Around the World in 80 Girls: The Epic 3 Year Trip of a Backpacking Casanova

by Neil Skywalker

  A new plan was born, a plan that I should have executed in Cordoba where I was not doing much during the day and gambled everything on night game. New city, new chances, I thought, and send out about twenty emails in the next hour. One girl answered very quickly and wanted to meet the same night. I agreed and went out to buy a shirt. I had been freezing my ass off all the time in Cordoba and needed a long-sleeve shirt instead of the t-shirts I was wearing. It took me a lot of shopping and walking before I found a shirt that would work in a club. It cost two hundred pesos, which was about fifty dollars. I’m ashamed to say it was the only dress shirt I owned for the rest of my trip.

  The hostel combines all the partying with three other hostels owned by the same guy, and every night there’s something to do in one of them. That night was a pizza night and when I was chatting with some people and eating the greasiest, cheesiest pizza ever, a girl from Panama joined our table. She seemed interested and Panama is a pretty rare flag.

  I was wearing jeans, nice black shoes and a brand new shirt and felt like a million dollars. I looked totally different from the other backpackers and I got noticed a lot more. I had to meet the girl I met online around ten at night so when I left the table I asked for the Panamanian girl’s phone number; she didn’t have a phone but wanted to see me again. She said I should come to see her the next day in another hostel. I felt like it was already a sure flag and bang and walked off with confidence.

  The girl I was meeting at ten o’clock was working in another hostel not connected to the party hostels. As soon as she opened the door she was undressing me with her eyes.

  The hostel was deserted and had no guests around. It had seen better days and most people were staying in one of the four party hostels now.

  We sat down in the kitchen and started to talk. I sat real close to her and start flirting after only a few minutes. She was definitely interested. I kissed her after half an hour and less than ten minutes later I had my dick inside of her.

  Jewel was a bit thick but had giant tits and that will make me forget about a small belly. She was only twenty-three and quite a fanatic in bed. After a couple more rounds of sex, she asked me how long I was staying. I said “A day or five” and she wanted me to be her fuckbuddy for that time, no strings attached. I was OK with this and thought Wow, my first solo online meet-up, and banging within forty-five minutes. I went home early in the morning.

  Later that day I met a second online girl for a drink; she was a tiny and skinny girl with a kind of happy girlish behavior. Let’s name her Veronica. Her profile said that she was twenty-seven, but she soon admitted she was thirty-four but changed her age because everyone thought she was younger. She did look a lot younger and I started to regret using my real age instead of making myself five or six years younger since I can get away with it. I kissed her after a while and although she was a bit shy about it in public, she went along with it. That night I banged Jewel again in the hostel. The following day I met up with Veronica again and we walked around a park while I kissed her everywhere. She was playful but didn’t want to bang. I met up with her a few times more but couldn’t seal the deal.

  In the meanwhile I was flirting with the girl who worked at my own hostel, but Jewel had to quit her job and started working at one of the other party hostels. This was bad news for me because now she would be at all the parties and could see everything I did. That night Jewel and I checked into another unknown hostel to shag all night. I had the chance to practice my Spanish with her and brush up on my dancing skills but I didn’t. Something I regretted many times later.

  The Panamanian girl had seen me with Jewel and her interest cooled down. Jewel was getting more suspicious by the minute and tried to follow my every move.

  I went out with a third online girl and we had a drink in a lounge bar. At first it wasn’t going so well and we just had a pretty superficial conversation. We went to another place and Jewel started texting me all the time, asking where I was. I texted her back that I was seeing an online date and that I wasn’t available that night. The third girl, whose name I think was Bea, got more interested and I did some of my coffee date game on her. Jewel called me and I pressed her call away. She kept calling and finally I picked up and she was asking me where I was but I didn’t tell her. By now Bea and I were drinking at some bowling bar and Jewel must have heard the sounds of bowling because fifteen minutes later she showed up there. I saw her and her big boobs bouncing down the stairs and I was afraid she was going make a big scene. I left the table and went over to talk to her. I told her that we weren’t in a relationship and that I could meet other girls if I wanted. She accepted it but was pissed.

