Out of the Shadow

by J. L. Paul

  Behind them, Jamie faked a gagging noise. They both rolled their eyes.

  “I appreciate that, RJ,” she said, loving him all the more.

  “Honestly, she is a nice girl,” RJ said. “She’s not some girl wanting to date him just because he’s in the band.” Ally nodded again and RJ patted her knee. “But it’s not serious or anything.”

  Yet, Ally thought but didn’t speak that thought aloud. “Listen, both of you. You can’t act this way if either one of us starts dating someone else. I know you’re worried about our feelings and stuff, but you have to stop. I’m the one who told Cole I couldn’t date him right now. It’s not fair for him to sit around and wait for me. If he found someone else and she’s nice and he likes her, then you should be happy for her.”

  “But, cuz,” Jamie said.

  “No, Jamie,” she said sternly. “I’ll deal with it. You guys need to deal with it, too.”

  Jamie and RJ exchanged a defeated look before nodding.

  ***

  “It’s been awhile since you’ve called,” Ally accused as she cradled her coffee in her hands.

  Robby chuckled at her, his blue eyes lighting up in delight. “It works both ways – you haven’t called me, either.”

  “Well, I’ve been a little busy,” she said, studying the mocha colored liquid in her paper cup. She swirled the contents, watching the coffee slosh the sides. “I have a job now, you know.”

  “I heard,” he said with a dimpled smile. “And I know you’ve been busy learning the ropes. And I’m betting you’ve also been busy trying to deal with Cole, huh?”

  Her head snapped up and she gaped at him. “You heard about that?”

  He nodded sadly and laced his fingers through hers. “My dad told me. Selina is an intern at the L.A. office.”

  “Selina,” Ally said with a frown. She tried to shrug it off but felt the tears burn behind her eyes. “I heard she’s nice.”

  “I don’t know her,” Robby admitted. “But my dad told me that it wasn’t anything serious.”

  “You and your dad gossip worse than any females I know,” she grumbled, earning another dimpled smile.

  “Maybe,” he relented. “But I was worried about you so I asked.”

  “Don’t be worried,” she said. “I’m dealing with it.”

  She dropped her gaze to her coffee again but felt his eyes burning into her. She didn’t want to tell him how it tore her up when she thought of Cole with another girl. She didn’t want to admit that her heart was in shreds at that moment. She was doing the best she could to come to terms with it even though Cole’s ‘few extra days’ had extended to a week.

  “Ally,” he said in a low tone. “Look at me.” She slowly raised her head and found his eyes serious but warm. “I know you still love him and to be perfectly honest, I think you loved him the entire time we were together. I guess I didn’t want to face it at that time.”

  “Robby,” she said but he just shook his head.

  “I don’t regret anything and I hope you don’t, either.”

  “I don’t,” she said, meaning it.

  “But I think you still love him and I think you need to search your soul to find out if it is because you’ve always loved him or if it’s because he’s with someone else and you’re jealous. And if you really, truly love him, then you need to tell him. You need to throw all fancy words aside and be totally honest with him.”

  “I really thought that I’d made the right decision,” she said.

  “You did, Ally. You stepped away from us both and took a little time for you. Now you know what you want.”

  “Maybe,” she groaned. “Maybe I’m starting to finally see.”

  He tugged her closer and kissed her cheek. “It’s not hard to see he still loves you. Sure, maybe he’s dating this girl, but Ally, I don’t think he’s stopped loving you.”

  “How can you be this wonderful?” she asked as a couple tears leaked from her eyes.

  He laughed and hugged her. “I don’t know about all that.”

  When he released her, she picked up her cup and drained the remains of her coffee. He was right – she did need to tell him. But how? How was she supposed to go to Cole and tell him she loved him and wanted him back? Would he believe her? She didn’t know. Maybe he’d think it was just because he’d found someone new and once he ditched the other girl for her, the feelings would fade and he’d find himself alone again.

  “I hate this,” she said, wiping her eyes. “I hate that I’m so unsure. I hate that my life is so out of whack. And I hate that I always seem to be crying on your shoulder.”

  “I’m your friend above all, Ally,” he stated. “Never feel guilty for coming to me with things like this.”

  “Yeah, but it’s hardly fair,” she said. “I wish I could help you out with something for once.”

  He chuckled and patted her hand. “Nah, I tend to screw things up pretty much on my own – no need to involve friends.”

