Can't Resist You (Second Chance Diaries Book 3)

by Emma Vikes

  With a groan of frustration, I told Joanne, “If she comes here, Joanne, please, please, let me know. I need to talk to her. We need to talk about Sage.”

  The moment I said the last statement, Joanne’s eyes widened as she stared at me.

  I saw that she knew the truth. I wanted to ask her but I knew she wasn’t the person who was supposed to be answering my questions. Maia was but she was nowhere to be found.

  Heading back to my car, I racked my brain for the place where I could find Maia. The only place that came to my mind was Sage’s school but Maia wouldn’t go back there until it was time to pick up Sage. The only option I had was to wait until she did. Waiting for her there was better than scouring the entire city of San Francisco, hoping to find her.

  With a sigh of defeat, I drove to Sage’s school. It was nearly lunchtime and if I was lucky, I might be able to catch Sage and take her out for lunch. But then…What would I say to her?

  How were you supposed to tell a seven-year-old kid that you’re her dad when you’ve been absent her whole life? And to make things even worse, how I was supposed to tell her I was her father when she’d been calling someone else dad?

  I didn’t even know the whole setup with her and JC then. I didn’t know if Sage thought JC was her dad and Maia had let her believe that lie. Because of that, I didn’t know how I was supposed to act around Sage if I took her out for lunch. This thought alone crushed my heart because we already had a really good relationship and now I didn’t know how to act around her.

  Picking up my phone again, I tried calling Maia. Like the other calls I’d made before, she still didn’t pick up. It was as if she was intentionally rejecting my calls or she had turned off her phone. With no other choice left for me, I sat in my car in Sage’s school parking lot. It would take a long time until Sage’s classes were over and for Maia to pick her up.

  But then again, it took eight years for Maia and mine’s path to cross again. A few hours wouldn’t hurt to wait for her. It would only be three more hours.

  Three more hours until she would tell me the whole truth.

  23

  Maia

  “Did you get evicted from the apartment you were renting or did I dream the last few months and you haven’t divorced your asshole of a husband yet?” Giselle asked the moment her eyes landed on my luggage. She stared at me in confusion, never moving to the side so I could come in.

  I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t be able to head in without giving her an explanation. “Something happened at the restaurant. I emailed a resignation last night. I wanted to be out of our apartment so Ansel wouldn’t find us and he doesn’t know you’re here in San Francisco too.”

  Giselle took a moment to process everything I just said. “Okay, one…you need to elaborate what happened at the restaurant. Two, how could you have resigned from a job that not only pays you well but treats you even better? Three, why are you hiding from your ex? And four, I’m kind of hurt that you two never talked about me.”

  I couldn’t help but let out a dry chuckle and merely responded with, “Can you let me in first, before I answer all of that?”

  Giselle stepped to the side and let me come in, helping me with the luggage. She led me to the kitchen and then prepared a cup of tea for me. “Tell me what happened, from beginning to end.”

  I honestly didn’t know where to start. She wasn’t entirely aware that Ansel and I were on better terms because it’d only been this last week when I went on a date with him. But I guess I had to start from there, so I did. I told her about how Ansel managed to get me to agree to be his plus one for a party he was invited to and then ended the story with what happened at the restaurant yesterday.

  Giselle listened to me carefully, sipping the tea she had finished in the middle of my story.

  I hadn’t touched mine yet though.

  “So let me get this straight, you handed in a resignation letter because you felt like you neglected your duty because you weren’t there when a food critic came in unannounced? What if the critic came when you had your day off? Would you hand in a resignation then too?”

  I pursed my lips, lifting up the cup of jasmine tea and took a sip. “It’s not about the food critic, Giselle. It’s the fact that I was distracted with Ansel and I forgot where I was. I was still in my workplace but I was busy canoodling with the CEO. I can’t balance my personal life and my career. If I stop what I have with him and continue to work there, it’ll only make things awkward.”

