Perfectly Broken

by Maegan Abel

  I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. I tugged against his grip but he didn't release my arm. I had no idea how much he'd had to drink and the only thing I knew about him was he harbored some sort of resentment against women since he moved home. My survival instincts kicked in. I was tiny compared to him, my head barely hitting his chest, but it was enough with the element of surprise on my side.

  I spun and extended my right leg as high as I could, aiming for his head. I knew, even before he leaned back in an attempt to avoid the kick, that I wouldn't be able to land it. My foot connected with his chest and he released my arm as he stumbled back, hitting the ground hard. A large part of me wanted to run, but I knew he would catch me so I stood my ground. I took a stance, lifting my hands as I bounced lightly on my toes to loosen myself up for a fight. My element of surprise was gone but I was still fast and, thankfully, wearing my boots.

  "Whoa! Shit. I was just trying to help. Damn." Zane pushed to his feet slowly, holding one hand out toward me while rubbing at his chest with the other.

  "I can take care of myself." I didn't quite lower my guard but he grinned, giving a derisive laugh.

  "So I see. Where did you learn to kick like that?"

  I stretched my neck, keeping my eyes on him as I answered. "Two years of Kickboxing."

  "Well, you had me fooled. I saw a small girl who I thought needed help. My mistake." He gave me a wide berth as he headed toward the street. He didn't look back as he spoke. "I've got a cab waiting if you want a ride back to the house."

  I debated for a moment. I already knew he wouldn't try anything in front of Tish once we were at the house and I wanted to figure out what he was all about. So, deciding that there wasn't much he could pull in a cab, I followed. I'm glad I did.

  On the ride home, Zane actually talked to me. He opened up about his ex, Lizzie, and how they'd been together since high school. He explained how he found out she'd been cheating on him with his best friend, Adam. He showed me a picture of his son, who was two, and who he was crushed to find out wasn't even his. I'd seen pictures of Conner in the house but it meant something that he was choosing to confide in me.

  Once we were at the house, we sat on the cracked concrete of the driveway as he told me how his trust had been shattered. His trust in women, in people in general, and in love. I didn't say much, I just listened to his story until he was silent. As we walked up the path to the house, I put my hand on his arm to stop him.

  "You want to know what I think?"

  He nodded, seeming to brace himself for my reaction.

  "I think that trust is for people who want to get hurt. Love is just a ploy to get someone to trust you and then it's all just lies disguising themselves as kind words. But, in the end, no matter how much perfume you spray on a pile of shit, it still stinks."

  Zane was silent for a beat while he analyzed my words. Then, he laughed. He laughed louder than I would've thought possible given how soft spoken he had been around me up until just a short while ago. The laughter brought out a dimple in his cheek that I never knew existed before that moment.

  "Christ, you sure have a lot of animosity for someone so tiny," he said, still chuckling.

  I narrowed my eyes and shoved at his chest, fighting a smile. He didn't budge. I hated being called small but there was something about Zane's sudden mood change that was contagious. "I'm serious! You're like… a pixie or something."

  "Shut up!" I shoved him harder, pushing past him toward the house.

  His voice traveled up from the steps behind me. “Pixie? Awww… come on. Don’t get mad. I wouldn’t want to anger the pretty little pixie. I’ve heard they like to bite.”

  I spun to face him, immediately fighting a smile again at the genuine amusement in his eyes. “I said, shut up.”

  He feigned wariness as he edged around me toward the door, putting both hands out in front of him in a defensive stance. “Whatever you do, don’t break out the wings.”

  “That’s it!” I laughed and chased him through the door.

  In the weeks that followed, the carefully cultivated routine of avoiding him faded away. I actually spent more time around him than I did Tish. It was nice to feel like I could stay in the house without being a completely unwelcome intruder.

  A knock on the bathroom door pulled me back to the present. I shook my head, closing my eyes.

  "Yeah?" I yelled, wincing at the pain that shot from behind my eyes to the back of my skull.

  "Just brought your robe," Kas' voice came from the other side of the curtain. "And, don't think you're off the hook for last night." I paused for a moment, my mind racing as I tried to figure out what she could mean. "I'll only forgive you if you teach me some of those moves."

  I groan, feeling pressure against my chest. Stop, it hurts. "Help!"

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Hiding

  ZANE

  I dropped onto the bed, exhausted and still somewhat hung over from last night. As far as birthdays went, that was one for the record books. Though, the memories were a bit overwhelming. I'd gotten so close to letting Lizzie pull me back in and that thought was haunting me more than anything.

  Well, almost.

  The thought of Lili and what she may or may not have done in her drunken state after leaving the club was hanging over me heavily. She said what happened was all about Lizzie and I had no reason not to believe her. She seemed to be telling the truth and her actions after she left Lust definitely backed up her story.

  "Knock, knock," Kas said as she tapped her knuckles against the open door to my room. I turned my head to look at her. "Get your ass up, Romeo. Breakfast is ready."

  I rolled my eyes and started to shake my head.

  "Nope. No moping allowed this morning. You moped all night after the bar and you have all day to do that while Tish and I work. Right now, we're having a day-after-your-birthday breakfast."

