Never Let Go

by Graysen Morgen

  Finley smiled. “Thank you.”

  “We better get going before my make-up starts to run. You know how I hate to wear this stuff.”

  “Then, why do it?” Finley asked, locking the door behind them.

  “Because, it’s a special occasion,” Jackie replied. “Why did you put on your dress uniform?”

  “I don’t think jeans and t-shirt are the proper attire to honor the veteran’s of this country, myself included.”

  “Exactly,” Jackie stated, starting the car.

  Finley furrowed her brow, unsure how make-up and a service dress uniform were on the same level.

  “Are you going to be okay with Dave nearby?” Jackie asked, changing the subject.

  “The parade goes for several blocks downtown. I seriously doubt we’ll end up on the same street corner. Besides, Nicole has no idea I’m in town. I asked Caitlin not to say anything.”

  Jackie huffed. “She’d be stupid to think you would miss this.”

  Finley didn’t comment as she watched the streets go by.

  “Maybe he has a golf game he can’t miss. I personally don’t care to see him. Once in my lifetime was enough.”

  “When did you see him?” Finley questioned.

  “Before they were married. He came outside when I was dropping Caitlin back at home.”

  “What does he look like?”

  “Well, for starters, he’s probably fifteen years older than Nicole, maybe more. I think he looks like George W. Bush, back when his hair was gray with a little bit of brown mixed in. He has similar beady eyes and a thin, cocky grin. He’s about the same build, too. Maybe a couple inches shorter though.”

  “Sounds lovely,” Finley muttered.

  Jackie laughed as she pulled into an open parking space at a bank that was closed for the holiday. “This corner doesn’t look as packed,” she said, checking out the crowd. “I think it ends after the next block.”

  “It’s fine with me,” Finley replied, getting out of the car.

  Jackie fell instep next to her daughter as they made their way towards the people who were lining both sides of the street. They walked a little further down, giving themselves a front row view from the corner curb.

  “This is great. We’ll be able to see everything,” Jackie exclaimed, getting her phone ready to take pictures.

  Finley shook hands with a few bystanders who took the time to thank her for her service, which she considered a nice gesture. By the time the marching bands were heard coming down the street, twice as many people had gathered around them.

  Two high school bands and ROTC units passed by, followed by the Coast Guard band from the Charleston base. Behind them, was an Air National Guard regiment, and members from a few different VFW posts. People in the crowd cheered and yielded tiny American flags as the veterans waved.

  “Here they come,” Jackie said, noticing the Annandale High School banner in front of the band.

  Finley watched the band go by, then turned her eyes to the Air Force ROTC unit marching behind them, being led by the color guard team. She quickly threw up a salute to the American flag, smiling proudly as her daughter passed by. That’s my girl, she thought as she lowered her arm.

  “There she is!” Jackie squealed, taking multiple pictures on her phone. As the group turned the corner, she moved to get a few more photos. “Nicole’s here,” she said, noticing the blond standing twenty feet away with her eyes glued to Finley.

  “What? Where?” Finley questioned, looking around.

  Finley froze in place as she locked eyes with the woman staring directly at her. It had been several years since she’d last seen Nicole in person. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest and a smile tugged on the corners of Finley’s mouth. Nicole began to smile as well, but everything quickly faded as a gray-haired man grabbed her hand, shuffling her through the crowd.

  “I guess she’s gone,” Jackie said, realizing Nicole had disappeared.

  Finley stayed silent as they made their way towards the area zoned off for the end of the parade. A slew of parents headed in the same direction, looking for their children.

  “Mom!” Caitlin yelled, waving at Finley through the crowd. “This is Major Bowman, my instructor. Major, this is my mother, Chief Petty Officer Finley Morris.”

  Finley shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said.

  “You’re a Coast Guard rescue swimmer, am I right?”

  “Yes,” Finley smiled.