  Giselle stared at me and then sighed, reaching for my hands to take it in hers. “Are you sure that’s the problem, Maia? Or maybe you’re scared that Ansel will hurt you the same way he did before? Or maybe you’re bothered that people will assume that you got the job because you’re with the CEO?”

  She basically stated the two things that bothered me the most. JC made me feel small during our marriage. He didn’t like that I was working and hated it even more when I got promoted. When I was younger, I vowed never to divorce the man I married. But it was either I signed the papers or allow him to make me feel demeaned. It bothered me that Ansel was the CEO and I didn’t want people to assume I got the job because we had history. If the food critic’s review did damage to the restaurant’s reputation, I didn’t want Ansel to give me a free pass. I didn’t want him to stop Alice and Doug from reprimanding me simply because we had something going on.

  And yes, I still felt scared of Ansel turning his back on me all over again, only this time, it wouldn’t just be me. The last thing I wanted was for Sage to get hurt too. “I’ve already made my decision, Giselle. I don’t want to change it. I don’t want to risk it,” I said, trying to sound firm, “so please, let Sage and I stay here for a couple of days until I find another place for us.”

  Giselle sighed. “You know that my door is always open for you but please take my advice into consideration. You need to talk things out with Ansel and make things clear with him and you can’t let your worries dictate the direction of your life, Maia. Besides, being with him gives you a chance to be a complete family. Do not rob yourself of that.”

  After saying this, Giselle told me she still had a meeting with a client via Skype, so she left me alone with her thoughts. I tried to distract myself by fixing the guest room that Sage and I would stay in for a bit but I couldn’t. Giselle’s words only echoed in my head over and over again and it didn’t help that I also worried about what to say to Sage about our situation.

  It was only when my alarm went off that I realized it was nearly time for me to pick up Sage from school.

  Giselle knocked on the door of the guest room and peeked inside. “Hey, sorry my meeting took a while. Do you want to grab lunch?”

  I flashed her a small smile and nodded. “Sure, but I also have to pick up Sage from school.”

  “Oh, we can get drive-thru from Taco Bell and then pick up Sage from school. Sound good to you?”

  Nodding, I followed her out of her house and then got into her car. The drive to Taco Bell wasn’t filled with much conversation and even the drive to Sage’s school wasn’t either. Giselle was focused on her food while I was still pre-occupied with my own thoughts. I liked that she didn’t pressure me or open the conversation again.

  We arrived just in time for the bell to ring and the students rushed out of the building five minutes later.

  As Giselle and I got out of the car, heading to the front door of the school, Sage came out.

  But she didn’t seem to see us yet, as she was running full speed. It was only then when I noticed she was running to someone.

  Ansel.

  When he looked up, his eyes instantly met mine.

  I felt like the world came to a sudden stop.

  Our gazes locked and Ansel’s eyes seemed to be searching mine, as if he was searching for answers.

  I wondered if he was quietly asking me why I handed in a resignation letter and made it immediate. By now, he must’ve gotten it. Why else would he be here?

  Sage ran to
him and hugged him, then took his hand and came over to where we stood. “Mom!” Sage chirped. “Aunt Giselle!”

  Ansel stepped back a bit as if he meant to keep his distance for some reason.

  Up until last night, he couldn’t seem to stop calling my phone, so I had to purposely turn it off. But now, Ansel seemed to be hesitant and preoccupied with something.

  Giselle took Sage’s backpack from her. “Are you hungry, Sage? Come with me, your mom and I bought you something from Taco Bell.” She had successfully given Ansel and I some privacy.

  But Ansel he didn’t seem satisfied with it. “Giselle, we might need more than just a minute, okay?”

  There wasn’t even an exchange of pleasantries between them but my friend got his message.

  Then, Ansel turned to me and nodded his head to the direction of the field. “I think this is also something we need to discuss in private and not in the middle of a school parking lot. He didn’t even give me time to respond because he grabbed my hand and tugged me in the direction of the field.

