The Believer (The Shakers 2)

by Ann H. Gabhart

  "I do. Such peace is a gift:" Brother Issachar turned his eyes to study Ethan's face. "But I see that it's not peace you are feeling at this time. Perhaps that's why the river pulls at you:"

  "I have many questions;" Ethan admitted.

  "There's no sin in questions:"

  "I'm not sure Brother Martin would tell me the same. He says a Believer has the true answers before questions are asked. Answers from the Bible and from the writings of Mother Ann. That a true Believer only has the need to be obedient"

  Brother Issachar smiled and shook his head a little before he turned his eyes to the distant shore as if looking for answers there among the trees. "I wouldn't fain to argue spiritual answers with our Brother Martin. He has more of a gift for study of those truths than I. I can only know what I have in my own heart and mind:"

  "But isn't that the same as what every Believer would have? Don't we all sign the same Covenant of Belief?"

  "Yea, so we do. But even as man is the same in many ways, in many other ways he is different. Think of the disparate gifts we are given. Gifts of spirit. Gifts of labor. Gifts of invention and design. Too many types of gifts to name but all can be useful. It brings to my mind the Bible teachings where the apostle Paul says a hand cannot do the job of an eye nor an eye the job of the hand. Each part is necessary for the whole'

  "That it is among the Believers," Ethan said. "Each person necessary to work. Each doing his part to make the whole better"

  "Yea. It's not a bad way." Brother Issachar put his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "But it's not one the world understands. There will be those who ridicule us and attempt to cause us trouble when we get to New Orleans:" He frowned a little. "You'll see things you cannot imagine. Women with no proper modesty calling out to you with wrong motives. Men ready to kill you for the money they think you carry. You must stay alert and cautious"

  "My father would be such a man. Do you think he might still be alive?"

  "What's it been?" Brother Issachar looked to be figuring a problem in his head. "Fifteen, sixteen years since you came to us? That isn't so long in the lifetime of a man, but a man such as you say he was could have lost his life in any number of ways since then:" The lines around Brother Issachar's eyes deepened with concern. "Is he what troubles you?"

  "Nay, not so much. I suppose the river brought him to mind. He boasted to the men with him that he would turn me into a river man like him:" Ethan hadn't thought much about that night on the raft floating downriver with his father for a long time, but here on the river the memory was as clear as if it had happened yesterday.

  "Do you remember how he looked?"

  "Yea. I remember." Ethan's hands tightened on the railing at the thought of his father's eyes on him.

  Brother Issachar's voice was mild. "Then it could be you might recognize him in the unlikely event we run into him, but I can almost assure you, he would never recognize you:' Brother Issachar stared at Ethan a moment. "Even if there should happen to be some resemblance in your looks. First, he will have thought you dead these many years, swallowed up by the river. Second, even if he imagined you could have made it to shore, he'd never imagine you a Shaker." Brother Issachar squeezed Ethan's shoulder and smiled at him. "I've been with you to see you through the years, and I can barely put the half-drowned, frightened boy I found on the river bank with the strong young man standing before me today. I'm proud of the man you've become"

  Brother Issachar held up his hand to stop Ethan's next question before he could put it into words and added, `And it is not being prideful to think such about you. The Eternal Father told Jesus the same after he received John the Baptist's baptism:'

  "But his peace was never so disturbed by questions;' Ethan said.

  "There you are surely wrong, my brother. Think of his prayer in the garden"

  "Yea, I remember the Scripture. He prayed until his beads of sweat turned to blood. Like our own Mother Ann when she was praying on the ship coming over to America"

  "Yea, so it is said"

  "And the Eternal Father sent them answers;' Ethan said. "I pray but I find no answers and no peace from the questions"

  "It will not always be thus. Trust me:" Brother Issachar smiled again. "You will find answers. The right answers for you.

  "But how will I know if they are true answers?"