  “It’s an honor to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He smiled. “That kid of yours is something special. As a freshman, she’s moving through the ranks faster than anyone I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been instructing at Annandale for about six years now. I’m pretty sure she has her sights set on your job one day.”

  Finley grinned.

  “Mom said it’s okay for me to go to dinner with you and Grammy,” Caitlin butted in.

  Finley turned to see Nicole talking to her mother.

  “Great. We’ll take you home afterwards. I know you’re going to your friend’s birthday thing,” Finley stated.

  “How long are you in town for?” Caitlin asked.

  “I leave on Sunday.”

  “Cool.”

  “We’re all set,” Jackie said, walking over to them. “Let me take a quick picture.”

  Finley stood at attention next to Caitlin. Then, wrapped her arm around her shoulders for the second picture.

  “You look good, by the way,” Jackie murmured as they began walking away.

  Finley raised an eyebrow, giving her an odd look.

  Jackie nodded towards the opposite direction, and Finley turned to see Nicole looking back at her, going the other way, with Dave pulling her along.

  “It was nice meeting you, Chief. If you ever get some free time, I’d love to have you come talk to our cadets. It’s good for them to learn about the different branches of service. In particular, the jobs within each branch,” MAJ. Bowman said.

  “I’m stationed down in Florida, but I can try to work something out for the next time that I visit,” she said.

  “Great. Here’s my card. Just let me know.”

  Finley smiled and nodded as she slipped the card into her jacket pocket.

  *

  After dinner, Jackie drove Finley and Caitlin back to her house to eat some of the chocolate cake she’d made the day before.

  “I still can’t get over your dress uniform, Mom. It’s so different than seeing you in a flight suit,” Caitlin said, looking at Finley’s service coat that was hanging on the back of one of the dining chairs. She’d changed her clothes as soon as they’d arrived at the house.

  “The flight suit is a lot more comfortable.”

  Caitlin laughed. “What are all of those ribbons for? Do you have medals that go with them?”

  Finley grabbed the coat and walked into the living room. Caitlin followed her like a little kid.

  “Most of them have medals, yes. These were awarded to me and some of my units for different things like: Unit Commendation, Meritorious Unit Commendation, Meritorious Service, Humanitarian Service, Special Operations Service, Presidential Unit Citation, Leadership Achievement, Good Conduct, Basic Training Honor Graduate, Enlisted Person of the Year, Gold Lifesaving, Silver Lifesaving, and Distinguished Service. Most of them have been awarded multiple times over the years, which is why they have a tiny number, letter or symbol pinned on them,” Finley explained, going over each one.

  “Wow,” Caitlin murmured.

  “None of my medals or ribbons involve combat, which is something I’m thankful for. However, I risk my life day in and day out to save others, and I’ve been in a lot of hairy situations over the years. I’ve definitely earned each and every one of these. I wear them proudly,” Finley said, draping her coat back over the chair. “You’ve seen what I do. It’s not glamorous, and most of the time, it’s very dangerous. These awards are nice to look at, but they’re also a reminder of what I went through to earn the
m. Which is why it’s nice to put on a real uniform once in a while. It helps me remember what I’ve accomplished in my years of service.”

  “How many more years do you think you’ll stay in?” Caitlin asked.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I have about six and half more to go until I’m eligible for retirement, so at least that many.” Finley smiled.

  “I want to go all the way to retirement too,” Caitlin replied.

  “How about you get through four years of ROTC and then college, first.”

  “I know,” Caitlin mumbled.

  “I’m not ready for you to grow up so fast.” Finley pulled her into a hug. “By the way, it was an honor to watch you march in that parade today. I’m glad I was able to come up for it,” she said, letting go of her.

  “Thanks. I’m glad you were here too. Maybe next time, you can come up for a swim meet.”

  “I’ll see what I can do.” Finley winked with a smile. “Come on, kiddo. I should probably get you home,” she added, checking her watch.

  “Do you want me to drive her?” Jackie asked.

