Reluctant Wife

by Lindsay Armstrong

  Adam stared down at her, his mouth set and his eyes as dark as the night.

  ‘I’ll help,’ she said tremulously. ‘It won’t be like the other times.’ She moved away, but only to slip her arms around his neck and touch her lips to the strong column of his throat.

  He stayed as still as a statue..Then he said her name in a voice that made her think he was angry, but it didn’t stop her. She loosened her hands behind his head and slid one beneath the open collar of his shirt while she felt for the buttons of his shirt with the other.

  She said with her breath still coming erratically, ‘Don’t be angry, please. It’s just that I feel, so sad, and not only for Nimmitabel but the fool I’ve been. I need some reassurance—I need you.’ She laid her cheek on his chest where she had opened his shirt, and although the tears had stopped, she was still shaking with emotion.

  Adam said after at while, ‘Roz, come with me.’

  ‘Where? Why?’

  ‘Into my room.’ He stood up and picked her up as if she was a child. ‘It’s more private. No one bothers me in here.’ He closed the connecting door with his heel and set her down on the bed. Then he lay down beside her and took her in his arms and held her until she was calm at last.

  Then he said, ‘Roz, let’s get this into perspective. We … ‘

  But she wrenched herself free and sat up. ‘No! I know what you’re going to say—you’re going to talk me out of it again! But l don’t want to be talked to, I don’t want to be reasoned with!’ She glared at him, her tears forgotten. ‘You seem. to have forgotten about my conjugal rights—isn’t that what you call them? Or is it only husbands who have those rights?’

  A faint smile lit his eyes, but he said gravely, ‘No, of course not.’

  Roz thought she could kill him for laughing at her and said in a tight little voice, ‘Then let’s prove it.’ She got awkwardly to her knees, lifted her hands behind her neck to undo the zip of her dress and pulled it defiantly over her head.

  The sun was setting now and because the bedroom faced west, it was lit with a golden radiance that would soon fade to indigo shadows. But as Roz sank back on to her ankles wearing only a bra and panties, the light gilded her figure, and especially her hair, which, had tumbled down in drifts of curls.

  She hesitated, conscious that Adam’s gaze was no longer amused and conscious of a new emotion within her that was no longer pure anger.

  She took a breath and reached behind to unclip her bra, leaning forward slightly as her breasts were freed and she slid each strap off slowly. Then she folded it up carefully and put it away from her. She placed her hands on her sleek young thighs and straightened, and her high, pointed little breasts rose and fell softly in tune with her breathing. She stayed like that beneath his dark, expressionless gaze, and discovered as she waited, that from sorrow and anger, from uncertainty and defiance, she had passed on to another stage—a curious state of serenity, or perhaps to call it do or die would be more apt. But whatever, nothing could turn her back now.

  ‘Is this doing anything for you?’ she murmured, and picked up his hand ‘It is for me. Feel,’ she whispered, and placed his hand over her left breast. ‘Do you know what it does to me when you touch them? It sends shock waves through me right down to the tips of my toes. Do you remember when you danced with me on my birthday and you asked me what I was thinking about?’

  His eyes probed her, then he nodded, the barest movement.

  Her lashes fluttered and a tinge of pink stained her cheeks and throat. She said breathlessly, ‘I was thinking of the last time you made love to me and how you’d kissed me here, and here.’ She moved. his hand. ‘And just thinking of it made this happen.’ She glanced down, but

  didn’t need the evidence of her eyes to know that her nipples had unfurled like buds. ‘I was shocked and terribly embarrassed,’ she went on softly. ‘It had never happened to me before, not in public. I felt naked and … I don’t know what the word is.’

  The sunlight was all but gone now and the blue of her eyes seemed to be darker like the gathering shadows.

  Adam said ‘Wanton?’

  ‘Oh. Yes, that’s the word,’ she agreed gravely, and felt her heartbeat triple beneath his hand as she thought of it.

  Perhaps he felt it too, because he sat up and for an instant Roz felt supremely vulnerable as he loomed over her. She let go of his hand and caught her bottom lip between her teeth.

