Migrant Hearts

by Isabella Abad

  But the trauma she suffered was too much to handle on her own, and the common sense in which she trusted so much was not enough to kill the suffering she felt inside every time she remembered everything.

  After months of chatting with her therapist, she began to understand that it was not just fright and fear that she felt. What else eating her up more was guilt. She managed to reason that she was not responsible anything, she could not have avoided anything. It was chance or fate, who knows what, those who protected her and made it possible for her to live. But she was gnawed on the inside by living while the rest of her companions and friends had perished.

  When she could process this idea and fluently express her thoughts and feelings she felt a little less weight in her soul. Obviously not everything was solved; the nostalgia of lost love caught up in her chest and in a certain way sour her character.

  She went in search of a job that would not consume her energies and faith. This was possible by joining a pediatric clinic and as a volunteer nurse in a small clinic that worked with people with limited resources

  "You could aspire to a better paid job and a higher rank and you know it," her mother encouraged. I do not like you locking yourself up in small-time jobs as if you resigned to vegging from here on

  - I do not aspire to eminence in my area and I cover well my needs with the salary that I obtain. I've never been ambitious and you know it.

  The mother sighed shaking her head. It seemed to her that there was no way to get her daughter out of the pit of pessimism and stagnation in which she had fallen.

  With the passage of time she began to go out more and recovered old friendships that she had stopped visiting frequently when she went to Africa. With them she would go out for a drink or occasionally to dance, but little else.

  The work that gradually managed to sneak into her interests and involve it more vividly was that of the clinic. There she could exercise her profession with efficiency and joy as the patients were grateful for the time and dedication that anyone could give them. Fortune was elusive with many of them, and the bad economic situation involved overcrowding and poor food, which in turn resulted in health problems.

  For Victoria to heal wounds, improve malnutrition, detect early symptoms of viral diseases, among others, helped her to think less about herself and more about the abandoned.

  Many of those attending the consultation were refugees and undocumented immigrants from Africa, and she well knew the traumas and obstacles they had encountered in arriving here.

  She worked alongside two doctors and three other nurses, with whom she soon made good friends. A good working group was generated, that appreciated the efficient collaboration that Victoria contributed. Especially Miguel, one of the doctors, felt very satisfied and began to establish a good relationship between both; camaraderie for Victoria, but something more intense for the man.

  Victoria met Biram, a small African immigrant, in one of the districts surrounding one of the neighborhoods near the clinic when she was in a tour to offer medical services and promote pediatric and dental clinic

  The first time she saw him, he was lying in the doorway of a precarious building, which was known to house a good number of families. The place had been pointed out long ago in danger of collapse, but it was the only possible place for them.

  The boy smiled at her, showing his wide white teeth and eyes that sparkled with contentment. He would be about seven or eight years old. Victoria was always amazed at the children's ability to cling to whatever little they had and the joy that many demonstrated just by breathing. In the worst of scenarios they managed to be that, kids, and play.

  Biram immediately captivated her. He approached her and spoke to her in a half-stranded Spanish, but she understood. He was asking her for something to eat.

  She smiled and rummaged in her purse and got a packet of sweet cookies she had bought for her snack. The boy took them and politely shook his head in gratitude. Soon two or three more young men surrounded him with joy and shared the treasure.

  "They make me sad," she told Miguel. So small and life has given them little.

  "That's the truth," said the man. These families in particular came in with the last waves and suffered a lot. Most are incomplete as they either could not escape all together or lost some on the trip. You know that the conditions in which they are transported are terrible.

  "I know it and I do not doubt it. I have seen the cruelty with which civilians are treated in a war.

  "Yes, but that joins the economic interests of those who are enriched by the misery of others. Those who crowded families on ships and condemned them to hell in the Mediterranean. And if they survive, many are indebted and forced to work for real mafias who have organized themselves to exploit the work of these unfortunates.

  "It's the twenty-first century slavery," Victoria said with dismay

  She promised herself to be more interested in the children she had just seen. She knew she could not solve their lives, but maybe she could help them a little. Talk to their families, suggest ways of integration and contribute to their education. This gave an extra boost to her task.

  Just the next day she returned, alone this time, to the building in question. Again Biram was outside, this time sitting on piles of bricks and looking curiously at superhero magazines. The child was immersed in reading, or better perhaps in the task of deciphering the images

  Lifting his head and seeing her, he smiled again. He looked naturally sociable. She asked for his parents in Spanish first and then in English. He seemed to understand and stood up. With a gesture he led her into the building and led her down a long corridor that led to a small apartment.

  As soon as she entered, she was struck by the humility and poverty in existence. There was a smaller boy and a woman sitting on a rug feeding a baby. She had at her feet a half-finished blanket, which was probably the work that kept the family's needs. The boy spoke to her and pointed to Victoria, who smiled at the woman and approached.

