Toxic Secrets

by Jill Patten

  “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you, and I won’t call you that again if it bothers you that much,” he said with genuine apology in his eyes.

  I tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear that fell obstructing my view of Jaxon. “I didn’t say yay or nay if it offended me. I just want to know why you keep calling me Sweet Cheeks.”

  Without hesitation, Jaxon confessed, “You have the two sweetest sets of cheeks I’ve seen on a girl.” He gave me a quick wink. “I think your chipmunk cheeks, as you call them, accentuate your beautiful face, and, I’ll just be honest—damn woman, you have one fine ass. I’m not apologizing for that comment, so don’t ask me to.” Jaxon continued making coffee as if what he just said wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I was dumbstruck.

  Quickly, I turned back around in the recliner hiding the red heat I felt rising from my neck to the top of my head. I expected hot lava to burst out of my ears like a volcano. He made it obvious he was attracted to me, said he wanted to hang out more, abruptly stopped a kiss before it went any further, clearly stated he was a man-whore, and declared he wants to be my best ‘guy’ friend. At that point, I was righteously confused. In all probable cause, my best defense was to just go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. If he wanted us to be friends, then we’d keep things platonic, but, if his interest spiked to another level, well I may just go against my better judgment and reconsider staying single.

  “Thank you, I guess?” I said, still hiding behind the recliner.

  Jaxon rummaged through Reed’s cabinets, most likely looking for clean coffee mugs. Reed only kept a limited supply of necessities to accommodate a bachelor. “Sweet Cheeks, don’t feel embarrassed. That was certainly a compliment. You should feel smug given that I hand those out very sparingly.” I jumped when I heard the cabinet door slam shut. “Damn, does Reed only own two coffee mugs?”

  I wasn’t sure if he had asked me or a phantom because I was still hung up on his rare accolade. Jaxon started washing dishes, apparently giving up on finding any more coffee cups. “Do you drink your coffee black or do you like cream and sugar?”

  Peering around the recliner, I soaked in the pleasant backside of Jaxon as he washed a few dishes. I wasn’t sure if I was tuning it out, but his throat sounds didn’t seem to be as annoying as last night. Aside from staring at his protruding, tight butt and clearly defined back muscles, I noticed two small angel wings wrapped around a heart on his right shoulder blade with writing etched inside the heart. They were pretty, and I wondered what they represented.

  “I like cream and sugar, but don’t worry about it. I’ll fix it myself. I like my coffee sweeter than most people,” I said, getting out of the recliner to join him in the kitchen. I needed to guzzle a gallon of water before I enjoy any coffee. “By the way, where is Reed?” I asked, surprising myself with how I felt a little more comfortable in his presence. Reaching into the fridge, I grabbed a bottle of water. I quickly gulped it down before Jaxon could watch me.

  Jaxon turned to hand me a cup he’d just finished drying. I dumped a little creamer and an overabundant amount of sugar into my cup. “He left right before you woke up to grab a few items from the grocery story. He said he wasn’t prepared for company and didn’t want to be branded as a bad host,” he chuckled as he filled my cup. “I told him it didn’t matter, that I was the one imposing—”

  “You’re not the only one,” I interrupted.

  “Well, I didn’t want to speak on your behalf. That wouldn’t be fair to you. Besides, you had a reason to stay. I didn’t.”

  “So why did you?” I blurted, not meaning for it to come out loudly.

  “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to follow through with my babysitting job until big bad dad got home,” he said laughing. “No, I’m kidding with you. Really I don’t know, I guess maybe I find that I just enjoy your company.” He smiled, showcasing his perfectly, white teeth and those dreamy dimples I was such a sucker for. “So… what’s on the agenda today?”

  His question was a great way to avert another revelation of his.

  “Work,” I deadpanned.

  “All day?”

  “No, not all day. Five until closing.”

  He stayed quiet for a moment, except for a little throat clearing. Feeling his eyes on me, I looked up from staring a hole into my coffee to find them studying me. Quickly, I looked away, not wanting to make eye contact. He took a sip from his coffee, then started, “Well, how about we go out for lunch before you go to work, my treat?”

