Her of the Wood

by Veronica Watts

She wanders around the perimeter for a while after she's stopped crying. She has her senses back about her, but she doesn't want to return puffy faced and red-eyed. She doesn't go past the village circle since she's by herself, but she doesn't go back inside the torch line either, where everyone is bustling about their daily business. There's a safe space here, where she can walk around the community and look in. She keeps the community to her left and walks in circles. She passes the gardens and the kitchens, and what are essentially little neighborhoods. She sees people working and laughing and kids playing, and when her mind is calm and her face is clear, she makes her way back to a path.

  It takes her a few turns to find something familiar. She tries to look like she knows where she's going, but she isn't very successful. Many pairs of eyes follow her. A few want to offer help and say hello, but she doesn't make eye contact. Eventually, she finds a path that looks right. She recognizes the bright blue door of a small home on the corner and the communal fire pit a few doors down. She can see her place from here. There are a few people around the fire. A few are roasting apples, and others are working on little crafts as they talk. There's no one in the building when she comes in. She leans back against the door, willing her thoughts to stay outside. Maybe she should have stayed in the woods a little longer, but she's here now, so it will have to do.

  She walks over to her bunk and climbs up. She lies on her back and closes her eyes. There are voices outside, but her mind falls quiet. This is where she is now. There is safety. There is support and friendship in a way she has never experienced. She thinks about the group she came here with. This is new for each of them, but for them it is an unexpected saving grace. For them, any hardship can be overshadowed by the miracle of it all, but Euodia chose to come here. She came looking for this place, but she never realized until now how much of a toll change takes. She should be the happiest of the group, to be proven right, but there is another part that can't believe it. She's afraid to settle into what she wanted for fear of losing it. The door opens. She remains still, eyes closed. There is a single pair of feet, quiet, probably barefoot. "I know you're not sleeping."

  She smiles a little at Ailie's voice. There is no judgement there, just fact and a hint of expectancy. Euodia keeps her eyes closed as she speaks. "And how do you know that?"

  "Magic."

  Euodia turns to her. Their heads are almost level with Ailie standing next to the bunks. This is the closest they've been, and Euodia notices Ailie's eyes. They're a bright blue, stunning next to her dark brown hair.

  Caught off guard, Euodia wonders how she hasn't noticed them before and responds without meaning to. "I think you might be." Euodia freezes as soon as she hears what she's said, waiting for the moment to pass. If she's still and quiet, it will go away. People pass over things they would rather not discuss. She can feel the heat rushing up her chest and neck and into her face. She smiles a bit when she sees a tint to Ailie's cheeks. It is nothing like the fiery red she's wearing, but it's something, and the smiles are equal.

  "I was wondering if you would be up for joining us tonight. Thackery and Henley are coming." Ailie's voice has creeped higher, and the last bit comes out quickly. "I know they'd like to see you." She's looking down at the floor now, but there is no shortage of confidence. If anything, there is a certainty there, a certainty that Euodia will understand her, as if she is trying to speak to Euodia in a way that she can accept and understand. They make eye contact again and Euodia sits up and slides out of the bed.

  Ailie takes something from her lower bunk and puts it on Euodia's bed. "You left this on the porch." It's her mat. She had meant to ask Rayne if he had seen it. It's not rolled up entirely straight, because it's lumpy. She wonders for a moment what Ailie thought of her sleeping outside and if she saw her in the hammock. Ailie's hand is still on the mat on the top bunk, and she pats it casually before walking towards the door, trusting Euodia to follow.

  They head towards the space next to the kitchen where so many people seemed to gather last night. She sees many of the same people streaming in again tonight. As they pass the eating hall, Euodia wishes she had come back in time for dinner, but she can see people in the kitchens cleaning up, so it seems like it would be rude to ask now. She sees Thackery and Henley heading in further up the queue, and the crowd gets a little tight as they get closer to the door. The space seems small for this many people, but Ailie takes her hand as they head inside. It's all she can do to fight the initial reaction to pull back.

