Midnight Secrets

by Janelle Taylor

  “I did, but you never got mine.” He pulled it from his pocket and handed it to her. He quickly realized he shouldn’t have, but he couldn’t yank it from her grasp and evoke curiosity in Ben. “Jake Cooper had it but never got a chance to pass it along because he was called away on a mission. Doesn’t matter. You’re home now and safe.”

  Ginny was thrilled and astonished to discover he had left her a message; she could hardly wait to read it. She stuffed the paper into her dress pocket. “We’ll talk later. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

  Stone caught a hint in her tone about what she wanted to discuss with him. He couldn’t allow it, not yet. She had been duped by Avery and had been drawn to Steve while vulnerable and grieving over her mother’s loss, not over that of a best friend as Charles had told him. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk later.”

  “Maybe we should talk tonight, Son,” Ben said.

  Stone also caught the hint in his father’s tone and gaze, and froze in despair. He couldn’t let Johanna learn they’d sinned against the Bible and the law by surrendering to their feelings for each other. He’d have to convince his father to conceal their secret forever. It was ironic and agonizing that the reason he’d wanted it exposed had turned out to be the reason it couldn’t: his love for this woman. He should never have lowered his guard and taken her. Spirits help him, he still loved and desired her! “No, Father, this isn’t the right time to finish discussing that private matter. We’ll do it at a much later date. Dead business is better left buried.”

  “If you say so, Son,” Ben replied, confused but relieved. “You two chat a minute while I tell Nan to set another plate on the table. I’m glad you’re home, Son; we can be a real family now.”

  After Ben left the room, Ginny and Stone stared at each other.

  “Why did you lie to me?” she asked. “Was it only so you could seduce me then ride away with me thinking you were too embittered to commit yourself to me or to any woman? You have love, a family, and a good life here. All those things you told me were only to make me susceptible to your siege. You aren’t a scout or hired manhunter; you’re a lawman, a secret agent. You used me and betrayed me, Stone. Why?”

  When tears filled her hazel eyes, he couldn’t resist pulling her into his arms and telling her how sorry he was. She nestled her face against his chest, and he felt her tremble. He had to be gentle, compassionate, and comforting without confessing his love and while letting her down as easily as possible. He realized for the first time that he had honor, deep feelings, and a conscience. He was surprised to discover those traits and emotions within him. “I’ve never done this with a woman before and I didn’t mean to do it with you. I was attracted to Anna Avery, but I didn’t want to be caught by her; I tried to tell you that many times.” Shu, it was hard to lie to her, to bring her more anguish, to touch her without kissing her, to master his craving for her. “I am a bastard by birth; I didn’t lie about that part. My father has never claimed me, and Ben’s adopting me doesn’t make up for that denial. I don’t live here and I only came for a short visit. Ben and I didn’t get along. I came to settle our differences, then ride on to… do another job.”

  Ginny wasn’t sure what he was telling her. She had to make him be clearer before she decided how to make her confession. “You don’t understand, Stone; this is all my fault. I should have told you who I am. Things can still work out for us; we aren’t kin. I want you.”

  Stone forced them apart. His turmoil was enormous and knifing. He was consumed by love and desire for her. He had to end it here and now. “Forgive me, Johanna, but there can’t be anything between us. I like you and I enjoyed being with you, but that’s all. I can’t love you. Our little deceits with each other were painful and costly. We have to forget what happened between us; and it won’t happen again, I promise. If it were anybody except you who had duped me, I would kill her. Nothing riles my temper more than lies and ruses. You’re a beautiful woman and a mighty tempting one, so I couldn’t resist making love to you. I shouldn’t have.”

  Was he saying his feelings had been nothing more than physical desire? How could he speak so coldly about “lies and ruses” when he himself practiced them? She fused her somber gaze to his impenetrable one. “Then you don’t feel the same way about me that I feel about you?”

