Razing Kayne

by Julieanne Reeves

  Kayne threw up his hands and let them fall to his side. “Do you have any idea how fucking hard it was for me to walk out of here and leave her last night? All I wanted to do was hold my baby, but I had to leave, because you wouldn't get rid of Cody. So yeah, I talked to an attorney just like you did. But he was supposed to call me before he did anything, because I was hoping to work something out with you.”

  Okay, this was what her attorney had suggested she do. Jess took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to calm her racing heart. “Like what?”

  Kayne blew out a heavy sigh, looked away. “Fuck, I don’t know. Something that will let you and the kids stay in her life too.” He shrugged.

  Oh, God, he planned to take her baby away and let them see her on occasion? All thoughts of her attorney’s advice fled her mind. “Get out.” The demand was little more than a choked whisper.

  Kayne stood there staring, that damned look of concern on his face, as if he gave a shit about her. About any of them.

  “Get out!” she screamed. She looked around for something to throw at him. Anything would do.

  “Jessica, calm down.” He put his hands out, palms forward, a gesture of surrender. “You have the kids so upset that Maddy called me in tears.”

  “She had no business calling you. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again.” Jess wiped furiously at the tears flooding her eyes. “I'll make sure they realize you were only using them to get close to their sister. That you're trying to take her away from us.”

  “Damn it, Jessica stop! That is not true!” He took a breath. Softened his voice. “Please, I'm begging you.” He slowly reached his hand out to her. “Baby, you’re trembling like a leaf. Let's sit down and talk about this. There has been a horrible mistake. We can fix this.”

  Jess stepped out of his reach. “Don’t touch me!” She couldn’t bear to be touched by him right now. God, she felt so horribly used. A hysterical laugh bubbled up and spilled over before she could stop it. “Yeah, horrible mistake is an understatement.”

  But she was the one who’d made the mistake. She’d sworn she’d never let another man use or abuse her again, and the first time she attempted to let someone close, he’d done just that. “Cody was right about you. He told me you'd try to take her away.”

  Clearly frustrated, Kayne ran a hand through his hair. “I never meant to hurt you, Jessica.”

  “Please go away. I have to fix my children dinner.” She tried to shove past him, but the fact that he had more than a foot and a good eighty pounds on her made it a futile attempt.

  Kayne ran his hand down her arm, captured hers in his own. “I already did. Mac-n-cheese with hot dogs.”

  Jess jerked free. “You just came into my house without my permission?”

  He studied her thoughtfully. “I'm so sorry you're hurting, baby. I didn't mean for this to happen.”

  God, she did not want him to be this caring person. She needed him to be an asshole.

  “Will you call Polly to come watch the kids, and we'll sit down and talk?”

  “Get out!” She couldn't do this. Not now! How could she talk to him about taking her baby?

  “Call Polly to come help with the kids.” This time, it wasn't a request. “Or I will.”

  “I don't need help with my kids. I've been raising them just fine on my own since my husband died, saving my daughter.”

  The muscle in Kayne’s jaw contracted. God, he looked so angry. “Right. You're in such control you left a ten-year-old in charge, while you holed up in your room and had a meltdown.” He ran a hand over his tired face. “Damn it, Jessica, you need help so you can deal with this. Please, let me stay and help and let’s work this out. I don't want to fight you. All I want is my daughter—”

  The doorbell rang before Kayne could finish. With a glare, Jess dared him to stop her as she shoved past him. Thankfully, he stepped out of her way.

  ***

  Kayne gave in and punched the wall. Fuck! Who the hell could that be? Right when he thought he was finally reaching her. He'd been about to explain that he didn't want to rip Gracie away from the only mom and siblings she'd ever known. He only wanted her to be happy, but he needed to be a key part his child’s life.

  Kayne followed her as far as the kitchen, where he stopped to check on the kids and grab some ice for his throbbing hand. They were a little too quiet, making him wonder how much they'd heard. He prayed it wasn't much. He didn't want them involved in all this bullshit. As it was, he and Jessica weren't winning parents of the year.

  “Where the fuck is he?”

