by Hart, Eve R.
“I bet that is amazing.” I was practically drooling thinking about it. Yeah, I wish I had a slice right now, still warm out of the oven and all. “Do you visit them often?”
“No,” he said with a sad sigh. “Not as much as I should.”
That felt strange to me, the three of them always seemed so close. Even the way he talked now, I imagined that they all still had a big part in each other’s lives.
“You hate lying to them?” It was really more of a statement.
“Yeah.” His sadness was so raw right now. Without thinking, I wrapped my arm tighter around him. “You want to fill me in on how you got to Ray Ramos? I know you were with the Steel Paragons Motorcycle Club for a while.”
“You know about the club? How?” I asked surprised as I tilted my head to look up at his face.
“Yeah, big shock to me, too. I found out after you left. I actually know Nadya really well.”
“Wait.” I shook my head and leaned up on my arm. “You. You were the one that trained her, weren’t you? She never really talked about it but a few times I overheard her mention a mentor, no name. She’s not exactly big on the whole talking thing.”
Thinking of her made me think of the club. Nadya wasn’t really close with anyone, let alone with me. She was one of those people that came off as cold and deadly. Emotionless. But she made Tank, one of the officers of the club, happy and she seemed to really care about his son as well. So that was all that really mattered.
I smiled thinking about them all. I missed them but in a way, I was glad I left. After all, I might not have ended up here. Somehow being here with Silas felt right. Like he was meant to be in my life.
“That would be me,” he told me with a tiny sigh. “Might not be another of my finest choices. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I think… I think that I was trying too hard to find you that I just needed someone to save. I found her on the streets and before I knew it, I was taking her with me. I didn’t have much to show anyone, especially not back then. I lost myself for a long time there.”
“And now?”
“Now, I’m not sure,” he said as he let out a little huff of a laugh.
“I’m not going to say turning someone into a killer is the best thing, but it kind of feels like she is one of those people made for it. All I know is that she helped save the people I really care about. She had their backs even when they tried to shut her out. They might not follow the line of the law but they are still good people. They took me in and gave me a place to stay. They treated me really well.”
“But you left?” His eyes told me he wanted to know why. That he wanted to know everything that he’d missed all these years.
“I did,” I said with a nod. “It was time for me to move on. I think I realized that I was stuck there. I’m not saying it was a bad kind of stuck. But I want things out of life that I knew I wasn’t going to find there.”
“And a heroin dealer somehow fit into that how?”
I rolled my eyes at him as my body sagged back into his embrace, my head resting on his chest again.
“I’m guessing that wasn’t part of the plan.” He sounded like he was trying to lighten the mood but in truth, there was nothing funny about it.
“I found out all these things when they were interrogating me,” I admitted. Embarrassment was present like the dumbass bitch that she was. And her best friend Stupidity too. “I thought he was nice. He treated me right. Didn’t try to buy my love. Let me be my own person. Gave me his undivided attention when he was with me. I just keep thinking about it and I can’t understand how I missed it the whole time.”
With a sigh, I sat up, giving my back to Silas because I couldn’t bear to have him see me like this. I hated saying this all out loud. I hated knowing that I’d been played the fool. And I really hated that Silas had witnessed it.
I felt like a big part of me had let him down.
He always talked about how I should reach for the stars no matter what. He encouraged every little thing I did. His whole family had. They made me feel like I really could be something one day.
But somewhere along the way, I fell flat, and couldn’t seem to ever pick myself up again.
“Hey,” he said softly and a second later, I felt his body wrap around mine. His chin was on my shoulder and he spoke so sweetly into my ear. “It happened. It’s over. Nowhere to go but up from here, right?”
“I was so stupid, Silas. I pictured this happy life with him. Marriage and kids.”
I didn’t let the tears fall because I wouldn’t ever let myself cry for that monster again.
“I just couldn’t believe I didn’t see it,” I said. “All those years I spent out on the streets, shuffling from one place to another just trying to find something better. All the shit I had to deal with and learn. All the promises I made to myself and, no matter what, was determined to keep. All the things that happened to me. I don’t know how I missed it.”
“You have me now. I’ll never let anything hurt you again.”
I not only heard his words but I felt the meaning behind them. I felt them so strong that the warmth and realness seemed to ricochet through my whole body.
It was hard not to wonder about how differently life might have been if I hadn’t run.
But I had.
And there was no taking it back.
Now he was here telling me it would all be alright.
And I believed him.
-22-
Silas
You have me now. I’ll never let anything hurt you again.
Those words slipped out before I could catch them. I meant them more than I think I knew at the moment but maybe now wasn’t the time for something like that.
There was something going on here. It would have been stupid to try and deny it.
With each heartbreaking word Jessica spoke, something inside of me came alive. It grew stronger and I felt a purpose like I’d never felt before.