  ‘So,’ he said very quietly. ‘Looks can be deceiving. I would never have guessed.’ And he took her by the shoulders, cupping them in his palms, then he slid his hands beneath her armpits and brushed her nipples with his thumbs. ‘But it’s no crime to feel like that, you know.’

  Roz trembled as those long, strong hands moved round to her back and the curve of her waist, the soft flare of her bottom beneath her briefs. She closed. her eyes and sighed with pleasure.

  ‘I know,’ she whispered, leaning back against his arms so that he could kiss her breasts if he wanted to. ‘That was just me being the way I was. It’s just as well,’ her lashes swept up and she saw that he was staring at her mouth, ‘it’s just as well,’ her lips curved into a smile and he looked up into the blue of her eyes, ‘I didn’t realise how much more wanton I was going to become, isn’t it? Otherwise I might have locked myself away somewhere. But if you …’

  ‘Roz,’ Adam’s dark eyes glinted and his arms tightened around her, ‘there is just so much wantonness a husband can take, so don’t say I didn’t warn you!’

  *

  Roz woke, up to the crashing symphony of a tropical thunderstorm and saw on the bedside clock that it was two-thirty in the morning. Then, as the curtains blew inwards and a fine spray of rain reached the bed, Adam stirred beside her.

  ‘Hell,’ he muttered sleepily, and got out of bed reluctantly to close the windows.

  She watched him, lying perfectly still herself, and waited as he stretched, then came back to the bed and slid in beside her.

  She moved to welcome him and he put his arms around, her. ‘Did I wake you? Sorry.’

  ‘No. It was the storm.’

  He was silent for a time with his face buried in her hair. Then he lifted his head and said, ‘How do you feel?’

  She opened her mouth to say fine, but paused to consider it. How did. she feel?

  ‘Wrecked,’ she said softly. ‘But in the nicest possible way.’

  He laughed and held her close.

  ‘How do you feel?’ she asked.

  ‘I shouldn’t like to tell you.’

  ‘What does that mean?’ she queried, and freed a hand to smooth it along his bare shoulder.

  ’It means if you keep doing that, it will speak for itself shortly,‘my lovely Roz. However …’

  ‘I have great powers of recovery,’ she interrupted. ‘And nothing at all to do today. I could spend it like a mistress, building up my strength again, thinking about how l might tempt you tonight… ’

  ‘I don’t think I can wait that long. Tempt me now.’

  She did, but it was different this time—gentle, slow, but all the same, almost unbearably lovely so she shuddered in his arms with the intensity of it. And also, like the last time, she made no attempt to hide her excitement or joy.

  Afterwards, when their breathing had finally steadied and they were lying side by side holding hands, Roz turned her head and saw Adam’s teeth flash in at grin.

  ‘What?’ she whispered.

  ‘I was just thinking of ways to conserve my strength if this state of affairs is to continue.’

  She tightened her hand around his suddenly. ‘Don’t you want it to?’

  He turned towards her and kissed her cheek. ‘Of course I do, Roz.’

  ‘Then you’re not … angry with me?’

  ‘Does it look like it? Feel like it?’

  ‘No,’ she said slowly. ‘But wasn’t your idea the opposite? And when you get up, I mean, in the cold hard light of day …’

  ‘I’ve already been up,’ he br
oke in. ‘Not in the cold hard light of day but earlier, after the first time. When you fell asleep I found I couldn’t. So I got up and … reassured our household among other things,’ he said drily.

  ‘Oh…’

  ‘But I came back, Roz.’

  There was silence. Then she relaxed with a sigh and buried her head in his shoulder. And she thought, that’s what matters, I can live with that. To expect him to say he loves me is asking for the moon, but that he wanted to come back, isn’t angry—that’s enough for me.

  *

  To live in acknowledged intimacy with a man was quite different, Roz discovered, from what had passed before in her marriage to Adam. It was also apparently evident to quite a lot of people that something had changed.

  Jeanette for example, seemed to sense it immediately.

  ‘Oh, I’ve missed you!’ Roz said warmly. She was in her own bed at Adam’s suggestion and wearing her white silk pyjamas, and Jeanette had arrived bearing breakfast on a tray—again at Adam’s suggestion, Roz guessed. He had gone to see Nimmitabel. ‘Did you have a good time?’

