by Hart, Eve R.
“How bad is it?”
“If you’d shut your damn mouth and let me look at it I might be able to tell you something.”
“Fine,” Silas said and his eyes slid over to mine.
I gave his hand a squeeze and he tried to smile again.
“I had much cooler visions of how this whole reunion thing would go down,” he whispered and then his eyes fell closed again.
I laughed even though it wasn’t all that appropriate to do at a time like this.
“I think I’ve missed your humor the most,” I told him as I dotted his brow with the damp cloth. “I always loved the way you tried to get me to smile.”
The room was quiet as Dalton flushed out the wound and got up close and personal with it. I had no clue what he was doing but if Silas trusted him, then I did too. I guess I didn’t really have much of a choice. I would have preferred to take him to the hospital but that wasn’t an option.
What a big fucking mess.
Story of my life, it seemed.
I wondered how we were going to straighten this whole thing out. I had been fake kidnapped. I understood the reasons behind it but that didn’t mean that they weren’t looking for me. The cops suspected me of murder. Okay, more like they thought I knew who had actually pulled the trigger. But I also knew that wouldn’t stop them from trying to pin it on me if they couldn’t come up with anything that pointed to someone else.
I almost wished that I had done it. I wasn’t the least bit sad that Ray was dead. But now what was I supposed to do? I’d kind of lost my life with this whole thing.
I could get a new identity. I knew people that could help me with that.
Yes, people that I had dropped like it was nothing.
I wished more than anything that I’d done everything so differently.
Then again, things could have turned out worse than they had.
You just never really knew that sort of thing.
Life was unpredictable, that was for sure.
I think at one point during that whole thought process I’d started to cry.
I was so fucking tired of crying.
And feeling like I screwed up my life at every turn.
“He’s going to be fine, you don’t need to cry,” Dalton said.
“Okay,” I told him. What else could I say?
“He’s going to need to take some antibiotics. I brought some strong ones so it should knock that shit right out of him. He’ll be back to his old self in a few days.”
“And what if he’s not?” I asked.
Dalton sighed.
“I’ll stay around for a day or so, make sure he’s on the right track.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Silas came around once Dalton was done.
“Give us a minute,” Dalton told me and I wasn’t sure I liked how he was brushing me off so easily.
“She can stay,” Silas told him. “She knows who I am.”
“That’s well and good for you, but I’d rather not have everyone under the sun know who I am.”
“I’ll just go get some water so you can take your pills,” I said trying to defuse the tension.
I left, taking a few moments once I got down to the kitchen to let them talk about whatever. I wasn’t bothered by it. If it was anything important I was sure Silas would tell me later.
Dalton walked into the kitchen while I was in the middle of my moment.
“You can bring him the water now.” He began to look in the fridge but quickly shut the door when he realized there wasn’t anything in there. “I’m going to run to town since you can’t exactly do that right now.”
“He told you?”
“The quick highlights, yeah. I still don’t know who you are and I don’t want to. I set the pills out on the side of the bed. Make sure he takes them. I’ll be back.”
He turned and headed out.
It was going to be a fun few days with him around.
I didn’t see much conversation happening.
But I wasn’t about to complain. He helped Silas and with any luck, he’d come back with some things that I could at least make a few meals out of.
“How are you feeling?” I asked Silas as I walked back into the room with a glass of water.
“Great. Perfect, actually. Never better.”
I gave him a small smile.
“You don’t have to lie to me.”
“I feel like absolute crap. I don’t think I ever want to be shot again.”
“Yeah,” I said with a laugh. “You should probably try hard to avoid that kind of thing.”
I helped him to sit up. I put the pills that were set out into his mouth, then tilted the glass so he could drink.
Then I curled up next to him.
“Get some rest,” I told him though I could tell he was well on his way to dreamland already.
I could admit that I was scared right now. What if he didn’t make it? What if there was something really wrong? And what if this Dalton guy didn’t have a damn clue about what he was doing?
I wasn’t ready to lose Silas again. Of course, I wasn’t. I’d just gotten him back and I still had so many questions that needed answers.
And if I was being really, painfully honest, I didn’t want this feeling to go away. Yeah, I was talking about the one that I couldn’t quite figure out yet.
“Please, be okay,” I whispered as I watched his chest rise and fall.
I just needed him to make it through this.
-24-
Jessica
It was three days before Silas started to look like he wasn’t on the verge of death.
Two more after that until he was able to get out of bed without looking like he wanted to pass out.
And now, a week later from when Dalton had arrived, Silas was nearly back to normal.
Dalton was an interesting man. I still had no clue who he was or what he did. I didn’t care, I was just thankful for what he’d done for Silas. Luckily, he only stuck around for those first three days. I’d given my room up to him, choosing to stay in the bed with Silas because I was so worried about him.
I didn’t want to be mean and say I was glad the man was gone, but I pretty much was.
“Thanks for making dinner,” Silas said.
