Tattooed On My Soul

by Lisa DeBells

  “What’s that? He called you fat or crazy?”

  Shit, she’d heard.

  “He called me crazy a-after I kissed him. We had a moment; a real melding. I may have been slightly out of it, but we kissed, and I felt more in that one kiss than all of my exes combined.”

  “Ummmmm OK, so just a kiss then . . .”

  “Yes, I pretty much kicked him out after he asked me about the dream.” I dropped my face into my hands and let the pent-up emotions out. My shoulders shook with the sobs.

  “Yes OK, I kicked him out after I discovered that.” I faltered. “I . . . the nightmares have been coming back.” I loathed them to my core. It was always hard for a few days after one to get the fresh-again images of the accident buried again.

  “Oh Eds.” Ariel came over to me, and hugged my shoulders fiercely to her as if the more she squeezed the further away she could send my memories. I allowed a tear to escape. “Why haven’t you told me?” Her voice was now a gentle coaxing, she rocked me like a mother her child as I fought the lump in my throat.

  “Last night it was so vivid, and he saw it.” I pulled away and turned to her, letting my tears fall freely down my cheeks, wanting to see how she would take the turn of events I was about to share. “I woke up to Mitchell, drawing me out of it, he was so gentle.” Almost as if he’d been in that situation himself. “I was surprised, shocked, scared when the first thing I saw was his face. Until I realised he had brought me home.”

  “Go on, sweetie.” Ariel wrapped her little fingers around my own encouraging me with a nod off her head.

  “But why are you so upset? Why kick him out, honey?”

  “It’s private, Ari, no one has ever seen me like that; vulnerable. For all I know he was probably just feeling sorry for me, or wanted to use it for a quick fuck, to make his sacrifice of taking me home worthwhile.” My voice rose in pitch. “If I didn’t send him out I probably would have followed through. He’s the hottest man I’ve ever laid eyes on, and his kiss was amazing.

  “So he left then?”

  “Left? Ha.” I choked out. “He ran out the door.”

  “Good sign.”

  “He was nothing but a gentleman and I pretty much accused him of being some weirdo that got off on unconscious, helpless women when he could pull anything he wanted with a crook of his little finger.”

  “He’s that hot?”

  “You have no idea. He is breathtaking.”

  “So call him. You know where he works.”

  “Now who’s crazy? I devoured his mouth, then insulted him, Ariel. I’m pretty sure he chalked this one up to his own stupidity for helping me out.”

  “You never know until you try. If you think he’s that good and honourable for taking charge in a shit storm situation, then more fool you for not letting him know. At the very least he deserves an apology.”

  “I knew you would say that.” I stood up releasing some frustration.

  “Think about it, okay? There’s no big rush, but don’t wait too long.” Ariel tapped her brow. “You know. . . I’ve been thinking of getting another tattoo. Know any good artists?” She smirked, and giggled when she saw me rolling my eyes at her.

  “Apparently I do and his name is Mitchell Stone.” I rolled the name slowly over my tongue; even his name was sexy.

  Ariel coughed and spluttered, rather unladylike, into her wine goblet. “The Mitchell Stone?” Her eyelids fluttered as her investigator skills had gone code red.

  “That’s what I said. Do you know him? Oh shit, you’ve fucked him haven’t you?” I sagged into the lounge devastated.

  “Calm your tits woman, no. He’s the best in LA, a tattooing god and a god in the sack, he has a reputation. He owns that shop and some trendy gym thats fairly new in the area.” She stopped, tapping a manicured finger on her glass while I prayed it wasn’t the one I had joined last month, Stone Fit. “Stone Fit, yes that’s it.”

  “Ohhhhh hell.”

  “That’s your gym isn’t it?” Ariel said matter-of-factly. And I nodded mortified at the thought of seeing him there.

  “Yes it is. What do I do, Ari?”

  “Girl, thats all you. I would stay away, he will fuck you over and you are way too good-girl for a man like him.” I was shell-shocked and exhausted. It had been an eventful twenty-four hours. I was happy I had told my best friend; she has helped me wade through so many dramas and this was no different. I nod my head and close my eyes in defeat.