  Stone forced himself to reply, “No, and I’m sorry. I couldn’t tell you who and what I was on the trail, but I would have returned to Fort Smith and confessed the truth. Despite how I tricked you, I didn’t want you pining over me. I had to complete my assignment and make certain you weren’t involved. If you had been, you could have betrayed me to other Klansmen. I sensed you were withholding things, but I never suspected what they were. If I could change what happened between us, I would. Anybody who does what I did to you for selfish reasons isn’t worth dried mud on your boot. You were suffering from your mother’s loss and caught up in a scary pretense, so you turned to me because you thought I was a strong shoulder to lean on. I’m not the man for you.”

  She had to make a last, desperate attempt to reach him. “Yes, you are. We must believe we were thrown together for a special reason. We can resolve this matter. I love you, Stone. I’ve loved you and wanted you since that first day in Georgia. No matter what happens between us, I’ll always feel that way. You aren’t and you’ll never be a brother to me. I want us to have a life together, here or anywhere.”

  Stone feigned a scowl. “Spirit help us if that’s the truth.”

  “It is. I know I’ve deceived you in the past and you have cause not to trust me, but I swear I’m telling the truth about my feelings for you.”

  “Forget me,” he ordered. “Forget what happened between us.”

  Ginny caressed his cheek. “Never, and I don’t want to. I love you.”

  Stone stepped away from her disturbing reach and touch. “Then we’re in trouble. I never meant to hurt you, Johanna, and I hate hurting you tonight. You’ll come to realize I’m not right for you. I don’t feel the same way about you. It was physical, nothing more. Don’t ever tell Father you love me and we… If you do, I’ll leave and never return.” He knew he had to leave tonight anyway to put distance between them.

  Ginny winced at the cruel disclosure and his threat. Yet something urged her not to believe him. She thought, You’re home now, so I’ll prove to you you’re wrong about us. I’ll tempt you and chase you every minute I can. You won’t be able to resist me. But if what he said was true, she best not expose herself to this dangerous man.

  Ben returned and smiled at both moody people. “Nan said supper will be ready in about twenty minutes.” She’d also told him she’d heard her son arrive and had been listening to their talks.

  “I need to see… Aunt Nan a minute,” Stone said, “I’ll speak with you later, Father. You, too, Johanna. It’s good to see both of you again.” Stone left the room to visit a moment with his mother before he left for a while.

  Ben smiled at the nervous woman. “Did you and Stone have a nice chat? You both look a little edgy. Is there a problem between you?”

  “No, Father. We just had a tiny quarrel before he left Fort Smith. I can’t blame him; he did believe I was Anna Avery and that I might be involved in that assignment he was working on with the Klan. He is miffed with me for not telling him who I am, but he’ll get over that soon. We thought we’d become friends, even though we continued to deceive each other. I think that was because we both had some secrets we were afraid to expose.”

  Ben looked as worried as he felt. “You two aren’t…I mean, you didn’t come to like each other too much, did you?”

  Ginny forced out merry laughter. “Of course not. Stone acted as hard and cold to me as his name. He was tough on me, but he’s nice. I like him. I hope he’ll be around a long time so we can get better acquainted.”

  “I hope so, too. We’ve had problems in the past, but we’re ready and willing to make peace now.”

  “That’s good, Father, because you both d
eserve it.”

  After a short while, Ben suggested that they go to the table.

  Nan entered the dining room. “Stone had to leave, Ben,” she informed him. “He’s gone. He said not to worry, that he’ll return in a week or two.”

  “Gone without a word,” Ben murmured. “Is he all right?”

  Nan smiled at the worried man to calm him. “He’s fine, Ben. He just didn’t want to say good-bye to you two. He only had a short time to visit. He’s working on a very important job. He was in a rush, but promised to return very soon,” she stressed. “Now, dinner is ready.”

  Somehow Ginny managed to eat the delicious meal and to make light conversation. She couldn’t surmise why Stone had departed in such a hurry. Perhaps he needed to get away from her. Temptation or remorse? To give both of them time to adjust to and accept their real identities? At least he had said he would return soon, she could work on him then or confess and leave.

