Tattooed On My Soul

by Lisa DeBells

  But I couldn’t let myself go, no matter how turned on I was. “I didn’t ask you to stay.”

  “Ha, ask me to stay? You couldn’t walk, let alone talk. Just ask your bell-boy, Larry, next time you see him.” His words stung like a wasp. Why was I getting so pissed off? Maybe because he is a stranger, in your home, inner angel had a good point.

  “Whether I was conscious or not, you shouldn’t have stayed here. You’re goddamn crazy, Mitchell.” There it was, his name rolling off my tongue like hot butter in a pan. It felt so good to say it. I stood up, no longer willing to let him stand over me even though he was several steps away.

  He shook his head at me, blonde waves dark and wild from slumber framed his square jaw that was set stern. He was dangerous and unpredictable yet trusting. His hands raked his hair, both of them grabbed fistfuls that he released with a huge exhalation.

  “You’re right. Fuck me, you’re spot on. I should have left you on the street tonight, and kept driving, even though I could hear you bashing on the shop door. I bet your hands are sore.” Within a split second he was standing within inches of me, holding my hands in his.

  I was taken aback by his sudden change of mood. The way he took over my hands, examining them one by one, turning my wrists over gently and softly pressing the palms. The pull was magnetic; a tight knot of excitement coiled deep in my belly, poised and ready to spring right through me amping my breathing up.

  I watched him; his eyes were so deep, and I couldn’t pull my hands away. They were like jelly in his strong grip. I winced and sucked in a breathe at a small spot of pain in my left hand near my wrist bone appeared. It must have born the brunt of me slamming it against the glass door.

  Mitchell looked up at me, our gazes locked; this was the closest we had been. I drank his scent in, fresh cotton, warmth, peppered with the unique scent of him. This would be my undoing. Something about him knocked all sense from me. I wanted to touch his lips with my fingertips, just brush them across his mouth to see if they felt as soft as they looked. He pouted sexily when he spoke, especially when he was mad just a moment ago. I wanted his mouth over every inch of my body. Could he feel it too, because instead of pulling away from me, he inched his face closer to mine, assessing each moment. The closer he came, the more enlivened my body became. His breathing tickled over my skin. There was indecision in his eyes, so I lifted my chin yieldingly. His eyes closed, he raised his face toward the ceiling for a moment and when he looked back at me I saw doubt, maybe fear, sympathy, but definitely recklessness.

  “I may regret this, but fuck it, I can’t resist you,” he whisper growled.

  He crushed his lips onto mine, moving them with expertise. He snaked one arm around my waist and the other rested on the back of my neck, holding me to him. I opened up to him, allowing his tongue to lick the inside of my mouth. His kiss was seductive and slow, pulling at my bottom lip with his teeth and nipping at it as I moaned into his mouth. I found the bottom of his T-shirt and made contact with his skin; hard flesh over long, sinewed muscle. He groaned into my mouth as I ran my hands up his back and hooked them over his shoulders, pulling him to me. He took my mouth sweetly and I willingly gave it, lost in the affection and raw possession that kept me stroking his tongue with mine.

  “Eden, you taste so sweet,” he murmured on my lips whilst pulling away. “So sexy.” He leaned his forehead against mine. He was easily over a foot taller than me, which was a major turn on for me. I curled my body into his, not wanting to break contact.

  “Hmmmm,” It was all I could manage.

  “You were dreaming. A nightmare.” He hesitated, talk about an odd change of direction, I would rather kiss. “Are you OK?” His voice vibrated through our closely touching bodies. There was concern in the way his arms tightened around me, and for a moment I never wanted him to let me go. He was so sure of himself and so strong that maybe he could protect me from the nightmares. But his question brought reality hurtling back into the earth’s atmosphere. He had seen a part of me that only a few people had, and I couldn’t let him get any closer than that.

  “You need to leave.” I pushed on his chest and didn’t look in his eyes for fear that if I did I would pull him down onto my bed and beg him to make me forget. “I’m sorry for putting you through . . . this.” I gestured to myself.

