Toxic Secrets

by Jill Patten

  We had left Reed and Kendra in their intimate moment on the patio, and they had been MIA ever since. Jaxon texted Reed, letting him know he was taking me home.

  “Oh my gosh, Courtney,” Kendra cried, clearing me from my drunken fog. “How many more shots have you had?”

  “Zero,” I said, trying to form a zero with my thumb and forefinger.

  “Zero my ass—”

  “Really, she’s not had any more. I haven’t let her out of my sight, much less my grip, for her to drink anything else. Her body just can’t handle it. She needs to go home.”

  “She can’t go to my house like that. My mom will call her mom, and we will both be grounded until we graduate,” Kendra proclaimed.

  “Take her to my apartment,” Reed suggested. “If your mom asks why she’s not with you, just tell her she got sick or something.”

  “That won’t work either. My mom’s not stupid, Reed.”

  “Hell, I don’t know then! Tell her anything. You’re good at making shit up,” Reed said with an exasperated sigh, throwing his arms up in the air.

  “Just take her to Reed’s, and I’ll figure out something to tell my mom before I go home.”

  I loved how they talked about me as if I wasn’t there.

  I groggily lifted up my head. “Where have you and Reed been?” I asked Kendra, hoping my words came out comprehensible.

  “What? I didn’t understand a fuckin’ word you just said,” Kendra laughed.

  “You,” I said pointing to her. “Reed,” I said pointing to him. “Disappeared,” I slurred, giving a questioning look.

  “Oh, we had things to take care of,” she giggled. I rolled my eyes, knowing they slipped off somewhere to get a little booty. Rolling my eyes wasn’t a wise thing to do. My equilibrium was off, and I stumbled while standing in place.

  “Come here, Sweet Cheeks. Party’s over. Time to leave.” Jaxon wrapped his arm around my waist and draped my arm over his shoulder. “See you guys later,” he said, nodding to Reed and Kendra.

  “Bye, girlie! I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Kendra hugged me, and whispered in my ear, “If he tries to kiss you, you better let him.”

  Shaking my head, I gave her a big eye roll. Damn. Everything started to spin again.

  “If you have any trouble with the GPS, give me a call. My phone has good service out here,” Reed hollered to Jaxon as we walked away.

  “I mean it!” Kendra shouted.

  “She means what?”

  “Nothing,” I mumbled.

  Jaxon had me pulled tight against him as he towed me outside. The wind was blowing in strong gusts, making the temperature feel colder than the mid-thirties. The blast of cold air hitting my face and bare arms gave me a slight feeling of sobriety. I then remembered that I had left my jacket inside. “I forgot my jacket,” I told Jaxon.

  “Shit. Well, let me get you in the truck, and then I’ll run back inside and get it.”

  “We’re taking Reed’s truck?” I asked, as Jaxon pushed the key button to unlock the doors.

  “Yeah, it works out better if I drive Reed’s and he drives Kendra’s.” Jaxon, being very gentlemen-like, helped me in the truck.

  “I’m freezing,” I forced through chattering teeth.

  “Sorry, I could give you my coat if you want it, but it’s just as cold from sitting out here in the truck,” Jaxon grimaced. “I’ll start the truck so it can warm up while I run back to get your jacket. Do not unlock the doors for anybody but me, okay?” Jaxon peered at me under his long, thick, black lashes with concern in his eyes. It was too cold to talk, so I nodded, letting him know I understood. Jaxon lightly closed the door, locking me in as he ran back to the cabin. The warmth from the heater, mixed with alcohol, relaxed me enough to send me into a drunken slumber.

  I jumped awake when I heard the truck door shut.

  “Damn, that wind is brutal! How do you people live in this shit?” Jaxon rubbed his hands together and held them in front of the vents to warm them up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. Were you sleeping?”

  I felt dizzy again as I rolled my head to the side to face Jaxon.

  “No, I was just resting my eyes,” I murmured with my eyes closed.

