by E. F. Jacks
His face draws close to mine, and then his cheek touches mine. He has just the right amount of wild man stubble. Ellis’s arms, wrapped around me, are like a shawl of certitude, and it’s clear to me he doesn’t plan on hurting me in any way and has my best interest at heart.
“Is this all right?” His voice is deep and hushed as his lips rush forward into mine.
He doesn’t give me time to answer. His lips are so soft they could bounce off my mouth. I wouldn’t have expected that, the softness. He nibbles and sucks, and I ease into his rhythm. Ellis opens his eyes and peers into mine. Normally, this is something I dislike while kissing, but it’s obvious Ellis is checking my comfort level. When he sees I’m eager for him, he moves his lips rougher over mine.
I start a little, and the words back away thread through my mind. The needs of my body take precedence, because I don’t lean away from him. I slant closer. Maybe it’s because he saved me from that bear and I have some kind of hero worship thing going on inside my head. Or maybe I actually do want him. His large, rough hands cup my face, and with a swift arrival, his tongue opens my mouth. I can hardly take in air, and I can only imagine what other exquisite wonders his tongue could accomplish on other places of my willing body.
His hands slide down my face, pausing above my breasts. I release a short breath as his hands lift and he steps back. I don’t want him to stop. My senses are greedy, and I yearn for more than a kiss. I crave for him to take me whole.
“It’s too bad you wouldn’t ever let me make love to you.” He wavers as though he’s anticipating my answer. His smile is warm as he touches my inner wrist, a movement that sends tingles of sensual electricity over my skin, in all of the most sensitive and secret places of my body.
Suddenly I want to feel his rough hands on my body. All over my naked body. The realization settles over me as fast as his kiss. He wants me. At least he wanted me while he kissed me. And I want to give him all of me.
I’d be an idiot not to want him, but I’d also be crazy to believe he’s different from other guys who’ve used me.
Could I admit I was full of crap when I said he was the last person I wanted? If I wrote up a list, he’d be the first guy on it. True, he’s exasperated me along the way, but he’s also saved my life, and I’ve seen the way he looks shirtless and that shape he isn’t trying too hard to mask behind his pants.
Could I have one night of what I’m assuming, judging by his looks and bearing alone, would be out-of-this-world pleasure, and then the next day survive emotionally if he acted as if nothing changed between us?
From his voice he’s expecting me to admit I do want him. “It’s too bad you dislike me so much.”
I don’t answer him. He pulls his knife from his pocket, picks up his backpacks and gear, and turns sharply on his feet in silence.
I call after him. “Ellis?” He doesn’t turn around. “Ellis, please, I won’t make it through all these bushes without your help.” He comes to a standstill. I’ve played into his soft side, because by now I know he has one. He may look scruffy and tough, but down inside the real Ellis is a ladies’ hero, I think.
With his glance directed at me, he shrugs his shoulder forward. The simple gesture is all that’s required to let me know we are to continue as we were before.
Chapter Fourteen
Pauline
We reach a clearing and Ellis sets up our tent for the night.
“Are we going to talk about what happened before...Are we going to talk about the kiss?” A psycho is out here with us, but I can’t stop thinking about his amazing kiss.
Dusk begins to crowd the forest around us. We’ve set up camp right off the path for security, as Ellis puts it. Five miles or so back he hacked our way onto the path from the thick woods.
“What’s there to say?” Ellis pauses from securing the tent to the ground with stakes in an area obscured by tall, broad pine trees. “We kissed. Sometimes it happens. It doesn’t mean anything. We’ve gone through a lot in the past few days, and I’ll admit I wasn’t thinking straight. You probably weren’t either. Let’s leave it at that, okay?” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond and turns his back to me. With an economy of motion he resumes setting up the tent and places our sparse belongings inside, the bags land with soft thuds on the floor. Ellis straightens and glances over at me.
I give him my back this time and pretend to gather sticks for the fire. The air around me fills with his scent, the smell of pine on his clothes from bumping into the trees we’ve passed. He stands behind me, then his big hand falls on mine and stays there. “Those won’t be thick enough for a fire.”