  When I got back at the table, Bea was suddenly a lot more interested in me; I decided to play the player card and told about how the Vietnamese girls in Cambodia beat the crap out of each other over me. She ate up every word of the story and kept saying “You are a special guy”. She invited me to her house to “drink a few shots of Jägermeister” together. Code talk for “I want to have sex”.

  At that moment Jewel showed up AGAIN and that really pissed me off. I told her I didn’t want to see her again because she was way too clingy and obsessive. She didn’t want to hear about it and cried and begged me to go with her that night. Stupidly I agreed, just to get rid of her. I told her to wait like twenty minutes and I said I needed to say goodbye to my date. Bea and I walked up the stairs and at the door I grabbed her hand, spinned her around and kissed her. I was dumb as fuck for not manning up and going home with her and leaving Jewel behind. We agreed to do the Jägermeisters the following day but she flaked after a few texts in the morning. I had lost momentum and she had probably talked it over with friends who advised her not to meet me anymore. Never heard from her again.

  It reminded me to never to let go of a sure thing and that I had to stand up for myself more. I get soft when girls stir up drama and start crying.

  Jewel kept growing more and more jealous, but she never stopped acting slutty around all the drunken hostel guys who all wanted to be with her and her giant tits. She was trying to make me jealous or something. I still had a chance with the Panamanian girl but Jewel kept cock-blocking me every opportunity she had. Since all the hostel parties were combined, she was always around. She pissed me off more and more but it was my own fault. One night I saw her kissing some ex-boyfriend and got really angry with her, told her to fuck off but she started crying and begging me not dump her. She stayed in my dorm bed that night. I was weak again.

  I did get a break from her when I took a winery tour, which was nice. It’s the reason most people go to Mendoza anyway. Our small group from the hostel visited a few wineries where we could sample quite a lot of wines and even some absinthe. Absinthe, nicknamed the green fairy, is forbidden in a few countries because of its hallucinating effects and an alcohol percentage of 75%. It felt like drinking liquid fire. There was a Canadian girl on the tour with whom I was flirting a lot.

  At night one of the hostels had a barbeque night and off course I ate loads of steak again. After dinner people started dancing and the Canadian girl and I came close to a kiss, but surprise-surprise, cock-blocking Jewel and her big tits showed up. She was wearing a low cut dress and her enormous tits were almost falling out of her dress.

  Lots of guys looked at her and a few made a drunken attempt to talk to her. The hostel was giving free tequila shots for guests and everyone was getting shitfaced real quick. Jewel first started trying to make me jealous by dancing with some other guys and when she saw I was a bit pissed off about it she jumped on my lap and almost rubbed her big tits in my face in front of the Canadian girl, who lost interest after that. One of two Chilean sisters was also interested in me but the damn language barrier made that fail big time. Body language and the worst Spanish ever only goes so far. I decided it was hopeless to try to get away from Jewel and decided to stay with her one more day, bang her a few times and get the hell out of there. I made the best of the night and danced a lot wit
h Jewel. We fucked like wild animals later that night in some hotel. Making each other jealous, stirring up drama and being frustrated with each other sure brings out a lot of raw passion. She had to work during the day and I met up with two girls I met online and also once more with Veronica.

  I left Mendoza after ten days instead of the planned five. At the time I was a bit disappointed with myself for not being more coldblooded with Jewel, the way I’d been with girls in Asia. The truth was that despite all the drama I actually enjoyed her company a lot. She taught me a lot about Argentina, the music, some dancing, and we generally had fun, but our agreement to be just fuck buddies was a bad one. I learned a lot that week and had tried out different techniques while meeting online girls for a drink. Techniques that would be helpful in securing my next flag in Chile.

