Personal Demons

by Rachel A. Collett

  No one else followed me, and they didn’t try to stop me as I got in my car. I looked at the dashboard clock. It was nearing eleven. I still had time.

  23

  Flight

  Adrenaline caused my heart to beat in a painful, irregular manner. As I drove, I scanned the road and sidewalks, anxiously searching for Jonathan, but praying he would not be there.

  Every noise over the sound of a whisper caused my heart to panic. The start of the engine, the honking of a horn, the slam of my car door as I shut it behind me. Catching my second wind, I ran from the parking lot to Benjamin’s house. Shaking violently and nearing a nervous breakdown, I leaned heavily on his door, knocking hard as I stood panting.

  Benjamin smiled when he answered, but that vanished quickly. His expression darkened as he took in the state of my appearance. “Are you okay?”

  I waved off his question, overly tired of its common use. “Can I come with you?” I blurted, still catching my breath. I swallowed hard, looking into his calming, gray eyes. “Please?”

  Benjamin promptly called the airline and was able to secure a same-day ticket on the same flight. I used my savings to pay for the airfare.

  On the way to the airport, we stopped by Cheryl’s house to pack a small suitcase. I hesitated just before locking the front door and walked back into my room. I pulled open the top drawer of my dresser and grabbed my father’s knife as well as the prize I had taken from my parking lot assailant and shoved them both into my suitcase. Next I went to my jewelry box and retrieved Elisa’s dreamcatcher. I studied its delicate features for a moment before gently placing it inside my bag.

  We made it to the gate just as passengers were being seated. I looked around me at the familiar din of everyday people going about their normal lives, their minds filled with commonplace stresses and trite fears. It felt almost unreal that I would be allowed to escape my new reality. With bated breath I waited for someone, or something, to try and stop me from fleeing as we slowly made our way onto the plane.

  Being in a cramped, confined space caused me to feel intensely claustrophobic; it took all that I had not to claw my way out of the tiny compartment.

  “Excuse me,” I mumbled, as I inched down the row to my spot.

  Breathing a heavy sigh of relief, I looked out over the tarmac, saying a silent prayer to the travel gods that our take-off wouldn’t be far distant.

  Benjamin returned from storing his carry-on in the overhead compartment. With phone in hand, he finished replying to a message he’d received then tucked it away with an apology.

  “Are you excited?” he asked, completely unaware of the way my insides rebelled against me.

  I looked up at him and noticed that although his voice was calm, there was excitement in his gray eyes.

  “Yes,” I said, shocked when I realized it was an honest answer. “Tell me about where we’re going.”

  “It will be cold.” Benjamin smiled, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “It has been snowing pretty steadily for almost a week straight, which means skiing during the day and a nice big fire in the fireplace at night. I think you’ll really like it. The cabin was built ten years ago by my family. My dad felt I was old enough to contribute and allowed me to help in the design and construction.”

  “That’s amazing, Ben. Ten years ago I was—nine.” I poked him playfully.

  He laughed. “Seriously?”

  “Well, almost ten. My birthday is in a couple of months.”

  He brought his forehead to mine and stared deeply into my eyes. “Promise me you’ll let me take you out for your birthday.”

  I automatically jerked away from his closeness, but then forced myself to relax. “I promise.”

  Once again, Benjamin had the uncanny ability to erase almost everything: the fear of the unknown, the uncertainty of my future, the betrayal of my family and friends. Why did it still not feel right? Isn’t this what I had wanted? Could I have what Ben seemed to want to give me? But even as I thought it, my heart pushed against it.

  Hadn’t Ian tried to offer me the same thing?

  Benjamin still smiled at me, but guilt forced me to turn away. I drove back my unwanted thoughts and focused on the people outside the plane who guided the gigantic and dreadfully noisy beast out of its terminal and onto the runway. Benjamin rested his hand on my thigh as the plane increased in speed.

