Razing Kayne

by Julieanne Reeves

  Jessica smiled sadly. “She was still in my arms at sunrise when Mark, the doctor, came to tell me Jarred was dead.”

  It was so obvious that she'd loved her husband, desperately. Damn it, Kayne understood why she'd been instantly attached to the baby. Tasha had been the last person her husband had held before he died, and perhaps there was some absolution in that. But Kayne had lost so much fucking time, and he wasn't willing to miss another moment of his daughter’s life.

  The courtroom remained silent for a long moment.

  The judge pinned him with an intense gaze. “Officer Dobrescu, what would Tasha’s life be like if I granted you custody? Have you thought about living arrangements, daycare?”

  Kayne fought hard not to fidget. “Yes, Your Honor. I rent a small house, but she’d have her own bedroom, and I’m financially stable enough to provide for all of her needs.”

  The Judge looked over the top of his reading glasses. “Where will she be while you work?”

  Kayne hesitated. He knew Brian was going to kill him for this. “I know I’m going to need daycare for her. And I can afford it, that’s not an issue, but I thought…perhaps it would be time Jessica might like to spend with her.”

  Jessica’s head snapped his direction, her eyes searching. “Really?” There was such hope in that word.

  Kayne nodded. “I, of course, would pay you. I wouldn’t expect you to do it for free.”

  The light drained out of Jessica’s eyes. Obviously that had been the wrong thing to say, but he knew she already felt like he’d used her.

  The judge cleared his throat. “Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. I’ve yet to rule either way.”

  Judge Johnson pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes with fingers and thumb. He let out a weary sigh. “I'm not going to beat around the bush, folks. I have to admit this concerns me.” He tapped the thick file in front of him. “If I were to rule on face value of these documents, I'm not sure either of you would be getting custody of the child, and I'd probably be forced to order Children's Services to verify the welfare of the other children involved in this—”

  Jessica gasped. “No!”

  “The hell you say!” Kayne shot to his feet, outraged that anyone would think of taking Jessica's kids from her. “You can't take those kids from her, they mean everything to her! You have no idea what a bad mom looks like if you think Jessica is one!” Kayne seethed. God, was this day not unbearable enough? Now this? What the fuck had his attorney said that would make a judge think Jessica was an unfit parent?

  “Let me finish.” The judge held up both hands, staying further argument. “Officer Dobrescu, please sit down.”

  Kayne was beyond furious, but finally sat down when Brian stood, placed a hand on his shoulder, and all but shoved him into the chair. He pitched his voice for Kayne’s ears only. “Get control of your temper.”

  “I said if I was to take these documents at face value, but I've heard and seen some things that make me believe there is a more amiable solution.”

  “How do you figure?” Jessica's attorney, Paul, voiced what they were all thinking.

  “According to this statement by Cody Johnson, Kayne is a hothead—”

  Kayne shot to his feet again. “That belligerent hose-monkey—”

  “Sit down, son. I am well aware of Mister Johnson’s behavioral issues, so don't make me find you in contempt. I want a nice equitable outcome here.”

  The judge gave another heavy sigh. “Folks...my hands are tied. In Arizona, only one of you can have custody, because you're not, nor have you been, married. I can make my ruling, and you guys can fight back and forth for the next couple years with appeals and home studies and bonding assessments. If you go that route, you’ll have a case worker breathing down your necks until all is said and done and the appeals have run out. All the while, that baby girl is going to be stuck in the middle, probably in foster care unless you can both agree who she’ll live with while you two are fighting it out.

  “The reality is there is precious little precedence. One vaguely similar case took years to reach a final verdict. I'm not saying that to scare you, I'm stating fact. And I'm ready right now to hand down my verdict...unless you'd like to hear a second option.”

  “What would Your Honor propose?” Brian’s voice held a heavy note of skepticism.

  “Good choice of words, Brian. I'm suggesting that Ms. Hallstatt and your client might want to take a few moments and discuss the other option open to them.” He glanced first to Kayne then Jessica, making Kayne uneasy.