  My first thought was what Phillip’s reaction would be if he saw me out with Jaxon. “I don’t know, Jaxon. Aren’t you sick of looking at me by now? I know I’m looking pretty close to death warmed over at this point.” I ran my fingers through my hair again, trying to untangle all the hair products Kendra swore was a necessity the night before.

  “To be honest, I think you look pretty damn sexy with the fucked-up hair.” He reached out to thread a few strands through his fingers. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to look ugly. Few people are born with natural beauty. It’s a rarity, but you are one of those few truly blessed,” he said in a low raspy voice, holding my eyes with his intense stare. He must’ve seen my face quickly flush because he released my eyes giving a crooked grin. “Don’t feel uncomfortable with my observations. I call it like I see it,” he said matter-of-factly. “I believe in pure honesty. Sugar-coating the truth only results in heartache later. So, as a fair warning, if you don’t want the God-to-honest truth about something, don’t ask me.” He raised his eyebrows, walking out of the kitchen into the living room with a take it or leave it attitude. I made a mental note to never lie to him. It was obvious the truth was something of importance to him. Already, I started off on the wrong foot with him when I told my first fib this morning.

  Jaxon claimed his spot back on the couch hugging his coffee with both hands. “So we’re going to lunch, right?”

  Doing what I did best, I gave in without a fight. “Sure, but I need to call Kendra. I’m sure she’s been blowing up my phone, and I need to go home to shower and change.”

  Chapter 9 ~ The Caretaker and the Dictator

  After a morning of true confessions with Jaxon, answering Kendra’s missed texts and phone calls, and Reed’s failed attempt at making us breakfast, I finally made it home. Jaxon had the bright idea for us to have lunch, but, having a better idea myself, I mentioned our plans to Reed and Kendra, inviting them to join us. Spending more time alone with Jaxon and his outlandish comments was not something I could endure twice in one day.

  As soon as I walked through the door I jumped in the shower. The bathroom door creaked as my mother poked her head in. “Kendra wants to know if you can meet them at one o’clock instead of twelve?”

  “Tell her that will be fine.” I could hear my mother repeating my words as she closed the door. Knowing her, she would keep Kendra on the phone, trying to find out who all “them” included.

  I loved my mother more than anything in this world, and we had that mother/daughter relationship most girls dream about, well… we used to. We had always been very close, if you excluded the past three and a half years. When Phillip and I started dating and became more serious, I pushed her out of my life to put him first. Our constant fighting and bickering was usually due to Phillip. She thought he was the devil, and I thought he was God. They always say moms know best, and it turned out everything she ever said about him was right. He was poison to my mind and soul, and I nearly drowned in his toxic love.

  Over the past month and a half, we had slowly built our relationship back up to where it used to be. I tried to spend time with her, talking and just hanging out when she was not working. My mom was a CNA at a nursing home and put in either twelve-hour shifts or eight-hour days six to seven days a week. She always claimed there was a shortage of caring and qualified nurses, plus the extra hours earned the extra income she deemed necessary. Therefore, we didn’t get to have quality time very often, s
o we would try to make the most of every minute we could. Going against her rules of not working until I graduated, I took a part-time job at the local theater as soon as I turned sixteen. I loathed the extra hours she worked to pay the bills, and I only felt it was fair to earn my own money to spend on gas, clothes, eating out, and other unnecessary luxuries.

  Feeling as if I just washed a pound of make-up and hair products from my body, I added the pound back on by lathering myself in cotton candy-scented body cream. It was a favorite of mine that my mother kept in stock for me after Bath and Body released their new flavors for spring and summer. I lightly raked a wide-tooth comb through my wet locks, letting them dry naturally to prevent frizzing, and decided to spend a little quality time with my mom since I had an extra hour to spare. I could never get back the years we’d lost, but I was determined to make up for that crucially misplaced time.

