One Summer With Autumn

by Julie Reece

  “What?” Alex and I chorus.

  “Marvelous,” Sydney says. “Thank you, Caden. Rescued by a true southern gentleman. Alex, would you be a dear and grab my suitcases?” I check out her luggage, neatly stowed in the corner, and suspect she hoped for this, not having unpacked a single thing.

  “How long are you staying?” Caden asks no one in particular, but facing Alex.

  “We fly out tomorrow night,” Sydney chimes. “And don’t worry. We rented a car. No need for anyone to drive us anywhere. Banks and Cooper Designs flew me here to scout furnishings for a job upstate. When I discovered how close it was to my baby sister, I booked an extended flight back. Easy peasy.” She glances from Alex to Caden. “We’re going to have a great time in Cowpens.” Her grin is diabolical. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

  When we get to the house, the Behrs, plus Piper, are seated around the dining room table eating goat cheese omelets and pancakes. Caden introduces my sister and Alex to everyone, inviting them to breakfast.

  Quinn grabs an orange off the fruit bowl in the center of the table. “You two don’t look much like sisters.”

  “Quinn,” his mother warns.

  Sill not hungry, I poke at my blueberry muffin, and answer, “No it’s okay. We get that a lot.”

  “Yeah? Well I can see why. I mean, you two look nothing alike. Was one of you adopted?” Jesse gives her husband a hopeless look. “What?” he asks. “Am I wrong?”

  With that, the room falls silent and a strange staring contest begins. Sydney ogles Dex as if he’s a Trenta Mocha Frappuccino, and the admiring look he returns isn’t much better. Piper watches Caden, who’s glaring at Alex, who hasn’t taken his eyes off me since we got here. I swallow, trying to calm my nerves. Jesse and Quinn keep trading knowing glances with each other, while Mrs. Behr looks uncomfortable and slightly nauseated by the whole affair.

  When her cell rings, she can’t answer fast enough, whipping the phone from her pocket and glancing at the screen. “Thank you, Jesus.” Her prayer seems answered as she swipes the cover. “Sorry, this is Scott. Will ya’ll excuse me for a minute?” She doesn’t wait for our permission before sprinting from the “Room of Supreme Awkwardness.” And who can blame her? Get out while you can, lady, I would.

  More silence. More staring. I can’t take anymore and announce I’m going upstairs to change. “I’ll help you,” Syd says, rising from the table.

  Jesse’s right behind her. “Count me in. I’ve been looking forward to this.” They’re both slender, same height, with similar hair color. Quinn’s right, the pair could pass for sisters long before I would.

  Syd gives Jesse the once over. I hold my breath, afraid my sister will insult the one person who’s been nice to me, but she only says, “I can work with that,” and I exhale. Then the three of us head for the stairs, and my transformation.

  “Wait, Autumn?” I whirl to meet Alex. Over his shoulder and further down the hall, I spot Caden. He looks up every so often between punching keys on his phone. He doesn’t look too happy, but my sister does.

  “We’ll meet you upstairs,” Jesse says. Sydney grins and they disappear to the second floor.

  “I know you weren’t expecting me, but I came down here hoping to get a few minutes alone with you.” Alex manages to not quite look all the way over his shoulder. “I knew you’d be busy, so if you can’t, it’s on me, but, do you think we can get a little time to talk?”

  Now that he’s here, there’s no getting around a discussion. I thought I’d feel angrier. Maybe all the time apart has doused any fire. “I can meet you this afternoon, after the parade is over?” My promise seems to mollify him because he uses the easy smile that used to turn my knees to butter. He angles away from me, giving Caden a slight bow before making his way to the kitchen.

  Alex was always a little theatrical.

  As I turn to follow the girls upstairs, Caden catches my eye. He’s standing in the hall, arms crossed, leaning with a lazy shoulder against the doorframe. Later. You and me, he mouths. And I know Alex isn’t the only unwanted conversation I’m having today.

  ***

  Jesse and Sydney have scrubbed, washed, painted, and polished every square inch of my body until I don’t even recognize myself anymore. They’ve prepped me on manners, etiquette, what to do, and more importantly what not to do, all morning. This is as good as it’s going to get. My make-up is dark and heavy for the parade, but I’m told I’ll wash it all off and redo it for the dance tonight.