  "For the kinds of questions you are asking, the true answers are the only ones you can live with" He turned to walk away, but then he turned back to Ethan. "Of one thing you can be sure, I'll always be proud of you no matter what path your feet decide to walk"

  After Brother Issachar walked away down the deck, Ethan turned to stare back down at the river. The muddy water continued to roll under the boat carrying them along.

  The first fire was in the Carpenters' Shop the week after Payton began working there. The brother assigned to help Payton learn the Shaker way was kind of heart like Issachar and had urged the Ministry to let Payton work with wood. Payton told Elizabeth that Brother Micah had such a way of explaining things that it was easy to see the truth in his words.

  Elizabeth had happened to meet Payton on the walkway between the buildings when she had been returning from the outhouse before the Shakers' Monday night social time. It was the night Elizabeth most looked forward to, for Elder Joseph read from newspapers of the world as well as the letters reporting the progress of other Shaker societies across the country.

  Elizabeth hungered after stories of the world outside the village. News of government issues or the events of cities near and far kept her from feeling so isolated. It was odd how much more cut off from life she felt among the Shakers where she was surrounded by people night and day than she had at the remote cabin in the woods. But here the people around her kept trying to force her mind into a narrow room of approved Shaker thinking with no window out to the world. At the cabin she'd had dozens of windows to the world in the books stacked on every table and shelf. Her father often traded his services for books instead of money. Books of fancy. Books of learning. Books that carried her off to other lands.

  Here she was only allowed to read Scripture and Shaker writings. Sister Melva told her that Believers must stay focused on the Shaker way and doing things useful to the growth of the spirit. Made-up stories and even history books had little useful purpose.

  Sister Melva had made a sweeping-away motion with her hands as she spoke. "A Shaker sister needs to concentrate on her duties and not worry about past events. We have no need to know what has been in the world. We are not of that world. We only need to know what will be in our Shaker communities, and Mother Ann reveals that to those of the Ministry in her good time:"

  "But what about the newspapers? Could we not read them ourselves instead of having Elder Joseph read to us from them?" Elizabeth wanted the words in front of her eyes and not just in her ears.

  "Nay, we might be bothered by some of the stories from the world. The elders and eldresses judge what we need to know and what we do not," Sister Melva said flatly with a look that plainly said the topic wasn't open for discussion. Little in the Shaker community was. The Ministry made the rules. The Ministry knew what was best for those in the Society.

  So the fences closed in around Elizabeth until at times she felt more a captive than a novitiate who'd come willingly, even eagerly, to the village in search of shelter. Each morning when she rose at the sound of the rising bell to go about her duties, she knelt by her narrow bed and said the required morning prayer. At least the prayers were silent so she could pray as she wished.

  She prayed for Hannah and Payton. She prayed for the brothers and sisters in the village. Sometimes she even prayed for Aristotle as she longed to feel his cold nose pushing at her hand in search of a kind word and a petting. And she prayed that she would be able to listen with an open mind to the Shaker teachings Sister Melva and Sister Ruth kept pushing at her and put aside her inclination to doubt the truth of much of what they told her she must believe.

  Her father had believed in an
individual's right to pursue happiness. He had told her many times their country had been established on that foundation. He claimed freedom was the greatest gift any one person could have.

  "But what about love?" Elizabeth had asked him. "Is that not the greatest gift?"

  "Without doubt, the love of your mother for me was the greatest gift I could ever hope to receive here in this world, and from that love came each of you in turn until I wondered how my heart could hold more love. But it always did:" He had smiled at her with the tinge of sadness that was always there when he spoke of her mother. `Ah, but you see, my dear child, if you have freedom, you can seek love where you will and with the Lord's blessings:'

  The Shakers spoke a great deal about the gift of love. The love for Mother Ann and the Eternal Father. The love for the brethren and sisters that was to be an all-encompassing love with no special attachments allowed between any two individuals. But the love her father had spoken of, the love between a man and a woman, was considered a dreadful sin that took much laboring and prayer to overcome. So the feeling that took Elizabeth's breath when she looked at the young brother was something to be stomped away in special dances that kept such sin from their village.