  Since I would be leaving straight from the restaurant to start my shift at the theater, I threw on a little make-up and my work uniform. Mom snuggled in a blanket on the couch watching one of her infamous love stories on Lifetime. Sitting on the couch with her, I cuddled up to her side under the fleece blanket and laid my head on her shoulder. Breathing in the smell of baby powder always made me think of comfort, soft skin, wisdom and love—the best way to describe my mom. We sat snuggled next to each other in silence watching her movie… and then the interrogation started.

  “So, who is Jaxon?”

  My assumption was right. She wasted no time finding out who I was having lunch with today.

  “Oh, Mom, I know you have already asked Kendra for details, so why are you asking me something you already know?”

  “I just wanted to hear your side, that’s all. Nothing more.” I could hear a smile in her voice.

  “He’s Reed’s cousin from California. What he’s doing here in North Carolina is beyond me, but I know he won’t be here for very long. I think he’s just visiting family for the holidays, but I’m not sure.” I started to pick at the fringes on the blanket. “We never really got the opportunity to sit down and chit chat last night. Loud music and dancing isn’t the best atmosphere for getting to know someone.” The tequila flowing through my veins had me knowing Jaxon on a completely different level, one I know my mom wouldn’t approve of. Turning my head, I gave her a sideways glance and a slight shrug. “That’s pretty much it.” Being honest with her, made me realize that I didn’t know much about Jaxon at all. I was ready to set up a little Q & A session at lunch today. I found Jaxon intriguing, and I wanted to know more about him.

  “Aside from what little you know, did you like him? Did you have fun with him?” Mom asked.

  Yes! Trying not to answer too quickly, I paused a moment. “Yeah, we had a pretty good time. He’s one heck of a dancer. You should see him move, Mom. He puts most hip-hop dancers to shame.”

  Mom gave me an arched eyebrow response. “Does Phillip know you went out on a date?”

  Doing a complete one-eighty, I turned to face her, wondering where this question stemmed from. “Nooo, not exactly,” I said, drawing my words out giving her a quizzical look. “Why do you ask?”

  Mom hit the mute button on the remote control. Uh-oh! I knew this couldn’t be good. When she wanted to have a serious talk with me, she always liked things quiet. Whether it was the TV or the radio in the car, the volume either got turned down or turned off.

  “He called this morning asking for you. I told him you spent the night with Kendra. I thought it was kind of odd, since he has not called here since y’all broke up and then, the first time you go out on a date, he’s calling the next day?” She shook her head. “Sounds a little fishy to me. Did he call or text you?”

  “No, did he say what he wanted?”

  “No, but he did ask me how I’ve been doing and said he missed me.” She chuckled, rolling her eyes. Mom was very good at reading people, mostly douchebags. Phillip pulled the wool over his parents’ eyes, and everyone else he came in contact with, but he couldn’t fool Alma Peterson.

  My mother was very aware of guys like him. She was once married to a cheating control freak—my father, Neil Peterson. My dad was a naval officer who should have retired to enjoy life at fifty-five, but instead continued to serve his country only because of his love for the domineering role. Since he no longer had a wife to overbear, he could only find the dictatorial position by remaining in the Navy. Sometimes I was thankful for him not involving himself in my life. I don’t think I could stomach a drill sergeant for eighteen years.

  My dad cheated on my mom for several years, just like Phillip cheated on me. She finally grew a backbone and left him. I should've learned from my mother's mistakes.

  When I was two, Mom took me and left everything she owned in Norfolk, Virginia. Her best friend confessed that she thought she was pregnant with my father’s child. That was the final nail in the coffin. My mom’s heart was broken. Her hopes of him changing and becoming the faithful husband and dedicated father fell flat, so she moved back to North Carolina and never looked back. It all blew up in my dad’s face, though, when my mom’s best friends suffered from a miscarriage and left my father shortly after.

  “I thought maybe you could tell me what he was wanting. Are you two talking again?” The tone she used told me she wasn’t happy with any communication we might be sharing.

  “He approached me at school after we got back from Thanksgiving break. We made a truce and agreed to be friends.” Mom shot me one of her you’ve got to be kidding looks. “Mom, I figured it’s the only way we could remain civil to one another.”