  “Robby!” she gasped. “Are you seeing someone now?”

  His chuckle turned into a full-blown laugh. “Nah, not really. I’ve taken this girl out a few times but that’s all.”

  She experienced a pang of jealousy at his words, but nothing near what she’d felt when RJ had informed her of Cole’s new girlfriend. She peered at Robby’s handsome face and in that moment, she knew she loved him – but not the way she loved Cole. It just didn’t compare.

  ***

  “Are you sure you’re all right staying in a hotel?” Cole asked as they inspected the room. “I don’t have a spare room at my place but I could crash on the couch.”

  “Thanks,” Selina said wrapping her arms around his waist. “But this is fine. Besides, I’m meeting your dad and Jay at the studio really early and I’d hate to wake you.”

  “That’s not a problem,” he said.

  She kissed him softly and a tiny quiver struck his heart as he wrapped her in his arms. He smiled at her pretty face – her smooth skin and bright eyes. She was so gentle and soft, her tone always quiet. She didn’t have the fire that Ally possessed but then Selina was an entirely different person than Ally. He needed to stop comparing the two.

  “I’m going to head over to my friend Jamie’s new place tonight,” he said, a little uneasy. He wanted her to meet Jamie but he was afraid that Ally would be home and he wasn’t ready for that confrontation yet.

  “I want to meet him but maybe it could wait until tomorrow,” she suggested as she yawned. “The jet lag is getting to me and since I have to be up early…”

  “I understand,” he said, relieved.

  “Even though I’m exhausted, I doubt if I’ll sleep much. I can’t wait to tour Redden Records Chicago,” she said. She tugged him closer. “But I hate meeting your dad without you there.”

  He grinned impishly. “He’ll love you.”

  She rolled her eyes and it instantly reminded him of Ally. “So you’ve said, but, well, we haven’t been dating long at all and it will be weird meeting him.”

  “I’ll pop in there around lunch time, how’s that?” he offered. “If I show up too early, my dad is liable to run me off and accuse me of distracting you.”

  She laughed, the sound like a gentle breeze. She kissed him again. “I need to get some sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know about the lunchtime thing.”

  “Okay,” he said, pecking her lips. “Sleep well.”

  He left and hurried down the hall to catch the elevator, his mind already on checking out Jamie’s new place. He only hoped Ally would be there.

  ***

  Ally stood in front of the mirror and glared at her reflection. She hadn’t slept a wink the night before after her evening with Robby as she’d had a lot to think about.

  “I love Cole and I was an idiot to ever let him get away from me,” she whispered to the sad, tired girl in the mirror. “But what if I’m too late? What if he doesn’t want to hear it?”

  The words stomped on her already fragile he
art so she yanked the door open and raced to Jamie’s room. It was dark and she could barely make out his sleeping form under the blankets. She shook his shoulders until his eyes fluttered open.

  “Wha…?” he asked.

  “What if Cole doesn’t believe that I still love him?” she asked, desperation in her voice.

  “What are you going on about?” he asked as he sat up in his bed.

  “What if I tell Cole I love him and he doesn’t believe me?” she repeated.

  Jamie sighed. “Do you, Ally? Do you really love him or do you just not want him to be with someone else?”

  “I love him, James,” she declared earnestly, almost desperately. “I thought the same thing you do but I know deep in my heart that I love him.”

  “Then just tell him,” Jamie said and flopped down in his bed.

  “But what if he doesn’t believe me?” she persisted. She pulled his pillow out from under his head and hit him with it. “What then?”

  He yanked the pillow out of her hands. “He will if you’re honest with him,” he said.

  “You’re right,” she said quietly, nibbling on her lip in thought. “But what if he decides to move to L.A. to be with this girl?”

  Jamie groaned in irritation and covered his head with his pillow. “He won’t,” he insisted, his voice muffled.

  She wrestled the pillow away from him. “How do you know?”

  “Because,” he said yanking the pillow back once more. “He’s home. He came over here last night while you were out with Robby.”

  She gasped and clutched her chest. “I’ve got to go over there,” she whispered to herself. “Now.”

  “Good,” Jamie said as he rolled over and closed his eyes. “Close the door on your way out.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Ally didn’t consider the time as she hopped in her car and sped down the quiet streets, straight to Cole’s house. She removed one trembling hand from the wheel to flick on the radio but the music didn’t calm her in the least – it just irritated her more. She left the radio on but turned the volume down low as her near hysterical mood increased the closer she got to the boys’ house.

