Heart Trouble

by Jae

  Laleh nodded and then fell into her arms.

  Hope clutched her tightly and buried her face into Laleh’s soft hair. She was so happy and relieved that she felt like singing and shouting, but after a moment, a bit of sadness crept in as she remembered that Laleh could no longer sense what she was feeling. Determined to enjoy this possibly best day of her life, she tried to focus on the positive. “So it’s a good thing that our connection is gone, right? Now we can be sure.”

  “Yeah. A good thing,” Laleh repeated.

  Hope didn’t need to sense her emotions to know that it didn’t entirely feel like a good thing to Laleh either. She didn’t have the words to comfort her, and now she could no longer rely on their connection to let Laleh know how she felt. She had to say it. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Laleh said.

  “I know. But I wished the connection gone when we first discovered it—and now it is.”

  Laleh’s hair tickled Hope’s shoulder as she shook her head. “It’s not like it’s gone because you wished for it. Maybe it was…you know…earlier. I mean…” Her voice dropped a register, and a hint of a blush rose to her cheeks again. “Maybe we kind of overloaded it when we…”

  Hope traced one of the heated cheeks with her fingertips. “Maybe. Like you said, it was pretty mind-blowing. Or maybe the link broke when I told you that…that I love you.” It was getting a little easier to say it.

  “You really think that could have caused it?” Laleh asked.

  “I have no idea. A part of me was scared to tell you that I love you because I was afraid to lose you.”

  “Like you lost your mother,” Laleh completed what she hadn’t said.

  Hope nodded. “Instead, we lost our connection. Of course, it could have been that mind-blowing orgasm too. After I came, I was a little…um, preoccupied, so I’m not sure if I felt anything from you afterward.” She had only started paying attention to their link again when she had told Laleh that she loved her.

  “Me neither.” Laleh sat up and slung her arms around her raised knees. She stared straight ahead, looking forlorn. “It’s great to know that these,” she pressed one hand to her chest, “are really my feelings, but I’m gonna miss our link. I’m gonna miss feeling you.”

  A knot formed in Hope’s stomach as she looked over at her, not knowing how to comfort her. If they had still had their connection, she would have hummed a soothing melody in her head, and sensing Hope’s emotions would have told Laleh how much she cared, without Hope having to say even one word. Only now did she realize how much she had relied on this constant unspoken communication. After a second’s hesitation, she slid up next to Laleh and wrapped one arm around her.

  To her relief, Laleh immediately snuggled against her side and settled one arm around Hope’s waist.

  They sat like this for a while, soaking up each other’s warmth. Even now with their empathetic link gone, Hope felt connected to Laleh in a way she had never experienced with anyone else.

  “It doesn’t matter what caused the link to break,” Laleh said after a while. “I don’t regret making love to you.” She kissed Hope’s shoulder. “And I certainly don’t regret you telling me you love me. No matter what, I’m glad you said it.”

  Hope held her a little more tightly and whispered into Laleh’s hair, “Me too.”

  CHAPTER 26

  Hope kept glancing over at Laleh while driving west on the 210. Darkness had already fallen, so she couldn’t make out much of her face. They had packed and gotten into the car later than they had planned, both reluctant to head back.

  They had spent the day sleeping in, enjoying the late breakfast Hope had prepared, and taking a couple of long walks in the mountains. Both had gotten plenty of rest, and as if by unspoken agreement, they hadn’t made love again.

  Hope admitted to herself that she was a little afraid to discover that the sex wouldn’t be as mind-blowing without their connection. She had also hoped that their empathetic link would recover if they gave it some time without an orgasm, like the sense of sight returning after being blinded by the sun.

  It hadn’t happened. No matter how often Hope tried to pick up on Laleh’s emotions or to access some of her knowledge, she failed every time.

  Now that their weekend trip was officially over and they were almost back in the city, she had to admit that their connection was probably gone for good.

  She was left wondering what Laleh was thinking or feeling, and she had never been good at this kind of guessing game. Without their link, she felt adrift and uncertain. Damn. Please don’t let me mess this up.