  This one was alarmed at the beginning, probably fearful that it was some migratory authority or something. Victoria smiled to reassure her and offered her a bag of fruit and cookies she'd brought.

  She sat next to her and showed her her work uniform, which made it clear that she belonged to a health system. She had also brought instruments for any emergency and with gestures indicated to her if she wanted her to check the baby and herself. The baby looked rather skinny but in good condition.

  The mother on the other hand looked seriously malnourished. It was not surprising that the largest portion of food was probably intended for her children and that the baby consumed some of her energy

  One by one, she checked them out. She healed and sanitized some minor wounds and before leaving she left the woman a card with the direction of the clinic.

  The boy accompanied her to the exit, and before she left, he kissed her gratefully. Victoria felt a lump in her throat.

  "How little you can help some," she told herself.

  She promised to return from time to time to see the evolution and to help in ways she could. The first thing she could think of was contacting them with refugee support sites, but she knew they were sometimes reluctant to go to official centers for fear of being deported. She thought that a good tool would be to help the children learn the language; this would certainly integrate them better. With this in mind she arrived at the clinic and she made her intentions known to Miguel.

  "It's not an easy task, Victoria. Besides the time you will have to devote, you have to go with feet of lead. Sometimes these families are closely monitored by the mafias we talk about. You should think twice.

  "I'm going to take care of myself." Do not think I'm a fool, I'll offer help and if they take it better. Thanks for your advice, "she said with real appreciation. Miguel was a good companion.

  "I would hate something happen to you." You cheered this clinic with your arrival and I admire your courage, "he said intensely.

  "I'm
up brains," he thought in the meantime. But he did not risk throwing a lance because he feared her reaction and his least interest was to ruin their friendship. But from the moment she arrived he felt that they were such for that, and time was only deepening this idea in him.

  Sixteen

  Victoria took her talks with Miguel something with less commitment to her cordial bond. She realized he had a romantic interest in herselfm but she did not feel like exploring a new relationship. She reproached herself for this.

  "What do I expect? It is clear that I must stop dreaming about Usem. It was my love, it still is ... But it could not be "

  When the memories enveloped her, Victoria felt in the flesh the love that had united them and the sadness of separation. The memory of the Tuareg embracing and kissing her returned and for a moment she felt carried to the desert.

  I enjoyed and suffered with these images. Then she would try to compose herself and again she would corner the burning memories in the back of her mind in order to face reality.

  Miguel liked her, he was attractive with good intentions. He clearly saw his vocation for medicine and was a man of principle: he alternated his hard work in a private clinic with his volunteer work at the clinic. He had no itching to attend to anyone who needed it, no matter how dirty, serious or unpleasant outside. He always had a smile on his lips.

  He was definitely a man with all the letters, and single for a change. He was probably the dream and sleeplessness of several who hovered around him in the places where he moved. Victoria knew, but she did not want to cast false expectations on him or deceive herself.

  Even though he had sounded romantic, her heart had been caught up in the African Maghreb and she had not been able to retrieve it yet. She would not know if She would; it would be unfair to bet Miguel knowing that her mind was with another man. He did not understand it because he did not know her story. If she wanted to deepen the bond, she should tell him everything. He deserved it.

  She was determined to take under her wing the family she had helped, so she started by organizing a folder of images and materials to teach them Spanish. She took her computer to record voices and words of their spoken dialect to see if she could immerse herself in it and thus improve the communication.

  Her parents saw her immersed in the task and were pleased by her enthusiastic attitude.

  "She's found a new focus for her volunteering," the father said thoughtfully. This daughter of ours is always looking to improve what surrounds her, even at her expense.

  "Yes, it fills me with pride." But sometimes I fear that by helping others one forgets oneself.

  "She will find her way, do not distress yourself." The man smiled. When the moment arrives she will act, do not hesitate. We have not raised an indecisive or irresolute precisely.

  She's after her own, it's just not time yet.

  The Mom sighed, shaking her head. She was not so sure. She saw in her the qualities that her husband mentioned, but she knew that what had happened in Africa had marked her.

  Victoria appeared in the building on Saturday morning. She was again loaded with confectionaries, especially sweets to reward the children for their advances. she was not an eminence in the field of teaching, so she thought that some prizes would compensate her lack of pedagogical stimulus.

  When she arrived she found the kids playing an improvised football match. They were several kids behind a ball made with paper of newspapers and rags, that equally fulfilled its function to the thousand marvels, almost as if they were in a professional stage. Their enthusiasm was contagious.

  She sat watching them have fun and approached those she knew when they are done. She gave them sweets and gesticulated to ask for their mother. They carried her inward where the woman was working on her weaving. She gently received her this time, and Victoria tried to make herself understood more earnestly.

  She had heard that they spoke to each other in a dialect she did not know but some words were in French, so she tried in that language. It was successful: the woman's face lit up and articulated several phrases. She was not fully fluid but perfectly understandable.