  ‘Super,’ Jeanette said enthusiastically. ‘But I’m glad to be back.’ Her round face sobered. ‘I was so sorry to hear about the filly, though. Do you … I mean yesterday …’ She stopped.

  Roz looked down at the tray and her hair shadowed her face. Then she looked up and smiled. ‘I was terribly upset yesterday, but that’s not going to help. Anyway, Adam’s gone to see her now.‘

  ‘He’ll know what’s best for her,’ Jeanette said confidently, and surprised herself by adding, ‘Like he did for you.’ She studied Roz candidly, though.

  ‘Roz’s eyes widened slightly.

  ‘I mean—well, you look so calm and beautiful this morning,’ Jeanette said seriously. ‘Only Mr Milroy could have done that for you.’

  How ironic! Roz thought. If Jeanette knew the length I had to go to to persuade Mr Milroy … but then the final irony is that she is right. Only Mr Milroy could have. She felt her cheeks reddening at the thought, but Jeanette was looking around the bedroom as if checking out her domain and seeing how it had. fared during her absence. Roz grimaced inwardly as she thought of the havoc she’d wreaked in her bureau drawers yesterday—was it only yesterday?

  Milly was another one who sensed a different aura about Roz very soon, but being Milly, she forbore to comment.

  Adam came home at lunchtime and found Roz in the den. He took her into his arms and kissed her lingeringly, then sat down with her in his lap.

  ‘How is she?’ she asked.

  ‘I think she’s going to make it,’ he said meditatively. .‘She’s somewhat sedated most of the time, but between times she’s behaving pretty sensibly, for her.’

  ‘Perhaps she’s … grown up overnight,’Roz suggested.

  He smiled slightly.‘Perhaps.’

  ‘To race, do you think, Adam?’

  He took his time answering. ‘There’ve been so many miracles associated with her, Roz … but no, I doubt it.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. So long as they can save her.’ She stirred in his arms. ‘When can I see her?’

  ‘Leave it for a couple of days,’ he advised. ‘She’s getting the best attention possibles and it’s vital that they get her to settle.’

  ‘l wouldn’t upset her,’ promised Roz.

  ‘I know, but you might upset yourself. Nothing’s going to happen to her in the meantime.’

  ‘All right,’ Roz said obediently. ‘What are you going to do for the rest of the day? Go to work?’

  ‘No, I’m going to play hooky,’ he said seriously.

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Mmm. For the next couple of days, as a matter of fact. I’m going to book into the Ramada, spends some time lazing on the beach, dine out every evening, possibly go to the casino and spend the rest of the time in bed.’

  ‘Alone?’

  ‘Very much so,’ he said with a glint in his dark eyes as they rested on her upturned, slightly wary face. ‘Alone with you.’

  Some time later she said, ‘In that case I ought to go and pack.’

  ‘Jeanette’s doing it. Talking of which, they tell me my luggage should arrive tomorrow. There’s a surprise …’ Adam stopped suddenly, ‘ … for you in it,’ he finished on an oddly dry note.

  ‘Are you going to tell me or do I have to wait?’ teased Roz.

  ‘Wait.’

  ‘Not even a Clue?’

  ‘No, except—well, I could say It had no idea how appropriate it would be.’ And almost as if he was changing the subject Adam said then, ‘How are all the lonely places of your heart now, Roz?’

  ‘F-filled,’ she said unsteadily, and turned her face into his shoulder. With love, she longed to add but didn’t.

  Adam made no further mention of those matters over the next magical days, although Roz did catch him watching her with a curious intensity, several times, which, she found disturbing but decided to ignore. But she thought, of course he must be wondering why I changed so drastically. Will he guess one day that I was fighting for my life, that I was desperately afraid of losing him? Will he one day understand why?

  They went to the casino on their last night.

  Not long open and the first casino in Queensland, although a second was taking shape in Townsville, Jupiter’s Casino on the Gold Coast had attracted enormous attention. The building alone was spectacular, situated on an island in the Nerang River behind Broadbeach and including a Conrad International hotel, restaurants, convention facilities and of course, beneath a sloping glass roof that at night became a river of light, the two glittering floors of the casino itself.