  My whole body felt lethargic as I reached up to grab my seat belt. I became frustrated with my hand coordination, so I let the seat belt go, not caring if it was on or not. Suddenly I felt a hard, muscled body leaning against my chest with the sweet smell of cologne and mint swirling around me. I opened my eyes to find Jaxon’s face in front of mine. I gasped, unable to move as my heart rate accelerated. He reached up to pull my seatbelt across me and paused when he noticed me staring at him. We stayed frozen in place, lost in each other’s eyes for what seemed like a lifetime. I wanted to grab the back of his head and pull him to my lips, but my body wouldn’t listen to what my mind was telling it. I silently begged him to kiss me. He rapidly blinked, looking away from me as he clicked my seatbelt in place. No words passed between us as we left, and I sluggishly fell asleep.

  Feeling overly groggy, my muscles fell limp as I felt my body floating in the air. My nose tingled as I inhaled a delicious aroma that my senses were getting accustomed to—Jaxon. The strange grunting sounds he made echoed in the cool, dark air. Slowly, I opened my eyes finding myself cradled in his arms as he carried me into Reed’s apartment. Wanting to draw in closer to him, I wrapped my arm that dangled behind him tightly around his back and nuzzled my face into his chest, breathing him in. My face pressed up against something hard in his coat with a strong minty odor. Before I could ask what it was, he explained with one word.

  “Altoids, I used to smoke,” he confessed. “I kicked my nicotine habit only to replace it with a sugar habit. If I don’t die of lung cancer, I’ll definitely die with a mouth full of cavities,” he chuckled. Well, that explained the minty aroma always surrounding him.

  Jaxon gently bent down on his knees to lay me on the couch, telling me I should try to go back to sleep. As he released his hold on me, I gripped the front of his jacket, pulling him back down for our lips to slightly brush. I hesitated for a fraction of a second to see if he would pull away. When he didn’t, I pulled him closer. As our lips touched, my heart rate hastened and intense heat shot through my body. I lightly ran my tongue along his top lip. I wanted to taste the delicious mint I had intricately smelled all night. Jaxon took a deep breath through his nose as he pulled away. I opened my eyes, afraid the moment had ended too soon, only to find his beautiful blue eyes staring at me with desire.

  Without deflecting his stare from mine, he grabbed my head with both hands, thumbs gingerly brushing over my cheeks, and leaned in to kiss me. His lips were warm and wet from our preceding kiss as they pressed softly against mine. I opened my mouth, inviting him in as I felt his tongue brush along my bottom lip. Voraciously accepting my invitation, our tongues intertwined intensely, becoming more sensual as the kiss grew into heated passion. My hand bravely found the lean muscle of his waist under his shirt. I easily glided my hand over his smooth skin, gripping him tightly, and I heard him faintly moan in my mouth. I felt myself losing all control as the kiss deepened further, then abruptly he broke the kiss. Jaxon pressed his forehead to mine, breathing heavily with his eyes clenched shut.

  As if he were struggling with emotions, he whispered, “I can’t… you can’t… we can’t.”

  I could only stare at him as he battled his inner thoughts. He inhaled a deep breath through his nose, then slowly exhaled a shaky breath as he released my face, rocking back on his heels.

  “I’m sorry, Courtney. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you. You’re in a vulnerable state right now, and if things move forward…” he paused shaking his head, “well, let’s just say we both would be weighed down with regret in the morning.”

  A rush of humiliation seeped into me as his words registered into my inebriated brain— rejection. He didn’t even look at me as he dismissed my actions. I was so overwhelmed with embarrassment that I wanted to
cry, but I was too overcome with anger. I couldn’t talk. My words of fury caught in my throat with the tears I held back.

  He finally looked at me, and I prayed he couldn’t see the tears of hurt and anger stinging the back of my eyes. “I still want us to be friends while I’m here. I don’t want things to be awkward between us,” he said with sincerity. “Are we good?”

  I kept silent, not wanting to make a fool of myself any more than I already had, not wanting him to hear me choke on my words. I gave him a small nod.

  “Can I hug you,” he asked with eyes seeking forgiveness. What the hell? More like, could you torture me some more? I wanted to ask, but instead I nodded again.

  He bent down to me, sliding his thick arms around my back in a tight embrace. He squeezed me briefly with a couple of friendly pats on the back before letting me go. I returned the friendly hug, knowing our minute of passion was over. He stood up from the couch, hesitating before walking away.