  “And what happens when he finds out you’re dating somebody or sees you out with another guy?” My mother knew Phillip was jealous, but she had no idea the extremities of it. She forever tried to protect me from making the same mistakes she’d made with my father, but I had thought Phillip was different. At least that's what I used to tell myself.

  “We discussed that, and I told him I would be dating. I made it very clear to him that we were over and the only thing I could offer him was my friendship. He promised me he was okay with me dating other guys, as long as I didn’t date anyone from our school.”

  “Why not anyone from your school? What difference does that make?” Mom’s agitation was getting stronger in her tone. “Once again, the little shit has control of you. Yeah, sure, Courtney, date whoever you want to, but I’m still in control because I’m going to tell you who you can and cannot date,” she sneered, imitating a guy’s voice… Phillip’s voice.

  Gah! Why did it never occur to me that he put a freakin’ restriction on whom I could date? Letting the realization of my mom’s words sink in gave me the itching desire to fall back on my word. You know, they always say, you marry a man just like your father. At one time, I was well on my way to bringing truth to that statement, but not anymore. Phillip, the forever tyrant, was about to get schooled—by me.

  “I don’t know why he doesn’t want me dating anyone from school. I didn’t ask, I was more concerned of his reaction to me dating at all than to worry about what school they attended,” I paused, “or didn’t.” Glancing at the clock, I noted my mommy-and-me time was almost up. “It’s going to be a fairly interesting day when Monday rolls around. I’m sure someone will have told him about me attending the Russells’ Christmas party.” I could only imagine what his thoughts would be when he heard about me and tequila making an acquaintance. For some odd reason, drunken slut came to mind.

  “Well, guessing from his phone call this morning, I’d say he’s already caught wind of your date last night. You should probably call him back now and settle whatever issue he has. You know how he is… he’ll let it brew up over the weekend then annihilate you Monday morning.” She said these words as if they were spoken on a daily basis. I never gave my mother enough credit for her silent observations.

  Untwisting myself from the fleece blanket, I popped up off the couch, leaving my living, breathing security blanket. I felt cold where her warmth jus
t seconds ago embraced me. “And that’s just what I’m going to do.” Leaning down, I gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Wish me luck,” I said, giving her a look of question and dread.

  “Honey, you don’t need my luck. You’ve been doing this for three and a half years. I’d say you’re a pro by now,” she chuckled with sympathy in her eyes.

  Walking into my bedroom, I snatched a ponytail holder off my cluttered dresser, and twisted my hair up into a loose ponytail. I swiped a light shade of lipstick on and popped my small silver hoops in my ears. I was not trying to impress Jaxon, but I didn't want him to see me looking as drabby as I had this morning. Digging through my purse, I located my cell phone and quickly sent Phillip a text.

  Me: What’s up?

  Grabbing my keys and purse, I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the next adventure that awaited me—lunch with Jaxon and a text or phone call from Phillip.

  Chapter 10 ~ Suspicious Eyes

  I sat in my car outside of Rome’s Pizza and Pasta, waiting for everyone else to arrive. Kendra and Reed were going to freak because they were usually the ones that had to wait for me. Smiling to myself, I made a mental note to mark this on my calendar as a red-letter day.

  Pizza wasn’t my first choice for lunch, but Rome’s had the most comfortable atmosphere of any of the other restaurants in town, and a calming ambience was what I sought. It was a popular eatery with the young and old, and, from what I had heard, they had the best pizza in the entire northeastern part of North Carolina. I couldn’t stake truth to that claim, though, considering I had never eaten it. I was one of those rare few that did not like pizza. I preferred their pasta dishes.

  The longer I waited, the more my thoughts got carried away. Every scenario kept playing out in my mind of what I would say to Phillip when he asked me about the party. I knew I shouldn’t be worrying myself with something that had not yet even happened, but, where Phillip was concerned, I liked to be readily prepared. As a result of my heightened nerves, my stomach decided to have its own private gymnastic performance, tumbling and twirling inside.