Out of the Shadow

by J. L. Paul

  He kicked the blankets off his legs and stumbled after her, grabbing her shoulders. “No, you did the right thing. I’m glad you told me this. Ball’s in my court now, huh?”

  “I’m sorry I keep doing this to you,” she said feebly.

  He brushed his lips lightly over hers. “Maybe someday we’ll get it right.”

  Her heart soared but she dared not to hope too much. “Maybe.

  “Go home and get some sleep, huh?” he said, stroking her cheek. “Let me figure this out, okay? We’ll talk in a few days.”

  She trailed her hands up his chest and toyed with the collar of his t-shirt. She agreed she needed to give him some space but she didn’t want to leave him. She wanted to stay right there, with his arms around her, in the coziness of his bedroom. She didn’t want him spending more time with that other girl and perhaps getting to know her better – falling in love with her.

  She gave him a teary smile as she smoothed the bangs off his forehead. She pushed to her toes and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. “Okay, Cole.”

  His hold tightened. “Go home and get some sleep, okay?”

  She nodded and he reluctantly released her. She padded to the door and paused, her hand on the knob. “Thanks.”

  “Sure,” he said as she slipped through the door.

  ***

  As soon as she was out of the room, he fell to the edge of his bed and cradled his head in his hands. He groaned as he replayed the entire scene through his mind again.

  He didn’t doubt her sincerity in the least but it still worried him. Did she really want him or was this entire confession just a reaction to the news that he was seeing someone else? Did he want her back or did he want to stick with Selina to see how things would go?

  He blanched at the early hour on the clock but knew he’d never be able to go back to sleep – his mind was too full. He decided to shower and hit the studio early. He’d surprise Selina and maybe have a second to talk to his dad.

  He stopped at a local bakery and loaded up on coffee, bagels, and pastries, killing a little time in the process. By the time he reached the studio, it was already buzzing with action.

  He unloaded the food in the lounge and snagged a bagel. He leaned against the counter, munching on it and pondering his next move, when Robby Redden entered, total astonishment washing over his face.

  “Hey, Cole,” Robby said. “What are you doing here this early?”

  Cole shrugged and tossed the half-eaten bagel on the counter. He snatched a coffee and nearly drained it in one gulp. “Just wanted to check on Selina and maybe talk to my dad if he’s got a second.”

  Robby nodded and inspected the pastries. “What’s all this?”

  “I don’t know. Just being nice,” Cole said, his cheeks heating. “Help yourself.”

  “Thanks,” Robby said. “Hey, does Ally know you’re back in town?”

  “Yeah,” Cole said, a smile flitting across his lips. “She sort of woke me up this morning.”

  Robby chuckled as he chose a pastry and backed toward the door. “Hey, um, I know you have a decision to make and I wish you luck. She really does love you.”

  “Thanks,” Cole mumbled. Robby waved and left just as Nate, Jay, and Selina entered, various looks of surprise on their faces.

  “Hey, son,” Nate said, yanking his son in a brief hug. “What the hell are you doing here so early? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you out of bed at this hour when you didn’t need to be.”

  Cole rolled his eyes and smirked as he playfully punched his father’s arm. “And here I thought I’d be nice and bring you some breakfast. So much for that.”

  Jay laughed and cuffed Cole playfully on the shoulder. “Thanks, kid. Much more thoughtful than your old man.”

  “I know,” Cole said.

  Selina wrapped an arm around his waist and graced him with a sweet smile. He draped an arm over her shoulders. “Good morning. I wasn’t expecting you until lunchtime.”

  “Yeah, well,” he said, forcing a smile. “I had an early morning wake up call.”

  Nate and Jay both fixed him with a curious stare but he just shrugged. He wanted to discuss it with his father desperately but he’d prefer to do it without an audience.

  “So, I was going to show Selina our sound rooms,” Jay said, throwing Nate a glance. “We’ll catch up with you two later.

  As soon they left the room, Nate grabbed a couple pastries and a cup of coffee. “To my office, boy. I have a feeling you have something on your mind.”

  Cole had a sarcastic retort prepared but his throat suddenly closed up. He grabbed his coffee and followed his father out of the room.

  Nate opened his office door and pointed at a chair before settling behind his desk. Cole sat and stared at the carpet, his tongue thick and words failing him.

  “I like Selina,” Nate started. “She’s a sweet girl.”