  “And what would that option be?” Brian glanced at Kayne and pulled a face. Obviously he had no idea what the judge was suggesting either.

  “If Officer Dobrescu and Ms. Hallstatt were to choose marriage instead of going forward with this custody battle, they could both legally become her parents. I would void the original adoption, reinstating Officer Dobrescu's rights and waive the waiting period, allowing Jessica, as Kayne's wife, to legally adopt the child now.”

  Kayne could barely breathe. He'd known today would be difficult, had known walking in here that only one of them would end up with Tasha, but seeing the pain in Jessica's eyes, actually knowing the verdict was moments away, was slowly eviscerating him.

  At first he was shocked when Jessica started laughing, the sound far more hysterical than humorous “You've lost your ever-lovin’ mind! I'm not marrying him. He doesn't even like me.”

  And then it hit him what the judge had just suggested. No fucking way! “Sorry, I've already been forced into one miserable marriage, and it ended rather badly. I won't be forced into another.”

  “No one is forcing you, son, let me be clear about that,” Johnson said. “I am merely pointing out a possible alternative solution that doesn’t risk upending that little girl’s world or sacrificing her happiness. I’ve seen you and Jess together. The snowball fight at the park, kissing on national television at a hockey game. I’ve also heard some very favorable reports of your involvement with Jess’s other children. I wouldn’t suggest this if I didn’t think you stood a chance of making it work.”

  Christ, he'd do just about anything for his child, but this was insane. They couldn't even get along because of Cody's interference.

  He wouldn't be around if you were married, a voice inside Kayne’s head whispered. He'd have no claim on Jessica or the other kids.

  Kayne couldn’t even begin to imagine another forced marriage—and it would be forced, regardless of what the judge claimed. But Jesus Christ, he couldn't risk losing Tasha again. Besides, deep down he knew Jessica was nothing like Oksana.

  “I'm willing to hear you out, but nothing more,” Kayne conceded after a long moment.

  “Jessica?” the judge asked. “Are you willing to gamble Gracie's future?”

  Jessica glanced at Kayne then quickly looked away. “I'm listening.” Her voice was little more than a whisper.

  “It's plain as day that both of you love this little girl, and I think you both care more about each other than you're willing to admit at the moment. I can give my ruling, and then whoever wins custody can choose if he or she decides to allow any further contact from the other parent.”

  “I would not keep Tasha from Jessica or the kids.” Kayne wouldn’t do that to her.

  “I wouldn't keep her from him, either,” Jessica whispered.

  But she already had.

  “So what happens when Jessica remarries? How's that going to factor in? Kayne, are you going to still give Jessica unlimited access to Grace knowing someone like Cody, for instance, will be there?”

  The mention of Jessica marrying Cody sent ice water coursing through Kayne’s veins. He couldn't stand the thought of Cody being anywhere near her. The kids. That's what he'd meant. He couldn't stand the thought of him being anywhere near the kids. Right.

  The only bright side of this so far was knowing that Cody had been slapped with a restraining order too. Of all the shit that had gone down, believing Cody had access
to Jessica and the kids while Kayne was being forced to stay away had hurt more than he wanted to admit.

  And then the judge said something that made Jessica's whole countenance shift. “How are the rest of the kids going to feel about being left out when Kayne takes Grace on some Daddy-Daughter outing, or on vacation without them? How will Grace feel when your new husband decides she already has a dad, and so she's not his responsibility; that he doesn't really want her around, but he puts up with her because he doesn't have a choice?”

  Kayne watched what little color there was drain from Jessica’s face. Somehow the judge had struck a nerve.

  “Can we think about it?” Kayne wanted to know why the hell that last comment had upset Jessica so much.

  “Sure, take a few minutes, talk it over. But one way or the other, we're going to get a resolution to this today.”

  “Wait, you expect us to decide now?” Kayne laughed in disbelief. Surely this wasn’t really happening.

