THE TYNESIDE SAGAS: Box set of three dramatic and emotional stories: A Handful of Stars, Chasing the Dream and For Love & Glory

by Janet MacLeod Trotter

  Mark’s look was wary, but he nodded and stepped inside. Jack brightened to see him.

  ‘Memorial service is on,’ he said, indicating for Mark to sit down. Pearl stirred as he did so, squinting at the visitor in confusion.

  She put out a hand to him. ‘We didn’t see you there, pet. Did you meet up with some of your mates? Looks like you did,’ she said pointedly, taking in his bleary-eyed appearance.

  Mark hung his head. ‘I didn’t go,’ he answered.

  ‘Why not?’ Jo asked at once. ‘It was wonderful. I kept thinking how it would be helping you being with the other lads, all the support.’

  ‘Well, I wasn’t there!’ he snapped. ‘I couldn’t face − Oh, what’s the point of it all? It doesn’t bring Colin or Skippy back, does it?’

  ‘But what about the others? You’ve got other mates who are still alive,’ Jo reminded him.

  ‘How can they be me mates when I don’t know if I’ll ever go back on board a ship again?’ Mark said angrily.

  ‘You’ve got to give yourself time,’ Pearl said wearily. ‘You’ll not have those injuries for ever.’

  Mark gave a look of desperation. He touched his head. ‘But what about up here?’ he asked. ‘It’s what’s up here that’s stopping me going back,’ he admitted. They all looked at him in silence for a moment, not knowing what to say. Jo was aware this might be the first time Mark had talked about having a problem.

  ‘You need to get help,’ she said quietly. ‘Talk to someone professional.’

  He shot her a hostile look. ‘Is that what you said to Ivy when you got her to spill the beans about me grandad?’ he asked savagely. ‘Interfering in other people’s business, thinking you’re doing them a favour. Well, you haven’t. Now all the family knows, and me Dad’s chucked me out for good. I’m not even speaking to Ivy. I said some terrible things…’

  He covered his harrowed face with his scarred hands, the euphoria of half an hour ago having dissolved into depression. Pearl and Jack looked at Jo for an explanation.

  ‘What have you done, Joanne?’ Jack demanded.

  ‘Nothing,’ she defended herself. ‘I was just there for Ivy when she needed someone to talk to. I never forced her to say anything; she wanted to. For years she bottled up a secret about Matty’s father, and it was destroying her. I’m glad it’s out and that all your family know. If I interfered at all it was to encourage her to tell you, Mark, because I thought it would help you come to terms with who you are. You had a right to know.’

  ‘Know what?’ Pearl asked.

  ‘Tell them, Mark,’ Jo urged.

  ‘Why don’t you?’ he said with a resentful glance. ‘You’re the psychologist.’

  Jo got a whiff of burning from the kitchen. ‘Oh, hell, the tea!’ She leapt up. ‘It’s your story, Mark, you tell them.’ She left the room, wondering if it had been right after all for Ivy to tell Mark about his grandfather. Mark seemed so angry about it all. Listening from the kitchen she could hear him begin to speak about Ivy and Hassan in a faltering, embarrassed way. Jo salvaged the meal and busied herself until she heard him finish. Then she carried a tray of cutlery and plates into the room.

  Jack broke the silence first. ‘Well, you come from a line of old salts then, don’t you? The sea’s well and truly in your blood.’

  Mark smiled for the first time. ‘Aye, I suppose it is.’

  Then Jo caught sight of Pearl’s tear-stained face and stopped. She had never seen such an expression on her aunt’s face before. Pearl looked consumed with resentment. Jo waited for her to say something comforting and encouraging, but she just sat there, struggling with some deep emotion.

  ‘Mind you,’ Jack went on, ‘I’m one for letting sleeping dogs lie − not like Jo. I’m not sure dragging up the past doesn’t do more harm than good.’

  Jo turned on him in annoyance. ‘Don’t you think Mark had a right to know about his real grandad?’

  Jack waved a hand at her. ‘You and your rights! Look where it’s got him. All his family have fallen out with him just when they’d got back together again. I can’t imagine Ivy’s any happier now with her family at each other’s throats over it. Sometimes it’s better to protect people from the truth − suffer in silence.’

  Suddenly Pearl cried out, ‘Aye, that’s always been your way, hasn’t it, Jack? Covering up and pretending! Going through life like some suffering martyr! But it’s not for any noble reason that people keep secrets − it’s usually to protect themselves, not the innocent ones.’

