Heart of the Matter (Love Me Book 2.5)

by Jaime Russell

  “Sarah,” Abby’s hoarse voice gets both our attention, “I love you. Thank you.”

  “No need to thank me.” Sarah blows a kiss to Abby and walks out the door. She lets me know that they will be in the waiting room.

  “I’m so glad that you got here in time.” I lay my head down on Abby’s shoulder. I’m sitting on a stool as close to the bed as I can get to without getting in with her.

  “There is no place where I would be. Are you okay? Can I do anything?” Abby bites her lip and tries to avoid eye contact with me. “What's going on my love?” Abby sighs and then starts crying. I pull her into me and rub my hand down her face to wipe the tears away. “Baby, whatever has you so upset, tell me. We can work through it. I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

  One of things that the therapist has been helping Abby and I out with is reassuring her that I’m never going to leave her. I wonder what nightmare she has been having lately and if this has something to do with why she is crying. Abby is a horrible poker player because she can’t lie to me. I feel her twitching at night and hear her cries in the bathroom when she thinks I am sleeping.

  “This is going to be a long conversation.” Abby wipes her tears and pulls me into her and kisses my nose. With a shaky voice, Abby tells me a story that I wasn’t prepared to hear.

  Abby

  I tell Cash everything about my nightmares. I can’t keep a secret from him. When you find that one person that you can be yourself with and not having to worry so much about keeping the crazy in is amazing. I finish telling him every detail of the nightmare to Cash and he looks at me with a blank expression. I hate when he does this because I can't read him. I lay back on the pillow bracing myself for another contraction that is coming and I grab the sheet on the mattress while grunting and breathing at the same time.

  “Doing good, Abby.” Cash is rubbing my thigh and our eyes connect which gives the sense of everything is going to be okay. One thing about Cash and I are our eyes will never lie to each other. I smile at him. “I love you.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I feel like shit right now.” Cash lays his head on the railing of my bed.

  “Why?”

  “I didn't know that you were having the nightmares about your dad. I knew something was going on but not the whole story. I need to tell you something. Max and I brought your parents here. We've been planning a big party for you and Reagan. The store opens in a couple of months and with all the work and the baby, we wanted to do something special for you.” I start to get anxious and fidgety. I can't get comfortable and it has nothing to do with the baby now. My father was in town. What happens if he comes here? Will he take my son? “He came to fix things and go to therapy with you.”

  “What?” I look at Cash like he has sprouted two heads.

  “Yeah, swear to god. We called your parents up and told them what we are doing. He wanted to be here for you. Jack Stephens knows how important it is to you that all things are resolved before the baby is born.”

  “What do I do?” I cry. My emotions are all over the place due to the pregnancy. My father, whom I have nightmares about, is in the same city but now I'm on full alert.

  “It's up to you. If you want them on the next plane, they are out of here.” We spend the next hour or so with Cash trying to get my mind off my parents & get through the contractions by telling me silly stories about him and Sally.

  “Is Max here? I need my big brother.” Cash nods and heads out the door. I try to remember my breathing from my therapist but my body feels all twitchy.

  I close my eyes and try to relax my body as I rub my belly. “It’s going to be okay. I promise you.”

  “Abby?” Max whispers as he comes into the room and I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Yes,” I motion for him to sit down. “Mom and dad are here?” I open one eye to look at him.

  “Yes, we thought that you could fix things since you weren’t due for another three weeks.”

  “Please send them home. Thank you.”

  “No.” I feel another contraction coming on and I hold my stomach while Max rubs my back. “I really think that you need to hear him out and he needs to hear you out.”

  “Why?” I grunt through the pain.

  “He’s sorry. You want to forgive him. I think this would be a good time to let go of the past as you are getting ready to have your future.”

  “Don’t use my words against me when I’m having a contraction.” Max laughs.

  “Max, I need to talk to you.” The contraction starts to go away and I explain the nightmares.

