Anonymous Bidder

by Robin Roseau

  "Not necessarily. If you guys come up, that will be nice, but I'm not dating for a while."

  "We'll give you time."

  "I'm done taking dating advice from you guys. You know that, right? I told you something like this would happen."

  "We know," Maryann said. "We feel really guilty."

  "It's fine," I said. "Thank you for rescuing me."

  * * * *

  In the morning I went straight to my boss's office and closed the door. "Oh dear," she said, looking at me.

  "I had an incident last night," I said. "Nothing serious. Nothing flat out illegal. But I sort of had a stalker."

  "Oh, no! But you're all right?"

  "Yeah. I think she's been properly warned off, but I'm pretty upset about it."

  "What can I do?"

  "I want to get out of town for a while. Is there any way I could just take a bunch of work with me?

  "Of course. Do you know how long?"

  "I don't know. A few weeks? I'm going to stay at my friends' cabin. It's very modern and even has Internet, and they'll probably come up on weekends if stuff needs to come back and forth."

  "That's fine, Violetta." She paused. "Did you call the police?"

  "I don't think this person is dangerous. I just want to get out of town."

  "I'll trust your judgment," she replied. "Please be careful."

  * * * *

  I stayed at the cabin for just over three weeks, hiding from the world. I was lucky I could do my job, because I certainly didn't have so much vacation I could indulge myself in that fashion. The Marys called me every few days, emailed me daily, and came up each weekend.

  I couldn't stay there forever. I finally came home.

  But I could continue to hide from the world.

  Friends

  I asked The Marys to stay out of my love life. They were feeling awfully guilty, and it didn't take pressure to receive a promise. I wasn't sure how long it would last; they'd spent years trying to set me up with this woman or that one.

  For some reason, their efforts always turned out poorly, but this one was the last straw.

  Three weeks at the cabin turned into three months of hiding from the world. I worked. I worked out. I went home. But other than The Marys, I avoided all social entanglements, including after work outings with coworkers.

  But then Meryl called. She hadn't called, and I suspected she was either upset with me because of Marybeth's phone call, or else The Marys had warned her off just like they had her sister. I never asked.

  "Hey," I answered cautiously.

  "Hey. How are you doing?"

  "Great," I said. It wasn't entirely a lie. "You?"

  "We're good. My son's one-year birthday party is next Wednesday. I hope you'll come."

  "I presume your sister is invited."

  I could barely hear her answer. "Yes."

  "I'm sorry," I said. "I won't be able to make it."

  "You're supposed to be friends with me," she said. "I don't know what happened that I got that phone call from Marybeth."

  "Did you ask your sister?"

  "Her name is Noelle."

  "I know her name. God, do you think I don't know her name?"

  "You've been known to forget names."

  "Don't worry. That's one name I'll remember to my grave, Meryl. Did you ask Noelle why Marybeth called you like that?"

  "Yes," she said. "She refused to tell me." She paused. "Did you know she was gay?"

  "I'm not talking about her," I said. "While I didn't tell Marybeth to call you, and I probably should have tried harder to stop her, I didn't try that hard. I can't expect your sister to leave me alone but then talk about her behind her back."

  "So, what?" Meryl asked. "I'm supposed to pick between the two of you? She's my sister."

  "I know she is. Meryl, I never again want to be in the same room with her. I'm not going to explain why. Whenever you're in a position where you have to pick between us, pick her. She's your sister. We'll find other opportunities."

  "None of this makes sense. Why can't you just tell me what happened?"

  "Because I promised I wouldn't. She, however, is under absolutely no similar obligation. So ask her. And if she won't tell you, maybe that tells you something."

  "Are you judging her because she was in the closet for so long?"

  "I hope you can respect my need to protect myself, Meryl. And I hope you'll stop asking me to break a promise."

  "You're really not going to tell me, are you?"

  "No."

  "The Marys know."

  "And I'll never talk to them again if they tell you."

  "You'd cut us all off over this?"