  They all gawped at Pearl. Her face was livid and tear-streaked, and her body trembled. Jo put down the tray and rushed over to her.

  ‘Auntie Pearl, don’t upset yourself.’

  But Pearl ignored her niece and turned to Mark. ‘Tell me what you think. You’ve done nothing but criticise our Joanne for interfering, but what do you think now that you know?’ Mark looked taken aback and Pearl went on before he could answer. ‘Your real grandfather sounds a grand man to me, and I admire Ivy for having the courage to stand up to her mother and marry him. They didn’t have long together, but I bet she doesn’t regret one short minute of it − because they loved each other. Matty was born out of love − it doesn’t matter two hoots what colour his father’s skin was. And you should be proud of your grandfather − he stood up for his rights and his community and he loved your grandmother. And why do you think you’re so special to Ivy? You don’t just remind her of her first husband because you look like him. I bet it’s because she can see the potential in you to be as great a man as Hassan was. So do you wish you’d never known about him, or are you glad of the chance to know about your real past? Because it’s thanks to Jo that you do.’

  Jo gawped at her, and Mark looked stunned by the outburst.

  ‘Leave the lad alone,’ Jack remonstrated.

  ‘Go on, tell us,’ Pearl insisted.

  Mark was visibly shaken. He looked at Jo and Jack and then back at Pearl. ‘Aye,’ he answered hoarsely. ‘I’m glad I know − even for all the upset it’s caused. I am proud of me grandad − very proud,’ he said fiercely. ‘I’m just angry at Nana for not telling me years ago.’

  Pearl looked triumphant. ‘There!’ She rounded on Jack. ‘That’s what secrets do; they spread into other people’s lives like a poison.’

  ‘Why you shouting at me?’ Jack asked.

  ‘You know why,’ she answered. ‘You damn well know!’

  His face went ashen. ‘That’s enough, Pearl,’ he warned.

  ‘It’s time, Jack,’ she insisted. ‘It’s time to come clean about your past − our past.’

  ‘Stop it,’ he growled, ‘don’t say any more. You always promised −’

  ‘I don’t care what I promised!’ she snapped. ‘I haven’t anything to lose any more. Colin’s gone. Jo’s got her own life with Alan and you just sit here like a zombie who’s only interested in the dead. Well, I’ve had enough of it! I drag myself down here every day wondering why I bother, wondering when you’re ever going to notice. And you know what? I’ve finally realised you’re never going to.’

  ‘Notice what?’ Jo asked, seeing how her father was dumbstruck.

  ‘That I’m getting old − past it!’

  ‘No you’re not,’ Jo began.

  ‘Yes I am!’ Pearl cried. ‘I’m forty-eight and I’ve got to have a hysterectomy.’

  ‘Oh, Auntie Pearl!’ Jo flung her arms around her aunt. ‘I’m sorry. I knew there was something wrong. I should’ve noticed sooner.’

  Jack found his voice. ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ he demanded. ‘I didn’t even know you’d been to the doctor’s.’

  ‘No, you never notice anything where I’m concerned,’ Pearl quavered.

  ‘That’s not true.’ Jack flushed. ‘It’s not my fault if you keep me in the dark about things. You should’ve told me. When is it happening? What’s wrong with you?’ he asked in fear.

  ‘It’s not life-threatening, if that’s what you mean,’ Pearl said, her fierce eyes filli
ng with tears.

  ‘Thank God for small mercies,’ Jack breathed.

  ‘What then, Auntie Pearl?’ Jo asked.

  ‘Fibroids. Non-malignant, they think.’

  ‘That’s good then, isn’t it?’ Jack said with relief.

  Pearl looked at him in fury. ‘Good? They’re going to rip out my womb!’

  Jack turned puce with embarrassment. ‘But it’s not as if...’ he floundered.

  ‘Say it. Jack,’ she hissed. ‘A woman of my age has no use for that any more. You have no idea what it means to me, do you? That I’ll only feel half a woman. What do you care?’ Pearl accused. ‘It doesn’t bother you that I’ll never be able to have my own bairns − as long as I’ve brought up yours.’

  ‘I didn’t know you wanted bairns,’ Jack protested. ‘I wouldn’t have stood in the way if I’d thought there was someone else…’

  ‘There wasn’t anyone else!’ Pearl cried. ‘There was always just you, Jack. I’ve wasted me life on you. And to think of all these years I’ve stood by you after Gloria died, pretending she was such a wonderful wife and mother.’