“I think I need a break,” she said and before I could tell her it was okay, she was off the bed. “You should rest. Do I need to do anything for your… wounds?”
“No,” I told her and then cleared my clogged throat. “I can get it.”
“I’ll go clean up the kitchen.”
She snatched up the empty bowls and then walked out of the room.
My body screamed at me as I made my way into the bathroom. I let out a frustrated huff. I wasn’t used to this feeling. That damn job had kicked my ass, literally. Hey, I was just lucky to be alive.
The image of that guy on the ground flashed in my mind. Well, I hadn’t actually seen him there on the ground but I had a good idea of what he looked like. I wasn’t sorry he was gone, but I had been one wrong move away from being right there next to him.
I’d never thought about death before. I didn’t think I was invincible, I knew I was anything but. Killing made me realize how quickly a life could end. I saw constantly how vulnerable the human body was. A shot to the head. Or one to the chest. A rope wrapped around the throat. A quick jerk of the head in the right way. Life was a fragile thing and I knew it, I just hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about mine.
I’d never been shot before either.
I almost couldn’t believe that I had been as I stood there looking at the wound on my shoulder.
I was always careful, always stayed out of sight until the last possible moment. Most jobs, they never even saw it coming and I preferred it that way. But some jobs were harder, required a closer approach. And there were even ones that were more hands-on. Those were my least favorite. It took longer than simply pulling a trigger. But I was one of the best for a reason. I had managed to stay under the radar all this time.
Maybe that wasn’t something I should boast about, and I really wasn’t trying to. I had to be at the top. It was the only assurance that I’d get paid well for what I did. Oh, and it let me be a little more picky about which jobs I took.
I stared harder at my reflection.
Did that really matter anymore?
I wondered if maybe this job hadn’t shaken me up more than I thought. A near-death experience would do that to a person, I suppose.
But as I stood there, I thought about letting it all go.
It wasn’t like I was getting any younger.
I knew I couldn’t do this forever and the thing was, I didn’t even want to.
Dalton had been spot on. I didn’t love what I did. I was good at it and I loved having the security of not having to scrape every cent together just to eat.
I’d made it to the point that I could live comfortably for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t ever have to worry about anything ever again. Or worry the same thing for my family. No matter what, I was set enough for a couple of lifetimes.
It quickly started to invade my brain that I didn’t need this kind of life anymore.
Things kept swirling in my head while I cleaned and changed my bandages. They were starting to plant themselves in my brain, growing roots so deep I wouldn’t be able to dig them out.
My eyes closed to try to get some clarity, but then I suddenly felt dizzy. I wasn’t sure why but I knew it wasn’t good. I brushed it off on the fact that I’d been pushing myself when I should have been letting my body heal. I wasn’t fucking used to this sort of thing. I didn’t like it. Not even a little.
The longer I stood there, the more the room seemed to tilt back and forth. I tried to blink away the blurriness from my eyes but it didn’t work.
Bed.
I just had to make it back to the bed.
Then I would get some much-needed rest.
It hadn’t helped that the whole time Jessica slept curled up against me, I’d been awake. Between my thoughts trying to process everything and the fact that I still couldn’t believe it was real, I was afraid to close my eyes. I might have thought that I had actually fallen to my death and was in some kind of wishful heaven. I only knew better because there was no way I’d get wings when I left this good Earth. I could just see it now, the moment I died, the ground would open up and suck me through a tube to meet the horned man of the underworld.
Hey, I was a pretty fun guy, maybe we could be best friends when that day came.
I did a half-roll, half-fall into the bed. By the time I landed, I was covered in sweat. It wasn’t a good thing but I didn’t want to think about it right now. I told myself that a nice long nap would fix it.
I tried to close my eyes, only to find them already closed.
Then I was out.
I had no idea how long I slept but when I woke up drenched in sweat and shivering, I knew I was fucked.
The pain coming from my arm was excruciating and when I touched the flesh around the gunshot wound on my shoulder, it felt like it was on fire.
I crawled out of bed and made it into the bathroom just in time to unload my mostly empty stomach into the toilet.
Gross.
“Silas?” Jessica’s voice called from somewhere in my bedroom. I was sure of it. But I couldn’t figure out why it sounded like she was in a vacuum. “What’s wrong?!”
I could hear the panic in her voice. I opened my mouth to reassure her that I was fine. Unfortunately, the only thing that came out was more watery vomit.
Her hands were on my face.
“You’re burning up. Silas, this isn’t good.”
Yeah, I knew that.
I wanted to make some kind of comment that would make her at least half smile and ease the situation, but I couldn’t seem to open my mouth.
“I need to get you to a hospital,” she stated.
“No, we can’t. You’ve been kidnapped, remember. I have to keep you hidden for now. Until I can figure a way to fix all of this.”
“Silas, I don’t give a fuck. You need help. You could die.” It was easy to tell that the thought alone scared her.