  Chile – Santiago

  The trip from Mendoza to Santiago takes about six hours and is more like a sightseeing tour than just a bus ride. The bus swirls through the snowy Andes and the views are spectacular. Since Chile was known to be more expensive than Argentina, which already wasn’t cheap, I went to a hostel again. I went sightseeing a bit and went to the hill nearby the Bellavista neighborhood where I was staying. I climbed it with two American guys I had met in the hostel. The climb was quite steep and it took about an hour to get to the top, where there’s a massive Maria statue on top. Well, what can I say? Bellavista means “Beautiful view”, but the whole city was covered in a thick cloud of smog. I hadn’t seen so much smog since Almaty, in Kazakhstan. Santiago is closed in by mountains on all sides so the smog can’t really go anywhere. Combine this with a city full of cars and the result is a big brown blanket smothering the city.

  On the way down we saw a few young girls and we started talking to them. Their English was reasonable and I invited them to go for a beer since we were already in Bellavista, which is the bar area of Santiago. We sat down and I started gaming straight away. The girls must have liked us, because they invited us over to their apartment at night. The Americans were from some farmer state in America and a little rough around the edges. I had an eye on the hot girl who seemed to like me, the one who invited us to her apartment. The two other girls were OK-looking which was quite normal to see around Santiago.

  At night we bought a bottle of Pisco, Chile’s local alcoholic drink – though there’s a huge dispute with Peru over who actually came up with it first. I like the drink so I’m not taking sides on this one. We drank lots of Piscolas (Pisco mixed with Coca Cola) at the girls’ place and I was already looking around where to sleep that night. Unfortunately there was only one bedroom.

  One of the Americans had very foul language and I was afraid he was going to screw things up. Foul language and inappropriate subjects like violence and religious/political views are best avoided when talking to girls, especially in countries where violent political coups aren’t even ancient history.

  We went dancing in a club in Bellavista and I made a move on the hot one. She didn’t want to kiss and to my surprise the two Americans were making out with the two other girls. I tried again with the hot girl and but she didn’t want to. We danced a bit more and I saw that a couple of girls were eyeballing me from a few meters away. I had noticed them before but didn’t pay too much attention to it since I already had a date. I walked away from our dates and headed over to the bar for a beer. There was a corridor leading to the toilets which had some lounge seats, I sat down and saw the other girls walk by. I tapped one on the shoulder and started rambling away when she turned around. About half a minute later I found out that neither of them spoke a word of English. I grabbed the cutest one by the hand and said “Bailar!” which is Spanish for dancing. We danced and I was making out with this girl within two minutes, making damn sure the other three girls saw me kissing her. They walked off with angry looks on their faces, and the Americans followed. When the club closed I got the number of the Chilean girl and walked back to the hostel. As far as I understood she wanted to meet me again the next day.

  When I saw the Americans again in the morning I asked them what had gone on. They told that the girls were very upset and bitched about me for the rest of the night. I think the rude guy said he got laid, but I had strong doubts with his story since he was very drunk that night, had zero game, and no place to bang. I didn’t ask too much about it since I had kind of ruined their night by revenge-kissing the other girl and pissing the first three off this way. Well, she had it coming for leading me on and flirting all the time with me. Maybe if I invested a little bit more time in her, she would be my Chilean flag.

  That night I met up with a girl I’d connected with on the traveler’s website. By the looks of her profile she was at least a seven, highly educated with a big government job and had lots of interesting, out-of-the-ordinary hobbies which I can’t mention without revealing too much of her identity. Paula and I met up at a subway station after a lot of hassle finding the right location. I was very impressed with her appearance, which was very classy and sophisticated.

  We had a few drinks and I did my date game on her, which is basically being totally different from everyone she had ever met before. I have perfected this over many dates and it’s a good way to get into girls’ pants.