  For this afternoon’s endeavor, we girls wear high ponytails, Behr Mountain clothing and ride on a float decked out as a big fake forest. We carry treats in our backpacks that we toss to excited children lining Main Street. The Behr guys all dress in bear costumes, of course. I’m surprised they don’t pass out in this heat, but they growl and paw the air like champs. One bear in particular keeps getting overly familiar, brushing my arms and hips as he pretends to attack me. I have a pretty good guess who’s inside that costume, but I can’t be mad after hearing those little kids scream and giggle over our play acting. In fact, I can’t stop smiling. I’m enjoying myself.

  Later, the entire group of us check out the farmer’s market. Bea declares our stand a huge success, telling Jesse she ran out of lotion an hour ago. We play games, attend the ceremony honoring the crewmen of the USS Cowpens WWII aircraft carrier, and eat everything from funnel cake, to candy apples, to corn dogs. I doubt they’re made of actual meat, but I pass them up anyway.

  For all my temperamental posturing and complaining, The Mighty Moo festival is an all-out party. In between flirting with Dex, Sydney gives me, are-you-for-real type looks. I assume she thinks my smiling this much in one day will make my body implode, but the action comes easier all the time.

  Piper floats around with surreal, ghostlike grace, though she frowns at times as if her pet gerbil just died. Mrs. Behr chats with Jesse and Quinn about the festivities. Alex is doing his best to fit in, and I include him as much as possible, for which he seems grateful. Caden cracks up at me as I fail at ring-toss, or try to win a stuffed animal by knocking down bowling pins.

  It’s not the sort of laughter that’s really directed at me. There’s nothing taunting or cruel in his amusement. When he’s not watching me, I’m watching him. Looking for excuses to share a glance, or thought. Caden sees me—acting all stupid, and dorky, and happy. His smile almost eggs me on. It says “do whatever the hell you want, it’s all right with me.”

  Piper’s right, I don’t know him, or myself, or much of anything else—yet. She says Caden needs her to be whole. They have a lifetime of memories together, shared unbelievable grief. I’ve never belonged anywhere, or to anyone. It’s like I’m waking up from a long dream to believe happiness is possible for someone like me. But somehow today is different, and I think it is.

  In this place and time, I forget to be pissed off, choose not to think about how my father doesn’t like me, or that I have a future with some uncomfortable decisions that I’ll have to make. For today, I’m a kid goofing off at a summer carnival. It doesn’t have to be about more than that right now.

  When Jesse drags Mrs. Behr and Syd off to gawk at a dress in a store window, Dexter follows, forcing Caden to come along. Dex has been flirting with my sister all day, and I’m secretly glad she’s leaving tonight. We have enough complications without those two hooking up.

  Alex takes a seat on the picnic table top beside me while we wait for the others. When he clasps my hand. I stiffen, but allow it, knowing I can’t put him off any longer. He squeezes my fingers and breathes out his nose. “You’ve changed.”

  “Ah, you caught me having a good day?” I shake my head. “Probably just a fluke. Maybe hell is freezing over.”

  “I don’t think so.” He glances at Caden and back to me with a tense smile. “They’re good changes, Autumn.”

  “Well … thanks. It’s pretty strange, huh? Me and country life?”

  He rearranges my hand within his. “For so l
ong, I wanted to look you in the eye when I told you how sorry I was about last year. I had no idea how I really felt about you until after I’d ruined everything. It was stupid, so much nothing. I care about you. More than you could possibly believe right now. I’d give anything to take it back.” His shoulders round and lift, moving like he just unloaded a water buffalo. “Please tell me I can take it back?”

  Around us, the world keeps moving. A father consoles his toddler whose ice cream fell off the cone onto the sidewalk. Yellow butterflies chase each other. An old couple smiles into one another’s faces before sharing a kiss.