I spread my fingers open and release the sticks. They tumble to the ground with a clatter. With a hesitant glance, I search for larger pieces of wood.
Ellis bends and helps me scour the ground. He points out a short, thick piece. “This one’s perfect.” He gives me a reluctant smile, then gestures for me to take the wood from him.
I reach out to him. “Thanks. I’ll look for more like this one.” He won’t release the stick into my hand.
“Are you sure you don’t need my help, Pauline?” My hand grows warmer in his, and his touch sears me to my core as I yearn for him to pull me into him and kiss me until I’m raw from his desire.
He lets my hand go, and the wood hits the ground. I stretch to pick it up. My head moves to the left to shake no, yet I’m not sure, as I face him. I falter and pause. Inside I do want him to stay with me, and by me, forever. By now I’ve come to grasp that my need for his proximity to me at all times isn’t due to my fear, but rather because being near him feels right to me. It’s as though him protecting me is the way it’s supposed to be.
“I’ve got it under control,” I say, and he returns to the tent while I gather wood. But my feelings aren’t under control. At all. My desire for him is so potent I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself by falling all over him if I’m not careful.
A short while later, the sky is darkening fast, and I sit on a smooth rock by the lit fire. Ellis sits at my feet. With each burst of wind, the campfire’s flames curl out and rise to bright, swirling towers. The silence between us has carried over from when I organized the fire and Ellis lit it. We ate a meager meal of energy bars and shared from his water bottle.
My back and legs ache from walking and my stomach grumbles.
Ellis tilts his head back and rolls his eyes up at me. “Want another bar?”
I shake my head. “We better save them in case we need them.”
His smile is illuminated by the firelight. “Your stomach sounds like it needs one now.”
“Well, maybe later.” My hand presses on my mouth as I yawn.
Ellis sighs and rises to his feet. “Let’s turn in for the night.” He stoops and then throws handfuls of dirt at the fire. The flames hiss and shrink with each toss of dust.
“You’re putting out the fire already?” I say.
“We can’t let it keep burning. Someone might spot it and find us.” He stands upright and sets his hands at his trim hips. With a sudden kick of his foot, he lifts more dirt onto the fire. The remaining flames weaken into smoky embers.
“I guess that’s settled, then.” I get up from the rock and head into the tent.
A few minutes later, Ellis opens the flap and enters. I’m already on my sleeping bag, curled on my side, facing away from him.
As an afterthought, I’d set out his sleeping bag and left the lantern on for him, placed near the head of his bag. “Thanks,” he whispers.
“You’re welcome.” I roll toward him. The fire’s absence affects me fast. I shiver and ease my way in between my sleeping bag’s plush inside and shut my eyes.
He flicks off the lantern and darkness envelops the tent. His clothes fall with a swoosh to the floor. Has he taken off everything? I open an eye and my gaze steadies on his figure in the dark. We’re in danger, and I shouldn’t be thinking about him in this way, yet I am.
“Pauline?” Ellis speaks from dee
p within his chest.
“Yes?”
“I can see you’re cold. I’m sorry we had to put out the fire.”
Even in the dark he can see me. How closely is he watching me? “That’s okay. I understand.”
After a few moments I look up and he’s standing above me with the lantern swinging from his hand. He switches it on. My heart beats faster, and my eyes widen. Is this it? Is this the moment I’ve been waiting for? For him to invite himself into my bed. His throat moves when he swallows.
“Can we talk about what happened earlier?” I’m unable to disguise the hope in my voice.
“Pauline, it’d be best if we didn’t. I’m sorry I’ve upset you.”
I lean on my elbow and am about to rise. “You haven’t. It’s just…”
“Please, Pauline. I can’t. I want to, but I can’t.”
“Why are you so afraid?”
“I can’t, okay?”
At his raised voice, I get back down on my sleeping bag.