  “I’m going to make some coffee. Do you want some?” I heard him call from the kitchen.

  I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t answer him. When he walked away, I had turned my body to face the back of the couch. I hid my face as the tears of shame fell. How could a beautiful night full of promises end feeling empty?

  That damn tequila was turning me into a blubbering mess. I was tougher than this. I had just met him, hadn’t even know him for twenty-four hours, so why did his rejection tear up my insides. Pretending to be asleep, I prayed the sandman would find me soon, and fortunately he did.

  Chapter 8 ~ Sweet Cheeks with a Touch of Honesty

  Bright lights blazing behind my eyelids woke me up. Did I fall asleep in the tanning bed again? Peeking through a small slit in my eyes, I found the sun shining directly in my face. Ugh! Why can’t my mother ever leave my blinds alone? I had cotton mouth from hell. Now I knew why they always told people to drink plenty of water with alcohol.

  Turning over in the tangled sheets, I flopped onto my belly, and stuffed my face in my pillow only to discover it smelled like men’s cologne. Actually, it smelled just like the cologne Reed wore. I shot up, resting on the palm of my hands looking down and around at the bed I was in. Holy crow! I was in Reed’s bed. Kendra was going to kick my ass. Sitting up on my knees, I looked down at myself in relief to see that I still wore the same clothes I had on the night before. The remnants of which suddenly came crashing into my mind—Jaxon… dancing… Jaxon… tequila shots… Jaxon… kissing… Jaxon rejecting me. That last thought sent a shot of sorrow right through my veins, landing directly in my heart. Gah! I made such a fool of myself.

  Now that I thought about it with a slightly groggy, but clear and sober, head, I had no one to blame but myself. I had plainly stated in the beginning what my boundaries were. Jaxon had plainly stated in the beginning he was a one night stand kind of guy and still respectably remained a gentleman, even after I initiated a panty-wetting kiss—a heated kiss that I willingly would’ve allowed to transpire into more. Maybe Phillip was right all along. Maybe I was a closet slut.

  Thinking that I could hear talking in the living room, I eased off the bed as quietly as the box springs would allow. Reed seriously needed to invest in a whole new bedroom set. Looking at his mismatched furniture, I would guess it all was purchased randomly at a yard sale. I just hoped the mattress I slept on all night wasn’t thrown in as a bonus. Yikes! Suddenly, I had that creepy feeling, as if I had bugs crawling all over me. I guess that’s what I got for watching Dateline and 60 Minutes.

  Tip-toeing over to the door to listen, I realized it was just the TV. Somebody was out there, and I prayed to God it was Reed and not Jaxon. I couldn’t face Jaxon after what happened last night. It would be too weird unless I pretended to act like I didn’t have any recollection of our steamy encounter. Then I heard it, the repetitive throat clearing, and I had my confirmation who sat on the other side of that door. As annoying as it was, I think I could possibly overlook his quirky habit. Quietly, I padded over to the mirror to tame my wild bed-head and to wipe away the smudge of make-up under my eyes. If I played the dementia card and only recalled the events that happened at the party, then I wouldn’t have to tell anyone about our kiss.

  Reed had recently moved out from his parents and now lived in a one-bedroom apartment. The place consisted of a small living room, an even smaller kitchen, and a rinky-dink bathroom. All the rooms were connected with no escape, so, as soon as you walked out of his bedroom, you walked directly into the living room. As I opened the door, I knew I would be face–to-face with Jaxon. My hand methodically turned the doorknob as my heart accelerated in anticipation.

  I slowly peered out from behind the door and gazed straight into the eyes of a Greek god, aka Jaxon. No lie… I swear I heard a church choir sing in the background with a ray of sun casting down over his impeccable, powerfully built body. He was stretched out on Reed’s black, leather couch wearing nothing but loose basketball style Under Armor shorts. The couch, recliner, and flat screen TV were the only items Reed splurged a little money on, sporting a typical bachelor pad. Jaxon’s arm was folded up behind his head with his forearm being used as a pillow, showcasing his bulging biceps. I took note of the absentee hair in his armpit; clear sign of manscaping. I was curious to see if his chest and abdomen were bare as well, and I noticed a tattoo of a symbol on the inside of his bicep. Bingo!