  "Shut up, Kas," I groaned and pushed myself up, rubbing my right hand through my hair. "And don't call me Romeo." I stood and she shoved me lightly before leading me toward the kitchen.

  "Stop acting like some tragic little lost boy in love with a girl he can't have," Kas said the words loudly as she passed the still closed bathroom door and I vehemently wished I had something to throw at her.

  "You're delusional," I said, heading to the place already set for me at the table. I dropped into the chair and knocked away Kas' hand as she tried to ruffle my hair when she passed. I looked down at the stack of pancakes and plate of eggs and instantly felt guilty for snapping at her. "Kas." I waited for her to turn back around before I grinned. "Thank you."

  "You're welcome," she said with a wink and grabbed the orange juice from the counter, bringing it to the table. "Do you think Lili will feel like eating?"

  "I highly doubt it." I sighed as Tish entered the kitchen and moved to his chair, kissing Kas' cheek as he passed her.

  "Did you talk to her?" Kas asked as she sat down, taking a sip of her coffee.

  "I checked on her when I heard her waking up. I've never seen her that drunk before, so I wanted to make sure she was okay," I answered and then quickly took a bite of my food, hoping Kas would let the subject drop.

  "Yeah, she was really trashed. Sounds like she had some fun after she left the club," Kas said with a mischievous grin. Leaning her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her fists, she watched me carefully for a reaction.

  "Sounds that way," I replied, attempting to keep my voice even. The reminder of Lili's actions after leaving Lust made the anger and irritation I'd felt last night return. I shoved another bite of food into my mouth, ignoring it.

  "Does something about that bother you?" Kas pushed, still watching me.

  I shook my head while I finished chewing. "Nope. Just wish I’d had that much fun.” I grinned again and downed my orange juice, trying to finish this meal, and this conversation, as quickly as possible.

  "With Lili?" Kas asked.

  Tish groaned, dropped his fork and picked
up his plate. "I'm out of here. I can't listen to this shit," he grumbled, carrying his plate toward the hall.

  Kas stayed quiet until he was safely out of the kitchen.

  "He thinks of her as a little sister. He worries about her. He worries about both of you, actually," Kas confided quietly. She reached out to steady the glass that was shaking in my hand, just as she had done last night at the club. "It wouldn't be the end of the world for you to have feelings for Lili. You two are close. I know it's scary to open yourself up again once you've been hurt, but think about it, Zane. You and Lili have been around each other so much the last few years, you've already opened that vulnerability as friends. You're closer than most people trying to start a relationship."

  "What the hell makes you think I want to start a relationship with anyone?" I grabbed my plate and moved to the sink, unable to sit at the table with Kas as she talked about this.

  "I saw the way you watched Lili last night. The way you danced with her and the way you kissed her. You care more than you probably planned to and you're only now starting to realize it," Kas said softly. I heard her come up behind me but I shook my head, keeping my back to her.

  "You're reading too much into it," I said with as little emotion as possible and left the kitchen quickly, almost running into Lili as she stepped out of the bathroom.

  Her robe was wrapped tightly around her and she had a towel tied on her head in that way all girls were seemingly born knowing how to do. A long, black curl had come loose from the towel and hung down, dripping water onto the small section of exposed skin at her collarbone.

  "Hey," she said, giving me a small, pained smile. I smiled back automatically, unable to help it as I forced my eyes from her chest to her face. Her small features were still somewhat pinched as she fought the hangover but the circles under her eyes were already looking less prominent.

  "Feeling better?" I asked, seeing Kas out of the corner of my eye, watching us from the kitchen.

  "Much. You were right. It can only get better." She let out a soft laugh. I glanced over at Kas, hating her smug expression.

  "Glad to hear it." I turned and headed into my room. I wanted to stay and talk to her more. Hell, a part of me wanted to lift her up and let my tongue follow the drops of water that were running under the collar of that tattered black robe of hers. That was why I had to walk away now. What the fuck was happening to me? I was not the guy who hit on his fucking roommate. She was one of my best friends and what happened last night was no different than the hundreds of nights before when we'd been out together.

  It meant nothing.

  I had just settled on the couch and flipped on the TV when the front door opened. I turned my head and furrowed my brow, wondering who had come in. The door closed and, still, no one appeared but I heard the sound of Lili's heavy breathing. I quickly hopped up and moved to the entryway. I paused, taking in the sight of Lili, bent over at the knees with both arms wrapped around her stomach. Her tank top was completely drenched and her hair was piled on top of her head with strands plastered to her neck and cheeks with sweat.

  "Did you seriously go for a run?" I stepped closer before the scent caught me off guard. "Whoa. Shit, Pix." I covered my nose and mouth with my hand.

  Lili looked up and gave me what I think was supposed to be a smile as she continued breathing heavily. "I needed… the exercise. Damn, Zane. Are… you saying I… smell that bad?"

  "I'm saying you're sweating straight alcohol. Fuck. Did you even take water?" I asked, immediately noticing she didn't have a bottle with her. She shook her head, confirming what I already knew. I pointed toward the kitchen and followed behind her until she dropped into a chair at the table. I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and a banana from the bowl on the counter and placed them both in front of her.