  So right now, I had two choices. I could choose to ignore the whole Mitchell Stone situation, and if I ever saw him again, which I’m sure in this huge town was unlikely, I could pretend I didn’t recognize him. This would mean changing gyms, which really pissed me off, my gym, his gym, had the most up-to-date equipment and I didn’t like the idea of finding another one.

  I could go down the Oh do I know you? route. Realistically, I didn’t have one ounce of acting ability like Ariel; besides, it wasn’t me not to be upfront. It didn’t matter which way I spun it in my mind, I behaved recklessly last night, so I’d call Mitchell and finally put the whole crazy night to bed.

  Relieved at making a decision, my stomach flip-flopped at the thought of speaking to Mitchell again. Yes, over the phone would be fine. I had his number, so I’d call him later tonight.

  There was an apology in order, now I just had to think of the right way to do it.

  “What happened with Romone?” I asked wanting to spread the scrutiny of last night.

  “Ahh.” Ariel waved a bejewelled hand in the air. “We had fun.” She shrugged.

  “You’re a shocker, girl.” I was not surprised that he had spent the night with her, although I didn’t want specific details. I was just happy not to be talking about me.

  “Eden, he was a nice guy, hot as all hell. We are both consenting smart adults. If I want to let him see ‘hello kitty’ I will.”

  “Jesus Christ, Ariel, do you mind not referring to your you-know-what as anything cat related?” I cringed, and held the pillow up to my face. Ariel laughed. She was so small and dainty, her voice belied her size. Her laugh was infectious, so I started to giggle at her forwardness.

  “Sorry, Miss Prim and Proper, I forgot you are celibate these days.” A pillow launched at me and I ducked to the side to miss it.

  “I’m not celibate, Ari, just being extra picky. You know that,” I said.

  “Whats wrong with kissing a few frogs until you find your prince.” Ariel had put it so eloquently. This was true. About twelve hours earlier I’d met a man I would pretty much throw myself at, given a second chance, if all I got was sex. Wham bam, in and out.

  Ariel and I finished the pizza and wine while we watched re-runs of Laverne and Shirley. I awaited darkness to roll around; the deadline to my next move.

  Chapter Nine

  I woke with a jolt, curled up on my lounge in total darkness apart from the white LED lights that threw a dim glow from the kitchen. I had no clue what time it was, but it must be late evening by the dusky-blue sky outside. I swung my legs off the seat and rested my feet on the floor while I woke up completely. Running my hands through my hair, which had come out of its hairclip, it probably looked like an untamed lion’s mane.

  Paper scrunched beneath me as I sat up. I turned my side table lamp on to find Ariel had left me a note. She was so funny and sweet, listening when I needed her, and giving me advice, even when I didn’t agree with her answer I still appreciated her counsel.

  Hope I put you to sleep with my words of wisdom, dear friend? However you decide to handle him, I got your back baby. Ari x

  I took a deep breath to control the nervous jolt that zapped down my belly and hit my aching core at the thought of Mitchell Stone. How could he have this affect on me when I had known him for five minutes? I didn’t know the answer to that, but it felt so good to think about him.

  I needed to clarify this fucked up situation I had evoked, all by throwing myself back into the party scene. My attempt was tame by Sammy and Ariel�
�s standards. However much I needed to prove that I was the old me again, it was not worth pushing myself into over-indulging in alcohol. Although, it did numb me to Anthony and Brandy’s blatant flirt-fest. I think I handled them well.

  Ugh! The thought of speaking to Mitchell made my heart race. I paced over to the windows again, peering out at the moonlit starry sky, and hoping to find some levity to my rampant thoughts. But Mitchell’s attractive face was all I could see; dark and enigmatic as his persona, his face mesmerised me. He was a dark devilish angel; lips so inviting, tempting me to take a bite. Maybe it was because of the vulnerable state I had woken in, but I couldn’t be sure. After the initial shock of him there, looking at me with concern and maybe fear, I felt safe. Secure enough that I let him intoxicate me with his kissable lips. It was a good thing I had the strength to push him away.