  But it wasn't stomped from Elizabeth's heart even when she went through the motions of the dances Sister Melva was teaching her. Not that she ever spoke to Sister Melva of how her thoughts raced after Ethan. Sister Melva would not forgive such confession nor understand how the simple touch of Ethan's hand had made Elizabeth's head spin. So each time the young man's face sneaked into her mind, she didn't let herself dwell on the blue of his eyes. She didn't let herself imagine how his lips might have felt against hers if Hannah hadn't yelled to pull them both back to their senses that day on the cliff. Instead she concentrated on paring the thinnest peeling off the potatoes for the pot or on kneading the bread into perfect loaves for rising.

  Even so, Ethan lingered in the shadows of her mind waiting for an unguarded moment to come back into her thoughts. She simply could not seem to wipe him from her mind any more than she could forget her ties to Hannah and Payton. Not only was she their sister, she had cared for them like a mother for years. Elizabeth could not fathom how the Shakers expected a person to just shrug all that aside and never think of such again, no matter what rules the Ministry came up with.

  Sister Melva said the elders and eldresses assigned to the Ministry spent their time continually in prayer and studying Scripture and Mother Ann's precepts so they could better lead the Society. The Shakers considered them only a bit below Mother Ann herself since they'd been chosen to continue her teachings. Their rules were sacrosanct.

  A Shaker had little of the freedom Elizabeth's father had so cherished. One kept a simple mind and did the bidding of the elders and eldresses. Elizabeth told herself she could live the Shaker way day by day without embracing all their beliefs. She could strive to appease Sister Melva and Sister Ruth by owning up to a few small wrongs when they demanded she confess her every sin in order to receive salvation. She could bend her will to the rules of the Society. She could abide the fences by remembering that the fences not only kept her confined with the Shaker brethren and sisters, but they also helped keep the world out. And she did not want to go beyond the safety of the fences. Those very fences were keeping Colton Linley away.

  Two of the elders had gone to see the sheriff in the nearby town after the men with Colton had done damage to the Gathering Family house. The sheriff had come to the village and questioned the sisters with members of the Ministry in attendance. Once he was satisfied that no girls were being held against their will, he promised to see that the men gave them no more trouble.

  The Shaker leaders didn't hold Elizabeth to blame for Colton's intrusion, although Sister Ruth's hawklike eyes watched her more intently, as if expecting Elizabeth to bring the community of Believers even more trouble. Trouble she was definitely not worth.

  Elizabeth had no desire to cause the Shakers trouble. She had good intentions of being humble and obedient, but when Elizabeth saw Payton on the pathway, she gave in to the impulse to put out her hand to stop him. Night had fallen, but the moon gave light to the paths. He seemed reluctant at first to heed her touch as he glanced over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching. Stopping to engage in conversation as one walked toward this or that duty was contrary to the Shaker rules, but then his face changed as he smiled at her. He didn't resist as she pulled him off the path into the shadows next to one of the buildings.

  He looked so different in his Shaker hat and clothes as she must as well in her cap and apron, but he sounded like the Payton she knew when he said, "Elizabeth, you were right to insist we come here. I'm sorry for arguing against it" Back at the cabin, he had always been quick to disagree with her, but just as quick to apologize if he was shown to be in the wrong.

  "You couldn't know how it would be. You were only worried" She was grateful he didn't call her Sister Elizabeth even though he surely had more reason to address her thus than any of the many others who did so every day. Elizabeth kept her hand on his arm, not to hold him there, but just to have the connection with him. A connection she missed so sorely here among the Shakers.