  "Is your curiosity so overwhelming that you're going to damage friendships pursuing answers that have nothing to do with you?"

  "Two people I love very much suddenly have this huge thing between them. I'd say it affects me."

  "Then browbeat the other one. Maybe she'll tell you, and then you can understand. I'm sorry, but I'm never talking about this again. Are we hanging up, or are we talking about something else?"

  "Wow," she said. She sounded angry.

  "I love you, Meryl, but I can't do this. If you still want me as a friend, you can call sometime. But I'm not talking about this ever again. Good night." And then I hung up on her.

  And then, sure that bitch's actions had cost me an important friend, I buried my face in a pillow and sobbed.

  * * * *

  It was a Friday evening a week or two later that the doorbell rang. "Damned salespeople," I muttered, but I set my book aside, climbed from the sofa, and moved to answer the door.

  I never used to lock the door, but I'd begun. I suppose I could have ignored the summons, but it wasn't in me to do so. I was rather surprised when I peeked out the window and saw The Marys.

  I opened the door. "What are you two doing here?"

  They didn't answer. Instead they pushed the door open, pushed me back, and came right on it.

  "Oh, come on in," I said. "Seriously? Since when do we push each other around?"

  They stopped to face me, each with a hand on a hip, a mirror of each other. "When's the last time you went out?"

  "I went to work today. And yesterday, for that matter."

  "Socially?"

  "I saw you guys a couple of weeks ago. Or so."

  "A month," Maryann said. "A month is not acceptable."

  "It hasn't been that long."

  "A month. We went to that movie. It was four weeks ago, Violetta."

  "Are you sure?"

  "We're sure."

  "It wasn't intentional. I guess we've been busy."

  "Bullshit," Marybeth said. "You've been screening your calls and don't answer when we call."

  "I'm not screening my calls. I'm just not being that diligent hauling my phone around."

  "Or returning messages."

  "I'm sorry." But then I looked away.

  "What's going on? Tell us."

  "Or else," Maryann added.

  "There's nothing to tell."

  "Bullshit," Maryann said. Usually that was Marybeth's word. "Do not make us enact the or else. We don't want to, but you know we don't bluff."

  I turned back, adding my own hand on a hip, cocked my head, and thrust out my jaw.

  "Oh, she's turning stubborn," Marybeth said.

  "Maybe I want to hear what the or else is. You guys are always threatening me, and I always cave. I don't think I've ever seen an or else actually applied."

  "You want to know what we'd do?" Maryann asked. "Fine. We'll kidnap you, dressed the way you are. Then we'll haul you somewhere and get you so drunk it'll take a week to get past the hangover." She smiled sweetly. "Do you intend to test us?"

  "It's a cute threat," I said. "But it sounds a little impractical. What are you going to do? Stick a funnel in my mouth and pour beer down?"

  And then damn but Maryann pulled a small funnel from her coat pocket. I stared at it. "Seriously?" I asked.

&nb
sp; "What is going on? Spill."

  "Fine," I said, still staring at the funnel. "It hurts, okay?"

  "What hurts?"

  "Sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes, when... You guys know I have an eentsie teentsie little self-esteem issue."

  "Understatement. She goes for an understatement."

  "Well, when that little self-esteem issue is going on full bore, then seeing the two of you hurts."

  "What?" Marybeth asked.

  "You're so happy together," I said. "You have been since that first kiss. Do you remember how you both came running to me to tell me all about it? It's been like that ever since. You two are so happy together. And it hurts sometimes, okay?"

  That deflated both of them.

  "It's not something I ever wanted to tell you," I added. "I love you both, and I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything. And I love that you're happy. But you're the ones who came in here with your threats and your funnels, so you get the truth, and it's your own fault for it."

  "You don't want to see us?" Marybeth asked, the hurt dripping from her voice.

  I turned away from both of them. "I'm lousy company."

  "First you say you're avoiding us because it hurts to be around us. Now you're telling us you're avoiding us because you don't want to inflict yourself on us. Which is it?"