  At long last, the large aircraft took to the skies. A wave of relief swept over me as the force of the acceleration pressed my body into the back of my chair. I removed Benjamin’s hand from my leg and interlaced my fingers with his, allowing myself to enjoy the warmth of his skin. He kissed the inside of my palm before laying our adjoined hands in my lap. I had forgotten just how good it felt to be near him. I closed my eyes and listened to the hum of the massive turbine engine taking me away to safety.

  Then someone screamed.

  My eyes flew open, waking to sheer pandemonium. The high-pitched cry blended, then was drowned out, by the sharp whine of the airplane as it made a dramatic turn, then pitched downward. I grabbed the armrests of my seat, my insides twisting painfully at the airplane’s quick descent.

  My breathing constricted as I looked to my left out the window. We were falling. Thick clouds mostly blocked me from seeing anything, but they broke every few seconds and allowed me a glimpse of solid earth moving closer and closer at a deadly speed. I reached out to Benjamin beside me, but he was gone. How long had I been asleep?

  Craning my neck, I searched the aisles for him. Several people were out of their seats scrambling to make their way back to safety. Others tried frantically to console loved ones. At long last, I located Benjamin near the front of the cabin, but the airplane trembled, producing powerful disturbances inside the compartment, and he fell sideways and disappeared behind a group of seats. My heart lurched.

  “Benjamin!” I called, but my voice was drowned out by the other voices echoing around the enclosed space.

  Fighting against the restraints of my seat, I finally managed to unlatch my buckle and painstakingly made my way toward the front of the cabin. The jet vibrated violently, causing me to lose my balance; knocking me to the floor.

  A hand reached out to me, grabbed me by the shirt, and wrenched me into the safety of a strong pair of arms. I panicked. This person, though he thought he was saving me, didn’t realize he was hindering me from protecting Benjamin.

  “Where are you running to, Sarah?”

  My heart stopped. Jonathan’s lips twisted, a hint of a smile pulling at his cruel mouth.

  I gasped and tried to pry his arms away, but he held on even tighter. Jonathan’s black eyes were the last thing I saw before the plane folded into the ground. My scream went unheard concealed by the vibrations that came from over a hundred tons of metal crashing into the unsuspecting earth below.

  “Sarah.” Someone shook me, and I inhaled a painful breath. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  It took me a moment to recognize the worried eyes of Benjamin. Gray, not black.

  It had seemed so real. I shivered, still feeling the way my body had crumbled with the plane, still hearing the deafening rumble that drowned out all other sound. And I could still see his face. The deceitful eyes, the full lips curved up into a dangerous smile: Jonathan in all of his deadly beauty.

  “Sarah?” Benjamin repeated, placing his hand on my cheek.

  I hastily pushed away his arm, grabbed my bag from beneath my seat, and fumbled through its contents until I found Elisa’s dreamcatcher. I clutched it to my chest before putting it on and stuffing it under my shirt. Benjamin’s eyes were large as he considered my observably strange behavior.

  I crossed my arms. “Sorry,” I said, trying to sound as calm as I could. “I have sleep apnea,” I lied, shrinking back into my chair.

  Benjamin observed me warily. Was he rethinking his decision to take me to his cabin? I wouldn’t blame him if he did.

  “The captain announced we’re about to land.” He didn’t s
peak again until the plane had touched down.

  I wondered if I should try to explain my reaction, tell him about the dream even, but every explanation I came up with sounded ridiculous and weak, and I had a feeling it wouldn’t be enough, especially after the look he had given me. He wouldn’t understand. But Laith and Elisa would have. I tried to dismiss the melancholy that swept over me. I would miss them.

  It was another hour-and-twenty-minute drive west from Denver International Airport to the Bradshaw’s mountain home in Evergreen, Colorado. When we left Phoenix, the sky was clear, the weather sunny and warm at a dry seventy-two degrees. Landing in Denver it was overcast, only reaching a temperature of forty-one for the high. I shivered in my jacket as the cold nipped at my nose and ears.

