Out of the Shadow

by J. L. Paul

  He swallowed again and cocked his head, offering his dad a tiny smile. “I’ll try that. I’ll talk to her tomorrow and tell her that’s what I want to do.”

  “Cole,” Nate said, squeezing Cole’s shoulder. “Does she like Robby?”

  “I don’t know,” Cole whispered. “She said they’re just friends.”

  “Robby just doesn’t seem like the type to hit on any woman, especially one that is involved with a friend of his,” Nate said with a frown.

  “He didn’t,” Cole said as another bolt of pain shot through his heart. “Ally said he was just helping her out and she was the one who…you know.”

  “I know,” Nate said, wrapping his arm around Cole’s shoulders. “And I’m betting she’s feeling pretty horrible about the whole thing. I’m sure she’s just as miserable as you are.”

  “Yeah,” he said, brightening a bit. “Come on. I’m curious to see what chicken recipe Stacy settled on.”

  Nate nodded and followed his son up the stairs.

  ***

  Ally spent the next few days throwing herself into her course work and practice, and her nights crying rivers of tears, usually on Shannon’s or Jamie’s shoulder. Her heart was cracked, pieces chipping away as each day ended without a phone call from Cole.

  She’d poured the entire story out to Jamie when he’d driven her home from Cole’s house, but she hadn’t admitted everything to Shannon, who remained confused as to the sudden breakup.

  Jamie kept her updated on all things RJ and Cole and she knew they were preparing to fly to L.A. to do some work with Rhys. They wouldn’t be back until close to Thanksgiving and she couldn’t stand to think about leaving things in their current state.

  She woke early Saturday morning, and didn’t budge from her blankets. She stayed in bed and watched as the light seeping through her blinds slowly changed from nonexistent to dim to dreary. When she finally tossed the blankets back, she showered leisurely, dressed, and decided to take a walk around the campus.

  She kicked at the leaves littering the sidewalk as her heels scuffed the concrete. Her mind was a blur of images and ideas and she had been struggling to make sense of everything. Certainly she’d been right to tell him the truth even though it didn’t feel right in her gut.

  She cut across campus and slowly walked to the athletic complex. She climbed the bleachers and sat, wrapping her arms around her waist, staring out at the empty football field. The light wind blew at her damp hair and she lifted her face to it.

  She missed Cole. She missed him in a horrible way. When he’d been on tour, she’d missed him but she’d missed him differently. He’d still been hers, for one thing. And she knew that she could pick up her phone and dial his number at any time. But not now. Maybe not ever. She’d not only possibly lost her boyfriend but perhaps her best friend, too.

  Her phone rang and knocked her out of her self-pity. She dug it out of her jacket pocket and her heart lurched when his name popped up on the screen. She answered warily.

  “Hello,” she said.

  “Hey, Al,” he said, his voice weary. She wondered if he’d been sleeping.

  “Hi,” she said, her hands trembling. “How are you?”

  “Fine,” he said in a clipped tone. “Listen, Al, I’m leaving for L.A. in a few hours and I wondered if you wanted to go for a ride with me this morning. I think we should talk before I leave town.”

  “Sure,” she said. “Um, when?”

  “Is now okay?” he asked. “I could be there in ten, fifteen minutes.”

  “I’ll meet you in the parking lot,” she said. He agreed and ended the call. She stuffed her phone in her pocket and stared at the goal posts, her evil, vindictive mind calling up memories of football games at Meridian Valley – particularly the one she’d attended with a broken leg in which Cole had sat with her, his arms around her, and helped her back to her room when the pain grew to be too much.

  “I can’t think about that now,” she mumbled as she stood up, wiped the dew off the back of her jeans, and climbed down the bleachers. She took her time walking across campus, knowing she’d beat him, and tried to push the worry and anxiety from her heart. It did no good to fret over things and wonder what he had to say – she’d find out sooner or later.

  She did beat him to the parking lot but didn’t have to wait long. He pulled up to the curb and opened the door for her. She climbed in and buckled her seat belt, afraid that if she looked at him, she’d crumble into a heap of tears.

  “I thought we’d just go for a quick ride,” he said. She nodded, nibbling on the inside of her cheek.

  He didn’t drive far – just a few miles to a small park – which was sort of a relief since neither one said a word. He slipped into the parking lot, put the car in park, but didn’t kill the engine. Instead, he fiddled with the key ring hanging from the ignition – a pewter key ring with his name engraved on it. A small gift from her.

  “Al,” he said softly.

  “I’m so sorry, Cole,” she said, her head bent. She twisted the ring he’d given her around and around her finger, still not able to look at him. “If I could change things, I would.”