  When the meal finally ended, Ginny needed to be alone. She might have found her love again, only to lose him to his unrequited emotions. She sensed a curious strain in the air, though Ben and Nan tried to conceal it. Something was afoot, she decided. The two looked worried and sad, and hadn’t mentioned Stone again. Was it true he didn’t live here? Was it true there were problems between the two men? Had finding her here—the blood child and other heir to the ranch—created more trouble? Perhaps Stone had given Nan a message to pass to Ben. “I’ll help you clear the table, Nan. I’m exhausted tonight. So much has happened today.”

  “You go on to bed, Johanna. I’ll help Nan.”

  Ginny pretended to do as he suggested, but his eagerness to get her out of the room intrigued her. She saw Ben rise to assist the unusually quiet woman. She pressed herself against the wall to listen to their talk.

  “Why did he leave in such a rush, Nan? Was he upset?”

  “I heard what you two said to each other before Johanna joined you. That was hard for him, Tsine,” she pointed out, calling him “my love” in Apache as she always did in private. “You. two must make peace. You must learn to forgive, to understand, to accept each other. He’s your son, Ben. It’s only natural for him to want everybody to know that truth. He’s had to live a lie all of his life. People wouldn’t dare insult Stone Chapman to his face, but they do so behind his back. If you hadn’t adopted him, they wouldn’t let him sit in the same room with them. People hate Apaches; that’s why you couldn’t marry me, why you couldn’t lay claim to our son. He needs you, Ben, your love and acceptance. This bitter life he’s lived has almost destroyed him. He’s reaching out to you; reach back before it’s too late.”

  Ginny couldn’t believe’ what she was hearing: Stone was Ben and Nan’s child. Ben had adopted his own bastard son. Nan… was Apache, not Spanish. Stone was half Indian, what some people called a half-breed. He knew the truth and wanted his father to acknowledge him. Ginny’s eyes widened and her heart thudded. That meant Stone was Johanna’s half brother and knew it. That meant he thought he had made love to his…

  “Do you think Johanna knows about Stone?” Ben fretted aloud.

  “How could she, Tsine, unless Stella was that cruel?”

  “Stella was cruel, cold, and vengeful. She stole my daughter from me when she learned about you and Stone. She threatened a terrible scandal if I went after Johanna. Lordy, how I wanted that girl back. I loved her and needed her, just like I do Stone. I should have called Stella’s bluff. I shouldn’t have let Johanna suffer all those years. I shouldn’t have let Stone suffer all those years. I’ve been a selfish coward, Nan. I should have married you and dared anybody to scorn me for doing so. How could I have been such a blind fool? How could I have believed I needed a white wife, a genteel lady? I’m partly to blame for Stella’s wicked flaws.”

  “No, Tsine, she had them before she married you.”

  “When Johanna learns Stone is our son, she’ll hate me and I might lose her again. She’ll think Stella had good reason to leave a man who loved another woman and had a son with her.”

  “But you weren’t married to Stella when we had Stone.”

  “But we loved each other when I married her and we’ve never stopped loving each other. Johanna doesn’t know how evil her mother was. After she learned she couldn’t give me any more children, she didn’t want me to touch her again. But she let other men do it. She laughed in my face plenty of times when I accused her of what I knew was true. Every trip she made she carried on like a harlot. But she was smart enough not to be seen by the wrong people. I tried every way I could to get my daughter back: I threatened to expose her wickedness and I even tried to bribe her. I’m not even convinced she wanted Johanna, she just didn’t want me to have her. Lordy, that woman was so cruel, I’m almost happy she’s dead. How can I break my child’s heart by telling her such things? But if I don’t, she’ll never understand about you and Stone, about why I didn’t come after her.”

  “You fear Stone will tell her when he returns soon? He won’t, Tsine, he understands why we can’t reveal the truth.”

  “Does he, Nan? It isn’t fair to him.”

  “You’re leaving him half of this ranch. You gave him your name.”

  “That isn’t enough for a father to share with his only son.”

