The Believer (The Shakers 2)

by Ann H. Gabhart

  "She told me to so tell you:" As she passed by him, Ethan remembered how her brown hair had blown in wisps across her face the day he and Brother Issachar had come across her on the road, and he had the sudden desire to pull off her cap and free her hair to fall down around her shoulders. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets to keep them from the sin of reaching out to stop her. His tongue was not as easily controlled as he tried to delay her leaving by asking, "Did Brother Issachar say something to upset you?"

  It worked. She hesitated as she passed him. "Nay, not really. He was sharing advice with me as I struggle to follow the Shaker way"

  `And what was that advice?" When she looked reluctant to tell him, he hurried on. "Nay, I shouldn't have asked that. You need not answer"

  "I can:' She lifted her head and looked straight at him. A flash like the charge in a lightning bolt shot between them. "He told me to trust the Lord and follow my heart:"

  "Follow your heart;' Ethan echoed. He looked at her a moment before he said, "And do you know where your heart wants to lead you, Elizabeth?"

  She slipped her eyes away from his. "Not all pathways are open." She snatched her cloak from the peg by the door and almost ran from the room.

  He stared after her until he heard the outer door open and close. He shut his eyes and pulled in a shaky breath. He had to gain control of these worldly urges. He couldn't let his feelings keep catapulting him into sin. He opened his eyes and turned back toward the bed where Brother Issachar sat propped up by several pillows. He was watching Ethan. Not with condemnation, but with his old kindness and something else. Something Ethan didn't quite recognize. A sorrowful longing perhaps for something lost, never to be found again.

  Brother Issachar held out a hand toward him. It trembled, but he kept it out, reaching toward Ethan. "Come, sit with me." His voice sounded weak and hoarse as he spoke not much above a whisper. "There are words I need to speak to you while there is yet time"

  Ethan took a chair down from the pegs and set it beside the bed. "It's good to see you better;" he said as he sat down.

  "Nay." Brother Issachar closed his eyes and let his head fall back on the pillows for a moment. "Not better."

  Ethan wanted to argue against his words, but the truth was on Brother Issachar's face. His cheekbones practically protruded from his skin as his fight to live had used up every ounce of extra flesh. So Ethan stiffened his spirit and put his hand over Brother Issachar's as he waited silently for him to go on.

  "The Eternal Father has given me this gift. Allowed me this moment of clarity to say goodbye. A precious gift:" Brother Issachar opened his eyes and looked at Ethan. "Just as you have always been to me. I said when I found you on the riverbank that you would be a gift to the Shakers, but the gift was really to me. You are the son the Lord knew I needed. He supplies our needs. Always"

  `And now you're paying for that gift with your life:' Ethan couldn't keep the despair from his voice.

  "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." Brother Issachar turned his hand over to clutch Ethan's. "I am glad to be the one taken and not you. I've had a good life here at Harmony Hill. I'm ready to step over the divide, but you are not'

  "If not for my sin, we would both have many more years here" Sorrow threatened to overwhelm him as he spoke and tears pushed at his eyes.

  "Perhaps. Perhaps not. Another misfortune might have overtaken us:" Brother Issachar pushed his tongue out in an attempt to moisten his lips. He motioned toward the glass of water on the table. "Let me wet my mouth:"

  Ethan stood and put the glass to Brother Issachar's lips to help him drink. He held the water in his mouth for a long moment before he swallowed as if he had to force it down his throat. His face grew paler even though Ethan had not thought that possible.

  When Ethan stayed standing beside him, Brother Issachar smiled the barest bit and said, "Sit. My spirit lingers yet a little longer, and even if it did not want to do so, you couldn't hold it here by hovering over me"

  "I will miss you:"

  "Yea, that is so" Brother Issachar's voice seemed weaker. He was silent for a moment as if gathering his energy. His next words carried more force. "You must not sorrow over much for me. Nor must you carry guilt. What has happened has happened. Each hardship helps us grow in the spirit:"

  "Yea, Mother Ann's teachings remind us that is so:"

  "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God'

  "That's Scripture;' Ethan said.