He turns off the lantern. “You’ve…We’ve been through a lot. And I’ll admit I didn’t use my best judgment back there when I allowed things to go that far.”
“I get it now.” I turn away from his direction.
At the anger in my voice, Ellis retreats. Then after a moment or two, he steps close. To apologize? My pulse quickens. I turn to face him.
“I thought I’d leave this here.” He sets downs the lantern between our sleeping bags. “In case either of us needs it during the night.”
That’s it? My pulse returns to normal. My voice softens. “Great. Sounds good.” I move my body away from him again, and tuck my legs into my chest for warmth. The position won’t be comfortable throughout the whole night, but for now it’ll warm me up.
The material of Ellis’s sleeping bag rustles as he slips inside. “Goodnight.” He breathes softly, and I can’t tell if he’s fallen asleep.
I don’t reply. We’re in the dark. The wind blows and a tree branch moves against the tent, its outline as thin and as sinister as a dragon’s tail.
Despite my past, all my life I’ve been pretty timid, in the sense that I often don’t go after what I want. I do want Ellis, even if it’s just for the one night. But I’m not like the video vixen I’d pretended to be, who’d leap up and push her way into his bed. Even if I was that girl, how would Ellis react? He might turn me down. It’s obvious an attraction has developed between us, although I’m not one hundred percent certain he wouldn’t freak out and push me away, because he acts so duty-bound to his job as my guide.
We have a ways to go on foot. If he rejects me, it’s not as if we can go our separate ways tomorrow and I can never see him again. And if I do make the first move and it turns out his affections are only physical, could I stand being alone with him for the next three or more days if he grows emotionally cold after?
We could die tomorrow. Sometimes you only get one chance.
“Ellis?” His name hangs like a challenge between us. If he responds, odds are he’s been awake like I have, mulling over everything.
“You’re still awake?” Judging by the alertness in his voice, he’s been too.
“Aren’t you?”
“Someone’s got to keep watch.”
“Oh, of course.” I hadn’t remembered that.
“Thinking about you is also keeping me up.”
His deep voice coasts a quiver along my back. My breathing stops. I struggle to think of something sensible to say. “I am tired, though. This trip’s been awful, no offense.” Way to go, Pauline. If he doesn’t already think I’m a shrew, he will now. Why the hell didn’t I tell him how I actually feel? That despite everything that’s happened, I love being with him.
Ellis chuckles. “None taken. I couldn’t agree more.”
“I’ve been thinking…about you, too.”
Ellis’s silence makes me wonder whether I’ve made the correct decision. His sleeping bag moves with him when he turns to me. I grow quiet and pretend to sleep.
“Are you still cold, Pauline?” His question fills the tiny space with tension.
I remain quiet.
“Are you awake?”
If I don’t say it now, I won’t ever have the courage to. “Yes. And, yes, I’m cold…Come into my sleeping bag.”
“Absolutely.” His answer is as welcoming as soft, aromatic rose petals floating onto my skin.
Through the darkened space, he throws back his sleeping bag and rises. I hear him pulling on his jeans and sigh. Doesn’t he get why I called him over? His footsteps are heavy and determined as he treads across to me. The nearer he steps the warmer I become, and the more his welcomed, masculine scent enters my space. And then I’m too hot. I lift back the top part of my sleeping bag. I was too exhausted to pull my sweatpants over my panties, and I’m wearing just my panties and a t-shirt, with no bra underneath, for comfort while I sleep. But the absence of layers is perfect for tonight.
Ellis kneels to my level and angles his face near mine. “Hey.” He speaks it like he’s releasing a breath.
I reach toward him and my hand touches his jeans. My hand searches his smooth-muscled chest. He’s naked from the waist up.
“Why did you put your jeans on?” I ask.
“I guess I didn’t want you to get too excited as I walked over.” His teeth gleam white when he grins in the dark.
I playfully cuff his leg.
When he turns, the lantern clicks on. “Don’t. Leave it off.” I sit up and touch his wrist.