  “Stone Thrower is a man, Tsine, a strong and brave man, a smart man. He accepts what cannot be changed. He told me this before leaving.”

  “You heard what he said to me earlier, so what changed his mind?”

  “If you claim him, Tsine, he’ll be branded a bastard publicly. Our sin and love for each other will be exposed. He only wanted to see if you loved him enough to take such risks. You were willing, so that filled his hunger. He said it would be wrong and painful to all of us for the truth to come out now. He urged me to beg you not to tell Johanna. He said he will be content to live his life as your adopted son.”

  “But will I, Nan? Stella hated him because she knew how much I loved him. She despised him because he was half Indian. Many times she tried to get me to send that ‘little Injun orphan’ away. That’s what she called him! She didn’t mind your being here because you served her hand and foot. She was jealous of every minute Stone and I spent together.”

  “Which were many, Tsine; Stone Thrower was like your shadow.”

  “He loved me so much before he learned of my deceit.”

  “He still loves you. If not, he wouldn’t keep returning.”

  “Every time he leaves home, I miss him. I hope he returns for good, and he and Johanna get along.”

  “They did as children. No matter what Stella thought or said, you didn’t give one child more love and attention than the other.”

  “I kept thinking if I let Stella have her way, she’d relent. But she never did. She died with her sins on her head.”

  “Stella could not accept you loved me, not her. She could not accept I gave you a son when she couldn’t. She was proud and vain.”

  “I should have beaten some sense into her. I should have locked her in her room and never let her take Johanna away.”

  “You could never harm anyone, Tsine, not even her.”

  “Much as I came to hate and resent her, I’m sorry she ended up in such a bad way. I’m sure she’s scarred our daughter with her wickedness.”

  “Johanna seems fine to me. Don’t worry about her. She’s proven she has her father’s blood, his courage and strength. So does our son. When he returns, we will be a real family at last. I couldn’t love Johanna more if she were my daughter. I’m so happy she’s come home.”

  “What would I do without you, Nan?”

  “Or I without you, Tsine, my love?”

  “We’ll have to be careful with Johanna in the house. But one day it—”

  “Do not speak such beautiful words until they can come true. When the hatred of my people lessens, then we can speak of a future as one. But things are growing worse these days instead of better. You must not risk your name and place in this land. People would not
sell and buy cattle from a man with an Indian wife and half-breed son. The truth could destroy you.”

  “I’m not sure I believe that anymore. Stella is gone; I’m free. Why would it be so despicable to marry the woman I love, the woman I’ve loved for thirty years?”

  “We both know why, Tsine, we both know why.”

  Ginny crept to Johanna’s room, having risked eavesdropping long enough to glean a few clues to help her make her final decision. She asked herself how Ben could not grasp how hurt and humiliated Stella had been when she discovered his longtime romance with another woman, a trusted woman who shared their home, a woman who had borne her husband a son. Surely Stella’s vengeance, even if wrong, was understandable, perhaps even normal under those circumstances. She pondered how Nan could be the lover of a man who had married another woman, could share a relationship with him beneath the same roof that his wife did. How could their son, because Stone knew who his father was, accept such conditions as laid down by his deceitful parents? Was he just as selfish and greedy? Did he only want his share of this wealth? He had his father’s name and was accepted as Stone Chapman, but everyone believed he was a bastard.

  Bastard… Her lover hadn’t lied about experiencing the sting of that word. Yet he was fortunate he was loved and wanted enough by his father to be at least half claimed by Ben.

  Had he rejected her downstairs because he believed they were half brother and sister? Or did he truly not want her? It seemed as if Stone was always fleeing difficult situations rather than confronting them. He had been hurt so many times in the past that she couldn’t blame him.

  What will you do to me when you discover my deception? You’ll be happy I’m not Johanna and you haven’t sinned with your sister. You won’t have to risk Ben thinking you seduced his daughter for spite. Will you be understanding and forgiving? Will you be angry and vengeful for how I’ve hurt and duped you and your father? Will you be glad you’re sole heir to this ranch? Will you want me as Virginia Marston?