  "Yea. Words to remember, and not only for Shakers, but for all men and women"

  "But the Shaker way, our way, that is the true way?" Ethan made it a question.

  "You want an answer, but some answers we must seek for ourselves" Brother Issachar motioned toward the water again and this time only let it moisten his lips without taking a sip. He closed his eyes and lay back on the pillows.

  He was quiet so long Ethan didn't think he was going to say more, but then he began speaking as if he were reading from the Bible. "There is therefore now no condemnation. If our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God:" He opened his eyes and looked at Ethan for a long moment before he went on. "Hold that truth:"

  "But what am Ito do with it?"

  "I tell you the same as I told the young sister. Follow your heart. It will not lead you wrong"

  "Such thoughts as I've been having in my heart have led many to do wrong," Ethan protested.

  "The love between a man and woman is not sinful." Brother Issachar's eyes burned into Ethan's. "I know for I have known such love. It too is a gift from the Lord the same as the gifts we know here among the Believers'

  `Are you saying I should break the covenant I have made with the Believers?" Ethan could hardly believe his ears.

  "Nay, I would not tell you that. I merely tell you to follow your heart. And then whatever you do, there will be no regrets. That is truly the gift to be prized over all others. To look at death and have no regrets"

  `And can you do that, Brother Issachar?"

  Again the corners of his lips lifted in a smile that this time lingered on his face. "Only because of the little child who washed up on the riverbank that day sixteen years ago. The good Lord's gift to me:" He reached for Ethan's hand. His fingers were cold. "Now dwell with me in the richness of silence as I rest, my son. My gift"

  Brother Issachar passed over the divide into eternity in the wee hours of the morning on the first day of spring. Elizabeth was with him. She and Sister Lettie and Ethan had been taking turns sitting with him day and night, for there had been no doubt his end was near. They felt the need to be there to hold his hand as he crossed over.

  Watching his suffering had been a painful repeat of her watch over her father, but her father's death had surprised her. She hadn't thought it possible for a man in such prime of health to depart so quickly. Even if he was poisoned by a mushroom or something else he ate as Sister Lettie said must have happened. In contrast, Issachar lingered so long after they could no longer get him to take any nourishment or even water that the only surprise was in how long he continued to draw breath.

  That night as the calendar turned to spring, Elizabeth sang songs and spoke to him of everyday things as though he might yet be able to hear her voice although it had been days since he'd shown any sign of knowing them. He didn't even call out to his Eva anymore. He seemed only a shell of himself lying on the narrow bed as if his spirit had gone on without first convincing his body to surrender to death.

  Shortly after midnight when she heard the death rattle in his chest, she hurried to wake Sister Lettie who was sleeping in a room nearby. Sister Lettie woke Elder Joseph who fetched Ethan to stand by Brother Issachar in the final hour.

  Elizabeth surrendered her place by the bed with one last squeeze of Issachar's cold fingers. Ethan stepped past her to take her spot with such a look of misery on his face that Elizabeth's heart ached for him. She wanted to lay her hand on him in sympathy, but she felt Elder Joseph's eyes upon her. St
ill, it seemed to double the pain to have to stand apart in their grief.

  Despite how she kept her face downturned, the elder saw the tears on Elizabeth's cheeks. "Weep not for him, Sister. Death has no sting for our brother. His faithful following of the truth will be rewarded in the eternal life even as it was here at Harmony Hill"

  Elizabeth swallowed her tears and pulled her handkerchief out of her pocket to wipe her eyes. "Forgive my weakness, Elder Joseph," she murmured softly. "I have grown fond of Brother Issachar"

  'As are we all," he went on with gentleness, but she caught a tone of reproof in his voice. "But we must remember that our relationships here, no matter how genial and pleasant, pale next to the greater love we must show our Father and Mother in heaven"

  "Yea:" She thought it best to say as few words as possible. Plus the tears were balling up behind her eyes. She needed to escape the elder's attention so she could allow a few of them to leak out. Else she feared they might burst through in sobs she would not be able to control.

  "Once we know that greater love, then we can love all our brethren and sisters the same with no special feeling for one over another."