  He let his arms drop.

  “You know your way out.” My words were harsh and left a bitter taste in my mouth.

  I turned away, so I wouldn’t have to watch him leave.

  “Yeah you should be sorry. Hell, I’m fucking sorry.” He spat the words at me. “I knew you would be trouble, Eden White, but I’m trying to be a new man, turn a new leaf. I don’t need this kind of shit testing me out.”

  Whoa, who was this guy? I had rubbed him up the wrong way tonight.

  “If I could change one thing about tonight it would be me meeting you. So get out of my house.” I wanted to hurt him because I had been hurt, because for the first time it felt like someone got me, understood a sliver of my nightmares and wanted to kiss them away. I could never risk needing someone in my life that I couldn’t bare to loose. He slowly retreated from my room, great idea. “Get out of my life, Mitchell, you and your bruised ego.”

  “Woman, you’re fucking MAD. I’m outta here.”

  The elevator doors pinged to life. They opened and closed again, taking him away from me and my bitter past. I threw myself on my bed and grieved for the parents who had been taken from me way too early and for my lost childhood. I had to grow up too fast. I cried because I’d treated Mitchell so horribly when all he was trying to do was help me and make sure I got home safe. I was so irresponsible. I didn’t do stupid things like that and could have found myself in real danger.

  I pulled the dress off and threw it, along with my underwear, then found my PJs under my pillow and tugged the shorts and singlet on. The warmth and familiarity of my bed put me at ease. I had to look at my world with positivity. It was how I managed to get through life and make it on my own. I would wake up in a few hours and this night, along with Mitchell Stone, would be a faint memory.

  I lay awake instead, the recollection of my dream at the forefront of my racing thoughts. That time of year was drawing closer. I relented and let myself get lost in the past, a time and place where all little boys and girls should have their parents.

  The strains of a Cat Stevens’ song filled the car, something about a wild world. I watched my mother in the front seat as she looked lovingly at my father who was singing to her in his handsome voice, “Baby, baby it’s a wild world. It’s hard to get by just upon a smile.” Dad’s long, dark hair was pulled back into a low pony tail. His dark eyes darted to mother as he sang to her. This was what love was; it filled them and followed wherever they went. The sun couldn’t shine brighter than their love. I felt loved just watching them together.

  We were going to Aunty Julie’s and Uncle Billy’s for Thanksgiving, and I couldn’t wait to see my cousins Belle and Layla. It was a long drive. I wasted the hours counting the big rocks as we drove through the mountains until it was dark and I couldn’t count them anymore. I got sleepy; my eyelids relaxed further with each blink. Mommy and Daddy were nattering softly, sometimes a burst of giggles came from Mommy. Daddy was always making her laugh.

  Sprinkling rain started to hit the windscreen, a full-blown thunderstorm was underway. The wipers fought against the fat drops that made looking out the windscreen difficult. A steady flow of headlights passed our car.

  It all happened too quick to remember; one minute Daddy was singing, the rain started then two big headlights with lots of smaller ones drove in front of us, towards us.

  I reached into the front seat to grab Mommy’s hand, to touch her and feel safe, but there was no reassurance. She held my hand when I was scared of the monsters in my closet, or when something had happened at school. Because that’s what Mommy did wasn’t it? Sheltered and comforted their children. Until today. Her beautiful lavender-colored e
yes turned back to me, full of trepidation as she caught my hand in hers. I felt warmth and love travel through her fingertips and into mine. We only touched for a moment, before the car took a sharp turn and there was a loud bang. I was thrown from the vehicle out of the side window. The force was so strong that I was knocked unconscious from the impact.

  I was told months later that heavy rainfall in the area made the forest floor softer than usual; my impact was cushioned by the squishy grass. I had also missed hitting several trees nearby. Someone was looking down from the heavens that day, Aunty Julie said. But I didn’t feel like anyone was safeguarding me that day; my parents had been taken from me in such a horrific way. Now I only saw them in my memories and the nightmares that had become fewer over the years.