  “I love you,” Max says as I pull away from him, “The nightmares are in your head. Dad will never take this baby or Cash from you. You, my dear sister, have the power.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Abby, you need to forgive him for you not for him. You conquered your fear of love when you married Cash. You are currently conquering your fear of being a mother. All you must do now is conquer your fear of dad. You are stronger than you think.” Max bops my nose with his finger.

  “When did you get so smart?”

  “I’m not just a pretty face you know.” I laugh out loud. “They are in the waiting room.” Max lets me know that he went to get our parents from the hotel after he dropped Cash off and to check on me.

  “Will you and Cash be here with me?”

  “Always.” Max leaves to go get Cash and my parents. I haven’t seen them since that dinner at the diner when right before I left for Maryland thinking Cash took that check from my dad.

  There is a knock on the door, “Come in.” I yawn.

  “Someone looks sleepy.” Cash says as he enters.

  “Yeah being able to hear the baby’s heartbeat relaxes me. I wonder if I could see about getting a recording of this sound for when I have a panic attack.”

  “I will make sure to ask the nurses but, how are you?”

  “’I’m about to push a watermelon out of my vagina which is the size of a pea, how do you think I’m doing?”

  “I got nothing.” Cash responds and we both laugh. We talked about not taking anything I say personally and that I love him.

  “Remember, I promise to have sex with you again and I won’t cut off your penis but I will say it.” Cash kisses my forehead and I hear Max clear his voice. “Come on in Max.”

  “Hello Abigail.” Jack Stephens speaks. His loud voice demands respect and that is one of the things that I admired about him growing up.

  “Dad. Mom.” I respond with no emotion. My stress and hormones are all out of whack and I didn't want to have to deal with this nonsense.

  “Well now that we all know each other why don’t we get started? Who wants to go first?” Max is taking charge of this situation and I’m more than thankful for it.

  “I probably should. I had a speech prepared but seeing you hooked up to these machines, I forgot it.” My dad starts to speak but gets choked up.

  “I want to say something first.” I take a deep breath and look at my parents. I really look at them and what I see makes me sad. I see my parents who were so young despite being in their sixty looking so old, wrinkles and sad eyes. My parents who I love with all my heart despite the abuse. I look to Cash who is sitting on the bed next to me, holding my hand. “I forgive you.” My mom sniffles and pulls out her white monogrammed handkerchief that she usually carries in her purse. “I don’t know why I was the easy target for you. The beatings, the words, the ignoring my cries; has taught me so much about myself. Since I started therapy and now as I’m about to be a mom myself.” I grunt out those last four words as a contraction starts to come and it’s a big one.

  Everyone stands still, afraid to breathe, while I go through the contractions. I look at my parents’ faces and I notice something that I haven’t seen before a look of concern and love.

  Jack

  I step forward but back again when Abigail started going through her contractions. I remember being where Cash is when
Abbigail was born, the fear and excitement of the future. When Abigail told me that she forgave me, I felt the weight of the world lift off me. Now that the contraction is starting to fade, I think it is my time to speak.

  “Abigail, Maxwell, and Cash.” I look at everyone. “I’m sorry. When I had my heart attack, I laid there in the hospital bed, alone while the doctors tried to save me. I looked up and saw the white light,” I chuckle, “Not the death’s door white light but I had a revelation of sort that I was a miserable man. I even mumbled to the doctors to let me die. I deserved to be alone. I hurt my pride and joy. Your mom and I tried for years to have a baby. We were blessed with one and I destroyed her. I beat her down so bad that she didn’t think that she deserved love. I'm the one who doesn't deserve love. A father is supposed to be the one who protects their daughter, Abby,” I get on my knees by the bed with tears flowing down my face, “and I didn’t do it. I can’t tell you why. I can blame the alcohol, the stress of the diner, or money problems but those are excuses and there is no excuse for the things that I have done to you.” I get up with the help of Max and Cash to sit on the stool next to the bed. I grab Abby’s hand and kiss it. “I don’t deserve your love or forgiveness but I will spend the rest of my days making it up to you, Max, Cash, Marshall and if you allow me, this grandson.” Maggie steps up beside me and puts her shaky hand on my shoulder.