We were sitting at the small table in the kitchen. It sat in front of a large window and overlooked the trees that surrounded the cabin. I had grown fond of this little spot. There was something peaceful about looking out and seeing nothing but nature all around.
This place wasn’t all that bad. I kind of liked the break. That said, I wasn’t sure that I would like being so isolated all the time.
“I’m just glad it came out eatable,” I responded with a little laugh.
“It was really good.” He paused for a moment, his eyes soft as they looked into mine. I didn’t hate it but I wasn’t sure what was going on inside of me. “So, I’m guessing that whole cooking thing is still a struggle? I would have thought you’d be a pro at it by now with all the determination you had back then. You always said—”
“That I was going to learn how to make all your favorites so your mom wouldn’t have to worry about cooking ever again,” I finished for him. No, I hadn’t forgotten about that. “And I only said that like three times. She deserved the break and I was so thankful for everything she did for me.”
“Well, she’s got that break now. I made sure of that.”
“I’m glad.” I wondered how much she was enjoying her time now.
And because I was thinking about it, I couldn’t help but wonder how much longer I’d have to be here. Like, would I ever get to see for myself? Would there be a day when I could see her? One day, would I get the chance to hug her and let her know how much she meant to me?
“What are you thinking?” he asked and when I blinked myself back into focus, I saw his brows were pinched together like he was trying to see inside of my head.
“I was just wondering if I’ll ever be able to leave her
e.”
“Oh,” he said with a huge tinge of disappointment in his tone. Now that I replayed that in my head, it hadn’t come out the way I meant. But he spoke again before I could fix it. “I need to start working on that. I should make some calls.”
“Silas,” I said as he started to get up. My hand covered his on the table and he froze halfway to standing. “I want to see them. Your mom and sister. That’s what I was thinking about.”
“I’m sure they’d like to see you too.”
“I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful. This is just a lot. One day, I’m in a normal relationship and the next, I’m thrown into this world where I’m dating a heroin dealer and apparently there’s a hit out on him. Oh, and you’re the one that takes the job. It’s kind of got my head spinning.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. Can I ask, what is it you want?” I cocked my head in confusion and asked him what he meant. “Do you want to go back to your life? Back to what you had? I mean, say I can get this all straightened out without any kind of complications.”
A huffed out laugh forced its way out of my throat. My life and complications seemed to go hand-in-hand, so I doubted it would be something that would happen.
But maybe it didn’t matter because I was pretty sure the last thing I wanted was that part of my life back.
“Well, seeing as things weren’t going so well, I’m okay with moving on. Maybe trying someplace new. I’ve started over before, it’s not like it’s a big deal at this point.”
“Where would you like to go?” he asked and I could see some kind of excitement behind his eyes.
“Oh, well… I have no damn clue.” I really didn’t. If I could go anywhere, where would I go? It really didn’t matter as long as it felt right.
“What if…”
I raised a brow at him. Why did it seem like he was a little unsure right now?
“What if you just hung out with me for a while?” he finally asked after an awkward pause. “I could show you my houses. Maybe you’ll find someplace you like that way?”
“Yeah,” I replied with excitement.
Truth was, I wasn’t ready to leave Silas. Something about being here with him gave me this sense of rightness. I couldn’t explain why or say if it was something that was permanent. I just knew I wasn’t really ready to let it go.
And if I was being honest, I was kind of attracted to him.
It wasn’t something I was ready to deal with.
But all the talks, the playfulness, I was definitely feeling something here. I had no clue if it was one-sided. I hoped it wasn’t, but I was also scared to say anything and screw this whole thing up.
Having Silas back in my life felt right.
The last thing I wanted to do was say something to make him go away.
And maybe I was one step closer to having back the first people to show me unconditional love. I might have been nearly thirty, but I craved that like nothing else.
In some ways, I was very much still that little girl that wanted so desperately to simply be hugged. To have someone tell me that they cared. To know that what happened in my day mattered.
“Great,” he said but I could tell that he thought it was more than just great. He seemed really excited about the idea too.
And now something strange was happening in my chest. It was like I was suddenly warm and my heart beat just a little faster.
Then I began to ask him where exactly he had homes at. And how many. Owning multiple places wasn’t an idea that I was used to. But then again, I was sure his job paid well.
So we talked more about his life. Though he pretty much told me it wasn’t much of one. He didn’t seem to have many friends. I wouldn’t have called Hunter and Dalton friends really. It was cool and awesome and everything that they had helped Silas out when he needed it, but I didn’t get this sense of closeness with either of them. I couldn’t picture them going out and grabbing a beer for the fun of it. Hell, I bet they didn’t talk about their personal lives with each other at all. And it sounded much like that was how most of his relationships were.
I understood it, I guess. It wasn’t like he could go around telling people what he did for a living. While Silas was smart enough to be able to live a double life, I knew he wasn’t a fan of it. That much was clear by how much he hated lying to his family.