  Dress was flexible,as was the custom in Queensland, but Roz wore a sleeveless black voile dress with a gathered skirt and a silky polyester lining that hugged her breasts and left the golden skin above, bare beneath the round-necked shadowy voile of the bodice. With it she wore high, open-toed black sandals and her only jewellery was her diamond-studded gold bracelet. She left her hair loose and the black accentuated her fairness.

  ‘Too dressy?’ she asked Adam, after taking quite some time because even dressing, especially in something like this, seemed to have acquired a sensuous pleasure of its own these days.

  ‘No. And we can always hock the bracelet if we lose,’ he said with a grin. ‘Don’t stray far away from me tonight will you, Roz?’

  ‘No. Why not?’

  ‘Someone might be tempted to kidnap you.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Because of the bracelet?’

  ‘Because you look so desirable.’

  ‘Oh,’ .she relaxed. ‘l doubt it. It could be the other way round,’ she added with a glint of laughter in her blue eyes.

  ‘And what,’ he strolled over to her and put a finger on the point of her chin, ‘do you mean by that, my little witch?’

  Roz pretended to consider and put up a hand to stroke his immaculate burgundy linen open-necked shirt. ‘Some,’ she paused, ‘exotic lady might be tempted to lure you away.’

  ‘Oh,’ he said softly, ‘she’d have to be very exotic to compete with you, Roz.’

  Roz blushed, knowing exactly what he was referring to, and laughed. ‘You must think—one day I’ll explain that to you. Can we go? I’m dying to win a fortune!’

  She turned away to pick up her purse, and that .was one of the occasions when she turned back, to find him watching her intently. But she pretended not to notice.

  ‘Adam! I don’t believe it,’ she exclaimed later, counting a pile of chips. I’m exactly back to where I started!’

  They were having a drink and a midnight snack in the Garden Restaurant, and she was flushed and excited.

  ‘That’s a very creditable performance,’ he drawled. ‘I wish I could say the same.’

  ‘You haven’t lost much, though.’

  ‘No,’ he agreed ‘l must be too cautious by nature.’

  ‘You must be,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘I mean, you never lose your head at the races, or your shirt.’ She grima
ced.

  ‘I learnt that lesson a long time ago, Roz. And I don’t see racing as a gambling medium so much as a …as an industry which I happens to enjoy being involved in. As for this,’ he lifted a hand expressively, ‘it’s fun once in a while, but deadly if you imagine you can beat the house in the long term.’

  Roz pushed her plate away and wiped her lips. ‘I didn’t think l would enjoy it so much,’ she confessed. ‘Perhaps l did inherit some of my grandfather’s failings, after all.’

  ‘To enjoy yourself for an evening is no crime, Roz. In fact I was going to suggest one more fling before we go. What’s it to be‘? Two-up‘? Roulette?’

  ‘Blackjack,’ she said positively. ‘I told you I was a pontoon player from way back, didn’t I?’

  Roz was amazed to discover that although it was a week night and after midnight, there still seemed to be as many people as ever around the tables and the two-up ring with its plush, salmon pink carpet, the centre of a lively crowd drawn by a run of ‘heads’.

  But Adam found her a seat at a Blackjack table, the girl croupier smiled at her and dealt her in, and for some minutes she became absorbed in the game. Then she looked around for Adam, to see he was not far away, in deep conversation with an elderly man she, didn’t recognise. But all evening people had stopped to talk to them, many she hadn’t known. Adam lifted a hand as he caught her gaze and she turned back to the table with a smile.

  Then she became aware of the woman sitting at the other end of the table. She must have slipped into an empty seat while Roz had had her head turned away, and if Roz had been asked to describe the exotic lady she had mentioned earlier to Adam, it crossed her mind that this gorgeous creature would fit the bill perfectly.

  She looked to be in her early thirties, tall with long golden-blonde hair and green-flecked eyes, and she was wearing. a low cut, green silk dress held up over a magnificent bosom by narrow shoulder straps. And as she scratched their table for another card an enormous square cut emerald ring surrounded by diamonds caught the light.