  “Abby, I should have protected you. I don’t even know why I didn’t. I know that is a bogus excuse but I need your forgiveness. My bitterness these years has destroyed a relationship with you. I missed out on wedding dress shopping, seeing you walk down the aisle to this man, you telling me that you are pregnant. A mother is supposed to do these things and I missed out on them. I love you Abby. Can we fix us?” Maggie cries as she looks at Abigail.

  “Max, I screwed up with you too.” I turn to look at Max who is standing in the corner listening.

  “How?”

  “I got jealous of your relationship with Abigail. I should have had that relationship plus you needed a dad and all you got was an angry man who drank. I hope that you and I can work on that because I see a change in you that I can assume is because of that beautiful woman and boy out there. You are the man and father I wish I could have been to you, Abby and Marshall. I love you son. I am so thankful you came into our lives.” Max walks over to me and he holds his hand out to me. I stretch my hand to his and he pulls me into a hug. We are all crying as Abby starts to scream out in pain.

  “Cash something doesn’t feel right.” Abby starts hitting the call button and the nurse comes in. We are all ushered out with the nurse telling us that she needs to check on the progress of the dilatation so they can update the doctor.

  I stand back to say something to Cash before leaving, “You take good care of my girl in there.”

  “Will do; Sir. Thank you for giving her the peace that she needed to bring our son into the world. I need to be with her.”

  We walk back to the waiting room to fill everyone in on things. God, keep my baby safe. Don’t let me lose her. Amen.

  The worst-case scenario pops into my head as I sit in the waiting room, begging silently for news.

  Sarah

  Reagan, Jonathan, Nicarra and I head to the waiting room. The room is made up some four tables on the right side of the room, a play area for kids with puzzles, and the left side of the room has about thirty brown chairs.

  “I can’t believe Abby was okay with her parents going back there.” I say as Reagan and I sit down in the most comfortable chairs that I have ever been in. We both moan with how the chair molds to our body. “We need these for the store.”

  “I was just thinking that. People would stay all day reading and eating. Max is a nervous wreck with them being here. I don’t know what to say or how to act around Max or even them. I can’t believe you guys were planning a party for us.” Reagan squeezes my hand.

  “It was all Max and Cash idea. Sally did everything.” Reagan laughs and says of course. I remember a story that Reagan told us for one of Jonathan’s birthdays where Sally was out of town. She told us that Cash couldn’t plan a party if his life depended on it. He booked a bar and had no kids there, just his employees. “We were the decoy.” I smile. “I can’t believe my parents are here too.”

  “Why are they here? Are you going to talk to them? Sorry, I don’t mean to pry. I’ve heard different parts of your relationship with them.”

  “It’s not a secret and honestly I might talk to you about them sometime because I need someone unbiased to help me but to answer your question, I don’t know and I don’t want to.” I smile at her.

  “I don’t think you’re getting the choice on it.” Reagan points to my parents who walked into the waiting room. My dad and I look a lot alike. He has blonde hair, blue eyes but his face shows his age with the wrinkles and frown lines around his eyes. He does seem relaxed in his khaki shorts and horrible fish shirt that I thought I burned when I lived with them. My mom has long blonde hair and blue eyes plus she is in her signature black dress pants and red dress shirt with her pearls. I notice that her eyes are sad and sunken in. Elizabeth Edwards has lost a lot of weight.

  “Sarah.” My mom is the first to speak.

  “Mom. Dad. What are you doing here?”

  “Can we talk?” My dad asks.

  “This is Reagan. My parents.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet both of you. Sarah is an amazing woman. I’m glad that she’s here.”

  “You’re Max’s girlfriend, right?” My mother asks and Reagan nods.

  “I’m going to go check on Jonathan.” Reagan winks as she scurries to sit with Nicarra while eavesdropping into our conversation. I mouth to her and Nic who have smiles on their face, “Dead meat”. They start laughing and cover it up with coughing when my parents look in their direction.

  “Sarah, we wanted to talk to you about something important.” My mother says as they sit down in chairs and move them in front of me so I have to look at them. “We are moving and need to sell the house.”