  ‘Don’t,’ Jack gasped. ‘You’ve said enough.’

  ‘Can’t have anything said against your precious Gloria, can we?’ Pearl said bitterly. ‘How long are you going to let her memory rule you, Jack? A false memory an’ all. It’s blighted my life. I’ve always hoped that one day you’d face up to what happened and let us get on with living. But I can see that’s never going to happen. Colin dying has shown me that. I thought it would bring us closer; I needed your comfort too. But I never got it. I’ve wasted my whole life waiting…!’ She broke down sobbing.

  Jo exchanged uncomprehending looks with Mark. ‘What does she mean, Dad?’ Jo asked tensely. ‘What’s all this about my mother?’

  ‘She’s just upset − she’s not herself,’ Jack stammered.

  ‘Tell her, Jack’ Pearl sobbed. ‘That’s all I’m asking of you.’

  Jack looked horrified. ‘I can’t, he whispered. ‘Don’t make me go over all that again.’

  ‘Tell her, or I’ll walk out that door and never come back,’ Pearl threatened.

  ‘Please, Dad,’ Jo pleaded. She did not know what was happening between them, but Pearl had come to the end of her tether.

  Suddenly Mark made a move. They had almost forgotten he was there. ‘I think I should go.’

  But Pearl put out a hand to stop him. ‘No, you might as well hear it too. You’ve been brave enough to confide in us.’

  ‘Aye,’ Jack said at last, seeming to draw strength from Mark’s presence. ‘You’re the nearest I’ve got to Colin. Please stay.’

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  1958

  ‘I want Pearl to come with us,’ Gloria insisted, her fair face twisted into a tired frown. Pearl thought how her sister seemed to be permanently tired and fraught these days, her life one of relentless domestic chores. Joanne was nearly one and crawling at speed, while Colin at two was walking and bumping into everything. Gloria complained constantly about Jack been away at sea and Pearl was growing resentful at her older sister’s reliance on her to care for the babies or help with the mounds of washing. Yet again, she regretted Aunt Julia dying and depriving her of a modest independence. Gloria had seized the chance to move back in with Pearl, along with her expanding family.

  ‘Aunt Julia’s flat is bigger than ours and you can’t afford the rent on your own. You’re family and I’ll not see you fending for yourself.’ This was her older sister’s way of telling her that she would keep an eye on her.

  A year and another baby later, Pearl had been pressured into taking the boxroom, so that the second bedroom could be turned into a nursery for Gloria and Jack’s three children. At least it was a small haven from her sister’s demands, although three-year-old Joy now managed to open the door. But Joy lived up to her name, for she was a constant source of chatter and fun and even the harassed Gloria melted at her charm. Jack doted on his eldest child too. Now that he was back home for a month, he had suggested a trip to Blackpool to relieve the tension in the household, and Joy was squealing with excitement as he tickled her.

  ‘And there’ll be donkey rides and tram rides,’ he promised, ‘and as much ice-cream as you can eat. We’ll go for the start of the illuminations − be back in time for Joanne’s first birthday.’

  ‘She’s not going to know the difference if we don’t,’ Gloria said shortly. ‘Why don’t we leave her with Pearl and just take Colin and Joy? The baby’s too young to know any difference.’

  Jack looked scandalised. ‘We can’t do that. I hardly get to see her.’

  ‘Well, that’s not my fault,’ Gloria snapped.

  ‘We can’t expect Pearl to spend her holiday looking after our Joanne.’ Jack was adamant. Pearl listened, not wanting to intervene until she had to. It struck her how Gloria never referred to Joanne by name, as if she still did not accept her as one of the family. The third child had been unplanned and was resented by her sister as a burden they could have done without.

  ‘Well, we can’t manage all the bairns on our own − not with the amount of luggage we’ll have to take on the train,’ Gloria protested. ‘If we can’t leave the baby, I want Pearl to come with us.’

  Jack hesitated, then said, ‘That’s up to her.’

  They both looked at Pearl. She wanted to say no. It would do Gloria good to have to cope without her and to have some time with Jack and the children, as a proper family. At times she felt like hired help, and then felt guilty for her ungrateful thoughts. Gloria had been more like a mother to her than a sister as they grew up and had always been a strong support for her until the pressures of young motherhood had reversed the situation.