  I was right about the nipple piercings, and, oh God, I had a desperate urge to kiss them. He had a thick, silver hoop in each nipple. As my eyes continued to travel down the muscled grooves, I got lost in the clearly defined V that disappeared in the elastic waistband of his shorts. I would be lying if I didn’t admit I searched for any bumps, hills, or mountains where his unit was located. My eyes made their way to his well-built and, I must say, very sexy legs. His skin was a deep, brown tan one could only muster by spending days on the beach. My mouth salivated as I remembered the kiss from last night and what could’ve been. Closet slut.

  “Yoo-hoo, Sweet Cheeks,” Jaxon called out to me, waving his arms back and forth trying to get my attention. My eyes snapped up to meet his. He gave me a half sly grin, causing his dimples to deepen. He was fully aware of the affect he had on me. “So, are you going to answer me?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear what you asked.” Your godliness was too distracting.

  “I said ‘Good morning, Sweet Cheeks’ and I just wanted to know how you were feeling this morning.”

  It just occurred to me that I didn’t have the dreadful hangover everyone always fusses about after a night of alcohol binging. Just a moisture-free mouth that tasted like ass.

  “Actually, I feel fine, no different than any other morning,” I said cheerfully. After picking up the blanket that was draped across the recliner, I plopped myself down, making myself comfy. I had an inkling Reed slept on it last night while I snoozed comfortably in his bed. Poor guy! I hoped he didn’t have a crick in his neck this morning.

  “Wow, I’m surprised,” he said shaking his head. “You seemed pretty blitzed last night. I thought for sure you would have either puked your guts out or woke up to a splitting migraine.” He stretched with a yawn before sitting up on the couch.

  I couldn’t help to sneak a peek of the muscles straining against his sun-kissed skin as he stretched past the length of the couch. “Yeah, I’m pretty surprised myself. I guess I was given the ‘get out of hangover free’ card. I just wish I could remember what happened last night.” I found my chance to throw the memory loss in before I was questioned about the kiss.

  Jaxon’s elbows were resting on the top of his knees with his body hunched over, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands then through his hair. He stopped all movements and turned his head to look at me incredulously when I revealed I had no recollection of last night. “Seriously? You don’t remember anything from last night?”

  “Well, I think I remember everything up until about the time we left. I remember freezing my butt off outside, then falling asleep in Ree
d’s truck.” Shaking my head, I acted completely oblivious of any events afterward. “Nope, nothing else.” I hesitated. ”Oh God! Please don’t tell me I did something crazy, you have a look on your face that screams I did something I’m going to regret,” I exclaimed, trying to express a look of horror on my face. That should make me sound believable enough.

  “No, no, not at all. You umm… you were a sweetheart last night and I enjoyed our date,” he said grinning then looking away in thought. A teeny swarm of butterflies erupted in my stomach as I hoped that he was smiling from thinking about our kiss. “Actually, we all should get together again and do something fun before I go back to California.”

  Literally, I reached up to touch my chin to make sure my jaw was not hanging open in shock of his statement. My mood slowly started to match the weather outside.

  “Hold up… back up,” I frowned, holding my hand up to stop him from saying anything else. ”Seriously?” I asked, repeating his one worded question. “How could you enjoy my company when you were my full-time babysitter? What’s the fun in that?”

  Jaxon stood up from the couch and handed me the remote control before making his way to the kitchen. “Sweet Cheeks, you are the best entertainment I’ve had since I’ve been in this God-forsaken little town. You want some coffee?” he asked, interrupting himself. “You have to remember where I’m from, and, to be honest, since I’ve been here, I’ve been contemplating suicide because this little town is boring as hell.”

  Still stuck on the nickname he labeled me with, I had to know where it originated from. “Why do you keep calling me Sweet Cheeks? Are you making fun of my chipmunk cheeks?” My back faced him in the kitchen, and I was unable to see his expression to my confrontation, so I leaned around the recliner and looked back to gather a response.

  “Does it bother you?”

  “Please don’t ask me a question without answering mine first.” I scolded.