  Kayne heard the belligerent hose-monkey’s roar. Oh yeah, let the games begin.

  Cody stormed into the kitchen, seething. “How dare you step foot in this house.”

  “Why don't we go in the other room?” Kayne said as diplomatically as possible.

  “No. Because you're leaving.” Cody glared in challenge.

  Kayne laughed a humorless laugh. He'd like to see Cody try and enforce that command. Kayne hadn't survived the streets of St. Petersburg and then Los Angeles with his good looks alone. He’d learned to fight and survive from the moment he could walk.

  “You have no right to tell me what to do, and, at this point, I don't want you around the kids, especially my daughter.”

  “Are you going to let him speak to me that way?” Cody all but whined to Jessica.

  Jessica looked Kayne in the eye. “Please, just go.”

  “Both of you,” she clarified when Cody snorted in triumph.

  Kayne’s gut clinched. He wanted to work this out. “Jessica, we need to talk about this before it gets any further out of hand.”

  “Get out!” Cody took a threatening step forward.

  Hadn’t the little fuck learned anything yet? God, if the kids weren’t here…But they were, so he restrained himself. Barely.

  “Jessica, please. Don’t draw a line in the sand that can't be crossed.” Kayne tried to step around Cody.

  Cody lashed out and grabbed Kayne's arm. It took every ounce of reserve he possessed to not tear into him. “Get your hands off of me,” he growled as quietly as possible. “The kids do not need to see any more of this.”

  Kayne stepped around Cody and headed for the door, but paused to speak with Jessica. “You need to take those papers seriously, after all,” Kayne whispered for her ears only. “And expect a few more, because I'm done with this bullshit. You've obviously made your choice.” He paused to glance meaningfully at Cody. “Now I'm making mine. He will not be allowed around my daughter. All I wanted was unrestricted visitation. I never intended to take her from you or her siblings, because I never wanted to hurt you or those kids. You have no idea what it's like to lose a child, but you're about to find out. You've made it clear that I'm going to have to gain full custody and take her out of here to protect her.”

  “Kayne, wait,” Jessica called after him.

  Kayne stopped but didn’t turn around. He couldn’t look at her. “Forget it. I thought you were different. I thought your children mattered to you, but I see I was wrong. At least I found out now, before I let another woman destroy everything I care about. Call me when you're ready to meet for the paternity test. I want it done tomorrow. And keep that asshole the hell away from my daughter.” He forced himself to walk away.

  Kayne was just reaching for the door handle to his truck when he heard the front door slam against the wall. He turned, expecting Cody to have followed him out. He was looking forward to beating the shit out of him—oath to protect and serve be damned.

  But it was Maddy. Jessica followed her, but stopped in the doorway, watching as Maddy flew down the steps, tears streaming down her face.

  Goddamn it! How had what should be one of the happiest times in his life gotten so fucked up?

  “Please don't leave.”

  Maddy’s sobs broke his already battered heart. Oh baby, I don't want to. Fuck, how could Jessica do this to them?

  Kayne closed his eyes, fighting down emotio
ns that he couldn't let Maddy see. She didn't need to know how bad this was hurting him to walk away. She didn't need to know that he blamed her mother. Somehow, he managed to speak past the lump in his throat. “Shh, it's okay, It's all going to be okay.” He held her close, stroked her hair.

  But it wasn't okay, and he had no idea if it ever would be. He was scared to death that he might lose Tasha all over again. What about Maddy, and the others? They'd wormed their way right into his heart, and he loved them too. How could he not? But what could he do when Jessica was too busy catering to Cody's wishes to be their mother first?

  SIXTEEN

  After Kayne’s emotional—and quite frankly heartbreaking—departure, Jess had marched back in the house and demanded that Cody leave. He’d refused. It wasn’t until she’d had the phone in hand, 9-1-1 dialed, and her thumb on the talk button that he’d capitulated. But the look in his eyes had truly frightened her, it had promised retribution for her defiance.