  When she finally pulled into the drive, she didn’t pause, fearing she would chicken out. She raced to the door and, using the key they’d given her when they’d first moved in, she let herself inside.

  The house was very dark as the sun wasn’t totally awake yet and limited light filtered through the blinds on the living room windows. She tiptoed through the room, mindful of the furniture, and kept a hand on the wall as she made her way to his room. Taking a deep breath, she opened his door and stepped through it, shutting it behind her.

  His room was even darker than the rest of the house and it took her a couple minutes to allow her eyes to adjust to the lack of light. Once they accomplished that task, she could make out his sleeping form, the blankets tangled around his legs. Her heart left her in a rush and she had to restrain her feet from walking to the bed and her body from curling up next to his. She leaned against the door, hand over her heart, and waited for the urges to pass.

  When she felt like she had control over her body, she slowly walked across the room and perched on his bed. She smiled at his sleeping face, so boyish and charming, and touched his shoulder. She shook it gently as his lips opened and a sleepy sound emitted.

  “Cole,” she whispered, shaking him again. “Wake up.”

  “Hmm?” he muttered, his eyes still firmly shut.

  She sighed and tried again. “Cole, please. I need to talk to you.” She shook his shoulder until his eyes cracked and his face scrunched up in confusion.

  “Al?” he whispered hoarsely.

  “Yes, Cole,” she said. “Please, can you wake up for a minute?”

  He blinked several times, trying to get his weary eyes to focus. His hand shot out and touched her arm, as if trying to discern whether she was real or a dream. “Al? What’s the matter?”

  “I just want to talk to you,” she said.

  He blinked a few more times then nodded as he slid up the headboard and scrubbed his face. “Okay, Al. What’s the matter?”

  She waited as he yawned before she dissolved into tears.

  “Hey, stop,” he said as he drew her to his chest, encircling her in his arms. “Shh, Al. It’s okay. Don’t cry. Tell me what’s the matter – what’s the deal with the tears?”

  She let the tears flow, knowing she’d be helpless to stop them, and when she deemed that she was able to talk, she snuggled into his chest, too embarrassed to show her face. “I don’t want you to date that girl anymore.”

  “What?” he asked as he rubbed her back. “Princess, I can hardly hear you.”

  She edged back and ran a finger under each eye. “I said, I don’t want you to date that girl anymore.”

  He blanched as his eyes grew wider. “Um, I see.” He brushed the hair off her face. “Al, you said you didn’t want to date me anymore, remember?”

  Her bottom lip trembled as she met his eyes. “I said that I didn’t want to date you right now.”

  He cracked a tiny smile. “Yeah, that’s it. And I honestly didn’t intend to date anyone but I also didn’t intend to wait for you forever.”

  “I didn’t expect you to,” she said with a loud sigh. Her forehead fell to his chest. “I’m so sorry, Cole.”

  “You were supposed to be taking some time for yourself,” he reminded her. “You were supposed to get your life in order and you’ve been doing a great job. I was at your new place last night but you were out with Robby Redden.”

  “Robby is just my friend,” she said, easing back to look him in the eye. “I think he’s seeing someone else now.”

  “And, that doesn’t bother you?” he asked, skeptical.

  “No, because I don’t love him.”

  His lips pursed as he nodded. “So, you love me again, huh?”

  “I’ve always loved you, Cole. I’ve never stopped,” she said. “Yeah, I was an idiot for awhile but I know now what I want.”

  “Damn, Al,” he said, pushing the hair off his forehead. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What am I supposed to do, huh?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, her emotions rolling downhill and gathering strength. “But Jamie and Robby both told me that I needed to tell you the truth so here I am being totally honest with you. I love you, Cole. I’ve never stopped loving you. Even though I was with Robby for awhile, my heart was always with you.”

  His eyes dilated as he listened but his jaw tightened. “So, what you’re saying is that you don’t want me to see Selina anymore – that you want us to get back together?”

  “Yes,” she said quietly. “That’s what I want.”

  “Oh, hell, Al,” he said as he rubbed his forehead. “Did you know that Selina is here – er, in Chicago? Did you know she’s touring the studio tomorrow with my dad?”

  She bolted from the bed, shock in her eyes. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here.”