  Chapter Eight

  By early afternoon I had lazed in my bed for long enough. I knew Ariel would be here soon, as it was our usual Sunday lunch catch-up. Although her not showing up on time had its benefits today, as I felt like a hideous human being due to the subtle pounding at my temple. I wrote myself off last night and ‘today you must pay’, muttered my inner devil while rubbing her leather-gloved hands together.

  The two Advil I took were in full effect, so I managed a shower, scrubbing all the events of the last twenty-four hours off my body. Pity I couldn’t wash the images of Mitchell out of my brain. Wasn’t he an unexpected breath of fresh sexiness? I clenched my jaw and scowled at myself in the mirror, the thought of him being in my apartment, in my room, totally infuriated me. “He had a hide.” How could a stranger just make himself at home? Why would he feel like he had to stay to make sure I was okay? I must have been that intoxicated. I got dressed quickly covering up the red flushed skin on my chest. I was going to have to speak to Larry also.

  A small part of my inner self admitted that the kiss was amazing in that seductive, toe-curling way. Just the thought of his strong arms around me, looking down at me with concern and temptation . . . I lost a part of my rational self in his sparkling green eyes.

  But what did he see?

  Was I the damsel in distress that he wanted to turn his new leaf over with? Did I look like I needed saving, or did he think I would throw my legs open, grateful he’d looked after me? With his gorgeous looks and rock-hard body I’m sure he was never hard up for some sexy time.

  The doorbell chimed. Ariel was here, and not a moment too soon. I could sort out these questions later. I sure as shit would not tell Ariel anything. That mother hen would want all the humiliating details; something I wasn’t ready to share yet. Not to mention the lecture she would lay on me.

  “Hey Ari, uhh wine, really?” I was apprehensive to see her, let alone a bottle of wine. Just looking at it had my stomach roiling again.

  “Well hello my little tulip.” Ariel pulled me in for a one armed hug. This girl was little but strong, her strength should never be underestimated, I struggled for some oxygen in her embrace. Just when I was wiggling out of her hug she released me and patted my cheek. “So someone had a good night then.” Her bright eyes sneered at me, how was it possible for her to look so scary angry when she was as cute as a koala bear.

  I padded through, past the kitchen and took the few stairs down into the sunken living room then flopped into the comfy softness of my lounge. I tucked my legs in under my bottom and placed a big throw pillow on my lap. Ariel did the same as she sat in the lounge opposite me.

  “Big night, Eds?” Ariel looked at me quizzically. Stay calm, Eden, she doesn’t know a thing. “Thought we should pop a bottle while you tell me what in fucks name happened after you left the club and before you turned up shit faced at five am, being hauled up to your place by some tattooed stranger.” Tilting her head she stuck her long neck out, raised her perfect eyebrow almost to her hairline and waited out my answer.

  Shit! Larry the traitor.

  “We had fun, didn’t we?” I smiled and fluttered my eyes at my best friend, deflecting from what she really wanted to know. “Thanks for finally dragging my ass out of the house.”

  “Spill the shit you little hussy, I need details stat.” She smirked and winked at me.

  Christ I felt guilty before being judged. The Ariel inquisition was about to begin. “Five-ish . . . I guess. I was so toasted I just fell into bed.” This was true. I left out the part about the person who put me in it.

  “I spoke to Sammy this morning. She said you dropped her off at four.”

  Cue the red burning cheeks brought on by my guilt.

  “Yeah and . . .” I stood up, not really liking Ariel’s examination of timed events. Fuck. I paced to the windows, looking at the skyline, and hoped she would just drop it. “I’m a big girl Ari, I got home fine without you.” I turned and smirked while I spread my hands out and nodded my head in a I’m standing right here kind of way.

  “So you didn’t make any stops on the way?”

  “What the fuck is this, the Spanish inquisition? I made it home safely, now build a bridge and get over it, OK?” I hated to arouse doubt, but that’s exactly what I did by raising my voice an octave beyond normal.