Ellis switches it off and I crawl out of my warm sleeping bag. Before I’m able to face him, with a gentle swipe, he pulls me into him. I gasp. His palm presses into my back, drawing me even closer, so near him that only a sheet of paper could slip into the space between us. I look down, and then up at his eyes, which meet mine with an intense, challenging gaze.
“Is this what you want, Pauline?”
I glance away and bite my lower lip so hard my mouth is tinged with the metallic taste of blood. I nod and steel myself for what comes next. His mouth crushes my lips with a kiss.
It’s so dark. I can only feel him and feel how good he’s making me feel. His full lips on the contour of my neck. His supple fingers skimming over and sinking into every part of me that curves, thrilling me to a point where there’s no going back. This is it. The moment I’ve desired. Everything that’s going on outside the tent is temporarily suspended in my mind.
In silence Ellis steps out of his jeans. He slips his hands under my legs and brings me even closer to him. He isn’t wearing boxers, and his cock reacts against me. Thick and long.
I lift the hem of my t-shirt, and he pulls it over my head for me, jettisons it to the floor. He’s all man and knows what he wants. And right now it’s me. His big hands stretch across my breasts, which fit perfectly in them.
“Beautiful,” he whispers as he kisses them.
His thumbs flick over my nipples, and they harden beneath his touch. He puts them between his fingers and pulls and pinches them. I cry out in delight as he makes me burn for him. His lips follow his hands, it’s almost as if I can feel him smile against my skin. With subtle movement he reaches my panties and I twist my hips when he bites the waistband, then relax as he helps me wiggle out of them. They land on the tent floor with a final kick from me.
Moonlight brings a steady glow to the tent. Wearing a concentrated expression, his brow furrows as he spreads my legs with a gentle motion. His hands are rough from the outdoors as I’d imagined, and I gasp from the sensation of them high up on my bare thighs.
With my legs splayed in front of him, and every ounce of me open and willing to receive the love he’s so devoted to giving me, I lean back and rest my head on the sleeping bag’s soft material. His warm fingers part my folds to enter my opening. With the tip of his tongue he licks my clit and shakes me on a level so high I’m soaring far up above the tent, far up in the night sky outside. With Ellis, I don’t feel like I have to perform for him and be the girl from my
film. I’m the one who’s being pleased.
He’s serving me first, without a guarantee that I’ll perform on him. My lips part in a satisfied beam, because I’m planning to rock his world.
In a state of uncontrollable satisfaction I shudder and draw in small, sharp bursts of air as he comes at my clit with increasing force.
“You like?” he says.
“Hmmmm. Oh, I can’t even…”
“That’s a good girl.” I can sense the grin on his lips.
The devastating sensations he brings to my pussy stop when he pulls his fingers out. I open my eyes to him kissing my eyelids. With his face near mine, my hands work from his planed cheekbones to his wide shoulders, and his smooth, clean-smelling chest. His muscles flex under my fingers. I pause at his tapered waist.
I break the charged silence as he continues to kiss my face. “Ellis?”
“What is it?” His lips keep nibbling on my skin.
“Would you like…Can I return the favor?”
The kisses stop flowing as his lips sweep off my skin. “You wouldn’t mind?”
“Oh, no. I want to. I’d love to.” My voice is low. I feel calm inside and out. Strange, I’m normally not like this.
We sit up together, his fingers crossed through mine.
As I attempt to wrap my hand around his cock, which isn’t easy, he’s so enormous, he leans back on his hands on the edge of my sleeping bag.
My mouth opens and my lips stretch to accommodate the smooth, taut, thickness of him, taking in as much of his length as I can. As I kneel in front of him, working him, driving him into a frenzy, his sharp groan of enjoyment fills the tent.
I repeat the action until his thigh muscles quiver. When I release him and swallow, he reaches out and strokes my hair over my shoulder to one side of my neck. As he holds my chin between his fingers, he brushes his other hand through my hair and tilts my face toward him. His lips curl against my forehead as he whispers thanks. He places a tender, lingering kiss on my nape.