  Ansel didn’t let go of my hand until we reached the top of the bleachers and when he finally let go, he let out a frustrated sigh. He ran a hand through his hair and pinched the bridge of his nose and it was clear to me that he was upset about something.

  “If you came to Sage’s school to discuss to me how petty it is for me to hand in a resignation letter because of my negligence yesterday, it’s not just because of that.”

  Ansel’s honey gaze rested on me.

  Something flickered in his eyes that I couldn’t quite distinguish.

  Ansel chewed on his bottom lip, then he let out a slow exhale and looked at me intently. “I didn’t wait outside Sage’s school since lunchtime for you to pick her up, just so I could ask you why you handed in a resignation letter. Although, I am curious why you did it,” Ansel began to say and then he paused again, as if the words he was about to say took a lot of effort, “I came here to see Sage. I came here to ask you why you never told me she was mine.”

  The moment my brain processed his statement, I felt like I was suddenly punched in the gut by an unseen force that made me gasp in shock.

  Ansel remained stoic in front of me, his honey eyes darkening with overwhelming emotions.

  But most of all, I realized what I was seeing in Ansel’s eyes was genuine pain.

  I had genuinely hurt him from hiding the truth.

  “How did you…?” I felt like I shouldn’t ask that question because by now, it was the least important.

  But Ansel still answered it, “I went to see JC. It just so happened we were invited to the same event so I finally had the chance to meet him. You see, I did want to meet him. I wanted to tell him that there’s this wonderful kid he’d turned his back on and she didn’t deserve it. You know how pathetic I looked when all along, I was the one who turned my back on her because I didn’t even— know?” His voice cracked at the end of his statement.

  I felt his voice pierce at my heart.

  “Why, Maia? I understand why you didn’t tell me eight years ago. I broke your heart. You didn’t want an ass like me raising our child with you. But we met eight years after that and I’ve been honest about wanting you back. Hell, I was even ready to be a dad to Sage. And then it turns out that I’m her father all along. I’ve been treating her like my own so at least that part gives me some sort of relief. But eight years, Maia?” His voice had gotten quiet as he continued to speak and his eyes were shining with tears, “You already took away eight years from the both of us, so why didn’t you just tell me when we met again, so you wouldn’t be taking away more time?”

  I’d imagined Ansel knowing the truth a hundred times but all of them happened because I told him. This wasn’t something I’d ever rehearsed in my brain. I never thought he would purposely seek out JC and that JC would tell him that he was Sage’s dad. But it was unfolding in front of me.

  Ansel had tears in his eyes and he looked so vulnerable and hurt.

  And it was because of me.

  “Ansel, I…” I didn’t even know what to say. “I was scared that you might leave us and turn your back on us, on Sage. I can handle the pain but I didn’t want my daughter to go through the same thing.”

  Ansel stared at me in disbelief. “Is that what you think of me, Maia? Do you still think that I’m a petty asshole who can’t commit and be responsible? Do you think that I’d ever leave you and turn my back on you when I’ve spent eight years trying to find you?”

  “Can you blame me?” I whispered, finally looking him in the eye. “Remember what you said when you broke up with me, Ansel? You said that I was an unnecessary baggage that you wanted to cut out of your life. Had I told you about Sage, what are the odds that you wouldn’t see her in the same way?”

  “That’s different, Maia! She’s my daughter.”

  I wanted to defend myself and the choice I made. “I was afraid that you’d break her heart one way or another. I could allow you to do that to me but not to her, not to my child, Ansel.”

  His eyes still reflected the pain he felt. “But you’ve seen how I’ve treated her when I didn’t know she was mine. I treated her like she was my own, Maia. You’ve seen it firsthand. Was it not enough to make you consider telling me the truth?” Ansel looked down at his shoes as he reached a hand to wipe at his tears.

  I’d never seen him cry. He always appeared strong and he never wavered from that before.