  The conversation with Paula went very well, and after we bounced to a few different locations. We went dancing at the same club I’d been to with the three girls. I’m blind as a bat in clubs but I think I saw one of the girls there, looking all angry at me while I was giving Paula an extra spin around smiling like a big happy baby.

  At one point I was out of money even though we had been splitting the bill all night. This is another advantage of meeting a girl on Couchsurfing. You meet as equals without any intent to date, so it’s normal to split the bill. Meeting as equals is where it gets sneaky. The girl is a local who is willing to show you around the city or meet you for a drink and you turn it in to a seduction without her noticing it at first.

  All you have to do is create an attractive profile with a good background story and lots of pictures. Make sure you have some pictures of you with girls around. Use pictures which give a reasonable doubt about whether the girl’s a girlfriend, but nothing too obvious. I have about a hundred pictures on there, about twenty of which are of me with a girl. Girls who see your profile will read between the lines and see that you are popular with girls, and this way you establish the most powerful tool of a womanizer: pre-selection.

  The rest of the pictures should be of you in all kinds of interesting and exciting places, some landscapes, a few bro pictures of you hanging out with friends, a few mixed pictures and pictures of scary stuff like the ones I have holding snakes and scorpions and doing a skydive. The whole profile should say Fun. After a while you will have lots of reviews of girls saying how much they enjoyed meeting you. Have a few (fake) reviews of dudes also. Now compare this to the profile of all the regular dudes on there with boring stories and pictures. You will already stand out and have lots of dates lined up before you even arrive in the city.

  Anyway, back to the story. Paula bought me a few drinks and I asked her to come with me to my hostel. We went there some minutes later and I sneaked her in past the reception. The dorm room was still empty and we went to my bed and once I lay down it was obvious that all that booze had hit me like a hammer. I had whiskey dick and didn’t perform well between the sheets. Paula was very drunk too and said it was OK but things like this barely ever happen to me and it bothered me a lot. A guest walked into the room and we decided to stop fucking. I remembered how much I hated having sex in hostels and not having money enough for a decent room.

  We were both very hungover the next morning and I walked her back to the metro station. She complemented me on my interesting, funny and dreamy questions the night before. In other words, you’re not boring like the rest. I had to walk her past the reception and the breakfast area and so the whole hostel saw me walking around with this hot Chilean chick.

  The personnel was not amused
when I returned and tried to lecture me in front of the guests, saying it was not allowed to bring girls in the middle of the night. I just shrugged my shoulders, put a big smile on my face, and said “I didn’t know that”. This situation shouted out Pre-selection, and suddenly some of the foreign girls in the hostel were interested in me.

  But I had other plans. My whiskey dick had hurt my pride and I wanted a rematch with Paula – I really liked her too. She was everything I never had back in Holland. A hot girl with brains, a well-paying job, interesting hobbies and a classy appearance. I couldn’t get the Tom Jones song out of my head and was singing “She a lady” all day. I downloaded the song to my phone and showed it to her. “It’s our song”, I said to her, and now she will think of me whenever she hears it. A thing I did with quite a few girls all over the world. With different songs of course.

  On Friday night I saw the Chilean friends again I’d met in Lithuania, Estonia and Moscow. They had been asking me to come over to Chile for one-and-a-half years now and I was finally there. At Gustavo’s house I met his wife and my other friend Nico. Gustavo is a big hard rock fan and showed me his immense collection of CDs, DVDs, and countless pictures of him with famous rock stars. He even had his own room for it.

  They prepared a delicious barbeque and we drank lots of wine, beer and the bottle of Pisco I had brought with me. I had barely recovered from the drunken state I was in the night before and had to hit the bottle again.

  Nico was very excited to see me again and the two of us went out that night to some club. Gustavo had had way too much to drink and didn’t join us. Nico had already branded me as a legendary pick-up artist but I was way too drunk to even stumble out some full sentences in the club. It was a fun night anyway; we talked to some girls and I ran into a girl I’d been hanging out with in the hostel in Cordoba.