Can't Resist You (Second Chance Diaries Book 3)

by Emma Vikes

  But all it took was one moment for me to think what we had would still fall apart and I panicked.

  “You can head home tonight and spend the rest of the night giving everything some thought. Sage can stay with me. It’s the weekend tomorrow anyway. Get some rest, have some wine, and think things through, Maia. Please.”

  I could hear the sincerity in my friend’s voice. I ended up packing the things back up I had brought with me earlier leaving clothes for Sage for tonight and tomorrow morning.

  Giselle handed me her car keys. “Take my car. I’m not telling you to drive all over the city to look for Ansel and apologize. I’m lending it to you because sometimes, long drives help us clear our mind.”

  I hugged Giselle tight and thanked her. As I backed away from her garage, I decided to drive aimlessly for the time being to clear my thoughts since my mind was still muddled. I couldn’t stop thinking of how hurt Ansel looked earlier and couldn’t stop blaming myself. If only I had taken into consideration everything that Giselle had previously said to me, then maybe it wouldn’t be such a mess.

  But I had been a coward, fearing what I had convinced myself to believe would only be another impending heartbreak. I didn’t even take into account how Ansel had been so patient with me. He may have been aggressive in the beginning but he respected my wishes when I made them clear. He had also respected how I wanted to take things slow.

  I had been driving for a while and only now did I notice I had been driving to Onyx Shrine. Its name loomed over me as I slowed the car down. As much as I tried to take into account Giselle’s advice, my subconscious still led me to where he was. I parked the car in the parking lot and went inside the hotel without any plan in mind.

  “Maia!” someone called my name the moment I stepped in the lobby.

  I froze. I wasn’t sure why I felt anxious but I was.

  Alice approached me. “Oh my dear, I’m glad that you came here.”

  My heart sank as I remembered the resignation letter I had emailed them. She and Doug must not have been prepared for it, especially since I had told them it was effective immediately. “Alice, I’m so sorry—”

  Alice shook her head and then held my hands in hers. “Let’s go to the café across the street, okay? I think it’ll be a much comfortable place to talk than here.”

  I wondered if Alice knew what was going on between Ansel and me but I let her drag me out of the hotel, across the street to the café. We stopped by at the barista first and she ordered both of us a cup of citrus tea and then we took a seat.

  Alice was looking at me with worry in her kind eyes.

  I was curious if she knew what happened. Ansel could’ve told her? I’ve been with them long enough to notice they were really close in the same way Ansel was close to his grandmother. “Alice, about the resignation letter, I’m sorry if it was too abrupt and disrespectful.”

  She nodded her head slightly. “It was too abrupt and if it was because you weren’t in the kitchen when the food critic came by, it also made it petty. But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like an impulsive action and I don’t think it was because of the food critic.”

  I bit my lower lip. I remembered how Alice had clearly told me she was disappointed with me yesterday. “You were right. I didn’t balance my personal life with my career and I made a mess.”

  “Is that the only reason?”

  I met her gaze. “Did Ansel…?”

  “No but it’s as much as I can conclude. He came back a while ago looking upset and heartbroken and the last time I saw him like that was when his grandfather died. I wanted to ask him but I knew he needed some time for himself and then I saw you at the lobby, looking just as lost as he did.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip and our order arrived. I tapped my fingers against the cup filled with hot tea and wondered if I should tell Alice about what was going on. “I made a mistake, Alice. I’ve been so focused on making sure that he wouldn’t hurt me. I didn’t realize that I would be hurting him.”

  Alice picked her cup gingerly and took a slight sip of her tea and then asked, “Would you enlighten me with what you mean by that, Maia?”

  I wasn’t sure how much Alice knew about Ansel and me. “I’m not sure if you know but Ansel and I…we have history. We were together eight years ago and things didn’t work out well for us and we broke up.”

  Alice just stared at me, nodding at me to continue.

  So I did, “But it was a messy break up and the thing is…” I didn’t know how I was supposed to say it. In the last eight years, I never had to tell anyone who Sage’s father was because most people assumed it was JC since we were together. “The thing is, eight years ago, I never told Ansel that we had a daughter.”

  Alice almost dropped the cup of tea she held as she looked at me with shocked eyes. “Are you saying that Ansel is Sage’s father?”

  Biting my lower lip, I nodded my head slowly. “Yes.”

  “And why didn’t you tell him?”

  “Eight years ago, Ansel broke my heart and I didn’t want to run back to him and beg him to come back to me because of Sage. I also didn’t want to risk him walking away on us and breaking Sage’s heart.”

  “And why didn’t you tell him now, eight years later?”

  I didn’t have a very good answer to that question. “I was scared to let him back in our lives because he might hurt us again.” He might hurt me again.

  Alice eyes softened as she reached for my hand on the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. “And now you’re beating yourself up after realizing that your actions hurt Ansel too. But you’re only human, Maia, so you’re allowed to make a mistake too. The question now is, what are you gonna do? Own up and apologize or let go of the chance of the three of you being a family?”