  Cole nodded and sipped his coffee, hoping to loosen his words. “Yeah, she is.”

  “But you don’t know if you want to be with her, do you?” Nate surmised.

  “Ally came by my place today,” Cole croaked, averting his eyes to the ceiling. “She said she’d taken time to figure things out and she wants me again.”

  “And now you don’t know if you want her?” Nate asked.

  “I know I do,” Cole said. “But what if sometime down the road, I upset her again and she kisses someone else – or worse? How can I be sure?”

  Nate snorted and set his coffee on top of a stray piece of paper. He leaned forward and tented his hands on his desk. “You can’t know that, son. How do I know that Stacy won’t meet some guy at the grocery store and decide she wants to get to know him better? How does Liz know that Jay won’t meet some woman when he’s on a scouting a band?”

  Cole gaped at her father. “How do you stand it?”

  “It’s called trust, son,” Nate said. “You’ve got to trust her. Ally made a mistake and she’s been trying to deal with it for a long time now. The thing you’ve got to decide is do you trust her to not do that again?”

  “I don’t know,” Cole said with lingering doubt.

  “Cole, no one can tell the future – you’ve just got to make the best decisions for you and live with them.”

  Cole nodded as his father’s words seeped into his brain. He still loved her – knew he always would – but would it be the best decision for him and her if they got back together? And what about Selina? No, they weren’t serious but he didn’t want to hurt her.

  He sighed and got to his feet. “I’m going to get out of here. Can you let Selina know I’ll pick her up later?”

  “Sure,” Nate said. He moved around the desk and walked Cole to the door. “Hey, if you need me, give me a call.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” Cole said as he opened the door. His shoulders slumped as his footsteps echoed off the tile, playing a mournful tune.

  ***

  The dusty storeroom suited Ally’s mood perfectly. Technically, she wasn’t supposed to work that day but she didn’t think she could stand another hour of sitting around her little house with Jamie’s overbearing, suffocating sympathy. She loved him for it but she couldn’t stand it any longer. So, since none of her co-workers had wanted to do the job, she happily volunteered to come in on her day off and get a head start on inventory.

  She tied an apron around her waist and located the handheld machine she was to use to scan the shoe boxes. With a huge sigh, she started with a bottom shelf, running the machine over the barcodes, the resulting beep echoing in her head. She had a feeling that in a few short minutes, that little beep was going to grate on her nerves.

  She’d tried to keep herself busy ever since her early morning visit with Cole. Down time was think time and think time was a no-go. She’d reorganized the kitchen, painted the bathroom, and helped Jamie get his bedroom together – when she wasn’t working. By the time she fell in bed each night, she was totally exhausted and usually able to fall asleep immediately. Of course, the dreams
usually woke her up – dreams of Cole and some faceless woman holding hands and taking in the sights downtown. Those dreams caused her to sit straight up in her bed, her cheeks damp and her heart tearing in two.

  She came out of her stupor to find that she was standing rigid in the middle of the storeroom, the scanning machine dangling in her limp hand.

  “Get a grip, Ally,” she chastised as she shook her head and went back to work. Unfortunately, the job merely kept her hands busy and didn’t take much concentration and she often found her thoughts wandering back to Cole and this Selina.

  If he’d decided to remain with Selina, then he’d certainly tell her, right? He’d been pretty upset when she hadn’t told him about Robby so he’d want to let her know. At least, she hoped. She couldn’t stand the not knowing. That’s what was killing her.

  She finished with the shelves that were easily in her reach then dragged a wobbly step ladder out of the storage closet so she could scan the boxes on the higher shelves. She worked quickly – too quickly actually – but the faster she moved the harder it was for her thoughts to catch up to her.

  She climbed to the top step and stretched as far as she could, holding the machine in her fingers, trying desperately to scan the boxes on the top shelf.

  “Damn,” she muttered as she rolled to her toes, trying again.

  “Need a hand?”

  She jumped and the ladder wobbled, but his hands were suddenly on her waist, almost lifting her off the top rung. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her eyes wide and confused.

  “Cole?”

  “What time do you get off?” he asked as he set her on her feet.

  She dropped her hands and took a much needed step back. “Anytime,” she shrugged. “I don’t really have to be here. I just came in to get a head start on inventory.”

  He smiled as he plucked the machine from her hand and set it on the ladder. He curled his fingers around hers and tugged her gently. “Good because we need to talk.”

  “Um, okay,” she said, her tone unsteady.