  So Victoria began to understand the family life. They came from Burkina Faso, in the heart of Africa. Then she would find out better what had happened to them. Her immediate interest was to know the names: she knew that she was Amina and the boys Biram, Kalé and Safi, the little baby.

  They had arrived in Barcelona five months ago, after a long journey through the roads of Africa and in a boat through the Mediterranean. She came with her husband, but the ship was shipwrecked and the rescuers could not save them all.

  She told her this with an enormous grief that was visible in her black eyes, which at times were clouded with tears. After that and thanks to her pregnancy, she aroused compassion in the help groups. They came to her aid and a home was found for her in the center of asylum. All this was in Almeria. But the center was overrun with people and they did not stop coming, so soon she had to find her means of livelihood. She learned from comments that it was best to go to big cities, where they went unnoticed, and here they were.

  Since then they had managed to survive with what she could get by informally selling her knitted pieces and the charity of the group that lived in the building. They were always exposed to police controls and were often frightened by the looks of disdain they received. But her main terror was to be caught and taken to one of the Integration Centers for Foreigners, where the illegal ones were located.

  "What about my children?" She asked in awe.

  Victoria had heard of these centers and had also read articles in the newspapers. They were particularly inhospitable detention centers for migrants of all nationalities who were found without papers or certified employment. I vaguely remembered some Red Cross reports about cases of violation of rights at the level of medical care, discrimination, etc. She understood the poor woman's reaction.

  "What helplessness!" She thought as she listened. The family farewell, far from their homeland, fighting to survive and always with fear. "I have to help her, anyway."

  She told her who she was and what she was doing. She explained that she had been a volunteer in Africa and knew what had happened, she had seen it before. She offered to help her in whatever way she could and she told her that knowing the language could be very useful.

  "I have time and desire to help you, if you agree and you let me." It would be good for you to learn as well.

  The woman was grateful and immediately nodded. In her dialect she spoke fast and told his children. Biram, which was the name of the elder was the one Victoria had known better, smiled widely and approached to kiss her. For them it was an invaluable gesture that someone came and without any ulterior motive, offered to teach them a tool that would help them integrate.

  Immediately they set to work. The girl unfolded the cards she had brought and began to ask name in dialect, French and translate it into Spanish. This took a couple of hours, but it was enjoyable. It was a bit more difficult for Amina to pronounce, but it was a bridge from the dialect to French. And while she continued with her work of weaving, which was what provided her sustenance for now.

  On leaving, Victoria bought one of her blankets from her; They were very colorful and would look great in her room. She would buy another one later for her mother and perhaps another for a gift. They were beautiful and exquisitely designed; if she could find it in a high fashion trade it would be very expensive, but she knew that it was acquired for a few euros. She gave her more than what the woman asked for because she hated to bargain what was already ridiculous. When she said goodbye she saw a tear fall on Amina's face and so she stopped and said:

  "Look, I do nothing but the right and human thing. You should not take it as alms or salvation; Doing this fills my soul and heals me old wounds.

  And giving them a kiss everyone said goodbye.

  That night she told he parents everything and showed them the blanket. They listened carefully and encouraged her to cont
inue. Her face had recovered, and her enthusiasm was contagious.

  "Even if we cover the house with multicolored blankets, it worth it." It's her again, "said her father when he left to sleep. And the mother nodded to the laughter.

  Seventeen

  For Usem, five intense years went by. The settlement process of his clan was slow with several complications, some not minor. After making the difficult decision to leave the life of transhumance, finding the right place and getting used to living all the time established cost a lot.

  The discussions became constant and it seemed that they lived in permanent assembly. The steps to follow and to avoid, where to arrive, how long to try in each place: all merited consultation and marches and countermarches were present throughout the time of adaptation.

  Merin and Usem tried to temper all the arguments, fights and complaints, as well as to cushion the internal conflicts that soon appeared.

  The first mishap came from the hand of one of the oldest families in the clan, who, determined to maintain their nomadic condition, turned away and joined one of the caravans still in transit. This departure saddened everyone and some interpreted it even as a betrayal.

  One of the decisions they had taken together was to keep the cattle they had and ensure their reproduction in captivity. They did not know if this would be possible, since access to food would now be restricted, and buying rations to keep it could be very expensive.

  An effort was made to increase the tissue stock in order to trade with them and to go to the markets installed in the city of their choice. Periodically a group of Tuaregs would travel from city to city to continue supplying metals to ensure the production of jewelry, objects that had always been produced by the clan artisans. Once settled, they would see what other options they had.

  The circuit that all the lives had done, marked that the towns more suitable for the establishment were two and in them they began moving.

  They arrived one morning at first and looked for a spot in the vicinity to settle in, one they already knew. Then Merin and Usem moved to the political center of the place to communicate their intentions. They knew that simply locating the place could be counterproductive and would clash with local groups, so they opted for an official decision to bring order to the issue.