  I meet Alex’s gaze, his soulful brown eyes trained on me. “You know I couldn’t have been that angry with you unless I cared about you, too, right?” He nods There’s regret marking his expression that I relate to, but again, I notice the feeling is no longer raw. “When I trusted you, I gave you the power to hurt me and you did. That’s done, and in the past. But I’m not mad about it anymore”

  “Why do I think I’d have a better chance if you were?” His smile is tender. “I can’t win you back, can I?”

  My throat dries as my gaze drops to our entwined fingers. I squeeze, hoping my silence is enough answer.

  “You don’t know how badly I want a shot at making things right. To be everything for you that I wasn’t the first time. I had to try, or I’d be left wondering what might have been.”

  “There will be a girl—probably standing at the foot of a stage somewhere, screaming your name.” We both laugh at that. “But she’s going to be different than the others. She won’t put up with your bullshit, and she’ll be perfect for you.” I’m only half-shocked to find I mean the words, and that I don’t hate him anymore. I stopped the moment Caden held me in his arms.

  “You were the perfect girl.” His head dips to capture my gaze. There’s a sheen over his eyes, or maybe it’s over mine. “You’re the one I’ll always regret.”

  “Don’t.” I let my forehead rest against his. “Find a girl who’ll blow your mind apart and then treat her right.”

  He lifts his head. The smile that dazzled me from the first day appears, but holds no power over me anymore.

  “You’re going to dance with me later before you go home, right?”

  “Will you hate me if I say no?” His smile fades. “I think I’ll head back to the house and hang until it’s time to catch my plane. I saw this going differently with you today. Hoped if I could be charming enough, you’d fall into my arms where you belong and take me back. Then I could spoil you rotten for the rest of our lives.”

  Rest of our lives? Whoa. “You’ve changed, too, Alex.”

  He laughs, hesitating before dropping my hand. “I don’t think my heart could take dancing with you all night just to give you up all over again in a few hours.”

  “I’m sorry.” I lean over and kiss his cheek.

  When I draw back, his eyes are closed. He opens them slowly and grins. “Don’t you dare. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just not used to losing.” He stands and steps off the picnic bench. “Not that this wasn’t about winning. I care about you. More than you could possibly know. You just officially broke my heart, Autumn.”

  “I never meant to.”

  “I know. Builds character, right?” Alex was never this open when we were dating, not about his feelings. He says he cares. I even believe him, but we can’t go back again. He absently drags his thumb under his chin, lost in his own thoughts. “Hey. Promise me something?”

  “If I can.”

  I must look hesitant because he grins. “I’m moving to New York, but my parents will know where I am. If things don’t work out with what’s-his-name, promise you’ll look me up.”

  My smile holds all I can’t say. “I’m not with what’s-his-name, but you’ve got a deal.” Alex gives me a casual salute before wandering over to join Syd and Dex at the shaved ice stand.

  A few feet away, a group of cheerleaders line the sidewalk. They’re decked out in short skirts and midriffs. Four or five talk with Caden near a boiled peanut vendor.

  There’s a peaceful sadness washing over me. Alex isn’t for me anymore, and Caden never was, but I still want what Jesse has: a career, a guy who loves her, trust, and the support of a loving family. Not a boy who cheats or one who lies. Maybe I’m crazy, but I deserve better.

  “Quite a day.”

  I jump. My hand flies to my chest as Jesse takes Alex’s place on the picnic table. “You scared me!”

  “Oops, sorry.” She holds her pink bag of cotton candy out to me. I decline with a headshake, as she repeats, “It’s been quite a day so far.”

  I rub my hands together giving them something to do. “I’d say so. And the day’s not over, yet.” A petite redhead touches Caden’s arm, while the brunette beside her laughs. I wonder why Piper isn’t with him, and how she feels about cheerleaders.

  “Poor Caden, Jesse says. They’ve got him trapped.” She stuffs a wad of cotton candy in her mouth and continues talking. “He’s trying, but I think he’s having a rough day.”

  I’m not sure why the thought should make Jesse smile, but it does. “He doesn’t look too unhappy to me.” The muscles in my stomach twist, but I shrug, pretending the sight doesn’t bother me.

  “You mean the girls? That’s not where his mind is, trust me. While you and Alex were here chatting, his eyes kept wandering over here, acting like someone just shot his dog.”