  “I know,” he said. He reached across the console and pried her hands apart. He laced his fingers through hers. “And I know you love me just like I love you.”

  She chanced a quick glance at him and was frightened by his pale pallor. “Cole…”

  “Let me say this, please,” he begged, squeezing her hand.

  She nodded, aching to yank him into her arms. She hated the pain that lined his face. Instead, she watched as he ran his free hand through his hair and drew a long, deep breath. This is it, she thought, here we go.

  “Ally, I can’t even think straight. This is killing me,” he started. “I just want to be able to sort all this out but my head is all messed up. I’m betting yours is the same way.” He didn’t wait for her response. “Anyway, I just think we should take some time to think about stuff, you know?”

  “I don’t have anything I need to think about,” she protested. “I know I screwed up but I also know what I want and that’s you. I love you, Cole. I want to be with you and only you.”

  He squeezed her hand again. “Al, I need to figure out how I feel about this mess. I need to get over it and move past it but I just can’t yet. I just need some time, okay? I just thought that maybe we should take a break while I’m in L.A. and when I come home we’ll get together and talk.”

  She hated his idea. She thought it was horrible. She wanted no part of it, but she thought the alternative might be worse. She sighed, bit back the tears, and nodded as she turned toward the window. She couldn’t bear looking at him any longer.

  “Don’t cry, Al,” he said as he cupped her cheek and forced her eyes to his. “Please.”

  “I don’t want to lose you,” she said as fat tears rolled down her cheeks.

  He pressed his lips gently to hers. “Just give me a little time, please.”

  “I will,” she said. Her bottom lip trembled as her heart shattered.

  “Thank you,” he said. His fingers burned her skin as he continued to palm her cheek, his muddy brown eyes boring into her tear-filled eyes. Something akin to regret flashed through his and for a moment, hope rose in her heart, but whatever it was she’d seen in his eyes died quickly. “I have to get you back to school. I have to get home and get ready to go.”

  She nodded and he dropped his hand. He backed out of the parking spot while she turned her head and watched the cute little park disappear from her window.

  “Can I still call you?” she asked in a weak voice.

  “Sure,” he said, not sparing her a glance. “If you want.”

  “But you won’t be calling me, will you?” she asked tersely, bitterness creeping into her tone.

  “Not like I used to, no,” he muttered. “Al, this is for the best.”

  “Sure,” she said as she leaned her elbow on the door and propped her head with her hand. She wanted to ask just
who he thought would benefit from this whole deal but if it was what he wanted, she was helpless to do anything but give it to him. She owed him something after what she’d done.

  All too soon, he was stopping at the curb in the school’s parking lot. She fumbled with the door handle, desperate to get away from him so she could release the tears – tears that were a combination pain and anger.

  But he grabbed her arm and stopped her. “Al, wait.” She paused. “Al, I love you, remember that.”

  She nodded and, not wanting to prolong her agony, jerked her arm out of his grasp. She forced the door open, the cool air smacking her face, and hopped out of the car, slamming the door a little harder than she’d intended. She took a few steps toward her dorm and glanced over her shoulder to see him pull away, then changed her course. She dug her keys out of her jacket pocket and ran to her own car.

  It took her thirty minutes to reach the studio and park her car in the parking garage. The anguish was climbing her throat, looking for release, and she didn’t want it to come until she was safely ensconced in her daddy’s arms. Then, she’d beg him to drive her home so she could hug her mother and allow her parents’ love to wrap around her like a warm quilt on a cold, snowy day.

  Once the elevator doors opened, she raced down the hall, straight to her father’s office and nearly sobbed when she turned the knob only to find it locked. She rested her forehead on the hard wood and sucked in a breath.

  “Ally?”

  She turned her head and found Robby, his face a mask of concern.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked as he rushed to her and placed a cautious hand on her shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  She shook her head. “I need my dad. Where is he?”

  “He went with Nate to take the guys to the airport,” Robby said, lines deepening in his forehead. His hand slid down her arm, to her elbow, and he gripped it firmly. “Come to my office and we’ll talk, okay?”

  She nodded, gnawing on her bottom lip, and allowed him to guide her to his office. He ushered her to a chair, shut the door, and perched on the edge of his desk. He clasped his hands together, his brows dipped over his eyes, and frowned.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  She folded her trembling hands in her lap as the tears continued to fall. She sniffed and smiled when he handed her a handkerchief. “Um, Cole and I split up.”

  He froze briefly then slipped off the desk to kneel before her. “Ally, I’m really sorry.”