  I thought about the latter. I’d always wanted to have a complete family and I was ecstatic when JC had proposed to me two years ago. But then our marriage fell apart. “When I got married, Sage got to have a dad. For a while, we were a family and then it fell apart. I can’t let her go through that. I can’t go through that again.”

  Alice sighed. “Why don’t you stop thinking about what could happen and start thinking about what you want?”

  What I want? What I wanted was to wake up in Ansel’s arms in the morning and then see him sitting at the dining table, having his coffee while Sage got ready for school. What I wanted was the crisp picture of a family, one that’s whole and would never be broken. Yet, I still ended up getting divorced.

  “Stop thinking too much, Maia. There are times when it’s best to have your head over your heart to stop you from doing anything foolish. But if you always choose what you think is the better option, you might lose your shot at what can make your heart happy. Now, there’s one question you’re supposed to answer. It’s the most important one.”

  I looked at Alice, waiting for her to ask.

  She stared at me with her motherly eyes, as she finally asked, “Do you love him?”

  Do I love him? I never said it out loud. I never even admitted it to myself because I didn’t want to acknowledge the feelings that had been right in front of me. Even when I’ve been with JC longer than I had been with Ansel, I knew the difference of my feelings for both men. With JC, it had taken me some time to fall in love with him.

  But with Ansel, even when I had my guard up because he broke my heart before, it was still so easy to fall in love with him.

  So did I love him? Doubts, worries, and dilemmas aside—yes, absolutely.

  25

  Ansel

  I gripped the steering wheel a little too tightly as I was stuck in traffic on my way to Nana’s. It had been a week and a half since I had found out the truth that Sage was my daughter. On more than one occasion, I had the urge to get in my car and drive to their apartment and tell Sage the truth. Every time I was out the door, I chickened out.

  The thing was, although Maia had purposely kept me in the dark about Sage, it didn’t change the fact that
I was absent in her life for eight years. There would have been a moment in her life when she wondered where I‘d been all this time. That mere thought alone was enough to break my heart in a thousand pieces.

  I remembered when I was a child and I hated how my parents never spent time with me. I was always left in my grandparents’ care, hence why I was always closer to them and wanted them to be proud of me. I could care less about what my parents thought of me. They only remembered they had a son when I became something in the industry.

  It was why growing up, I had been adamant not to have a kid, especially when I took this path. I was scared that I might neglect my own child in the same way my parents neglected me. But after meeting Sage, I realized that maybe I could do it. I could shower her with the same attention and affection my grandparents showered me.

  I was ready to be a dad to her because I thought JC had neglected her and I didn’t want her to go through the same thing I did. But as it turned out, JC wasn’t ever her biological father— all along, it had been me.

  Damnit.

  Rubbing my hand against my face, I tried to calm myself again. The whole idea still remained overwhelming for me and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I had gotten upset with Maia and had walked out on her after telling her that I deserved to know. I didn’t even bother trying to comprehend and understand why she had done so.

  All I knew was that it hurt.

  It hurt that I lost eight years of being a father to Sage. It hurt to know she was growing up without her biological dad by her side. When Maia and JC got married, Sage must’ve been thrilled to finally have someone she could call dad. And when they divorced…

  I couldn’t even bring myself to think about how it must’ve been like for her.

  Half an hour later, I finally pulled up at Nana’s.

  She was watering her plants on the front yard when I got out of my car and she looked genuinely surprised to see me.

  I normally told her when I was going to come but today, I didn’t give her a call. I wasn’t really thinking straight when I got in my car. All I knew was that I needed to go somewhere to breathe.

  “Ansel? What are you doing here? Don’t you have work?”

  But rather than answering her questions, I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulders, closing my eyes. “I really need a hug right now, Nan.”

  When I was younger, whenever I felt disheartened or something was bothering me, I always asked my grandparents to hug me. When I got a little older, Pops would offer me a beer and tell me about his youth. For a while, I thought it was to distract me from my problems. Then when he died, I realized he did it so I could find comfort and learn from him.

  Nana and I stayed like that for a little while longer until I finally pulled away. I suddenly realized I was actually crying.

  She reached out and wiped at my tears, looking at me with worry in her eyes. “What’s wrong, Ansel?”

  I swiped at my tears, trying my best to calm myself. I pointed at the bench she had on her patio and led her there. When we were seated, I was still trying to pull myself together.

  “Did something happen with you and Maia?” she asked quietly.

  Looking down at my hands in my lap, I let out a slow exhale. “Maia and I—I don’t really know what’s going to happen to the both of us but more than that, there’s something else that really bothers me right now, Nan.”

  “And what would that be?”

  “Sage…” I started and my voice cracked at her name, “Sage is my daughter.”

  Silence filled the atmosphere after I said it.

  Nana stared at me, still trying to process what I just told her. Then, she slapped my arm. “Oh, you asshole! You knocked her up and then you broke up with her?!”

  My eyes widened as I stared at Nana in shock. “How am I at fault here? I didn’t even know we had a kid, Nan!”

  Nana let out a sigh. “Tell me what happened, Ansel.”

  “Maia and I haven’t had a chance to discuss it properly because I got upset. But from what I know, she found out she was pregnant after we broke up and she didn’t tell me. Eight years later, when we met again, she didn’t tell me because she was afraid that I might walk out on them still. Nan, I’ve been so good to Sage! How could she even think that?”

