Heart Trouble

by Jae

Sorry…for what? Kissing her? Hope waited, barely breathing, sensing that whatever Laleh was about to say, she needed to do it in her own time.

  “For just leaving earlier. That wasn’t fair, especially after what you’ve been through today.”

  It actually took Hope a second to figure out what she meant. Her shift in the hospital felt as if it had been days ago. Laleh’s kiss had wiped every other concern from her mind. “It’s okay. I understand.” She waited. Would Laleh bring up the kiss? Or would Hope have to work up the courage to do so?

  “Can we sit for a moment?” Laleh pointed to the couch.

  Oh. Sitting. Good idea. Her legs felt a little unsteady. Hope nodded and waited for Laleh to take a seat.

  Unlike the last times she had been in Hope’s condo, she sat at one end of the couch, keeping a bit of distance between them.

  Hope tried not to take it personally. She plopped down on the other end and gazed around the room. “Do you…um…want something to drink?”

  Laleh wrung her hands. Never before had she looked so uncomfortable when she’d been in Hope’s condo. “No, thank you.” Her tension ratcheted up another notch until the couch almost seemed to vibrate beneath her. “Hope, I… That kiss…”

  Hope held her breath. “Yes?”

  “I don’t know what it meant or where it came from,” Laleh blurted out in a rush. “Was that me or you?”

  “I… I don’t know who started it.” It had felt so natural, as if it had happened in perfect synchronicity.

  Laleh shook her head. “I started it…I think. But that’s not what I meant. Did I kiss you because I wanted to or because I was reacting to what you wanted?”

  Oh hell. She hadn’t even thought of that possibility. But then again, thinking was hard to do when your brain was short-circuited. Had she forced her own desire onto Laleh? “God, I don’t know. Do you…?” She rubbed her earlobe, which was overly warm beneath her fingers. “Have you ever felt like you wanted to kiss or touch another woman?”

  Laleh’s face ripened to a strawberry-red hue. She started to shake her head, then paused and gave the tiniest of nods.

  “You have?” A new feeling stirred in Hope, one that made her want to punch out whoever Laleh had thought about. “Who was it? Jordan?”

  “What? No!” Laleh leaned her elbows on her thighs, put her face in her palms, and peeked through her fingers.

  God, she was too cute.

  “It was you. When you were…” Laleh’s gaze darted over to where the bathroom was. “You know?”

  “Uh, no. What exactly do you mean?”

  Laleh dropped her hands to her lap, revealing her red cheeks. “When you touched yourself in the shower and you thought of me, I wasn’t angry because I felt used. I was angry because…” She peeked at Hope, then away. “I felt flattered. And not only that. It…it aroused me. And it was easier to be angry than to admit that.”

  Hope tried her best to keep her thoughts at a PG-13 level but couldn’t help the low groan escaping her. The temperature in the living room seemed to rise several degrees.

  Laleh’s blush deepened to a fiery scarlet, as if she was sensing Hope’s reaction through their link.

  It took Hope a few moments to force her mouth closed. “Thanks for…um…admitting that.” She wasn’t sure she would have if their roles were reversed. Hell, she knew she wouldn’t have had that kind of courage.

  “This attraction…it confused the heck out of me,” Laleh said. “Still does. How can I be sure this is real…something that I am feeling, and not only a result of our link?”

  It all came down to that. Hope raked her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know, Laleh. I could sense your feelings…your…” She swallowed against her dry mouth. “…your desire when you kissed me, but I’m not sure if there’s a way to tell where those feelings originated.” She spotted a tiny stain on the sofa’s armrest—probably chocolate from one of their movie-watching sessions—and scratched it off with her fingernail while she thought about it. “Wait a minute! If what you’re feeling for me were just a reflection of my attraction to you, shouldn’t I also suddenly be attracted to men? I mean, so far, our link has always worked both ways.”

  “Oh. I didn’t even think of that.” A glow started in Laleh’s eyes before dimming. “But maybe you’re not feeling it because I’m not attracted to any man right now.” In a whisper, she added, “Just to you.”