  Elder Joseph was speaking toward Elizabeth, but she had the feeling his words were no longer for her ears, but for Ethan's. There could be no doubt that Ethan had a stronger attachment to Issachar than he did for others in the village. His grief was almost palpable in the air. His discipline as a Believer was being sorely tested under the stern eye of Elder Joseph.

  There was reason for Ethan's great sorrow. It was said the man who stabbed Issachar without provocation on the streets of New Orleans was Ethan's father in the world. There could be no doubt it was without provocation, for Issachar would have never done anything to provoke such a violent act. It was not in his nature. The evil dwelled within the other man. Within Ethan's father. Elizabeth didn't know how this man had found Ethan and Issachar or why, but it was obvious Ethan blamed himself. His guilt crushed down on him like a heavy boulder.

  Elizabeth said a silent prayer for him as she moved to stand a bit behind Sister Lettie in case she needed anything. But there was nothing more to do. Nothing to do but wait. When before the break of the day Issachar finally released his last ragged breath and became still, it was almost a relief.

  Sister Lettie put her ear to his chest. "He is gone;' she said as she straightened up. She mashed her lips together as she stared down at Issachar for a moment before pulling the cover up over his face.

  Elder Joseph nodded. "Then it is done. We have seen him over." He looked toward the window. "Morning tarries. Come, Brother Ethan, there is time yet for resting before the rising bell sounds:" He moved away from the bed toward the door, but Ethan didn't follow him or even seem to hear his words. He was staring at Issachar's shape under the cover as if he thought he could yet call him back.

  "Brother Ethan:" Elder Joseph's voice demanded a response and Ethan looked up. The elder's voice softened. "Come, brother. We must let the sisters prepare our brother's body."

  The stricken look on Ethan's face pierced Elizabeth's heart and she forgot for a moment to keep her eyes modestly lowered. Sister Lettie nudged her and spoke in a low voice. "We need hot water to prepare our brother's body."

  "Yea" Elizabeth tore her eyes from Ethan's face and looked down quickly. It would not do for the elder to see how her heart ran after the young brother. "I will get what is needed;" she murmured.

  "We leave such preparations in your expert hands, Sister Lettie," Elder Joseph said as Ethan finally stepped away from the bed to follow the elder out of the room. "At first light I will assign brethren to commence digging a grave and building the box to hold our brother's earthly remains. We will commit him to the ground before the evening meal. That way the planting will not be unduly interrupted. Brother Issachar would want us to continue in our duties:"

  The sun was sinking low in the west when they carried Issachar's body out to the graveyard. It was a peaceful place with a large oak tree lending it shade. A good gathering of Believers had come out to say good-bye to their brother. Sister Adele began singing the funeral hymn. Elizabeth didn't even pretend to sing along as some of the others around the grave joined their voices with Sister Adele's.

  As the last words of the song died away, a few of the brethren and sisters spoke of this or that kindness Brother Issachar had done for them. Elizabeth kept the words she wanted to speak in her heart. She dared not say them aloud. Ethan must have felt the same, for though many eyes went to him as the others spoke of Issachar, he kept his eyes on the box they had lowered into the grave and remained silent.

  Elizabeth's eyes came up in surprise when Payton stepped forward to speak. As he told of Issachar finding him on the road and bringing him into the village, he never once mentioned the sisters who had come into the village with him. It was as if he had come alone, as if she had not had to force him along the road to the Shaker village. And she wanted to reach across the grave to where the brethren were assembled and grab him. She wanted to shake him until he looked at her, really looked at her, instead of skimming his eyes across her face as if he did not even recognize her as his sister. She wanted to ask how he could so quickly forget their father, their family.