  “She’s a mother, Ansel, and mothers will do everything to protect their child.”

  I looked away at thus. “Mine didn’t even care about me.”

  Nana sighed again and placed a hand on top of mine. “Not everyone is the same, Ansel.”

  “I just can’t understand why she didn’t tell me, Nan. I understand that she didn’t eight years ago because I broke her heart but what about now? I’ve been so good to her, to them. I’ve been doing my best, Nana. I’ve been trying really hard to deserve another chance. So how could she disregard that and not tell me?”

  Nana squeezed my hand. “She might have been scared, Ansel. You can’t expect to walk back in her life and have her accept you so easily. Remember how you told me that Maia submitted a resignation letter because you were being too aggressive with pursuing her?”

  “That’s different, Nana!”

  She shook her head and placed a hand on the side of my face. “Maia’s parents separated because her father cheated on her mom. You cheated on her too, Ansel. Maia, that poor girl, she even got divorced for the very same reason. Do you think she would still recklessly give you her heart after everything she went through?”

  “But Sage—”

  “And do you think that she would put her daughter’s heart on the line too, Ansel?”

  I chewed on my bottom lip, understanding the point Nana was trying to make. “Did I not deserve to know then, Nan?”

  She let out a soft sigh and shook her head. “You deserved to know, Ansel, and Maia made a mistake but that’s only because she’s a mere human who is scared to get hurt all over again. Don’t be too angry and upset with her.”

  I looked down and stayed silent by her side for a while.

  Nana didn’t say anything as she let me dwell in my thoughts. I processed what Nana told me and knew she had a point. “What am I supposed to do now, Nan?”

  “Figure out a way to talk things through with Maia and hope that she lets you into their lives. I’m sure she’ll let you be in Sage’s life because you already know. But I cannot assure you that she would want you to be in hers in the manner that you want to be.”

  I could feel my heart sinking at the mere thought of not having Maia in my life. If you asked me two weeks ago, I could confidently answer that Maia would let me back in her life, officially. But right now, I honestly did not know. Before I found out the truth about Sage, she had already been avoiding me. The whole incident with the food critic seemed to have put whatever we had into a tailspin.

  I stayed at Nana’s for the rest of the day. I’d already called Joey and informed him I would be taking the day off and would do everything that needed to be done tomorrow. This was a much needed breather and I needed help to clarify my thoughts on the situation. Everything Nana just said seemed to help.

  It was around six when I started driving back to the hotel. I had early dinner at Nana’s and wanted to stay a little bit more but knew that she needed to rest, so I left. The whole drive, I felt a little better, a little lighter than in the beginning.

  As much as I knew that Nana had a point and as much as her words gave me comfort, I still wanted Maia to say it to me herself. I wanted to hear it from her and I could head over to her apartment right now but I didn’t have the strength to face her, yet. The past few days since I found out had been draining because I couldn’t stop thinking. Now, I felt how tired I was, emotionally and mentally.

  I was ready to plop myself on my bed the moment I opened the door of my penthouse but I was hit by the delicious smell of food. Slowly stepping further in my house, I reached the dining area and stared at the food placed on the wooden table. It all seemed freshly cooked and I couldn’t help but
wonder if it was Alice and Doug’s doing.

  “I felt like a simple ‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t be enough to earn your forgiveness and even a meal fit for a king shouldn’t be used a band-aid to cover the pain that I’ve caused you,” a voice came from behind me, her voice sounded soft and filled with so much emotion.

  Maia.

  “But I didn’t know how I was supposed to start my apology and this is the best I could think of.”

  I turned around.

  Maia stood in front of me. She stared back at me with her dark eyes filled with sincerity.

  I wanted to approach her but chose to stay rooted where I stood. “I’m sorry would’ve also been a good start.”

  A long silent moment passed between us.

  I wondered if Maia had too much pride to even say the two words.

  But then she took a deep breath and her lips finally formed the words, “I’m sorry. I was selfish. You did deserve to know the truth, Ansel, and I’m so sorry that I was too selfish to acknowledge that.” Maia looked down for a moment, staring at her shoes and then she took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.

  I knew she was trying to steady herself, to keep herself calm.

  When she looked up, her eyes were already shining with tears. “I’m so sorry, Ansel,” she whispered as her tears rolled down her cheeks. “There’s nothing more left for me to say other than to apologize for the wrong I’ve done. I’m sorry, Ansel. I’ll say it a thousand times over if you want me to, if I need to.”

  I stared at her and felt my heart melt at the sight of her. The sight of her crying was enough to break my heart. I took a step forward, pulled her to me, and wrapped my arms around her. I rubbed her back to comfort her, holding her tightly against me. “Shh, it’s okay, Maia. It’s okay.”

  Maia struggled in my grasp and pulled away a little, looking up at me with tear-filled eyes. “It’s not okay, Ansel. You were right. You and Sage lost eight years together because I was selfish. All I thought about was whether or not you’d break my heart again. Even after seeing how good you had been with her, I still deliberately chose not to tell you.”