We both agreed that he needed a couple more days to heal. And he said he’d work on figuring out a way to fix the mess I was in. I wasn’t sure how he’d do that but I hoped he’d tell me what his plan was when he figured it out.
“You want to watch a movie?” I asked after we’d cleaned up the mess from dinner.
“Yes, but I’m picking this time,” he told me with a playful nudge of his shoulder.
“Fine,” I let out in an exacerbated sigh. I was only joking and he knew it. I could tell that he was less than thrilled with my last choice of Dirty Dancing. Still, he sat through the whole thing and didn’t grumble. That mattered to me.
We got comfy on the couch and he picked something with a lot of swearing, blood, and action. I wasn’t surprised.
Halfway through, he paused it.
“You hate this, don’t you?”
“No!” I said a little too quickly. Clearly, I was trying to cover up the fact that I did. “It’s awesome.”
“You’re lying.”
“Okay,” I said as I sat up straight. “I wouldn’t have such a big problem with it if there weren’t like all these plot holes in it. Like why was the guy even there? He did nothing but say some cryptic shit that doesn’t even make sense? And how did he know to be there at that very moment?”
“You’re talking like this is supposed to be real life. It’s a movie, Jessica. And I’m pretty sure they put those things in there to show the ridiculousness of the whole thing. Come on, that guy leaped from that building like it was nothing. No human could ever make that jump.”
“Well, yeah, but that’s not the point. That stuff I expect. That kind of stuff makes sense in this movie.” I told him with a roll of my eyes.
He just laughed at me.
“Do you want me to turn it off?” he asked.
“No,” I said as I scooted closer to him and settled back down. “I’ll let it go.”
With another laugh, he resumed the movie.
My head fell to the side, finding the perfect resting place on his shoulder.
It was a moment later that his hand roamed under the blanket until it found mine. I hoped like hell he couldn’t see my smile, which was big, by the way. He wasn’t simply holding my hand. No, he had made a point to interlace our fingers and he was even doing that thing where his thumb lightly brushed back and forth over the back of my hand.
No one had ever held my hand.
Not like this.
And I certainly hadn’t had someone tenderly caress me like this, causing a strange fluttering sensation in my belly.
I wasn’t dumb, I knew what was going on with me. I’d watched too many romantic movies to be blind to it.
I had huge feelings for Silas.
Not the friendly kind, either.
This wasn’t my best friend’s big brother who looked after me and loved to make me smile.
This was an older version of a familiar boy, now with man parts and sexiness.
Okay, maybe he’s always had those things but I certainly wasn’t thinking about them that back then.
And I suddenly became super nervous.
I didn’t know how to deal with these kinds of things.
Sex, that was something I knew. Obviously.
It was something I could do without any forethought or even a connection.
But that wasn’t what this was and I was certain I didn’t want that here.
Wait, I wasn’t saying I didn’t want sex!
In fact, the more he kept rubbing my hand, the more I thought about sex. Only I didn’t want just sex. I wanted to know what it felt like to have the act of sex actually mean something more. Strange that i
t took me this long to realize I’d really been doing it all wrong my entire life. Then again, maybe that whole making love thing was just bullshit. Maybe it was all the same no matter what. And maybe I was simply kidding myself right now.
I had no clue on this whole romance thing and how to be on the receiving end of it. I also wasn’t sure how to do it. Like, how did I show someone that I liked them? Or that I wanted more cute, little touches like this one.
And it was right then that I figured out that I really liked holding hands and cuddling on the couch.
I liked it so much that suddenly all the problems I had with the movie in front of me didn’t matter.
“Silas,” I breathed out as I tilted my head to look at him.
I lost whatever I’d planned on saying as I met his intense gaze that happened to already be on me.
We sat there for way too long simply locked on each other’s eyes.
His chest rose and fell a little heavier than normal and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.
Something was happening.
Oh, yes, it was.
And as his head closed the distance between us, I lifted my waiting lips up to meet his.
Then we were kissing.
Yes, kissing.
Like the kind I’d only ever imagined might be real.
His hand was on my jaw, holding with a firmness that said he was scared I’d pull away.
But I wasn’t going anywhere.
He softly and, oh, so sweetly, pressed his lips against mine. I felt the light pressure of his kiss but it was so hesitant that I wondered if it was real. The strange tingling I had running through my body told me that it was most definitely happening. And that I wanted to see where this could go.
I moved closer, needing more, but also loving that he was taking his time like this was a moment to be savored.
I didn’t want it to end.
-25-
Silas
I pulled back but only enough so that my lips brushed against hers. As my lips parted, a soft sigh escaped me. I wasn’t even aware of it until I felt Jessica’s lips tip up with a smile.
I hadn’t thought about what I was doing.
Not really.
I mean, I might have been thinking about it for a while now somewhere in the back of my mind. And the fire might have been fueled the moment she snuggled into my side and rested her head on my shoulder.