  Ailie's hand is warm but not overly soft. She has callouses that are entirely new to Euodia. Her own hands, while they have worked hard, have also been well maintained by lotions and vitamin supplements. She wonders how quickly her body will change without the care she is used to from the city. Ailie is leading her to the side of the hall, where there seem to be tables. There are a few people milling around. When they get close enough, she can see that it is the leftovers from the kitchen. Ailie leans towards Euodia's ear to be heard. "After-hours food. I know you missed dinner." After processing her surprise, Euodia fills a small plate. There's a line flowing out of the back of the building. Many are walking straight through from one door to the other. Ailie and Euodia make their way out with the crowd, Ailie greeting a few people and Euodia trying not to bump into anyone with her plate.

  The space behind the building is beautiful. There is a stone circle in the middle, in which a modest fire burns. It seems more for light than for warmth. The summer night is warm as it is, and all of the bodies around are heating things up further. People are circled up into groups, and there is one corner that seems a little more packed than the others. Ailie points to a blanket not yet claimed. There are willow trees around the edges, almost like walls, separating this space from the rest of Solace. That explains why everyone came through the building. Yes, they could come through the trees, but it seems to be generally agreed upon that the building is the entrance.

  Euodia sits on the blanket Ailie has pointed to, but Ailie makes her way to the busy corner. Euodia tries not to look as abandoned as she feels. She tells herself that she couldn't expect Ailie to sacrifice her entire night for Euodia's comfort. She has brought her in and made sure that she has food and somewhere comfortable to sit. That is more than enough. Euodia realizes how hungry she is when she starts eating. She wonders how easily she could make it back in for a second plate, but there are still too many people milling around in the building to get in and out comfortably, so Euodia sits and eats and looks around at the fun people are having. She sees Rayne across the clearing. He has a brown cup in his hand, and he, like her, is sitting quietly by himself. He raises his cup to her. She smiles and nods in return.

  Then, out of nowhere, Ailie is back by her side, sitting comfortably and holding out a cup of her own. Euodia stifles a laugh and takes the cup. The liquid inside is a light brown, highlighted by gold in the firelight. She takes a tentative sip. It's strong and even the small amount burns her throat. She makes a face and Ailie starts to giggle. "It's not the smoothest, but it'll do the trick."

  "What trick is that?" Euodia is quite satisfied to be done and tries to hand the cup back.

  "Take another drink, a good size one, and wait a few minutes." Euodia doesn't want to be rude, so she does as she's asked. This time, she knows she makes a face, and the burn changes as it slides down her throat. It warms her chest, and she takes in a deep breath as she passes the cup back to Ailie who takes a deep drink herself, finishing off the cup. "I'm going to run this back over. There's a limited number."

  It takes Euodia a minute to realize that she is talking about the cup. It's a well polished wooden cup, and she can easily see how it would be labor intensive, meaning that out here where everything is done by hand, there would only be a few. Ailie is back quickly and sits next to Euodia. Euodia sits the plate to the side as Ailie lies back into the grass, resting her weight on her forearms. She's tan from working in the sun, and her dark hair curls softly around her face, just reaching her s
houlders. "How were the gardens?"

  Ailie smiles before answering. "They were good. I got in some time with your friends." She points, and Euodia sees Thackery and Henley sharing a drink near the busy corner. They are also making faces. "Do you not have alcohol in Dracon?"

  Euodia understands now. This explains why she is feeling warm, relaxed, and a little fuzzy. "No." She doesn't mind the warm and relaxed, but she tries to sharpen her brain. "Well, there is alcohol, but workers aren't allowed to drink it."

  "You mentioned being a worker earlier. You said you didn't have a choice." Ailie looks at her. She hasn't asked a question, and she doesn't elaborate, but it is clear that she is waiting for an answer.

  "There are three classes of people there. If you're born rich, you're pretty set. You take up the family business, you get married, you continue the circle of the rich. You can pay for healthcare and education, and you host parties and invite other rich people."

  "Sounds boring."