  Hope ruffled her hair with both hands and let out a long growl. “Aargh! This is giving me a headache. Emotions and relationships are already complicated enough, but with our link…”

  Laleh moved to the middle of the couch, reached over, and slid her fingers through Hope’s hair, straightening the disheveled strands. Then she froze as if only now becoming aware of what she was doing.

  Hope could sense that she was wavering, on the brink of withdrawing her hand. She wanted so much to reach out and stop her from pulling back, but she forced herself to stay still.

  Their gazes met and held.

  Not even the distant cracking and booming made them look away from each other.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Hope saw the night sky outside erupt in golden, pink, and green colors. Without looking away to glance at the clock, she said, “I think it’s midnight.”

  Laleh nodded, her hand still in Hope’s hair. The fine muscles in her throat worked as she swallowed. The pyrotechnic explosions outside cast her face in purple hues. She looked so beautiful and vulnerable that Hope ached all over.

  “You shouldn’t have made me watch that movie,” Hope murmured.

  “What movie?”

  “When Harry Met Sally. Because now all I can think of is that last scene on New Year’s Eve when it’s midnight and they—”

  “Kiss,” Laleh finished the sentence for her.

  Hope nodded.

  “I thought you weren’t into sappy chick flicks?”

  “I’m not. At least I wasn’t. But—”

  Laleh leaned sideways on the couch and kissed her.

  God, this woman had guts. And soft lips. So, so soft.

  When their mouths met, Laleh inhaled.

  Hope froze. Had she misread her? Should she pull back? But the desire pounding through their link was unmistakable. Laleh wanted this. Wanted her.

  Groaning, Hope surged against her, Laleh’s passion fanning the flames of her own need. The gentle slide of Laleh’s fingertips against her scalp drove her crazy.

  Their lips molded together as if they had done so a thousand times before, yet at the same time, it was the most exciting thing Hope had ever felt. Quickly, the pressure of their mouths grew firmer.

  Laleh touched her tongue to Hope’s lips. The mix of tentativeness and blazing need was pure eroticism for Hope.

  She slid one hand onto Laleh’s hip, pulled her closer, and deepened the kiss. As soon as she touched her, Laleh’s heat seemed to engulf her, even through the layer of fabric.

  Laleh stroked her warm tongue over hers.

  Hope moaned into her mouth. More. Closer.

  Laleh strained against her. Her fingernails dug into Hope’s scalp, setting off sparks of pleasure that raced through her body and radiated all the way to her core.

  God, she wanted to touch her. Without breaking the kiss, she pulled Laleh’s shirt out of her jeans on one side and slid her hand beneath. Oh. Wow. The skin of Laleh’s back was incredibly smooth and seemed to heat beneath her touch.

  Laleh arched against her like a sensual cat.

  Excitement skittered through Hope—either hers or Laleh’s; she could no longer tell the difference—as she trailed her fingertips around, over Laleh’s side.

  With a gasp, Laleh pulled back, breaking the kiss. Her fingers tightened in Hope’s hair as if she would collapse otherwise. She looked flushed, confused, and oh-so-sexy. “Fireworks,” she whispered, her voice raspy.

  “Yeah,” Hope got out between gulps of air. “You can say that again.”

  The flush on Laleh’s face deepened. “N
o. I mean…” She pointed to the window.

  “Oh. Yes. There too. I saw.”

  Laleh combed her fingers through Hope’s hair and lightly trailed them down her shoulders before withdrawing her hands and sliding back on the couch, putting some distance between them.

  Hope shoved both hands beneath her thighs to keep from reaching out and pulling Laleh back against her body. For the first time in her life, she understood how the drug seekers coming into the hospital to get a shot of narcotics must feel. Kissing Laleh felt like a high she never wanted to end.

  “That was…” Laleh took one of the medical journals from the coffee table and fanned her flushed cheeks. “I don’t have words to describe it.”

  Not that she needed them. Hope had felt it through their link.

  “Kissing never felt anything like this,” Laleh said. “Do you think it’s because you’re a woman or because of our connection?”

  “Maybe it’s because I’m an incredibly good kisser,” Hope said to lighten the mood.