  "My spirit was often troubled in the world. I let anger pull me into sin" He stared down into the grave. His voice cracked and then deepened as he went on. A new Payton. A changed Payton. Not the Payton who liked to stand ankle deep in a creek and catch crawdads. Not the Payton who leaned on her and trusted her to take care of him. "But I have turned from that sin, away from the temptations of the world, and know the peace Brother Issachar had"

  At last he lifted his eyes from the grave and looked directly at Elizabeth as she had wished, but now it was she who no longer recognized her brother. She had lost him to the Shakers and who did she have to blame except herself? She had brought him here. She heard the echo of Sister Lettie's words in her head. Be glad for your brother. In time perhaps she would be able to find that gladness, but at this moment it seemed to be only a double sadness to know the finality of the loss of Issachar to death and Payton to the Society of Believers on the same day.

  Elder Joseph picked up the first handful of dirt to drop into the grave. It scattered on the top of the wooden coffin. On opposite sides of the grave, the brethren and sisters followed after him to do the same. All at once the solemnity of the final goodbye was disturbed by a shout from back toward the West Family House. A shout Elizabeth recognized. She jerked around to see Hannah streaking down the road toward the graveyard with Sister Nola trailing far behind in pursuit. "Elizabeth!"

  Without thought of the consequences or even a glance at the others gathered there, Elizabeth went to meet her. Hannah barely slowed as she came through the gateway of the cemetery and slammed against Elizabeth almost bowling her over.

  "Elizabeth" Hannah pushed every inch of her body against Elizabeth and looked up at her with a tearstained face. "It can't be true. It's not true. Is it?"

  There was such despair in Hannah's face that Elizabeth wanted nothing more than to pull her close and hold her forever. "What can't be true?" she asked with some dread. She wasn't sure she could bear another disaster.

  "Brother Issachar. Sister Nola said he died, but he can't have died:" Hannah's eyes strayed away from Elizabeth's face toward the open grave. "Not like our father."

  Elizabeth let out a sigh. She tucked a stray strand of Hannah's hair back under her cap even as she wanted to yank off the cap and let Hannah's hair spring up under her fingers. "I'm afraid it is true. Brother Issachar died early this morning"

  "But why, Elizabeth? He was so nice. He always smiled at me and didn't look at me like he was afraid I was going to sprout horns the way the rest of these people do:"

  "Now, Hannah, not everybody;" Elizabeth said softly as she pulled Hannah off to the side. Even as she tried to deny Hannah's words, she felt the others eyeing them with intense disapproval as they walked past them out of the graveyard. She avoided loo
king toward them while cringing in expectation of Elder Joseph's voice taking them to task for their uncontrolled behavior. "What about Sister Nola?"

  A look of guilt flashed over Hannah's face. "I ran away from her. I shouldn't have done that, I know."

  "Sister Nola cannot run after you:" Elizabeth looked down the road. Sister Nola had stopped and was leaning against a tree to catch her breath.

  "But she wouldn't let me come to the burying. She said I was too young. I told her I had helped bury my own father. That I knew what death looked like:" Hannah sniffed and leaned her head against Elizabeth. "But I didn't want Brother Issachar to die:"

  "I know." Elizabeth stroked Hannah's back. "Nor did I."

  "Why does everybody I love have to die?" Hannah's words were muffled as she spoke them against the scarf lapped down over Elizabeth's waist.

  Elizabeth searched her mind for some answer that might offer the child comfort, but found no words. All she could do was hold her and hurt along with her as she kept stroking Hannah's back. The silence around them was broken by the sound of the brethren shoveling the dirt back into the grave. The sound echoed in her head as she remembered how she and Payton with Colton Linley's help had piled the dirt in on top of her father. She tightened her arms around Hannah and shut her eyes and wished she were somewhere else. Anywhere but in a graveyard with no way to explain death to a child.

  She looked around to see if perhaps Payton had lingered to steal a moment with them, but he was gone. She spotted him walking back toward the West Family buildings. She wondered if Payton had walked by with no concern for his little sister's pain. While she watched, he did not look back.

  Nearly everyone had left the graveyard to be ready for the evening meal. The only ones who remained besides the brethren who were filling in the grave were Ethan, Brother Martin, Elder Joseph, and Sister Lettie. Ethan stared down at the grave so deep in his grief that he had not even noticed Hannah's commotion. The same couldn't be said about the other two men. Brother Martin glowered at Elizabeth and Hannah as if he thought them a blasphemy to the graveyard.