  My hand itched at the thought of running my fingertips over his cheek, coarse with stubble. Mitchell was bad boy angel incarnate and I wanted him to do scandalous acts of erotica to my body.

  I massaged my temples, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath to control my rampant thoughts. The sooner I dealt with Mitchell Stone the better.

  I riffled through the clutch I used the previous night. I’d stowed Mitchell’s business card in it. It was like reaching into a limitless pit of purse necessities. Phone that still had no charge to it, money, lip gloss, and finally, eureka, the black business card with red writing and a picture of a spiky dragon. Mitchell’s name emblazoned the card in silver, seeing his name made the whole event real again and hit me like a streak of bright lightening.

  I needed to sit for this. My nerves calmed once I decided that I would make the call. I sat cross-legged on my bed and absently pushed my hair off my face as I punched his number into the landline. It started to ring. My heart speed up a fraction. By the fourth ring I expected a deep husky voice to greet me and prepared by taking a deep breath, then shaking the tension out in my shoulders. Seven rings . . . eight . . . Seriously? Nine . . . ten.

  If it weren’t for the darkness in my room I wouldn’t have seen the bright glow coming from the crack in the lounge opposite me. It was Mitchell’s phone, and it just lit up like a Christmas bauble. Well shit! I groaned. It felt like I’d been punched in the gut, yet at the same time a sizzle of excitement ran up and down my spine. Why was this happening to me, I wasn't supposed to see him again, this wasn't part of the apology plan that I had set out. It was all too hard now.

  The temptation to crawl back into my mussed-up bed called me. To put this day to bed and wake up fresh tomorrow to face the fact that I would undoubtably be seeing Mitchell-sexy-fucking-Stone again. Surely there was no real urgency for a phone on Sundays. Driven by curiosity, I fished the black iPhone out of its little cushioned spot and pressed the main button. It lit up, showing missed calls and a large amount of texts messages.

  I really shouldn’t swipe my thumb across the ‘slide to unlock’ touch pad, morally it was wrong and I didn’t know what it would open up to. Maybe a naked girly picture. He looked to be driven by his good looks and libido. I shouldn’t violate Mitchell’s privacy. I chewed on my lip as I contemplated what to do, my finger hovered over the phone. If I was concerned about a breach of privacy, well surely he had seen me most vulnerable, hence close to private and a breach of his morals.

  Before I could second guess I swiped the screen and plopped down on my bed, my body trembling in excitement. What appeared surprised me; a woman, probably about thirty stood with a much younger, more youthful-looking version of Mitchell. They each shared the same light hair coloring that was highlighted even more by the setting sun at their backs. He had a goofy grin on his face and she, with the same haunting eyes as his, was smiling at the camera as if someone had called for them to smile.

  I grin at the simpleness of the photo. My life was simple, too, when I was that young. How effortless it had been to take each day as it came; do well in school, have parents that loved me, my dog Fifi, who I’d had since I was a toddler. It had become so easy to forget how pure life was until I became an angry teenager that took out my own sadness on society. I was such a bitch back then. Lost in my own heartache and loss, I turned all the resentment of my parents death into severe temper tantrums and general unruliness, even though it wasn’t their fault.

  My poor aunt didn’t have the patience to put up with me. I can’t say I blame her now. Thank God for small miracles like Ariel and her family, or I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. If they didn’t guide me, listen to me when I needed them . . . They never judged, but always knew how to handle my wrath. Eventually I had no choice but to stop hating; there was nothing more for me to despise. With my maturity came acceptance of the accident, and the guilt, when I lived and my parents did not. The worst thing was not physically being able to carry a child myself. The accident had damaged me. I was told as a young adult that it was likely that I wouldn’t be able to conceive.

  Jesus Christ, why was this coming out now? Could it have been my nightmare? I dragged myself into the bathroom and stood in front of the basin mirror. My usually bright-blue eyes were rimmed with dark circles. This had everything to do with the normal eight hours sleep I usually got with the exception of last night.

  My skin was pale. Maybe I should get a spray tan this week. I always looked better with some color. I stripped off my clothes and turned on the shower. The steam and heat of the water hitting my back was like a massage. Just what I needed to unwind, relax, and get ready for the working week ahead. I had several meetings with potential distributors; my head needed to be in the game, not dancing.