  Then, he let out a shaky breath and looked at me with tear-stained face. “Didn’t I deserve to know the truth? Sage and I both deserved the truth, Maia, and you know it.”

  24

  Maia

  Sage and I both deserved the truth, Maia, and you know it.

  Ansel’s words seemed to be on a never-ending loop in my mind as Giselle drove us back to her place. It seemed pointless now to stay with her and move out of our apartment because Ansel already knew. He didn’t even bring up my resignation as he was more focused on getting an explanation out of me. When he turned his back on me at the field, I realized I had hurt him more than I thought I ever could.

  Because of that, I knew he wouldn’t be stopping by at my apartment and beg me to stay in Onyx Shrine. He was upset with me. The one who should be apologizing between the two of us should be me because I had hurt him by keeping the truth from him. I thought I had made a strong argument but Ansel had a point.

  I’d seen how he’d treated Sage even when he didn’t know she was his. He had been attentive and had showered her with so much affection. Seeing them together always melted my heart. When I saw the pain in Ansel’s eyes, I realized how selfish and irrational I had been. No matter how much it scared me, Ansel did deserve the truth.

  And now I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

  “I think it’d be best if you sort out your thoughts on your own, Maia,” Giselle said the moment I sat down on a chair in the kitchen after we arrived.

  Sage was tired from school and had retreated into the guest room. She didn’t even ask why we were going to Giselle’s rather than heading home.

  I looked up and met Giselle’s gaze.

  She sighed and sat in front of me, reaching for my hand and taking it in hers. “As curious as I am to know what you and Ansel talked about, I won’t pressure you to tell me if you don’t want to. But it seems like it’s greatly affected you and it’s still bothering you. I can look after Sage for tonight while you take some time for yourself.”

  “He found out,” I said quietly, pulling my hand from hers. I let out a shaky breath and repeated, “Ansel found out the truth, Giselle. He found out through JC. I could tell he was mad that I didn’t tell him but more than that…” More than anger, Ansel was hurt.

  “Then what did you say that made him storm off the way he did?”

  “Nothing,” I replied in a defeated tone. Ansel had told me that he deserved to know the truth and rather than coming to my senses and apologizing, I didn’t say a word. My lack of response and empathy must’ve u
pset him even more.

  Giselle sighed and touched my hand again. “Then how do you feel?

  How did I feel? “I feel like a villain. I feel guilty for robbing him of the truth that he deserved and I feel even worse because I realized I robbed both of them of their time they could have had together. I’m an asshole, Giselle. I thought I was being a protective mother but there’s a thin line between protective and selfish.”

  I had selfishly believed I’d been doing the right thing by keeping the truth from the both of them. I didn’t want Ansel to hurt Sage…I didn’t want anyone breaking her heart. But maybe I was keeping the truth from both of them because I was scared. I had selfishly focused on my own fear rather than acknowledging the fact that they deserved to know.

  Giselle touched the side of my face with a gentle hand. “Don’t be too harsh on yourself, Maia.”

  “I should apologize to him but I think he hates me right now.” I could feel my eyes stinging with tears and I tried to blink them away but they only rolled down.

  Giselle wiped them away. “I don’t think he hates you,” she murmured, “Ansel’s hurt and you need to give him some space and time to think things through. Now that he knows, I’m sure he doesn’t want to be kept away from her even more. I think it’s best if you give yourself some time to think too.”

  “Think on what?”

  She gave me a pointed look. “Ansel’s been vocal about his feelings for you. Now that he knows, he would want to be with Sage, as her dad but I think he’d want to be with you for real too. The three of you can be a family… that is, if you want it to happen. That’s why you need some time to think too, Maia.”

  Her words resonated deep within me and I knew Giselle was right. I needed to make a decision. In the last few days, I had been certain with what I felt for Ansel. I was slowly opening my heart to him, breaking down my walls, and letting him back in my life.