I took a deep breath. It took all my energy to get to my feet. I held onto the edge of the counter for support as she wiped my face with a damp cloth.
“Can you get me some water, please?” I asked her.
She paused and met my reflection in the mirror. She knew something was up but didn’t say anything.
I had no clue why I couldn’t just do what I needed to in front of her. I guess, I just didn’t want to remind her of the connections I had and why I had them. The less she was reminded of my life, my job, the better. Maybe I was a little ashamed that I’d let her down with the paths I’d chosen. Even if she hadn’t come right out and said that, I could tell that she’d thought I would have done something better.
Though she would be around later to see everything. I just wasn’t thinking all of that right now.
“Sure.” She gave a nod and then left.
I shuffled across my room and slid open the top drawer of my dresser.
Not long after that, I was making a call on the new burner phone I’d pulled out.
“Yeah,” Dalton’s gruff voice barked after the third ring.
“It’s me,” I sighed out.
“Took you long enough.”
“Shit went sideways,” I told him trying to sound normal.
“I told you not to trust Hayes.”
“Actually, it didn’t really have to do with him. There were… surprises and complications.”
That was an understatement.
“Well, you’re calling me, so I guess you made it out alive.”
I let out a low chuckle.
“Just barely,” I told him. “But, yeah.”
“How bad?”
“A few scrapes, a couple of gunshot wounds, and I might have gone over a balcony and almost plummeted to my death. You know, nothing too bad.”
“Christ,” he said and there was the slightest hint of shock in his tone. “You’re lying, you’re not fine. I can hear you panting in my damn ear.”
“Little bit, yeah,” I admitted letting my tone fall serious. “How soon can you get to the cabin?”
“Fucking hell. A few hours.”
“Please,” I panted out.
“Yeah, let me get my shit together. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”
“Oh, and there’s someone else here,” I warned him knowing he’d shoot first, ask questions later when he rolled up and noticed someone he didn’t know. I never brought anyone to my cabin, so he would just assume Jessica wasn’t supposed to be here. “She’ll let you in.”
“Got it. Thanks for the warning.” I had expected him to disconnect right away but there was a long pause of dead air. “You going to make it?”
“Fingers crossed.”
“I’ll make it quick.”
Then the line went dead.
I really hoped he was talking about getting here and not ending me.
With him, you just never knew.
Jessica came back into the room, her eyes automatically going to the phone still clenched tight in my hand.
“Come on, let’s get you back into bed.” She wrapped her arm around me and did her best to get my struggling body across the room.
“Someone’s coming. It’s probably going to be a few hours. Will you let him in when he gets here?”
“Sure,” she answered as she pulled the covers up around me. “I’m not leaving you until then.”
She crawled on top of the sheets and took the empty side of the bed. I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I felt her hand in mine before I drifted off again.
-23-
Jessica
Silas was out.
A few hours later, I heard a car creeping down the gravel driveway. I checked Silas’ head once again, feeling it burning hot against my fingertips. I wasn’t a praying kind of person, but I definitely said a little one as I took in a deep breath. Hopefully, someone was listening. Or something.
I went to the front door and watched as a man got out of his car. I would have guessed he was at least ten years older than me. He pulled out a large bag with him as he did. I wish I’d thought to get a description of the guy. Then again, Sil
as was pretty out of it.
I told myself that it had to be the guy as I walked to the door.
I stood there for a long time looking through the peephole waiting for him to knock. But he didn’t. He only stood there looking at the door like he knew I was right there behind it.
“You’ve got to let me in if you want me to help Silas.”
I jumped at his words. I hadn’t expected him to say anything.
“Right, sorry.”
I unlocked the door and stepped to the side to let him in.
“Where is he?”
This man was not a people person, that much was clear right away.
Without another word, I turned and led him up the stairs and into the bedroom.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and began to pull things out of his bag. I looked at Silas and he was still asleep, sweat covering his whole body. Not knowing what to do, I went into the bathroom and got a wet washcloth. When I came back into the room, the man looked like he was ready to get to work.
“Are you a doctor?” I asked though I had a feeling he wasn’t.
He didn’t answer verbally but the look on his face told me not to ask questions. I knew how to do that well enough by now.
So I sat on the bed beside Silas, despite the fact that this man seemed like he wanted to be alone. I pulled Silas’ hand into my lap and held it.
Silas opened his eyes a moment after the man started to poke and prod at the wound on his shoulder. He looked like he was ready to jump off the bed and attack.
“Dalton,” he said and relaxed back into the bed. “Thanks for coming. I owe you one.” He tried to smile but it looked a little pained.
“You owe me more than one, but who’s keeping count?” Dalton replied back with a hint of humor in his voice. But only a hint. I wasn’t quite sure if I’d heard it or simply wanted it to be there.