  Everything except the road was concealed in a heavy blanket of snow. As we left the city and drove our rental car further into the mountains, the snow covering grew deeper and thicker until almost everything was white. The trees gave the appearance of death, their brittle bark dark and cold, but I knew that life stirred in them still. They had to be incredibly strong in order to survive such weather conditions, and I envied their fortitude.

  Benjamin seemed to come alive the closer we got to his cabin, thankfully overlooking my harshness towards him. I enjoyed hearing his many memories as he pointed to the areas he knew, but despite his animation I found myself dozing at points in our conversation, never truly falling asleep. The more we drove, the sleepier I became. After almost an hour of nonstop driving and chatter, I realized he was doing it on purpose.

  “So…”

  His hesitant voice caught my attention.

  “We really haven’t talked much at all since, well, since the hospital. What have you been up to? Didn’t your semester end?”

  “Yes,” I answered simply. His brows furrowed at my quick answer, and my heart sank. Why was I treating him so poorly? Was I acting any better than my father who refused to answer any questions at all? Besides, I had done it. I had run away, made my escape, and I had Benjamin to thank for that.

  I exhaled. “It’s supposed to start back up next week.”

  “Supposed to?” He had caught the keynote of my response.

  But how could I tell him what would happen next if I didn’t know myself? No matter how I tried to ignore it, change was coming whether I wanted it or not. Where would I go? I realized shamefully that I had never truly done anything on my own, and if I was being honest with myself, I was afraid.

  As if reading my mind, he asked, “Does that mean you aren’t going back to school?”

  “Does it matter?” I snapped, instantly regretting it.

  He casually shrugged. “I assume it would be a good idea for you to finish your degree, but I guess you know your own mind, right?”

  “Thank you,” I mumbled. But did I know my own mind? I wasn’t sure.

  “Do you work?”

  “No,” I stated, looking out over the snow-covered trees.

  “Does your dad pay for everything?” There was a small twitch to the corner of his lips. Was he razzing me?

  “No, he doesn’t pay for everything,” I answered back, dramatically.

  He laughed, causing me to smile for the first time in what seemed like ages.

  “I paid for my airline ticket, didn’t I?”

  Again he shrugged. “That still could have come from him.”

  I tsked, looking away as his smile increased.

  “What does your dad do, anyways?” he asked. “You don’t talk about him much.”

  I exhaled, not really knowing the real answer myself, but I rehearsed what I had been told all my life.

  “At one point, my dad was a very successful architect. He and my mother were a team and did well for themselves. When my mom died, she left me an inheritance that would take care of me after I turned eighteen, but thus far I’ve never had to use it. Dad still works, picking up the odd construction job here and there to keep busy. But I don’t think he needs it either.”

  I could feel the muscles in my forehead contract. Dad had never really talked to me about money, and I had never asked him. If I did leave, I would need to get a job to fit in.

  “Ian told me you used to move a lot and that you were—”

  “Homeschooled, yes,” I interjected. This was another area where I was considered odd, but I didn’t comprehend just how strange it was until I was much older.

  I could still remember sitting down with my dad for his lessons: math problems at the kitchen counter, painting landscapes in the park, discussing history and politics on the back patio. He was full of useful information, and I enjoyed learning at his knee. By the time I got to college I was happily surprised to find I could easily stand apart from the majority of my classmates.

  Dad had also taught me to live simply so that everything I needed or cared for could be quickly thrown into a bag or two, a talent that had come in handy for this trip. I shook my head. How had I overlooked all of these things my father had given me? Did I truly have the right to put him out of my life when he had done so much?

  Benjamin cleared his throat, bringing my attention back to the conversation. “Sarah, would you mind if I asked you how your mother died?”

  It was a question I had asked my dad several times throughout my life. I gave Benjamin the same answer: “A mugging gone wrong. She tried to defend herself, but…” I trailed off as Elisa’s words came back to me.

  Defend. Defender. Like your mother before you.

  “I’m sorry for asking.” Benjamin’s voice was sympathetic as he looked me over.

  I shrugged. “No worries.”