  After a sleepless night, she’d called her attorney. He’d recommended she agree to the paternity test; within three days’ time they’d know if there was a case to be adjudicated. He’d also insisted they file a no-contact order against Kayne. Jess had argued the point. She knew Kayne wasn't dangerous. In the end she’d agreed on one condition, that an order was placed against Cody as well. Had he just stepped away and let her handle Kayne, things could have gone differently.

  Jess wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of reporters congregating outside the courthouse the following Friday. Somehow, word had leaked to the media late yesterday that the sole surviving child of the murder/suicide that had rocked Santa Barbara had been found. The media was having a field day with Children's Services’ failure to properly follow procedure. The front page of this morning's newspaper read CPS Fails to Protect the Child, Yet Again! Arizona's morning show trailer asked, “Are Child Services workers guilty of kidnapping or simply failing to do their job?”

  She stood there for several minutes trying to screw up the nerve to walk past all those people with their cameras and microphones and enter the courthouse. She was so afraid of what the judge was going to say. The paternity test had come back as a near perfect match. Kayne was indisputably Gracie's father.

  As if the mere thought conjured him, Kayne stepped into her line of vision and stopped. He made no move to violate the order in any way, but simply watched her with an unreadable expression on his handsome face. Jess's gaze shifted between Kayne and the courthouse. She wanted so badly to fall at his feet and beg him not to take Gracie away. To promise...she'd agree to anything in order to keep her daughter.

  He stretched out his hand as if to say, “Come on, I'll walk you in,” like he knew she was afraid to take those final steps alone.

  Before she could follow the stupid, foolish heart that kept telling her to trust him, her attorney rushed toward her. “Jess, here you are.” He stepped into her line of sight, breaking the spell. “Let's go in, I need to talk to you. Ignore the media. It's just a tactic by the other side to try and gain public sympathy. But it won't work; the judge is going to see right through it.”

  Jess nodded and followed him into the throng of people. In the back of her mind, she knew he was wrong. Kayne wouldn't have wanted this publicity. He wouldn't have wanted their lives invaded like this. He sure as hell wouldn't have put the kids at risk from crazy reporters willing to do anything to get a choice picture or an exclusive story.

  Suddenly everyone converged around her, yelling and shouting, asking her if she'd known Tasha Dobrescu had been kidnapped when she adopted her. They questioned her involvement in the kidnapping and asked how much she'd had to pay for Gracie, making it sound as though she'd bought her off the black market like some illegal street drug. Between the camera flashes and the people pushing in around her, disorientation struck, and Jess froze.

  When a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, she nearly screamed. But she recognized the warm voice in her ear. “I've got you, baby. Just hold on. ”

  Kayne pulled her to his side. Shielding her face from the reporters with his campaign hat, he guided her up the walkway and through the doors. The second they were inside, he let her go to turn on her attorney.

  “You just left her out there?” His voice was furious with disbelief. “And you, where the hell were you?” He glowered at Cody.

  Neither Jess's attorney nor Cody said a word. However, Kayne's attorney did.

  “She's not your problem, Kayne. She put a restraining order against you, and you just violated it on national television for christsake. Let her attorney or her boyfriend worry about her and quit giving her ammunition to use against you!”

  Kayne looked her way, the disappointment in his eyes clear. He shook his head and walked away. How much worse was this day going to get before it was over?

  ***

  The bailiff stepped forward. “All rise, the Honorable Buck Johnson presiding.”

  Jess slowly rose on trembling legs, her heart pumping blood through her body so loudly that she nearly missed hearing the Judge say, “Everyone take a seat.” He adjusted his glasses, began shuffling papers, and continued, “Give me just a minute, and we'll get started.”

  “Relax.” Her attorney laid a reassuring hand on her forearm, his voice pitched low. “There's no way Buck is going to give custody to Dobrescu; especially not with Santa Barbara Police Department reopening their investigation into his family's death. He was their number one suspect. That's in our favor.”