  A smile tugged at the corners of Laleh’s kiss-swollen lips. “Maybe.” Her dark eyes smoldered like coals. Then something changed in her expression, and the undertone of their connection turned from a sexual to an emotional one. “You know, when I’m with you like this, it almost stops mattering why I feel so attracted to you.” She glanced away. “Almost.”

  “Is that a bad thing?” Hope asked quietly.

  “I don’t know.” She reached out and touched her fingertips to Hope’s mouth, gazing at her lips then up into her eyes. “Is it okay if I don’t want to think about it now?”

  “Oh yeah.” Thinking wasn’t on her top-ten list of things to do. Possibly not even among her top hundred. Not when there were a thousand things she wanted to do to Laleh…with Laleh.

  Laleh laughed, a throaty sound, and held up one hand. “Hold on there, tiger. I felt that.” Her laughter faded, and she looked at Hope with a serious expression. “I don’t need to tell you how confusing all this is for me.”

  Hope took Laleh’s hand in a tender grip and nodded. Even though her body screamed out its protest, she focused entirely on what Laleh needed right now. “Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you?”

  “Just be patient while I try to figure this out. I can’t promise you anything, but I don’t think I should ignore what I’m feeling.” Quietly, almost as if to herself, she added, “I’m not even sure I could.”

  What are you feeling? Hope wanted to ask but then realized that she didn’t have to. She knew exactly what Laleh felt: a growing affection that went beyond that of a friend and the heat of arousal from their kiss.

  Hope struggled to suppress a groan. Sensing Laleh’s desire set off her own again.

  Laleh shifted beside her but didn’t withdraw her hand from Hope’s gentle grasp. Her gaze went to the fireworks streaking across the sky before returning to Hope. “Can we take this slowly?”

  Did this mean that Laleh was considering a relationship? Excitement vibrated through Hope—or maybe it was nervousness. Was she ready for this?

  Laleh let go of her hand. “If you don’t—”

  “I do.” Hope stopped her retreat and joined their hands again. “Whatever you need, okay?”

  “Are you sure that’s what you want?” Laleh asked.

  Hope called up the memory of kissing those soft lips, stroking her tongue along Laleh’s, and slipping her hand beneath her shirt. Oh God. Her eyes grew heavy-lidded. But she wasn’t trying to drive herself crazy. This little exercise had a purpose, she reminded herself. For the first time, she tried to project her desire through their link instead of hiding it.

  It seemed to work. Laleh let out a gasp. Her thumb restlessly trailed over the back of Hope’s hand.

  Passion bounced back and forth between them like light traveling between mirrors.

  “Does that feel like I don’t want this…want you?” Hope rasped.

  Laleh licked her lips. “No. That’s the easy part, isn’t it?” With a shake of her head, she added, “It’s really amazing how easy and natural it feels. But with this link between us, it’s about so much more than just physical desire.”

  “I know.”

  “So that’s what’s making you so insecure?” Laleh asked.

  Hope glanced down at their entwined fingers, not sure she could look her in the eyes while she said this. It felt as if Laleh could already see into her very soul. “I’m not good at this.” She waved her free hand between them. “Relationships were never my strong suit, even under the best of circumstances. I always fucked it up somehow.”

  In the past, she hadn’t cared much, but now she did.

  “I’m warning you,” Laleh said, a twinkle in her eyes. “If you break my heart, I’ll put on Unbreak My Heart on auto-repeat and you’ll have to listen to it twenty-four/seven.”

  They laughed, but it didn’t ease the emotional intensity between them.

  “That’ll give me plenty of incentive to do better with you,” Hope said. Not that she needed any. The thought of hurting Laleh made her queasy.

  “So this is new and scary for both of us,” Laleh said. “All we can do is take it one step at a time.”

  Hope allowed a faint smile to cross her face. “Are you going to make me pinkie-swear again?”

  Laleh chuckled. “No. I have a better way to seal an agreement now.” She leaned forward and brushed her lips across Hope’s.

  An instant tingle zinged through her, but before she could deepen the kiss, Laleh pulled back.

  “Come on.” Laleh got up from the couch and tugged on her hand. “Let’s watch the rest of the fireworks.”