  The judge gave him a hard glare. “I am handing down a decision before we leave court, unless you give me a reason not to.”

  “Can we know the verdict first?” Kayne asked.

  “No.” Judge Johnson said flatly. “That would defeat the purpose now, wouldn't it?”

  “I'll do it,” Jessica whispered.

  “Excuse me?” Kayne was sure he hadn't heard her right. She couldn't be willing to consider this insanity, could she?

  She gave him a beseeching look. “I can't lose her, Kayne. I've always sworn I'd do anything for my children, and now...well now I guess it's time I prove it.”

  “Baby, you don't have to do this.” Kayne stepped around Brian to reach her. He couldn't stand the tears or the defeated look in her eyes. It spoke of a hopelessness he didn't understand. “I won't keep her from you.” He hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. When she didn't resist, he pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

  Fuck, this was a mistake. He was supposed to be pissed at her, but somehow his body wasn't getting the memo.

  She was so tiny, so fragile, compared to him. She didn't even reach his shoulder. Feeling her trembling in his arms killed him. Her soft sob undid him. He closed his eyes, fighting emotions he didn't want to feel. Fighting and losing. How could he rip this family apart? How could he bear losing Gracie, because that was who Tasha was—Gracie. The fates were vicious bitches.

  He didn’t want this, and Jessica deserved so much better. How could he even consider intertwining himself into their lives?

  Kayne tilted Jessica’s chin up until she made eye contact, fully intending to tell her he couldn’t do it. But one look into those whiskey-colored eyes, and he found himself saying, “I'll do it.”

  The moment the words were out, reality hit him hard. Suddenly he felt very much like he had when he'd agreed to marry Oksana.

  Trapped.

  SEVENTEEN

  “Where should I put my things?” Kayne looked expectantly at Jess. Word had spread—courtesy of Judge Johnson, she was sure—and within half an hour, Kayne's house had been descended upon by locusts...er friends. They'd come in trucks bearing boxes, tape, markers, and stacks of old newspapers. It had taken less than an hour to have Kayne packed and ready to move.

  Now he wanted to know where to put everything. How was she to answer? Was he expecting to move into the master bedroom with her? Their conversation had been stilted since they left the courthouse, since Cody's blow up. To say he hadn’t taken it well was the understatement of the year.

  Now she stood in her house, feeling as though she were talking to a stranger. It was as if the weeks prior to discovering Gracie's true identity had never happened. Of course it had all been a lie. Kayne’s only intent had been to discover who Gracie really was. Well, he'd succeeded in that.

  “Wherever you want, Kayne. I'm going to change.” She finally answered before walking away.

  “Take your time, we've got it,” he called after her.

  She didn't bother acknowledging. Of course he didn't need her around; he now had everything he wanted.

  Jess had finished changing and walked out of the bathroom when the first person carried a box marked clothes into the bedroom. Apparently, Kayne was moving into her bedroom. Jess showed them which closet Kayne would be using—the one that still held boxes of Jarred's clothes. She should have gotten rid of them when they moved into the new house last year, but she couldn't seem to let go of the past, and she didn't understand why. It wasn’t like there was anything worth holding on to. Hell, Jarred had planned to leave her.

  She quickly shoved the thoughts away. She couldn't deal with any more today.

  What had taken an hour to pack took fifteen minutes to unload with so many people helping. Not wanting to interrupt Kayne after Polly explained he was in the playroom with Gracie and Isabelle, Jess bid the volunteers goodbye and thanked them on his behalf.

  “Jess, you should have seen it.” Polly wiped her eyes. “He all but cried when he dropped to his knees and took Gracie in his arms. And then he did the same to Isabelle. Both girls were hugging and kissing on him, so happy to see him.”

  Got guilt?

  Honestly, Jess was surprised Kayne had said two civil words to her—she’d done everything in her power to keep him away from Gracie. He would have been justified in never letting Jess or the kids see her again, given the way Jess had treated him this past week. So why had he agreed to this crazy marriage? It made no sense.