  Euodia smiles. "Sometimes it looks boring. Sometimes it looks fun." Ailie doesn't answer, so Euodia continues. "If you're born a midling, then you can probably afford some education, but then you have to work. You find a career working with the rich, like a party planner or banker. You can also make dresses or shoes. There are choices there."

  She pauses, but there are no comments from Ailie. Her clear blue eyes just watch, and Euodia is glad for the relaxation of the drink as she begins to talk about her own class. "If you're born in the edges of the city, you're poor. You can stay with your own doing whatever work you can find, or if your grades are good enough and you can get a referral, you can head into the city center to be a worker."

  This pause is not for Ailie. Euodia can feel herself on the brink of sharing more than she would like to. She usually has a strong control over what she says, but both Ailie's presence and the drink are loosening her tongue. She tries to be careful as she continues. "I chose to go to the city center. I grew up in a group home, dropped off at birth. I kept my grades up. There are required classes up to ten, and I took any extras that I could. I got a referral from my teacher and went to train."

  "What was it like, making that transition?" Ailie isn't pushy. She's not demanding or even expectant. She just seems curious.

  "Lonely. I might not have really had friends in the edges, but I knew something about the people around me, and suddenly, in city center, I knew no one. I was assigned to the Tower and had my surgery. I trained for the first 2 years, but I didn't know that it would be so quiet. We weren't allowed to speak to each other. It was supposed to help us learn to be invisible to the people we served." Euodia looks over to see that Ailie's face has slowly bunched up until there are clear creases between her eyebrows. It is obvious that she has questions. "Yes?"

  Ailie thinks for a moment and, not being able to decide which question to focus on, asks several. "What surgery did you have? Who did you serve, and why did you have to be invisible?"

  Of course, common knowledge in Dracon would be foreign to someone who had grown up outside it. "We were sterilized before starting training in the city center. The government doesn't like competing with family for loyalty, and they don't want to train someone who's going to miss work." Ailie's expression is horrified, but she doesn't say anything. "We had to be invisible because they wanted us to be. We put up with it because it came with safety, food, and housing, which are all difficult or impossible to find in the edges, especially if you don't have a family."

  "And who did you serve?"

  Orchid's voice flashes across Euodia's mind, and she feels her embrace. She shakes it off. "The Tower was where the girls lived." She realizes that this will mean nothing to Ailie. "The girls are pulled from midling orphanages for training. It's possible to go from midling to rich, and this is the easiest way to do that. The girls are paid for their," she pauses here to get the word right, "companionship by the gentlemen of the city."

  "They're whores?" Ailie says it brusquely, but it's a question, not a judgment. Euodia can't help but smile, remembering a similar conversation.

  "You would think so, but no, they really just get paid to go to parties and dances, until they retire at 19, and that night, on their birthday, they do have sex." Euodia's smile is gone. She works harder to push the picture of Orchid from her mind. There is no way she would have said this sober.

  "Are you okay?" This is becoming too regular a question for Euodia's comfort.

  "No. Can we talk about something else now?"

  A smile spread across Ailie's face. "I'll do you one better." She hops up quickly and takes an instrument from a nearby table. This is different than the orchestra pieces Euodia has seen at city center parties. The body of the instrument sits in her lap as she sits on the table. She takes the neck in her left hand and strums the strings with her right. She strums a few times, and the crowd cheers. Euodia looks around as everyone turns to Ailie. It is clear that this is part of what they've gathered for. She starts a song with her hands, and then she sings, and everything else falls away.

  TEN

  Her singing does it. Euodia is smitten. She continues to sleep on the porch, partly because she enjoys the open air and partly because she can't sleep knowing that Ailie is right below her. She was dumbfounded watching Ailie sing. The instrument that Ailie had played was passed around. Others played and sang, but no one as well as her. She and Euodia went back to the cabin that night in a group, and they had not been alone again since then. They ate meals with the others. Euodia spent time with everyone on the team learning the terrain and outposts. She even went on a few more hunting trips as an observer. Then came guard duty with Ailie. They headed to the post for a night shift, leaving dinner and the rest of the groups together, stopping by the shed to pick up bows and arrows.