  Neither of them said much on the drive home.

  Hope peeked over at Laleh again. They were approaching the Brand Boulevard exit, which she would have to take to drive Laleh home, or she could continue on for the closest route to her condo.

  She had no idea what Laleh wanted. Did she want to go home or stay at her condo tonight? Of course, she could ask, but maybe then Laleh would feel pressured. Judging by her silence, Laleh needed some time alone to process everything that had happened this weekend.

  Usually, Hope would have needed some space too. She had liked being around her former girlfriends just fine, but after two days in a tiny cabin in the woods, she would have longed for some time alone.

  Not with Laleh. To her surprise, she wanted more—more time with Laleh, more closeness, more of a chance to reconnect and make sure they didn’t lose what they had.

  But if that wasn’t what Laleh needed right now…

  Suppressing a sigh, Hope took the exit and drove toward Glendale.

  Laleh said nothing, so apparently, she had guessed right. She didn’t want to stay over at Hope’s condo tonight. Even though Hope understood the need for some time alone, she couldn’t help being hurt.

  Oh, come on. Since when are you the clingy type? Suck it up!

  Ten minutes later, she stopped the BMW in front of Laleh’s apartment complex. She turned off the engine and sat there, for the first time in ages not knowing what to say to her. “So… Here we are.”

  Laleh looked over at her and studied her for a minute. “Thanks for driving me home.”

  “Any time.”

  Why the hell were they exchanging pleasantries like two perfect strangers despite everything they had shared?

  Hope bit her lip to keep from stopping her as Laleh reached out and opened the door.

  * * *

  Laleh opened the passenger’s side door slowly, giving Hope every opportunity to stop her.

  She didn’t.

  Not that Laleh had really expected her to. She knew Hope was the type to withdraw and process things on her own before she could talk about it. She respected that, but it was still hard to let her go, especially now that her own need to connect was stronger than ever. After losing their link, she needed to reassure herself that she wouldn’t lose Hope along with it.

  One foot already outside, she paused. No. She couldn’t go. Not like this. She let herself sink back and turned toward Hope. “Can I…?” Can I stay over at your place?

  Hope watched her with wide eyes.

  Laleh stopped herself from saying it. It wouldn’t be fair to Hope. Instead, she asked, “Can I have a good-night kiss?”

  “One?” Hope breathed out. “You can have a million.”

  The tentative longing in her voice nearly made Laleh pitch against her in relief. So Hope wanted to connect after all, even if she didn’t want a sleepover.

  Laleh chuckled. “Let’s start with one.”

  They leaned over the middle console, and their lips met in a kiss that expressed so much emotion that, for a moment, Laleh thought their link might be back. God, she loved this woman, and she loved kissing her.

  Hope cradled Laleh’s face between her palms and traced the outer edge of her ear with one finger.

  Laleh shuddered, and the kiss turned passionate.

  Countless minutes later, they sank back against their seats, both breathless. />
  Slowly, the haze of passion lifted. Laleh wanted more—more kisses, more time with Hope—but she forced herself to push the passenger’s side door open more fully. Everything in her shouted at her to stay, but she gritted her teeth and climbed out of the BMW.

  Both hands clamped around the open door, she stood next to the car. Her gaze went to her apartment building and then back to Hope. She really didn’t want to be alone right now, but Hope had a right to do whatever she wanted.

  “Well,” Hope said and looked up at her with a questioning gaze, “I guess we’ll see each other.”

  That was all she had to say? She didn’t even want to make specific plans for Wednesday? Laleh tightened her grip on the door. Apparently, Hope needed more time alone than she had assumed. A wave of loneliness and hurt slammed into her. “Sure,” she got out. She gave Hope a stiff nod and then closed the door between them.

  Hope turned the key in the ignition, without waiting for Laleh to walk away.

  Blood roared through Laleh’s ears. No! She didn’t know if she had shouted it or just thought it. Before Hope could pull away from the curb, she wrenched open the passenger’s side door and stuck her head inside the car.