  He pushed the door open and led her past her gaping co-workers. She called over her shoulder that she was leaving as Cole towed her through the parking lot and to his car. He opened the door for her before jumping in on his side. She buckled her seatbelt, her heart teetering on a deep precipice, and waited for him to start the engine.

  But he didn’t. He sat stiffly, staring at the wheel, eerily reminding her of a talk they’d had months ago when he’d asked her to give him some time. Her heart wobbled, dangerously close to plunging to its death.

  “Cole?” she whispered.

  “I’ve been doing a whole lot of thinking, Al,” he said, his fingers toying with the keychain that dangled from the ignition. “A lot.”

  She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded, not sure what to say.

  “I ended things with Selina,” he said and her heart wobbled back, closer to the safe side. “We weren’t really serious about each other as we hadn’t been dating for long, but I still hurt her. And I feel bad about that.”

  “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, not knowing what to say.

  He lifted a shoulder and continued to flick the keychain. “It’s not your fault, Ally. Honestly. I don’t know that it would have developed into anything, anyway. But who knows what the future holds, huh? Who knows what will happen with me and you. I don’t know if it’s the right thing for you and I to reconcile because I don’t know what will happen later.”

  “I don’t either,” she said, every breath causing her pain. “But I want to go through everything with you.”

  He tilted his head and gave her a half-smile. “I know. But Ally, we can’t let things like this happen again. We have to talk – to communicate. We can’t assume things. We have to do this right.”

  She nodded, not understanding what his words meant. Did he want her back or was he telling her, in his own way, that he, too, needed time for himself.

  “And we can’t just jump in where we left off. We need to take things slowly and develop that trust again. Al, I just don’t think I could take the hurt if we mess this up.”

  She grabbed his hand bravely and held it between hers. “I know, Cole. I totally understand. I wouldn’t hurt you again for anything in the world. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.”

  “I’ve forgiven you,” he whispered.

  She smiled, her eyes watering. “Thank you.”

  “Al, I want to do this again – I want it more than anything,” he said, his voice breathless. “But, like I said, we do this slowly, okay?”

  “Anything,” she gushed, her heart expanding, filling with love. “Anything, Cole.”

  He grinned and tugged her closer. “Come here, Al.” He crushed his lips to hers, his kiss full of promise.

  Epilogue

  The enticing scent of bacon roused him from sleep. He absently felt the cool sheets beside him but knew they’d be empty – she was obviously cooking breakfast. Again.

  He stretched his arms over his head, a slow smile touching his lips, then kicked the blankets off his body and fumbled on the floor for a pair of jeans. He stumbled tiredly down the hall and found her standing before the stove, dressed in his t-shirt and a pair of shorts. Bacon sizzled and popped blowing thin ribbons of smoke in the air.

  “Ouch!” she mumbled, jerking her arm back automatically. She lifted her wrist to her face and cursed.

  “Let me see it, princess,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned against him and held up her wrist, pointing to the angry red welt developing on her skin. He kissed it softly then kissed her neck. “Run it under cold water then put some of that first aid cream stuff on it. I’ll take over here.”

  “Don’t burn anything,” she muttered as he kissed the top of her head and moved to the stove.

  As she tended to her injury, he tended to their breakfast and when they sat together at the table, he frowned at her. “You’re going to spoil me if you make me breakfast every morning.”

  She shrugged as she popped a piece of bacon in her mouth. “I want you to miss me when you’re in L.A. next week.”

  He laughed and snatched her hand, lifting it to his lips. “I miss you when you’re in class.”

  She blushed prettily and leaned over to kiss him.

  He helped her clean up the kitchen and once the dishwasher was loaded and running, he pinned her against the counter, pressing a soft kiss to her lips that immediately turned heated. Her arms wound around his neck and when they broke apart to suck in air, he grinned.

  “We’ll only be gone for a few days. You could skip class and come with me,” he suggested.

  “I can’t, Cole,” she gasped. “I have exams next week and I need to finalize my classes this summer if I want to graduate early.”

  He squeezed her waist and pecked her lips. “I know, princess. I was only teasing. But this won’t be a long trip and I’ll be back before you have a chance to miss me.”

  “Not likely,” she pouted. “Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you something.”

  “Ask away,” he said as he brushed his lips over the side of her neck.

  “What did you have to talk to my dad about the other day,” she said, shivering as his lips moved slowly to her jaw.