  “No. I’ll do it,” Finley replied, grabbing her mother’s car keys.

  Chapter 13

  “Can we do something tomorrow,” Caitlin asked as she called out the directions to where she lived.

  “I don’t see why not. What did you have in mind?”

  Caitlin shrugged. “Here’s the house,” she said, pointing to the tan and brown, two-story house with a freshly manicured lawn. It was similar in stature to all of the other fancy houses along the golf course.

  “This is nice,” Finley said.

  “It’s Dave’s,” Caitlin muttered, rolling her eyes.

  “Let me guess, he reminds you of that often.”

  “Oh, me and Mom, every chance he gets,” Caitlin sighed.

  Finley shook her head. “I’ll call you in the morning, and we can figure out something to do.”

  “Sounds good. I love you, Mom.”

  “Love you, too, kiddo.” Finley smiled, pulling her into a hug.

  Nicole stepped out of the house and headed down the driveway as Caitlin got out of the car. Finley swallowed the lump in her throat. Nicole was just as beautiful as she had been the last time Finley laid eyes on her. Her honey-colored, blond hair hung loosely over one shoulder. The jeans and thin blouse she wore, hugged the subtle curves of her thin frame as she walked towards the car.

  Nicole gasped in surprise when she realized Finley was in the driver’s seat.

  “Hello, Nic,” Finley said softly. “I’m guessing you were expecting my mother,” she added, noticing the change in her demeanor.

  Nicole nodded. “It’s been a long time,” she murmured, avoiding Finley’s questioning eyes. “She reminds me so much of you,” she sighed, watching Caitlin enter the house.

  “Don’t hold that against her, because she’s an amazing kid.”

  “I would never do that.” Nicole looked into the same blue eyes that she saw every day in her daughter. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

  Shrugging, Finley nodded for her to get into the passenger seat.

  “I’ll be right back,” Nicole uttered. She returned a few minutes later, sliding into the seat. “I had to make sure Dave was asleep for the night, and I told Caitlin I was stepping out. Her friend’s mother should be here soon to pick her up anyway.”

  Finley didn’t say anything as she put the car in reverse. She had no idea where to go, or what to say for that matter. She decided to go to the one place that always lifted her up when she felt down—Waterfront Park, a half-mile long section of the Cooper River with a fountain, benches, a floating dock, and a beautiful view of the waterway.

  Finley pulled into a parking space and both women got out. The river water lapping against the dock looked black under the stars, with the nearly full moon glimmering in the distance.

  “Caitlin is so much like you,” Nicole muttered as they walked slowly along the path. “She doesn’t just look like you. She has the same drive and determination with an all or nothing attitude. It scares me how similar you two are.”

  “She’s a good kid, Nic. She should be allowed to make her own decisions. If she wants to follow in my footsteps, then so be it. It’s her life and her choice,” Finley stated. “But, just so you know, I’m pushing for her to go to college, not join the Coast Guard.”

  “That’s good to know.”

  “She asked if she could live with me,” Finley said, glancing at Nicole as they moved along the sidewalk, side by side at a snail’s pace.

  “What? When was this?” Nicole asked, slightly stunned.

  “When she was with me over the summer,” Finley replied as they stopped walking. “She’s noticed a lot of problems in your house. Is she right?”

  Nicole turned away. “I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like when I saw you again.” She wiped away a tear. “Today, when I saw you on that curb, standing proudly in your uniform, and then I watched our daughter march by, looking just as dignified in a uniform of her own, I realized the day was coming when she’d want to live with you.” Nicole shook her head. “I can’t lose her too,” she cried, wiping away tears as they rolled down her cheek.

  “You chose to lose me, and you chose this life,” Finley said, stepping closer to her. “Tell me the truth, Nic. Is he mean to you?” she asked, rubbing a tear from Nicole’s face with her thumb.

  “Yes,” Nicole whispered, almost too softly for Finley to hear.