  Jess bid Del and Polly goodbye, promising to call if she needed anything. Not ready to face Kayne, she returned to her room—their room, she mentally corrected—and began moving the boxes of Jarred's clothes into her closet. She’d call someone to pick them up, not today, but soon.

  She did however remove the engagement ring Jarred had given her and switched her wedding band to her right hand. While they hadn't had rings today—hadn't actually spoken any vows either, which shouldn’t matter, but surprisingly did on some level—she didn't think Kayne would appreciate her symbolically remaining married to Jarred. Then again, if he was anything like Jarred, the symbolism of a ring wouldn't matter. At least she could quit pretending to be mourning a man who’d never truly loved her.

  Once the closet was empty, she unpacked Kayne’s clothes and hung up the uniforms someone had stuffed into a box. When she was done, she took his basket of dirty laundry and headed toward the laundry room.

  She heard Isabelle chatting animatedly as she neared the kitchen. Isabelle was telling Kayne, who stood beside the stove, about a party she was attending tomorrow.

  He glanced up when Jess walked in, gave her a nervous smile. “Would you like a grilled cheese sandwich or some soup?”

  Jess looked at the clock. It was nearly noon. “Kayne, I'm so sorry, I got busy—”

  “Stop.” He held up his hand. “We're fine. We can fend for ourselves, can't we, girls?”

  Isabelle put one hand on her hip and gave him a “Seriously?” look. Jess had to fight back a bubble of laughter.

  Kayne laughed outright. “Okay, so 'Sabella had to show me that you had homemade soup in the freezer.” He shrugged.

  “I'm just going to go put these in the laundry.” Jess motioned to the laundry basket at her feet.

  “I can do my own laundry, Jessica.”

  “I…I don't mind. It will go in with everyone else's. There's a bag in the laundry room marked Dry Cleaners. I drop it off Monday morning after I take the kids to school, and it's ready Wednesday morning. But if you need a different schedule for your uniforms, let me know, and I'll adjust accordingly.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “I don't need you to take care of me.”

  Jess simply nodded and continued on to the laundry room. Apparently, he was going to suffer through until he could file for divorce in ninety days. So, why would he want to put any effort into their sham of a marriage?

  Jess started a couple loads of laundry, always glad for the second set of appliances with all the laundry four little ki
ds went through in a week.

  It wasn't difficult to tell that Kayne was angry with her, and so she took her time. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like to live with hostility. To feel that no matter what she was doing, it wasn't enough. Jess knew from experience she could put up with about anything, and so she would. As long as her kids didn't suffer.

  After putting it off as long as she could, Jess finally headed back to the kitchen.

  “Perfect timing.” Kayne sat a plate down on the island in front of an empty seat. “Sit down and eat something.”

  “You eat this one. Gracie and I usually share.” Besides, she wasn't hungry, and she didn't need to eat anything. One look in the bathroom mirror earlier had reminded her how badly she'd let herself go. She'd always had a weight problem, and at five-three, even a few pounds made a very visible difference.

  “So when you do eat, you eat like a two-year-old?”

  “No share, mama, no share.” Gracie moved her plate away from Jess.

  Kayne grinned. “See, even the two-year-old knows better.”

  Jess fought the urge to say something rude. Thankfully, Kayne's ringing cell phone stopped her from saying anything she might regret. Or worse, not regret.

  “Will you answer that for me?” He turned back to the sandwich he was grilling without even looking at the phone.

  She hesitated, surprised by the request. Jarred had been adamant that his phone was his personal business and off limits, no matter what. Eventually, she'd understood why. Having his wife discover he was cheating made for an uncomfortable home life.

  “Hello?” There was a long pause, but she could tell someone was on the line. “Hello?”

  “Privet!” A woman's voice spoke in a heavy Russian accent. Hello! “S kem ya gavaryU?” the woman asked.