  Arial knew me well enough. She sat back and pulled her lips to one side assessing my mood. I was just as well versed in her moods; right now red flags were going up all over the place. I watched her diagnose me and waited for the penny to drop.

  It didn’t take long. Shit she was good!

  “What happened, Eden? And don’t leave a fucking thing out or so help me I will hold you down and give you the biggest wedgie of your life until you spill.” Her eyes were full of questions. “Did shit happen after you left? Because you are being very vague and jumpy. Not like you at all.” Her words trailing off. Her measured gaze becoming sympathetic, it pulled on my heart strings loosening me up to de-briefing her.

  I was a little afraid, this chick was crazy serious. At the same time I appreciated her waiting for me.

  “We can touch on that topic in a minute. What are we eating with our wine? I have a Pinot Grigio, your favorite.” Ariel sung out the last two words while pointing to the bottle on the coffee table. “I can’t lecture on an empty stomach.”

  Yes food, something that was fatty and full of carbs, was in order. “How about just a pizza? Mickey’s deliver.” I hopped up to get the menu.

  “Tre bien, my little lovely.” Ariel busied herself with the wine while I ordered. How did she manage to look so lively after a big night out? Her hair was a sexy mess and framed her almost makeup-less face. She had thrown on clothes that, I would never think to pair, so eclectic and earthy. Ariel is often in the,’What’s Hot’ weekly fashion magazines and online blogs. Outfits like this were why.

  I was in my shapeless sweatpants, made super comfy with years of use, and an old college T-shirt that an ex-boyfriend had left behind. My hair was piled high on my head in a semi-messy bun. I sighed, vanquishing all thoughts on fashion. It was Sunday; I had the right to sloth around my house.

  I ordered two pizzas, and we resumed our places on the lounge, this time with glasses of wine in hand. I so wanted to take a tentative sip but my stomach was already turning upside down at the notion.

  “Eden, something wrong with the wine? It’s your fave,” she said, her brows crinkled together in concerned suspicion. Hmmp no such luck.

  “I don’t think I can stomach it, Ari, I over-indulged last night.” I could still keep the rest to myself. “It was that last pesky drink I insisted on us drinking. You should have stopped me, what sort of bestie are you?”

  “I’m the type that took the next drink out of your hand after you said last drink. What time did you get home?” Brow creased, she leaned forward studying my face for a crack in my facade. I instinctively leaned back into the lounge.

  The lift buzzed. Lucky me. Saved by the pizza man. My feet moved swiftly as I swiped my purse of the end table and clutched it in shaky hands. I swapped money for pizza, and the delicious smell of Mickey’s double cheese wafted over my face. My stomach growled in hunger. I grabbed some plates and took a
seat again. Ariel eyes flitted in frustration as she waited for me to set the pizza box down.

  “So this is what happened. Don’t talk until I’m done, because I really fucked up.” I poured it all out to her, every sordid detail, from the tattoo shop and Minnie to Mitchell, all the way to him taking me home while I was passed out in his car, and to him sitting in my room watching me, making sure I didn’t choke in my sleep.

  I had never seen Ariel so quiet before. Her jaw was slack and hung open, and her eyes were bugging out like saucers. I hadn’t told her the cincher yet; the kiss was surely going to throw her cool calm over the edge.

  She swallowed wine and blinked, digesting my words. “Are you done yet?”

  “For now.” I wanted to get the reprimand out of the way first.

  “I’m totally in awe. First of all, a fucking tattoo, Eden. What were you thinking? Second, no phone battery . . . ever heard of charging it before you go out, and why would you leave the car?” She ticked her points off her fingers like little bombs of my regret.

  “Hey, technically the driver left me,” I said in defence, hoping for some understanding. I sipped my wine.

  “You are so lucky you made it home alive and unscathed. Of all the crazy things I’ve done, you have certainly one-upped me, Eden.”

  “So lecture over?.” I asked, smiling hopefully.

  “You’re crazy. It ain’t over until the fat lady sings, and I’m not fat.”

  “Funny, that’s what he said,” I murmured.