  Finley felt anger begin to boil in her stomach as her chest tightened. “Has he ever hit you?” she questioned.

  “No,” Nicole replied, shaking her head. “He’s just verbally aggressive and yells a lot. He thinks you shouldn’t be a part of Caitlin’s life. That’s mostly what we fight about.”

  “You don’t deserve to be treated like that, and he damn sure doesn’t deserve you,” Finley murmured.

  Nicole reached up, placing her hand on Finley’s cheek. She rested it there for a second, before running it down her neck to the top of her chest. Finley wrapped her arms around Nicole, pulling her into a tight embrace. Nicole sighed deeply and sunk into the warm body against her.

  Finley breathed in the long forgotten scent of Nicole’s shampoo, mixed with a light, floral perfume. Her body trembled as she closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of Nicole in her arms.

  The sound of a horn in the distance brought Finley back to reality. She quickly pulled away. “We should go,” she said.

  “I’ll make arrangements for Caitlin to transfer schools, if that’s what she wants to do. You can take her with you when you leave,” Nicole stated.

  Finley turned away, leaning on the rail and looking out over the dark water.

  “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy.” Nicole moved to the rail beside her.

  “I’ve been offered an instructor position at the rescue swimmer school as my next transfer post. I’m not sure I want to take it, but I need to have my decision made when I get back. Either way, in a month my next transfer will come up.”

  “Is that the swimmer school you went to? The one that’s here?” Nicole asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that’s great. You’ll be nearby.”

  “I don’t know if I’m going to take it.” Finley looked over at her. “I’m not sure I can live that close to you.”

  “I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you take a post that will bring you home?”

  “It’s not that easy for me. Why do you think you haven’t seen me in so many years, Nic? It wasn’t just you staying away. The cut is just as deep today as it was the day you walked out of my life,” Finley said, sternly.

  Nicole pushed off the rail. “We need to go. I should probably get home anyway.”

  “You always were one to run from a fight,” Finley huffed.

  “Don’t bring up the past,” Nicole said.

  “Are we ever going to talk about it?” Finley asked, crossing h
er arms.

  “I can’t.” Nicole shook her head and turned to walk away.

  Finley quickly stepped around her. “Why not?”

  Nicole didn’t answer. Instead, she moved around Finley once more. But, Finley moved in front of her again.

  “Damn it, Finley!”

  “Why not, Nic? Why can’t you talk about it?” Finley demanded.

  “Because I’m still in love with you!” Nicole shouted. “I always have been and always will be. I’ve never been able to let you go,” she whispered as her eyes welled with tears once more.

  Finley stood in front of her, slightly stunned. She quickly grabbed Nicole, pulling her close. Their lips met in a gentle, probing kiss that quickly turned passionate.

  Nicole wrapped her arms around Finley’s neck, running her fingers into the back of her hair as their bodies rubbed together. Desperate to feel her, Finley pulled Nicole’s shirt free of her pants, and slid her hands up and down the soft, smooth skin of her back.

  “We can’t do this here,” Nicole breathed. Seeing the burning hunger in Finley’s eyes, she looked back towards the car in the parking lot.

  Finley let go of her and grabbed her hand. They covered the distance to the car as if their lives depended on it. Thankful they hadn’t parked under a streetlight, Nicole quickly climbed into the backseat, pulling Finley in on top of her.

  Clothes were removed as they frantically covered each other in bruising kisses. Finley reached Nicole’s wet center first, sliding her fingers through the delicate folds. Nicole slammed her head back against the door and spread her legs as far as she could in the tight space when Finley moved down, replacing her fingers with her mouth.

  “Oh, God,” Nicole moaned, tugging on Finley’s short curls.

  Stopping before Nicole could release, Finley traced her tongue back up, suckling her breasts before kissing her hard. Nicole reached between them with one hand, pushing her fingers through Finley’s wetness and deep inside of her. Her other hand skimmed her short nails up and down Finley’s back as beads of sweat began to rise on her skin.