  She lifted a shoulder and wiped her nose. “I told him that I kissed you.”

  Robby nodded, his lips set in a straight line. “It’s best that you’re honest with him. You don’t want to have secrets in any relationship.”

  A sob rose in her throat as she relayed the entire story to him. He patted her hand and comforted her the best he could and when she finished, he stood and folded his arms over his chest.

  “It sounds like he just needs a little space, Ally,” Robby said. “I know it upsets you but I think he’s being reasonable. I’m sure when he’s back for Thanksgiving, you two will talk and sort it all out.”

  She lifted hopeful eyes to him. “Do you really think so?”

  “Sure,” he said with a tiny smile. “Now, have you eaten anything today?” She shook her head. He walked around his desk and lifted the phone, speaking softly. He hung up and sat in his chair. “I ordered a pizza and we’ll eat while you wait for your dad to come back. How’s that sound?”

  “Thanks, Robby,” she said as she scooted her chair closer. “I appreciate it, really.”

  “Not a problem,” he said.

  When the pizza arrived, she nibbled on a slice, mostly to appease him and not out of hunger, and listened as he talked about the new bands they’d signed. She asked the appropriate questions, though her mind was miles and miles away. After they finished, he invited her to hang out in his office while he worked, assuring her Jay intended to check in before heading home for the day.

  And sure enough, he popped his head in Robby’s office an hour later and the words he’d been about to say disappeared as he stepped inside and collected Ally in his arms. She sobbed in his chest, all the agony she’d been retaining spilling out in large gushes. He held her until she finished then kissed her forehead.

  “Come on, princess,” he said tenderly. “I’ll drive you home but first we’ll stop and buy some of that ice cream you and your mother love so much. Then, you two can sit on the sofa with spoons and eat and talk to your hearts’ desire.”

  She managed her first true smile of the day. “Thanks, Daddy.”

  He slipped an arm around her shoulders and led her out of the office. She paused in the doorway to thank Robby once again then sank into her father, depending on his strength in more ways than one.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cole leaned back in the chair, lifting the front two legs off the floor, and watched RJ and Ren bicker over the only lemon-lime soda on the table. A grin adorned his face but he didn’t feel it. He didn’t feel like smiling much these days as his heart still pained him, especially at night.

  Parker sat next to him, texting crazily, probably to Deidre, his girlfriend, and another pang struck his already fragile heart. How he wished he could whip out his own phone and send Ally a text or two, but what was there to say? He was no closer to clearing his head than he had been a week earlier when he’d left her near her dorm.

  He’d come to L.A. and totally immersed himself into his career, working with Rhys Redden until all hours of the night, planning the video they were to shoot the next week. He went over their schedule, discussing every minute point, and when they returned to the condo at night, he wrote lyrics and music until his mind grew so fuzzy, he fell into a dreamless sleep. He woke early the next day and started once again.

  He’d taken RJ aside after he’d returned from Ally’s school and explained what had happened and when they’d all four boarded the plane, he quietly told Ren and Parker that he and Ally had decided to take a break. He hadn’t offered any details and they wisely hadn’t asked. But the pointed looks and the questioning glances were there, always in his peripheral vision.

  The door to the conference room opened and admitted Rhys Redden followed by Doug and Lila. Cole’s chair fell to all four legs as he stifled a groan. Although Doug’s title was that of their tour manager, he often accompanied them when they did appearances or shot videos. And it was obvious that Lila would be tagging along, picking up tips and learning the ropes.

  “Morning, guys,” Rhys greeted with a grin. He yanked out a chair and sat, opening a file. “We’ll shoot the video this week and then I want to get you guys on a plane Friday. I want you in New York this weekend and most of next week doing some promotional stuff.”

  “Cool,” Ren said, grinning at his brother. “I love New York.”

  “You won’t have a whole lot time for sightseeing, I’m afraid,” Rhys said with a rueful grin. “You’ll be doing appearances every day – talk shows, radio shows, music stores, that sort of thing. It’s a brutal schedule but I think it’s important.” He paused to give them each a stern look. “You guys are hot right now – the tour was fantastic – we want to milk it while we can.”

  “It’s no problem,” Cole said, needing a heavy schedule to keep his mind off of Ally. He gave a passing thought to what the other guys had to say about it, but he figured they’d deal. They wanted to succeed as much as he did and they’d never shown fear at the sign of hard work.

  “That’s what I like to hear,” Rhys said with a wide grin. He passed out copies of their itinerary and went over every stop. When they finished their meeting, it was fast approaching lunch time and Cole’s stomach had started to rumble.