  “Jesus, Laleh!” Hope pressed one hand to her chest.

  They stared at each other across the middle console.

  Slowly, without looking away, Hope shut off the engine. “Is…is there something you forgot?”

  Laleh studied her with an intense gaze. “Yes. I forgot to tell you how much I hate this.”

  “H-hate? Hate what?” Hope clutched the steering wheel with both hands.

  “I get that you need some time alone now. But does it feel right to you that we go our separate ways like this?” Laleh allowed a bit of her anger and hurt to escape. “Like we’re only acquaintances who hardly know each other?”

  “Me?” Hope squeaked out. “I don’t need time alone. I thought you wanted some time to think!”

  “No! I thought you were the one who wanted time alone.”

  They again stared at each other.

  Laughter burst from Laleh. Her knees went limp, so she dropped into the passenger seat and closed the door, shutting them off from the rest of the world.

  After a second, Hope joined her laughter.

  It wasn’t that funny, really, but Laleh was too relieved to stop. Finally, she sobered and shook her head at them both. “We’re quite the pair. Would you really have let me go, even though it’s not what you wanted?”

  Hope shrugged. “Um, yeah. I assumed that’s what you wanted. What about you? You’re usually better at speaking up for what you want.”

  Laleh scratched her neck. “Um, yeah. I guess I got too used to you sensing what I need, and I was hurt when you didn’t.”

  “I’m sorry. I—”

  Laleh stopped her with a soft touch to her arm. “No. It’s not your fault. Well, not just your fault. We both need to stop making assumptions. Now that we can no longer rely on our connection, we need to talk to each other. Can you do that?”

  “It’s not exactly my forte, but I’ll try my best.” Hope squared her shoulders. “So, do you want to stay over at my place tonight?”

  “No,” Laleh said.

  Hope blinked. “But I thought…”

  “Why drive all the way across town when I have a perfectly good bed just a few yards away?”

  Even in the dim light from the streetlamp outside, the heat in Hope’s eyes was easy to see.

  They smiled at each other, then scrambled from the car and hurried up the stairs hand in hand, not bothering to get the suitcases from the trunk. At the last moment, Hope pressed the key fob and locked her car before the door fell closed behind them.

  * * *

  Laleh’s fingers shook as she unlocked the front door. Why on earth was she so nervous? She and Hope had already made love, and it had been great. Beyond great. But that had been yesterday, when she’d still had their link to guide her.

  “Are you okay?” Hope asked from behind her.

  Laleh stepped into her tiny apartment, turned, and nodded.

  When Hope opened her mouth, Laleh knew what she would say even before she actually said it. “No faking it, remember?”

  That brought a smile to Laleh’s lips, despite her nervousness. “It’s just… This feels like it’s our first time. What if…?” She gnawed on her bottom lip, unable to voice her thoughts.

  Hope stepped closer and took her into her arms. “What if…what?” she whispered.

  Feeling Hope’s body against hers instantly calmed Laleh. “What if it’s not as good without our connection? What if…if I can’t please you?”

  Hope combed strands of hair back from Laleh’s face and kissed her gently. “Won’t happen,” she said with confidence. “Just looking at you…being here with you pleases me. As for the rest… Well, like you just said, we’ll be okay as long as we keep talking to each other. We need to work on our communication. I’m up for practicing…the entire night, if need be.”

  Her playful leer made Laleh laugh. She caressed Hope’s cheek and said, “I love you.”

  Even without their link, she could feel the happiness radiating off Hope.

  “I love you too,” Hope said. She lifted Laleh’s hand to her lips and kissed each of her fingers in a repeat of what she had done last night.

  Yesterday, Hope had taken control and had undressed her. Today, Laleh wanted to do that. Despite her nervousness, she couldn’t wait to touch Hope again. She led her to the bedroom, where they stood and gazed deeply into each other’s eyes. Without breaking eye contact, Laleh slid her fingertips up Hope’s arms until she could rest both hands on her shoulders and then sought out Hope’s lips with her own.