  “Why are you moving?” My blood boils after all the court drama they put me through but I remain calm because this is the floor where the babies are born.

  “The house is too big and now that Jack and Maggie moved into that senior place, the neighborhood is filled with more young families. We’ve been staying in their spare room to see if we like it and we fell in love. The next step is to buy an apartment of our own. Since the house is in your name too, we need you to sign off on it.” My mom pulls the papers out of her purse for me to sign. Mom’s hands are shaking as she hands them to me.

  “Oh, and the gambling?”

  “We play Bingo at the rec hall and that’s it.” My dad smiles and my heart melts.

  “How much do you need to buy the house? I don’t know if I want to sell her house.” Can I really sell the house that I grew up in and cherished so much? Are they telling me the truth? I hate that I doubt my parents.

  “Sarah, do you plan on coming back to Pennsylvania?” My dad asks me the same question I’ve been asking myself since I moved here. I shake my head no. “Why keep a beautiful home dark when it could give another family a home? The past year and a half has been hell and you have every right to tell us no but we don’t want your money,” My parents look to each other and to see the love in their eyes, “We all need a fresh start. I go to gambler’s anonymous and am doing great.” My mom remarks like she is reading my mind. “We are very sorry for how we treated you when my mom died. You lost your parent too. She cared about you and we destroyed her memory of with you.”

  “You sound like you are in therapy. How long are you in town?”

  “We’re in town for a couple of weeks.”

  “I need my lawyer to check these over before I will sign them but I’m okay with it. Gram wouldn’t want that house being empty, it deserves to be lived in and loved.” I smile.

  I tell them that I’ll be back. I need to go clear my head. I start walking down the h
all as I turn the corner, I almost run into a tall dark haired man who makes my heart skip a beat.

  “Sorry.” I say as I try to go around him but he goes the same way and I laugh. “Guess we need to figure out who is going left and who is going right or you need to ask me to dance.” I stare into the most beautiful hazel eyes that I’ve seen on a man. I saw something of sadness in them but what happens next, I still can’t wrap my head around.

  I have never had sex. I know this is shocking but I never had the desire to do it. I dated men but it would never go past the first or second date. I never felt the connection. My grandmother said, “when you meet the person, you’ll know.”

  This stranger pulls me into his arms and kisses me. When he pulls away from me, he looks around. Grabbing my hand, we hurriedly walk over to a door marked on-call. He opens the door and pulls me in. I squeal. This stranger pushes me up against the closed door as he kisses me with urgency. My arms are forced above my head as he moves to my neck. I moan in pleasure. The stranger, who in my mind has the nickname ‘Doc’ since he’s wearing green scrubs, is taking charge. I want to say something to him but I can’t even form a complete sentence so I stay quiet and get lost in my feelings that this man is bringing to the surface.

  Doc pulls my t-shirt from out of my jeans and slowly lifts it up to toss it on the floor. I'm standing here with my red lace bra and my nipples are hard as they strain to peak through but Doc seems to capture them with his teeth as he bites down. I scream out in pain. Doc must have liked my reaction because he smiles before he kisses my breasts that are overflowing my bra.

  I hear a click of the lock as Doc removes his green scrub top to reveal the most beautiful tattoos. I take my finger and start to outline them. He stands there letting me touch him. I love the feel of his rock-hard body; you can tell he takes care of himself. I start kissing my way around the beautiful ink work on this chest as my hands rub up and down his sides. Doc’s breath hitches when my tongue is near his nipple that is pierced. I’m gentle as I do it so I don’t pull or tug on it. I must be doing something right because he takes his finger to my chin so I’m looking at him. I stand upright as we gaze into each other’s eyes. The connection, the pull, the attraction towards this man is something that I can’t describe and I know he feels it too by his eyes. They are changing from lust filled to the same goofy googly eyes that Max gives to Reagan. Doc caresses my cheek with his long fingers, I close my eyes so I can savor his touch. Doc grabs the back of my neck startling me that I open my eyes. I lick my lips as I stare into the eyes of a hunter and knowing that I am his prey sparks something inside me.