  I dried off with my towel that had been warmed by a heated towel rail. Ah, the small luxuries. I wrapped a smaller one turban-style around my wet hair, and pulled on my silk robe. All I needed now was a cup of herbal tea and sleep.

  I made my tea, and took it to the lounge. I could afford ten minutes out here just looking into the abyss of night, and playing on my iPad, checking email and my social media sites. The ringing of my phone caused me to jump and almost spill the scalding tea I held to my lips.

  “Shit.” Who could be here at this time? Normally it would be Ariel, but she had a key to my apartment and had already been here today, so it couldn’t be her. I padded to the receiver and answered.

  “Yes.” I say annoyed.

  “Ms. White, it’s Bernie. You have a Mr. Stone here, says he left something at your place.” I didn’t hear anything after Stone. Oh he left something alright; not just his cell, but the deep ache of my libido. Fuck. My heart rate sky rocketed in my chest. Mitchell was standing in the foyer of my building.

  “Ms. White? I can tell him to come back tomorrow,” he said quietly, as if Mitchell was in close range to him.

  Wouldn’t that be easy for me? I could just leave it at the counter for him to pick up in the morning.

  “Great idea Bernie, goodnight.” I took the coward’s way out, wondering if Mitchell would take it and walk away. Was I being a tad difficult? Mitchell had gone out of his way; obviously he knew his cell was here and needed it. That was the only reason he was here right? Not to check up on you, or seduce you with those lips and hands again, my inner angel corrected any sexual thought process I may have been experiencing.

  “Bern, wait.” Indecision loomed.

  “Yes, Ms. White.”

  “Let him up.” Decision made.

  “As you wish.” And with that, we hung up. I raced like a marathon runner to fetch his cell from my bed and make it back so that he didn’t have to stay for longer than the lift door opening and closing. I’d hand him the phone and Mitchell wouldn’t need to step foot in my apartment. Yes, great plan.

  I made it back to the foyer as the lift doors pinged open. My breath was heavy from my run. I tugged my thin, silk, robe tighter around my body as if it could protect me from how vulnerable I felt right now. I double knotted the sash and rolled my shoulders back to gain momentum at seeing him again.

  When I saw him, I almost melted
to the floor. His piercing green eyes slammed straight to my very soul, deeper than anyone before him had. Had I even had a soul before that? I watched his eyes as he stepped out of the lift and into the foyer. There was a purpose to him being here, but fuck me if I cared what it was. The longer I regarded his eyes, the more they changed from soft and considerate to a little standoffish and contrite, as if he needed to lift his guard and make sure he was the dominant person in the room.

  “Hey, you’re looking a lot better than earlier.” His jagged sexy voice cut through me and reached straight down to my sex, shaking life back into it. The rough vibration flew straight past the butterflies, blew through the anxious nerves in my belly, and tugged my libido, causing it to ripple at his voice. I watched his eyes make their lazy perusal from my face, down to my feet and then back to my eyes. Did he have no shame? Because he was just blatantly checking me out! It was so hot. I stopped short at fanning my face with my hand.

  I folded my arms across my chest, trying to hide the girls from his gaze.

  “I feel better, thanks.” How ridiculous; that’s all I could muster. He must have thought I was so stupid, firstly because of the way he’d brought me home, unconscious, and now because I couldn’t formulate more than four words. His presence made me nervous as all hell. I took a deep, fortifying breath. I wasn’t that vacuous dimwitted woman who got caught up in a man’s good looks, but for some reason he shook my confidence. I mentally slapped myself for being so dull-witted.

  “I left my cell here. It’s like my right hand. I would have turned up earlier buy figured you would need the rest.” He mirrored my stance, his thick arms folded at his chest. Tattoos circled one of his arms to just past his elbow. It was as sexy as hell and made me want to ask what it was, but I refrained. Better keep it business. This bad boy was messing with my head.

  “I tried to call you tonight and found it glowing in my room.” I unfolded my arms and held out the black cell. A smile played on my lips as he hesitated for a moment. Maybe I did have some affect on this dark horse.