  Immediately, Hope opened her mouth to her.

  Both of them moaned as their tongues met. It wasn’t long before the erotic contact made Laleh crave more. An urgency she didn’t fully understand gripped her. She tugged Hope’s T-shirt out of her jeans and pulled it up, grunting in frustration as she had to break the kiss to slip it over Hope’s head. Then the T-shirt was gone and her mouth was on Hope’s again.

  Hope felt and tasted as good as she had yesterday. If possible, touching her turned Laleh on even more because now she already knew what wonders awaited her beneath the rest of Hope’s clothes. She pressed her mouth to Hope’s neck, deeply breathing in her scent, and then trailed her lips down to the edge of Hope’s bra. This would never get old. She nuzzled her face against the smooth skin of Hope’s chest. Nothing could be more erotic than the curve of her breasts—maybe except for the curve of her hips.

  The thought made her eager to explore that body part too. Her hands went to Hope’s zipper and pulled it down in one forceful motion.

  “Whoa!” Hope’s chuckle sounded husky. “Are you in a hurry?”

  “Yes. No.” Laleh took several deep breaths. She wanted Hope, but at the same time, she wanted to make this last and ensure that Hope would enjoy every bit of it. “Sorry.”

  Hope took her hand and pressed it to the left side of her chest, where her heart beat frantically. “No need to apologize. Quite the opposite. It’s hot as hell, and I’m just as eager to make love to you. I just want you to know that we’ve got all the time in the world.”

  Laleh understood what she was trying to tell her. They would still be together tomorrow and every day after that. Even though the connection between their minds had vanished, their hearts and souls were still bonded. Part of the urgency left her.

  She knelt and slowly tugged Hope’s pants down, kissing each newly revealed inch of skin.

  Hope’s fingers went into Laleh’s hair and tightened a little with each of Laleh’s caresses.

  Her panties followed, and this time, Laleh kissed a path down Hope’s other leg. She held on to Hope’s hips to steady her as she stepped out of the tangled clothes. Her nostrils flared as she breathed in the musky scent of Hope’s arousal. For a moment, she was tempted to put her mouth on her, but she didn’t yet have the con
fidence to do that.

  We’ve got all the time in the world, she mentally repeated Hope’s words.

  On her way back up from her kneeling position, she kissed Hope’s belly. It was firmer than her own, but the skin was incredibly soft, so she had to touch it with her hands too. Her fingertips followed the curve of each rib.

  Hope shivered against her. “I don’t think you have to worry about a thing. See how easily my body responds to you?”

  Laleh looked to where she was pointing.

  Hope’s nipples poked through her bra.

  Without thought, Laleh touched one with her fingertip. When it hardened even more, she bent her head and sucked it into her mouth through the thin fabric, marveling at her own eagerness and lack of inhibitions.

  “Laleh!” Hope’s fingers tangled in her hair again. She swayed against her. “Bed. Now!”

  Their hands shook as each took off the rest of her clothes.

  As if sensing Laleh’s need for control, Hope sank onto the bed and let her settle on top.

  Their legs entwined, and Laleh groaned at the slide of Hope’s breasts against her own and the pressure of Hope’s thigh at her core. God, this had to be the most incredible feeling in the world.

  Heat rose from Hope’s skin and seemed to ratchet up Laleh’s own body temperature. Bracing herself on both forearms, she ran a line of kisses from one shoulder to the other.

  Hope’s fingers rested in her hair, caressing, but she let her explore without directing her.

  Laleh started a slow journey down Hope’s body with her hands and mouth, exploring every curve and dip. She kissed her breasts for a long time and caressed them with her fingertips. Incredible. She loved everything about them…their shape, their size, their softness. Slowly, she let her tongue curve around Hope’s nipple.

  Hope hissed out a breath and rocked her hips against her.

  The slide of Hope’s strong thigh against her core triggered a cascade of sensations. Pleasure streaked through her. Moaning, Laleh arched to increase the pressure at her center.