  "Yea, I was being mule-headed. But we couldn't have found a better place. More food than even I can eat, and the houses.. " His voice took on a sound of wonder. "I know Father told us of them after his visit here last year, but who could have imagined the likes of these? Built solid with nary a crack to let in the winter winds. And the stones for the Centre Family dwelling. I wish I could have been here to see them cut and put in place, but Brother Micah says they'll be building more soon. He says I can learn about raising roofs and laying stone. That I'm a fast learner and that's a gift. A gift that will serve me well here among them'

  Elizabeth peered at him. Even in the shadows she could see the excited gleam in his eyes. "So you are satisfied here? Even with their teachings and rules?"

  "The rules aren't so bad. They just expect you to work. I don't mind working. And Brother Micah says I can make a chair from start to finish as soon as I learn some more about the tools they use. He has a way of telling me things that's almost like listening to Father. Not that Father knew that much about carving, but he sometimes helped me see things in the wood that I didn't at first see:"

  "But they won't always let you work with the wood" Elizabeth couldn't keep from trying to temper his enthusiasm. "And you won't be able to carve something just for the beauty of it"

  I know that, but I can see now that the beauty of anything I make is in its usefulness. Brother Micah explained that right away and also how each brother has to do his turn with duties that aren't as pleasant. That's the only fair way, don't you think?"

  "I don't know what to think. Perhaps I need Brother Micah to explain things to me" When Elizabeth heard the sour sound of her voice, she felt ashamed. It was wrong of her to spoil the peace Payton was finding here in the village. So she squeezed his arm gently and hurried to add, "But I am glad you're getting along well, Payton"

  He was quiet for a moment before he said, "When they give you a work duty with the plants and herbs, you might like it better"

  "Don't be concerned about me. I'm willing to work any duty," she said quickly. "In exchange for my keep. As you say, that is only fair"

  "It's more than our keep. They wish us to join with them. To follow the Shaker way and receive salvation" He sounded almost as if he were speaking the words in rote.

  Her hand tightened on his arm even though he made no move to leave. "So they do, but I've yet to be able to accept their teachings as the only truth as to that"

  Payton again glanced over his shoulder as if he feared someone might overhear her words of doubt. "They don't like for you to question their truths," he said in almost a whisper. "But it doesn't seem all that much different from what Father read to us out of the Bible on Sunday mornings at the cabin"

  "What of their Mother Ann?" Elizabeth asked with a frown. "They think of her as
the second appearing. The daughter of God. Where does it speak of that in the Bible?"

  "You can't see everything in the Scripture. Brother Micah says you have to read Mother Ann's writings too. Then you'll understand she was a woman like no other and that the Creator God blessed her with many gifts of the spirit:"

  "I think your Brother Micah is turning you into a preacher." Elizabeth smiled a little to hide her concern. She had not brought Payton into the Shakers to lose him, only to see that he was fed.

  He ducked his head as if she were chastising him before he mumbled, "I'm only trying to understand their ways."

  'As we should;' she said softly to take the sting out of her earlier words. "But there are many things I have a hard time accepting. They believe so differently from the rest of the world:"

  He looked back up at her. "Oh, you mean like how they don't believe in marrying. That's different for sure. And the dancing in their meetings seemed pretty odd to me at first, but I'm getting used to it even if I'm not too good at it yet. But I'm learning. At least the regular back and forth steps. Brother Micah says everyone doesn't have to have a whirling gift. That there are many gifts, and I may be gifted by the spirit in some other way that I can't even imagine now:'

  He stopped as if he sensed Elizabeth's doubting spirit. When she stayed silent, he went on in a faltering tone. "But I mean I don't guess you have to believe it all right away. As long as you stick to the rules and don't cause trouble:"

  "I suppose I've already caused them some trouble as you know from my confession at meeting. But I had to go after Hannah:" Elizabeth didn't know why she was explaining to Payton. He should understand if no one else did that Hannah was not the ordinary child. "Hannah isn't happy."

  I have seen that. She's tried to talk to me at meetings, but the sister in charge of her won't allow it. That's probably for the best. In time she'll settle in and be all right:' Again he sounded as if he was repeating words he'd been told.