  "Thanks," she said, but it was barely a sound as she opened the bottle and chugged half of it through heavy breaths.

  "Running when you're hung-over is probably not the safest idea. Your body was already dehydrated." I frowned and nudged the banana closer. She made a face and shook her head. "You need to get something in your stomach. The potassium will help keep you from getting muscle cramps."

  "I know," Lili said with a frown. She grabbed the banana and peeled it savagely, making her annoyance with me clear.

  "Alright. I'll leave you to it." I pulled out two more water bottles from the fridge, dropping one in front of her and took the other with me back to the living room.

  "Got any plans today?" Lili asked as she dropped onto the couch and curled her legs under her. She had showered and seemed to be feeling almost back to her normal self.

  I glanced over at her from the recliner and shrugged. "I have some errands to run but nothing major. How about you? Big plans to go out and meet your drinking buddy from last night?" I asked, the question sounding harsh to my ears. If she heard anything off in my voice, she didn't let it show.

  "I barely remember anything from last night. Just short glimpses," she said through a laugh, like it was somehow funny that she'd gotten herself into such a dangerous situation.

  I fought back the urge to yell at her and shook my head, turning back toward the TV without responding.

  "I do have to go to the shop today. I have my appointment with Kas to finish my tattoo." She motioned to her side and I nodded.

  "Do you need a ride? I could drop you off on my way to go run errands. It would motivate me to get off my ass and get my shit done," I offered.

  I needed to think and clear my head, so I'd decided to spend some time at my workshop this afternoon. The shop was on my way.

  After my parents died seven years ago, I'd been in counseling. They tried all sorts of methods to get me to open up, to express my anger or frustration or even my relief at what happened. Something, anything, to prove that I could feel. But, I couldn't. Because of this, they started pushing me toward different creative outlets until I finally found a way to connect with my own emotions.

  My counselor at the time, a guy in his early forties who always told me to call him Bill, worked in a metal shop. He took me with him a few times, teaching me about the materials; the differences in each, how to fuse them together, how to melt them properly. One day, while I was attempting to form a circle from a piece, something just clicked.

  I started talking to Bill about my parents. The memories from my childhood, both good and bad, came out as I worked beside him. I bought an empty warehouse space about two years later and never told a soul. Not even Bill. It's my place, the only place that is mine alone. It's where I can think.

  "Sure. That'd be great. Let me change and I'll be ready," she said and headed back to her bedroom.

  I walked down the hall to grab my shoes, stopping abruptly as I passed her door. It was partly open. The sight of her standing with her back to the door while she looked in her closet, her hands behind her back as she fastened her bra had me in a trance. I swallowed hard and told myself to keep walking but it was no use. She was the complete opposite of the girls I normally went for. She was just so tiny. I'd always picked on her about being so little, but watching her last night, the way she moved, brought her into focus in a way she hadn't been to me before.

  She bent forward, grabbing her brush and pulling it through her hair from the underside and I couldn't help my body's reaction. Fuck, she was so sexy. Her body covered only by her bra and panties as she bent over made me want to stay home and do nothing but lock us both inside her room. She stood, tossing her hair, and I forced myself to move. My mind was coming up with far too many mental images of her tossing her hair that way on top of me and it took all I had to make it down the hall to my room. I dropped onto my bed and threw my arm over my eyes as I laid back.

  "Calm," I said the word out loud, as if maybe my body would listen to the direction if it were spoken. I had to think of something else, get that image out of my head. But, it was no use, it was burned into my brain now. I couldn't un-see it and I wouldn't want to anyway. I'd never se
en anything sexier in my life. "Fuck." I tried to adjust myself, willing my body to cooperate.

  "Ready?" she called from the living room.

  "That's an understatement," I grumbled under my breath. I grabbed my shoes and tugged them on before heading into the hall.

  "You coming?" I heard her yell from the door and I rolled my eyes. This was just too much right now.

  "I wish," I said and she appeared at the end of the hall.

  "Is that so?" She raised an eyebrow. Fuck. She would hear me being a smart ass right now.

  "Isn't that what I always wish for?" I gave her my best cocky smile and grabbed my keys from the table by the door before heading out to my car.

  "Perv," she replied, slamming the door behind us, laughing.

  Two minutes after dropping Lili at the shop, my phone chirped the annoying text message sound from my pocket. I rolled my eyes, digging it out as I drove. I'd turned on the ringer last night in case Lili actually responded and forgot to put the damn thing back on vibrate. I glanced at the screen.

  NEW TEXT from BITCH

  "Wonderful," I said, pulling up to the stoplight before checking the message. I was less than a mile from my workshop and the promise of finally clearing my head. I could keep going and ignore it, or I could get it over with now and try to put it aside while I worked on my sculpture. I groaned and opened the message.

  I need you to take Conner. I have to work.

  I sighed in relief that it was actually about Conner this time and typed out a quick reply before the light turned green.

  Be there in twenty.

  I tossed my phone into the cup holder between the seats, grinning. This would be just the distraction I needed tonight. Time with my son.