s urging I bought it to wear when we went out the following night. John had made friends with a DJ in Boston, and he’d given us free passes to the club where he worked. Val had already been there once before and judging by her excitement, I knew the club was probably going to be electrifying. I was a little nervous about the idea, because I knew how it was in a club when you were a single girl. I wasn’t single, but Levi wasn't going to be there and wearing that purple dress, I was going to have to be extra careful not to attract unwanted attention.

  My legs were tired by the time we got home, from walking all day. I wanted my bed and Levi too. I missed him way too much. I knew I was behaving like a lovesick teenager, and the worst part was that it was a self-inflicted pain - I had run away from him voluntarily. Maybe having some time alone was a good thing. Like Carlson used to say, everything happens for a reason. Although I missed him like crazy, the trip to Boston made me realize I needed and wanted Levi more than anyone else in my life.

  When we stumbled into the apartment, John had already prepared dinner. It smelled so good, my stomach was growling before we’d even sat down. It not only looked delicious, it was amazingly good. John’s mother was Italian and had taught him to cook when he was a young boy. He’d prepared ricotta and spinach ravioli with a spicy tomato sauce, garden salad and garlic bread. I ate way too much, but the food was so wonderful, I couldn't help myself.

  I crashed on the couch and woke up early the following morning with a blanket draped over me. I tiptoed to the guest room and instantly fell into a heavy sleep again.

  Levi’s hands caressed my body, his lips on mine, then he travelled lower, kissing my cheeks, my chin and lower to my breasts. He drew one nipple into his hot mouth, teasing it with his tongue, while he brushed across the other nipple with his thumb. My skin was covered in goose bumps and my body quivered beneath his intimate touch. His warm breath was dancing across my skin and the words he was whispering suggested exactly what he intended to do next...

  "Hey Nix. Wake up. Nix? Come on, lazybones!"

  "Oh, shit." I muttered in disappointment when I opened my eyes. "It was just a dream." Realizing I’d spoken aloud, I flushed red with embarrassment.

  "A pretty good one, I think," Val teased with a giggle. “I imagine it involved a certain tattooed guy, who lives in Seattle?”

  "Definitely,
" I laughed and drew the covers up over my face to hide.

  “I almost forgot, I have an appointment at the hair salon today. Do you want to come or do you want to stay here?"

  I threw back the sheet. "Do I have time for a shower?" I needed a shower – a cold one - to regain some control over my body and mind. They were both playing some raunchy games with me.

  "Yeah, but you’ll need to hurry." Bekka slipped out of the room.

  I got up, noticing some aches and pains from all the walking we did the previous day. My head wouldn't let the dream go, the feeling of Lev, his kisses, his touch. It was so real. I wanted to see him, hug him, kiss him and so many other things. My life without him didn't make sense.

  Val had to lend me some clothes, I’d failed to grab nearly enough clothes when I left the apartment so dramatically. I was thankful that our clothing sizes were similar. Val could almost open a store of her own, with all the clothes she owned. Her wardrobe was unbelievable and everything was classified by color. She was an obsessive compulsive freak when it came to her wardrobe and I giggled when I saw John’s measly percentage of wardrobe space.

  We’d just left the apartment, when I received a text message from my angel. My heart instantly started beating faster. How ridiculous was that? I couldn't even control my own body’s reactions. It showed how much I was missing him.

  Levi: Good Morning, my beautiful Rock Star. Hope you have a great day. ILY xxx

  Nix: Morning, Angel. Missing you like crazy. I dreamed of you last night. ILY xox

  I knew he would want more details about the dream and I thought it might be fun to tease him about it all day. I was such a bad girl and I loved it. Not even a minute later, I received a text.

  Levi: A dream?

  Nix: Yes. I typed back, smiling with excitement.

  "Why do you have that huge grin on your face?” Val demanded. “And... oh my god! You’re blushing, too! What are you guys talking about? Planning a sexy reunion?"

  "I'm just teasing Levi. Playing a little game with him."