  Benjamin looked away, leaving me to my sullen reflections. No, I would not force my dad out of my life. Not yet, at least. Not until he explained everything. This time, I wouldn’t give him a choice.

  The car decelerated, and Benjamin got off of the main highway. Despite my darkened mood, my interests piqued as we weaved down several mountain roads, finally turning onto a neighborhood street. Five well-spaced homes stood around a cul-de-sac.

  Smoke issued from the chimney of a two-story log cabin. As we drove closer, I noticed a potbelly stove and several lounge chairs cluttering a wide porch that wrapped around the home. Large, curtain-free windows made the dwelling even more inviting. Several vehicles lined the circular driveway at the front of the house.

  My heart squeezed. “Is that your home?”

  “Yep.” He smiled.

  “Are there other people here as well?” I asked, my voice becoming weak.

  “Yep. Everyone.”

  I let out a groan. “Ben, why didn’t you tell me it was going to be more than just the two of us?”

  “Because I wanted it to be a surprise.” Benjamin’s brows pinched together in confusion. “My mom is really excited to see you again. I thought you would enjoy this.”

  No. This is not what I had bargained for. No, no, no. What if Jonathan was able to follow me? What if he was already here? Did I just put Benjamin’s entire family in danger? My heart rate spiked as we rounded the driveway, parking at the furthest end of the row. Wasn’t it bad enough that I had involved Benjamin at all? What had I done?

  Judi waited for us at the front door, her warm face unable to comfort my penetrating fear. I closed my eyes and tried to think.

  What should I do? What should I do?

  My chest rose and fell heavily. I ran my fingers along my scalp, trying to pull them through my hair, but they got caught halfway down. I flipped down the car’s visor.

  “Crap!” I scowled. “Why didn’t you tell me my hair looked like a rats nest?”

  Benjamin looked up and laughed. “I don’t see why it’s bothering you now. It’s been like that since we left the airport.”

  “Are you serious?” I hissed, trying to comb through the tangled knots with my fingers the best I could.

  “Why do I get the feeling this has nothing to do with your hair?” He took my hand in a tight grip. “Sarah, obviously something is wrong, a
nd apparently it’s not something you’re going to tell me. That’s fine, but I can help you.”

  I shook my head, unable to answer.

  “Sarah,” he snapped the visor shut, forcing me to look at him. “You once helped me. Let me return the favor. I promise, everything is going to be fine.”

  “Is it?” I wondered out loud. Could it really be that simple?

  “Yes. And my family is excited you’ve come. You’re going to have a great time, Sarah. I promise.”

  He looked at me with such a calming expression that the tension in my chest released the slightest of a fraction. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was over-reacting. No one knew where I was, surrounded by new friends, by good people. Maybe everything was going to be okay. I nodded my acknowledgement, forcing a smile.

  “Come on,” he beamed, opening the car door. I followed and watched as he walked into his mother’s waiting arms.

  “Welcome to our home!” Judi reached out to hug me. “I told my husband and my other son, David to take the girls for a walk. They got a little too excited waiting for you to arrive. I thought it would be better if they worked off a bit of that energy before they attacked you.”

  Suddenly there was a squeal and a little voice cried, “They’re here! Oh, Daddy, they’re here!”

  “Well, that wasn’t long,” Judi groused just before we were set upon by a wild pack of screeching animals. Or it could have been four little girls. It was hard to tell.

  The next fifteen minutes were utter chaos. My head swam as question after question was zinged in both Benjamin’s and my direction. I tried to answer the best I could, but they came too fast. I watched as the girls swarmed their brother, climbing up his leg, pulling at his arm, grabbing at the keys in his hands.

  “Alright, alright,” A strong voice rose above the din as a man made his way through the pack. “Dean,” he said, reaching over to shake my hand. Incredibly tall, with long skinny legs in a pair of light khaki pants, Ben’s dad was an older version of his son.

  “Colonel Dean Bradshaw,” a little girl with long, blonde hair corrected.