  “He’s just being his typically nosey self. He asks more questions than a federal investigator.”

  “Does he? I hadn’t noticed him doing that with anyone else. Apparently, it’s worse when he’s jealous.”

  “No, you’re wrong.” Isn’t she? Against my will, my gaze finds him amongst the sea of swirling pom-poms. Caden once told me that if he wanted me, I’d know. But I don’t. He’d have to disappoint his mom and Piper to choose me, and even if he would, I don’t want a relationship with a liar. “I’m not saying there isn’t some attraction, but anything more is impossible. You don’t understand, Jess.”

  “I understand fine.” She bumps my knee with hers. “Give it up, Aud. The boy can’t see anyone but you.”

  26

  Caden

  Want a foolproof way of torturing a guy? Force him to watch the girl he just realized he needs more than air talk to her annoyingly cool, guitar-playing ex. Today’s love triangle has more sides than a Hexagonal pyramid, starring me, Autumn, Piper, Alex … The gang’s all here!

  Feigning interest in the group of cheerleaders around me, I did my best not to go ballistic as Alex and Autumn sat together on the picnic table. I pretended not to see their intense focus on one another, or her smile, or him take her hand. I swore if he touched her one more time, I wasn’t going to be responsible for messing up his face.

  My jealousy took a backseat to pride as Autumn seemed to come into her own today. My mother looked on with approval as our intern laughed and joked. I hardly recognize her from the evil pygmy I brought here nearly two months ago. The one I loved to hate from the start. The girl who made me question life, broke me down, and put me back together again.

  Now, the day is gone, the parade, dedications, and games have ended, and I wait for her to show up at the Mighty Moo pageant. I haven’t been able to talk to her yet, and that eats away at my insides.

  After Mom voiced her reservations about me and Autumn, (mostly me) I won’t deny I had questions about pursuing her before I had my shit together. I can’t honestly say that I do, but can anyone? I’ve been reckless and selfish for a long time. Autumn is guarded, and unpredictable, and I see that, too. But that’s not all we are, and together we could be more. If everyone waited until they were perfect to start a relationship, it would never happen.

  It’s ridiculous how restless and distracted I am without her. An addict craving her presence the minute she leaves the room. The thought of her stings and teases and makes me crazy. All of my senses fire up in a heightened state, yet I’ve never felt more grounded. The h
appiest mistake of my life was getting sent to that job fair instead of Quinn. I know exactly what and who I want for the first time in a long time, and I’m going to tell her before I lose her to that cheating asshole, Alex.

  But first, I need to make things right with Piper.

  The dance hall is packed with people. Girls glide around in sparkly dresses made of stuff that looks like roses on a birthday cake. Noxious. The black monkey-suit I’m wearing is little better, but standard attire for Moo pageants. With no idea how Cricket will respond to all the glitter and local elitists, there’s a fifty-fifty chance she’ll pull the night off—or go postal. I take it as a good sign that I haven’t seen her spit once all day. If this morning is any indication, she’s going to do great.

  And then I see her.

  She stands to one side of the stage at the front of the hall. Most guys would call the color of her dress orange, but Jesse’s bored me with enough color wheels for her product labels to know girls call that russet or burnt umber or some other decorator-type name. Why women bother calling the same color so many different names beats the hell out of me.

  Either way, the shade compliments her skin, and warms her hair to a fiery auburn under these lights. The top half of her dress is cut like a corset, made of some stretchy, sequiny shit that hugs her torso and makes my heart race. The skirt is a shade lighter, made of a flowing material that fans out subtly from her hips. Her make-up is less dramatic than this morning, making her appear older. Beautiful. But then, she always was to me.

  Memories of holding her close all night in my bed taunt me. My shirt is suddenly tight around my neck, breathing gets uncomfortable, and I yank impatiently at my collar. If just looking at her in a dress does this to me, I’m done for.

  Between the band music and conversation, she’d never hear me call. My feet move before my brain is in drive. People crowd, jostle, step on my feet as I fight my way through the crush on the dance floor. The need to talk to her overpowers common curtsey. I edge the guy between us out of my way and lunge for her hand.