  ‘You will come, won’t you?’ Gloria pleaded.

  ‘Auntie Pearl come too!’ Joy chanted, slipping from her father’s knee and rushing over to her aunt. ‘See the donkeys!’ She started doing donkey noises with Jack and falling in a giggling heap.

  Pearl laughed. Perhaps she would meet someone on holiday who would help her escape from their claustrophobic household. ‘All right, I’ll come,’ she relented, against her better judgement.

  Gloria’s face relaxed into a smile. She picked Joy off the floor and gave her a hug. ‘That’s grand, isn’t it? Auntie Pearl is such a help.’

  Then the baby began to fret and wail to be released from her pram out in the backyard, where she had been strapped in for a sleep. Gloria grimaced, her nerves frayed at the very sound of her crying.

  ‘I’ll go and fetch her,’ Jack said quickly. ‘We’re all going to have a grand holiday, don’t you worry.’

  The train journey seemed to take for ever and tempers were short with the effort of trying to keep the children entertained and fed and nappies changed in the cramped compartment. Pearl felt sorry for the elderly couple who had to share it with them. ‘Don’t worry, the nightmare’s nearly over!’ she told them cheerfully as the train finally pulled into Blackpool.

  They disembarked, Joy in a frenzy of excitement to catch her first glimpse of the beach. ‘I want to go now!’ she cried, pulling on her mother’s hand. Jack beckoned to a porter to come and help them with the luggage. Pearl stood holding Joanne, who was trying to wriggle out of her arms. It had been her suggestion to book a guesthouse that could provide a pram for the younger two. Colin climbed on to the trolley, thinking it had been brought over specially for him.

  ‘You’ll need a taxi for this lot,’ said the porter at a glance, and led them off to find one. They squashed into the taxi, and soon the fraughtness of the journey dissolved into excitement as they drove through the resort.

  ‘Look at the Tower, isn’t it grand?’ Jack exclaimed, holding Colin on his knee so he could see.

  ‘There’s the beach!’ Joy squealed. ‘Please can we go to the beach?’

  ‘Soon, pet,’ her mother promised, smiling for the first time that day. ‘Tomorrow, it’s the first thing we’ll do.’

  ‘No, now!’ howled Joy, her
nose pressed up against the window as they passed the bustling promenade and the crowded beach below.

  ‘We could take a walk after tea,’ Jack suggested, eager to placate his daughter.

  ‘They’ll need an early night after the journey,’ Gloria snapped. Joy burst into tears of frustration.

  Pearl sat in the front with Joanne in her lap, thankful to be removed from the argument in the back. A double-decker tram clanked past, packed with trippers, and there were stalls selling everything from spades to china ornaments. She looked out of the other window and gawped at the sights of the famous Golden Mile. It was one long ribbon of shops, attractions and hotels stretching into the distance in gaudy splendour.

  ‘Wait till you see it lit up at night,’ the driver said, seeing her amazement.

  ‘I can’t wait,’ Pearl smiled. ‘I’m dying to see a show or go dancing.’

  ‘Charlie Drake’s been popular this year,’ he told her, ‘and that young Eric Morecambe; he’s even funnier, I reckon. There’s plenty for the children too.’ He nodded towards the Tower. ‘They feed the fish at half past eleven at the aquarium, and there’s the chimps’ tea party in the zoo.’

  As they trundled slowly through the traffic and hordes of pedestrians, Pearl received a stream of useful information about what to see. They passed Roberts’ Oyster Rooms, and the North Pier, jutting out like a jewelled finger into the blue-grey sea. There were people everywhere.

  ‘I’ve never seen so many folk in one place,’ Pearl gasped.

  ‘It’s always packed for the switch-on,’ the taxi driver grunted. ‘The world and his mother come for the illuminations.’

  An hour later they were installed in Mrs Hugo’s neat boarding house in a quiet Edwardian terrace away from the grander hotels on the front. They were lucky to get anywhere this close to the attractions, Pearl realised. The landlady welcomed them warmly and fussed over the children, giving them the window seat in the cramped dining room, with Joanne perched in a wooden highchair looking on in astonishment. They were revived with ham salad and a pot of tea, but it was the cake stand full of scones and fairy cakes that made Joy’s eyes widen in delight. Gloria was a good baker, but she never seemed to find the time any more, and they all tucked into the home-made fancies.