  I turned back. "You guys are about ready to start pushing at me again," I said. "Tonight is a good example. I don't want to be pushed. I don't want to be told it's time to get back out there. I certainly don't want to accept an invitation and have a blind date waiting for me."

  "We wouldn't-"

  I thrust out my hip. "Really? You haven't talked about how so-and-so and I would be so good together?"

  "So now you're avoiding us because we're busybodies?" Maryann turned to her wife. "Come on, Marybeth."

  She turned and headed for the door, but Marybeth stopped her. "No." She hadn't taken her eyes off me. "She's lying. She's trying to drive us away."

  "Let her. When she's done wallowing, she can come grovel."

  "That's not what friends do," Marybeth said.

  "She's not lying," Maryann said. "She just hasn't told the entire truth. It probably does hurt to see us happy while she's convinced she is unlovable."

  "That's stupid. We love her, and she knows it."

  "I love that you see the world that way," Maryann said, stepping up to her wife and taking her hand. "And she is lousy company. Her current behavior is an excellent example. And we do tend to push her. Our heart has always been in the right place, but tonight is a perfect example. And it's not the first time we've threatened her to make her do something she didn't want to do."

  "But-" Marybeth sagged.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered. I didn't want to lose my friends.

  "If she hides in here, away from the rest of the world," explained Maryann, "then the world can't hurt her. If she hides from us, we won't make her take risks she isn't ready to take. And if she drives us away, then it serves to prove everyone deserts her in the end, but at least she can try to stop feeling."

  She turned to me. "Now, are we done lying to each other?" She didn't wait for an answer but tugged on her wife's arm. "Let's go."

  Marybeth didn't budge, and when Marybeth didn't want to budge, you'd need a few wild horses to move her.

  "No."

  "What?" Marybeth never said no to Maryann.

  "We came here for a reason," Marybeth explained. "I'll grab the idiot. You grab a 6-pack and the funnel."

  Then, faster than I could react, she stepped forward and grabbed my arms. I tried pulling away, mostly in surprise, but she held me in place as I looked up at her.

  "Going to do this the easy way or the hard way?" she asked. "Personally, I wouldn't mind a good struggle."

  I sighed. "Alcohol is a bad idea."

  "We'll consider alternative suggestions," Maryann said. "If they get you out of this house and include a promise to return your damned phone calls."

  "Fine," I said. "Movie."

  "And..."

  "And I'll return my phone calls."

  "Excellent," Maryann said. "Come on. We already bought tickets."

  They had me in the car before it caught up to me. "You two suck."

  "Well, Marybeth does."

  "True," Marybeth agreed. "But Maryann begs me to, so I think that makes it okay."

  And that, I suppose was the beginning of my healing.

  Confrontation

  As promised, I returned calls. I did things. I even initiated things, sometimes. I took a cooking class, then practiced on my friends.

  Meryl didn't call, and I was sure she wasn't going to. I couldn't exactly blame her. I'd been rude, but she'd been rude, too, and I didn't know what I should have done differently.

  We made it through winter, and spring arrived. And with it, fresh awakenings.

  * * * *

  "Okay, Maryann, that was an amazing meal." I leaned back in my chair and was seriously tempted to induce a belch. I didn't, of course, as that wouldn't be ladylike. But I considered it.

  Of course, I wouldn't have belched. No. It would have been the gentlest of burps, a most ladylike burp. It would be cute and make people giggle.

  Yeah, I have a rich fantasy life sometimes. So sue me.

  "I slaved for weeks," Maryann said with a grin. "There's dessert, but we're going to let it wait a bit. We can go in the other room and relax a while."

  "Let's clean up first."

  "You're a guest."

  "Oh, you did not say that!" I said, rising to my feet. I set a hand on my hip, but instead of berating her, I quickly grabbed some of the dishes and ran to the kitchen with them, Maryann and Marybeth in hot pursuit.

  It didn't take long to clean up and put everything away, and I felt better afterwards.