  Jess nodded. She’d met and been interrogated by Detective Figueroa. He’d made it clear that he still viewed Kayne as his prime suspect. Her gaze strayed to Kayne, and her heart gave a betraying flutter. Damn it! Why did the man have to look so incredibly sexy? She hadn't paid much attention before, but now that she thought about it, he'd probably been on-duty for hours before coming to court, since he was in uniform. And yet his clothes looked freshly pressed, his badge and boots polished to a high shine. His right forearm rested on the butt of his firearm, his forefinger and thumb flipping the safety cover of his pepper spray up and down, up and down. That action was the only indicator that he was nervous. Otherwise, he appeared calm and in control. And her attorney was wrong; anyone who knew Kayne knew he hadn't murdered his wife and children.

  Jess pressed her fist against her roiling stomach. God, she didn't know how she was going to make it through this. What if she actually lost Gracie? What would she tell her other children? Except for Maddy, they were still too young to fully understand that they might lose their baby sister; to understand that Kayne could prevent them from ever seeing her again.

  But would he really take Gracie away? She was terrified of that answer. After the events of this past couple weeks, who'd blame him for doing that?

  She couldn't begin to imagine how badly this had to be hurting Kayne, and she hated that she cared. She glanced his way, only to find him staring at her, his eyes full of sympathy and understanding, and something else that looked suspiciously like pain. She didn't want his sympathy; she didn't want him to understand that it felt like some unseen monster had its talons buried deep in her heart, ready to rip it out at even the thought of losing Gracie. But most of all, she sure as hell didn't want to acknowledge his pain. Jessica was desperate enough to pray to a God she no longer believed in that she'd never have to lose another child. She couldn't survive it again.

  I'm sorry, he signed in American Sign Language. So sorry, he mouthed, his left hand still resting flat over his heart. Jess closed her eyes and looked away, fighting tears. Yeah, she was sorry too. They should have found a way to work this out between them. Instead, they were sitting here in court after throwing angry words, and then attorneys, at each other. God, how had it all gone so horribly wrong?

  Regrettably, one word came to mind: Cody. Jess still didn't understand how he thought he had a right to be involved in this, but his showing up today in spite of the court order proved he felt he did. Thankfully, the bailiff had refused him entrance. Jess glan
ced up at the judge. More than likely that had been his edict.

  Judge Johnson had denied Kayne’s request for a change of venue. She hoped that was a good sign, but truthfully doubted. She’d known the judge most of her life, and while she thought he had a soft spot where she was concerned, she doubted it would work in her favor. To the man, he faithfully and impartially discharged his duties as an officer of the court; he was uncompromisingly fair.

  Judge Johnson cleared his throat. “Let's get started. I've read all the motions and responses and counter motions and counter responses and police reports from both Santa Barbara and here in Payson. I have a couple of questions.” Judge Johnson looked over his reading glasses at Jess. “Why did you keep Grace?”

  One of the easiest and most difficult questions he could have asked. Jess closed her eyes for a moment and let the memories she’d buried surface. “Standing in that emergency room, helplessly watching Jarred die was tearing me apart. We’d had a fight before he left for work, and our last words to each other had been in anger. Joe Sutton holding me was the only thing keeping me together. Then a nurse shoved this crying, screaming baby into my arms, and all the chaos just...stopped.”

  “She looked up at me with these huge blue eyes that were swimming in tears.” Jess stopped, clearing her throat. “And I looked right back through my own, and I know this sounds crazy, but I heard Jarred's voice whisper, ‘Keep her safe.’ Not ‘I’m sorry,’ or anything else, just ‘keep her safe.’”

  ***

  Kayne wondered if Jessica realized she was sitting there with her arms out like she was actually taking his daughter into them for the first time and rocking her. The smile on her face was so bittersweet it shredded his heart, watching her remember that moment.

  Jess looked his way, her expression pleading. For what, he wasn’t sure. Understanding? Before he could decipher it, she turned back into that memory.

  “She looked up at me, really looked at me, and there was so much sadness in her eyes, until I finally realized I wasn't the only one who'd suffered loss that night. I was helpless to do anything but promise that I'd do everything in my power to keep her safe. She gave me this gorgeous baby smile like she understood and believed me, then curled up against me and went to sleep with her tiny fist over my heart.”