  Who needed fireworks when there were still sparks shooting through her own body? Hope got to her feet nonetheless. Her legs felt unsteady as she let Laleh pull her toward the French doors. If one kiss from Laleh could reduce her to this state, she really needed to be careful. Going slowly might indeed be a good idea for her too. Never before had she jumped into a relationship with both feet. She needed to make sure she wouldn’t get hurt if things between them didn’t work out.

  With that New Year’s resolution made, she followed Laleh onto the balcony to watch the fireworks—and maybe set off a few more of their own.

  CHAPTER 21

  The next day, Laleh carried a box of Christmas ornaments toward Hope’s condo building. Her mouth was dry and her hands clammy, and no matter how many times she told herself it was just Hope, the butterflies in her belly wouldn’t settle down. She had never felt this mix of nervousness and anticipation with any of her dates.

  Dates… Was that what this was? She still wasn’t used to thinking of herself as someone who dated women…or rather a woman, singular, but her feelings didn’t fit a casual get-together between friends.

  At least she wasn’t the only one who was nervous. Wild waves of energy came from Hope, who seemed to sense her presence and buzzed her in before she could ring the bell.

  On the ride up in the elevator, Laleh worried her bottom lip as she stared at her reflection in the mirrored wall. How was she supposed to greet Hope now? With a smile? A hug? A peck on the cheek? Two air-kisses? Or—her eyes fluttered shut at the thought—a real kiss, like the ones they had shared yesterday?

  When she caught sight of Hope leaning in the doorway, even those thoughts slid from her mind and she stared for several seconds. In faded jeans and a formfitting T-shirt, with her chin-length hair falling around her face in careless waves, she took Laleh’s breath away. Moments like this made it hard to believe that these might not be her own emotions.

  They lingered on either side of the threshold.

  Somehow, it was soothing to know that Hope didn’t know how to say hello either.

  It was on Laleh to take the initiative. She pressed the box into Hope’s hands, squeezed past her, and brushed her lips across Hope’s cheek. Her scent—like summer rain, citrus, and something that was just Hope—made Laleh inhale deeply several times before she pulled back.

  “Hi.”
Hope’s gaze followed her down the hall; she felt it like a touch. “Is this considered our second date?”

  Laleh turned toward her. There it was again, the word date. Thinking about it—about Hope—in these terms would take some getting used to. “Uh, I…I guess so, if you consider yesterday the first. Why?”

  “It’s a lame old joke. What do lesbians bring to the second date?” Hope waited a beat. “A U-Haul. So, are you moving in?” She gestured to the box, her eyes twinkling.

  Lesbian… That was how the world would see her if she and Hope became involved in a serious relationship. If? What she felt for Hope admittedly felt pretty serious already. She wished people would stop thinking of each other in labels, but it was a reality that she’d have to learn to live with, not only from strangers, but from her own family too.

  “No,” she finally answered. “This is for you.”

  “For me?” Hope peeked into the box.

  Laleh never would have guessed it, but Hope actually loved getting gifts. She might pretend to be a Christmas grinch and not care for any of the holidays, but delight filtered through their link. It was incredibly cute. “Well, for your roommate, really.”

  “I don’t have a roommate.” Hope set the box down on the sofa, opened the lid, and then turned toward Laleh with a wrinkle between her brows. “Christmas ornaments? Um, I hate to break it to you, but it’s New Year’s Day. Most people will take down their trees in a few days, and you want to decorate mine? Now?”

  Heat stole up her neck. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea after all. “I just thought it might be nice for us to do it together.” She looked away. “But maybe you’re right. No sense in going to all that trouble just for a few more days.”

  Hope crossed the distance between them with two long steps. “No. Forget what I said. It’s not like there are Christmas police who’ll arrest me if I leave my tree up past January 6, right? Let’s decorate her.”

  “Her?”

  Now it was Hope’s turn to blush. “It. I meant it.”

  “Come on. Admit it.” Laleh gave her a gentle bump with her hip. “You named her.”

  “No. Not really. Unless you consider ‘tree’ a name.”