  "Dessert?" I prompted.

  "In a while," Maryann said. She grabbed my hand. "After the tickle fight." She began dragging my hand towards the living room. As I was rather attached, I had no choice but to follow.

  There wasn't a tickle fight. Instead I found myself on the sofa with Maryann next to me. She never released my hand. Marybeth took a chair and smiled weakly.

  Nervously.

  No, not nervously. Guiltily.

  I narrowed my eyes. "What did you two do now?"

  "You know we're on your side."

  "No conversation since the dawn of conversations has begun well with those words," I declared dramatically.

  "You know that, right?" Maryann asked.

  I looked back and forth between them. "Yes, but now I'm nervous."

  "And you know if anyone tried to hurt you," Marybeth said, "We'd do something about it."

  "Yes," I said slowly.

  "But you also know we're willing to help you make good choices."

  "You two aren't my mother."

  "And yet, has that ever stopped us?"

  I sighed. "I don't believe it has."

  "So," Maryann said, taking over the discussion. "If we did something that looked bad, we must have a really good reason."

  "A reason that's in your best interests," Marybeth added.

  "Which means you'll hear us out before jumping to conclusions," Maryann declared.

  "Even if it looks bad."

  "Really bad."

  "Fuck. What did you do?"

  "Will you trust us for a half hour?" Maryann asked.

  "We'll start a timer and everything," Marybeth offered.

  "And if you're mad at the end of that half hour," Maryann said, "then we'll find a way to make it up to you. Remember. We're on your side, no matter what."

  "Are you going to tell me what you did?"

  "In a minute. Will you please give us a half hour and an open mind?"

  "I'm going to be mad, aren't I?"

  "Probably," said Marybeth. "I would be. But we're doing it for you."

  "There's someone waiting outside," Maryann said. "She's about the last person on the planet you want to see."

&n
bsp; "Fuck. You invited Sarah Palin to explain her foreign policy to me."

  They both blinked about three times, but my guess broke the tension, and a moment later we were all laughing. It probably wasn't that funny, but the moment called for levity. Soon, we were all wiping tears from our eyes, but they were smiling.

  But then I sobered. "How angry am I going to be?"

  "I'll start the timer." She pulled out her phone. "40 minutes." She turned it to me, and I could see the digits counting down.

  "You said a half hour."

  "It's going to take you 10 minutes before you actually start listening."

  "Fuck."

  Then I watched her fingers fly for a moment, a now familiar look of someone texting. Fifteen seconds later I heard the front door open.

  "Hello?"

  "Meryl?" I turned towards Maryann. "Why would I be mad that you invited Meryl?"

  "She's not alone."

  My half smile slowly faded.

  "You can scream for a while if you want," Marybeth said as I grew cold inside. "But you owe us the time you promised. Trust us."

  "We're you're best friends in the whole world," Maryann pointed out. "With good reason."

  "Fine," I said tightly.

  "Hey." I looked up, and Meryl was standing in the doorway to the living room. So far, she was alone. I stared at her for a moment, then held a hand up.

  "You're not alone, are you?"

  "No."

  "If I walk over there, am I going to see her?"

  She turned her head then looked back. "Yes."

  "Then she stays there for a minute, and you come here." I stood up, and when Meryl reached me, I hugged her. "I miss you."

  "I miss you, too. Please don't be angry."

  "No problem. I'd describe it as livid with a deep vein of betrayed. But I still miss you."

  I released her, and we looked at each other for a moment. "Did she tell you what she did?"

  "Yes."

  "And you still brought her."

  "That should tell you something."

  "Yeah, but I don't know what. Sit." I was going to take my spot back on the sofa, but then I skirted past Maryann and grabbed a chair. I wasn't going to stand for anyone else waiting, and I wasn't going to sit beside my friends, either. I hoped they had a really, really good reason.

  Meryl didn't sit immediately. She poked her nose around the corner and nodded, and a moment later Vickie Hallas appeared.