  They replace Broderick. He seems hesitant to leave, but Ailie runs him off by reminding him that there won't be any food left if he doesn't get going. Then she starts to build up the fire that he left. Euodia uses what she's learned to help out. She gathers twigs for kindling and puts the small pile next to Ailie. Then she gathers larger sticks and branches. She breaks them into shorter, more manageable sections and sorts them by size. By the time she's done, Ailie has the fire built up to a flame, and she's watching Euodia. "You learn quickly."

  Euodia is proud of her progress. "Considering I'd never seen natural wood before this adventure, yeah, I think I am."

  She's immediately worried that she sounds arrogant, but Ailie smiles and shakes her head. "I can't imagine growing up anywhere else."

  What she means is that she can't imagine growing up like Euodia, and they both know it. "So, what was it like growing up here?" Euodia asks.

  Ailie leans back against a tree. "Free." They share a moment of silence, a tribute to their differences before she continues. "I grew up with a sister and parents who loved me. I learned about what I was interested in from people who were interested in teaching it. I ran and laughed with friends, and when I got old enough, and I wanted to, had sex." Euodia blushes. She hopes that the encroaching darkness hides it well enough. "I was happy."

  Euodia watches how matter-of-factly she shares her life. She thinks that this explains a lot; it's easy to be positive when only positive things have happened to you. "Sounds nice." She's envious, but she doesn't begrudge Ailie her happiness.

  "Mostly."

  Euodia looks over, questioning without pushing. Ailie doesn't respond. Silence regains its foothold for a few minutes as they watch the sun die down and listen to the fire crackle. This silence is different, though. There is comfort here. Euodia thinks about how she's been learning to fit into this community. She looks to Ailie and imagines dancing with her. She imagines Ailie singing for just her, and, as she has learned to do her entire life, she pushes the thoughts away.

  Euodia thinks about why she came here and what it means to be free. Then, she breaks the silence. "Thank you."

  Ailie doesn't look away from the horizon. The stars are just starting to shine
through. "For what?"

  "For finding us." Now, their eyes meet, each reflecting the fire, and Euodia, who has been silent so much of her life, won't stay silent anymore. "I knew there had to be something better out here. I was willing to die if there wasn't. I needed to find people who respect one another, and here you are, and I still can't seem to fully fit in." She hadn't meant to say the last part, so she stops talking to keep from letting any more spill out. She thinks about Orchid. She knows why she hasn't fit in. She is still hiding a huge part of who she is.

  Ailie looks a little confused. "Has someone been disrespectful?"

  "No, no, nothing like that." If she's going to be honest, now is her chance. "It's more that I haven't been committed to being honest enough to let myself fit in." She takes a deep breath and starts quietly. "I was in love." She pauses without planning to, unsure of how to continue. She's jumped with no preamble, and now she's fumbling the follow through.

  Ailie nudges her forward. "You mentioned that." Ailie seems aware that this is an important moment, her body slightly tensed, waiting for whatever information Euodia will present.

  "Her name was Orchid." She feels every fiber of her being stop. Every cell freezes. Every neuron takes a beat before firing stillness and fear. There is no response. She waits. She pictures Ailie running from her. She sees herself being cast out of Solace, truly left to fend for herself. There is still no response. She tells her eyes to move, but no other body part joins them.

  Ailie looks like she's waiting for more information. Eventually, she seems to realize that Euodia is not going to speak until she does. "Why didn't she come with you?"

  Euodia lets out the breath that has been stuck in her throat. Her eyes mist over and her breathing is ragged. Her shoulders slump into her chest as if she's falling while sitting. There's a charge that rushes through her entire system, and she can't speak.

  Ailie is trying to make it better. "I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it." Euodia is on the verge of tears, her muscles are relaxing from an ache that they have never not known. Euodia still isn't speaking. Whatever she says next is the first thing she says as her. Her words, her truth.